Help a new sister with Jacked up hair

[louvenia]

PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!
I have about 5-6 inches of half & half hair. I am transitioning and giving relaxers a break. In some places I have 2-3 inches of hair. I probably won't relax again until after the summer. I swim a lot.

I'm one of those women who never really had any hair, and can't keep it when it starts to grow.

Please help. I've been reading the board for a while and have bought so much stuff for my head. None of which seems to make a difference. I have bought so much stuff, that I am embarrased to list them here.

Can someone help me set up a regimen? Take me through it step by step, please. Dumb it down for me. I will not be offended.

My hair is porous. You can feel the roughness of the shaft when you slide your fingers up and down it. It is dry and always looks and feels coated. There is no shine or sheen, and it always loks like I have too much stuff on it.

I've been wearing it in twistouts lately, but I have to pin it up in the back and on the sides, because i don't have enough hair for it to realy hang properly.

My hair doesn't look like anybody's hair on this board, natural or relaxed.

My hair is Jacked UP!!!!! /images/graemlins/shocked.gif /images/graemlins/shocked.gif /images/graemlins/shocked.gif

You know the sisters you see walking down the street their hair is tore up, that's me. The sad part is my two girls 5 and 6 are suffering too. They have that tore up look cause I can't do their hair well either.

I don't know where to start with what shampoo, or conditioner, pre treatment, or anything. I'm at my wit's end, cause I know my hubby loves me, but even he has to be getting tired of my hair looking like this. He's not said anything, but I know it embarrasses him.

I thought that going natural may help my hair to gain some health back. I've been getting chemicals (jheri curls, relaxers) since I was 12. I'm 40 now, and have never had hair longer than about 4 - 6 inches. And NEVER without some tpe of breakage or damage. It has that reddish brown look on the ends and gets darker as it gets to the roots.

I have tried washing every day, 2-3 times a week, once a week, once every two weeks.

Who can help me?

As you can see, I need the basics from beginning to end. But I know that I can acheive some length at least shoulder length or more, but I just need some help.

I know it's not the product, but the care that I give my hair that makes a difference, but I don't know how to care for my hair.

I've been considering getting braids and am thinkng of doing it this weekend.

HELP!!!!!! I know that it seems as though I'm begging, but you don't know how torn up about this I am. I am sitting here crying for me and my children as I type this message. I know that if I don't learn any better, then this is what I am passing on to my girls. It's what my mother taught me, and it's all I know. Which says nothing, cause ALL I know is how to damage and mess up my hair and theirs.

Lou-lou

 

[Honey Vibe]

Don't panic honey. We've all been there and back! I used to have open sores in my scalp, macro-flaky dandruff, and hair that looked and felt more like little wires than hair.

To start you and your little angels out:

+ Kill the heat. I'm glad to hear that you're considering going natural; natural hair responds well to air-drying.

+ Keep moisturizing your hair. Every time you shower get your head soaked, and keep an old product bottle full of water to spray your hair when it begins to feel wiry.

+ Do not shampoo/condition your hair every time you wet it. Some ladies here do the "no poo" method, where you condition your hair and leave the shampooing completely out. At any rate, rinsing your hair with water gets it clean enough without stripping agents.

+ Turn your products over and make sure they do not have sodium laurel/lauryth sulfate. The more ingredients it has that you cannot name, the closer it is to laundry detergent.

+ Consider using bandanas or quick twists in the front of your head; in other words, hairstyles that will let the majority of your hair go unmanipulated.

+ I strongly recommend that you DO NOT get braids. No matter how much care you give them, they tend to promote porousness, grime, stress, and eventually infect the scalp.

+ Watch what you eat. A lot of haircare comes from the inside. The more rabbit food (dark, leafy vegetables) the better.

+ Farming produce is not as nutritious as it was some decades ago. You may want to supplement your food regime with, ... well, supplements. I take HF 37, but there are others.

+ Exercise at all times that it is convenient. If you get enough exercise during your day, don't worry about this.

+ Search LHCF for hair recipes. They are inexpensive, fun and easy to make, and will make excellent replacements for the product labels.


I'm sure the other ladies will have more to say.
God bless and keep you! /images/graemlins/cool.gif

 

[fine_beauty]

Hi and welcome,
I'm supposed to be studying now but a sister in distress is sister indeed /images/graemlins/wink.gif
You've come to the right place but the first thing I have to suggest is that you start loving your hair (too much negativity in those statements my dear, too much /images/graemlins/naughty.gif). So what if it's enough to make you cry. Mine was not so beautiful (don't wanna hurt my hair by not calling it beautiful /images/graemlins/grin.gif) but I stuck to the suggestions on this board and though I still need some healing on my edges, I have vibrant and beautiful hair (the truth).
I don't know the items you've purchased but I use grocery store olive oil (2 mins in the microwave) as a hot oil treatment (I while away time by exercising), then creme of nature detangling shampoo (wash on wednesdays and sundays), duotex mild protein conditioner (10mins) rinse, deep condition with cholesterol & olive oil for 30 mins under the dryer, rinse with very cold water, apply infusium 23 and carrot oil, comb and leave my hair to air dry.
Some ladies here wrap while wet while others do it when its dry. Alternatively, you can choose to wet set the hair @ this point.
For expert help, give adrienne a pm (private mail)
Peace

 

[honeycomb719]

First let me say Welcome to the board /images/graemlins/smile.gif. You have come to the right place for help. I really do sympathize for your current hair dilemma. But, this is only temporary. I'm fairly new here myself and it's so much that I still have to learn but the ladies here are very helpful and knowledgable able hair so you can count on some good product recommendation for you. First question I have is do you know your hair type? If not, you can find a list of hair type's located to the far right of the screen here>>>. This will help you understand more about your hair and how it behaves. After you know this you can look for products that works better with your hair type, Ex. oily, curly, wavy etc.... Then you have to gather all the patient that you can muster and make a commitment to yourself that your up to the challenge of getting your hair on track.
One of the reasons why your not keeping the hair that you grow on your head is because of breakage. This is to be expected when transitioning your hair back to it's natural state, but you can minimize the breakage you get by using shampoos that are geared towards detangling and adding strength. I would suggest also, that you get your ends trimmed so that your hair won't continue to break during daily handling. Also, invest in a seemless wide-tooth comb and use that comb ONLY when handling your hair. As for going natural, it's not for everybody but, don't take that comment as me trying to persuade you not to, because I did it back in 98 and it was the necessary step I needed to take to get my hair back to a more healthy stronger state, but it did nothing as far as adding length for me. But, everyone is different. I use Creme of Nature Detangling Shampoo in the green, white and yellow bottle. This one is good for me you might want to check it out. As for a good conditioner, I use Organics hair mayo, to do deep conditioner for my hair w/ heat(under dryer)40mins to a hour tops. I do hot oil treatment weekly, I don't use a specific kind, but I make sure I do one weekly. As, for you getting some braids this may or may not be a good idea considering the condition of your hair. I would go to a professional so that they can analysis your hair to see if it can withstand the stress of braids. If, your hair is o.k. I would suggest getting some braids so that you can keep the manipulation of you hair to a minimum while your hair returns to it's natural state. They're many natural head ladies here that can assist you during your transition, one that comes to mind is Sweetcocoa. Do a page to her in a post and I'm sure you can get many more of your questions answered. The search engine should be helpful too.

I hope you stick it out and strive towards your goal to healhty longer hair. And, cheer up girly your in the right place. I hope my info helped you a bit. /images/graemlins/grin.gif

 

[VALLEYGIRL]

Hi Lou Lou
I agree with Honey Vibe and I just want to add that when you do the conditioner washes make sure that the conditioner does not have protein in it. Too much protein will make your hair more brittle and cause breakage.

To help you out in case you don't know what to look for some good cheap Non-Protein conditioners are Suave Coconut, Suave Moisturising, Pantene Smooth and Sleek, VO5 conditioners, Herbal Essences.

I also don't think you should get braids..only b/c right now you want to work on strengthning and nuturing your own hair. The braids wil give your hair a break but it sounds like you need to give your hair some nourishment and a little bit of TLC. when it gets a little stronger maybe braids will be a better option.

Its good you are leaving the relaxer alone for the time being. Even if you decide not to go natural and relax again then you can do that when your hair gets stronger if you feel that the relaxer is not the root of your problem and causing the damage.
Search the board for tips and once you find something that works for your hair stick with it!!!! Your hair will respond better than if you keep using different things.

 

[VALLEYGIRL]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
You can feel the roughness of the shaft when you slide your fingers up and down it. It is dry and always looks and feels coated. There is no shine or sheen, and it always loks like I have too much stuff on it.


[/ QUOTE ]

Louvenia
Are you putting products in your hair that have Mineral oil or petroleum in them?

Tell us what you have used..this may help us help you!!

You may need to clarify to get some of the buildup off of your hair and scalp and then start with a clean slate

 

[pebbles]

Hi Louvenia,

Welcome to the board! /images/graemlins/smile.gif You've already gotten some great advice from the ladies, so I'll just say hello for now. /images/graemlins/cool.gif

 

[louvenia]

Thanks to everyone who responded.

I have so many products that I don't know where to start with a list. I do have the CON and olive oil. so maybe I'll have to start with that. I think I have the ORS, too.

How any times should I use it before I start seeing some type of results such as shine, softness, or combability?

Most of my products are from the local stores, I have not ordered anything from the internet.

Here is a list of what I can see in the closet. This is not an entire list, b/c a lot of stuff is packed in there:
CON shampoo (green yelow white bottle)
Nexxus Humectress
Nexxus Therappe
Nexxus Botanoil shampoo
Black and sassy creme set
BNS Carribean Cream
BNS Wrap cream
Lottabody Creme set
Holly Beauty Olive cream
Suave Humectant
Suave Coconut
WGO
Elasta QP DPR II
Elasta QP Intense
Elasta QP Mango butter moist
Proclaim Activiator gel
Care free curl spray
John Frieda Kelp Help conditioner
WOnder Gro Pure Sulfur grea
Wonder Gro Mane Moisture oil moisturizer
Right On Curl
Hollowood Beauty Castor Grease
HB SUlfur grease
HB Carrot creme grease
HB Olive creme
Sulfur 8 grease
S8 oil moist
s8 Braid spray
S8 Child's Shampoo
Parnevuew (regular and extra dry)
Lottabody Straight stuff
Sensitive By Nature Extensive Moisturizer
SBN scalp balm
BB Castor Oil moist.
BB May and honey creme hairdress
Kenra Moist COnditioner
Motions Oil Mositurizer COnditioner
Queen Helene Jojoba salp treatment conditioner
Lustrasilk Herbal Cholesterol
L/S scalp cream
New era Hair Moist Conditioner
Pantene Smooth and Sleek conditioner
Pantene Instant Hair Quencher
Pantene Clarifying shampoo
VO5 Sheer hairdressing
VO5 split ends condit
ORS Carrot oil
ORS Hair Mayo
Dudly Hair rebuilder
Hot six oil
Aussi 3 minute miracle condit
RX 18 Clarifying shampoo
Dove Intensive Moisture Condit
Bone Marrow Shampoo
Herbal Essences Intensive Blends Condit

That's about a third of the products that I have.
I hope that this helps to let you know how confused I am.

I have no regular regimen. When I wash my hair, I apply and use whatever I touch in the closet first.

I am taking all the notes from all the responses and trying to get routine together sot hat youguys can see and letme know if I'm on the right track.

Thanks again.
Lou Lou

 

[nita4]

Girl, girl, girl...shaking my head...are you sure your not my sister in law? /images/graemlins/shocked.gif I mean all the way down to the product list. Well...Welcome to the board. You are in the right place to start taking control of your hair. The ladies have given you some excellent advice. Happy hair growing /images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[beana3]

Some people on this board may not like what i reccommend to you, but i'm gonna do it anyway!

1) Okay for starters, you WILL NOT see automatic results or even dramatic results for a few months (there is a good chanec you wil, but dont be shocked if you dont!). The key is to stay encouraged and KNOW that you will eventually see a change. This is where the willpower comes in... I constantly did "right" by my hair for a long time and only recently (like past 2 months) have I seen a dramatic increase in my hair's condition...Its's going to take a while

2) start simple.. you need something that is not complicated and easy to do. A lot of ladies here experiment with Essential oils and so forth (at one point i did too) but I've learned the plain Olive oil has done wonders for me, plus the EO's were making me broke! I'm not tellin you that experimenting Is bad, but i would try to do a constant regime for at least a month and make changes from there.

3) #2 was just said to say, start off with an olive oil pretreatment. I warm up olive oil 2-3oz's and pour into a spray bottle, mix with a bit of warm water and spray my hair u til its well saturated. then i use 2 plastic caps and go about my business for an hour or so.

4) I highly rec the CON shamp..good start]

5) use the ORS as a deep conditioner!!! it works very well w/heat, but since you are transitioning i would try to stay away from heat proecessing your conditioners.. it makwes the hair draw up and can cause tangles. I wouls use one of the cholesterols you have below w/o heat w/ a few plastic caps and let it sit for as long as you can

6) While rinsing try to use the force of the water to help the comb gently detangle the hair

7) use a detangling leave in.. I like Joico Integirty, but you can do a serach for others

Now here comesthe part people may beef about.....
I would say that since you're hair is probably breaking b/c of the difference in textures.. take a warm blow dryer to it to smooth out the clashing textures.. dry until about 80% apply an oil and wear in a protective style for the rest of the week. Also, rollersetting is equally as effective and I would rec this before a blow dryer.

Airdrying in the braid out has been beneficial for me as well, but overall i have not had success airdrying. It makes my hair look rough and dry, plus it tangles horribly when you have two constrasting textures.
Hopwever if your daughters are natural airdrying in a few braids may be the most beneficial thing to do for them

As for a weekly moisturizer using the mango butter is a start, but for me i like mic\xing my ORS carrot creme with the WGO, its tsrengthens, but can get very greasy so only use a bit.

I HTH

 

[Guest]

Dang, Girl that is only 1/3 of the products /images/graemlins/shocked.gif

OK, Don't distress, But if you want someting simple that works, please try UBH. It only involves 4 Products that use consistently and it is common sense.
You won't regret it.

For the girls, I'm not sure except for wash and do two strands twists with coconut oil (air dry).

 

[SexyGyrlNY]

Perhaps in addition to the basic hair care tips that everyone has given you, you can also start taking some vitamins (as I'm sure you've noticed, many of us here do). I would recommend the GNC Ultranourishair to start with. You may want to read through some of the archives to find out what other vitamins would be most beneficial to you and your hair. In the meanwhile cheer up girl, you're in the right place, you'll be flaunting a head full of healthy hair in no time.

 

[Crystal]

First off Welcome, I'm relatively new also and mostly lurk but this is one of my favorite spots on the web.

Having said that...

Whooo.... your list looks similiar to what mine used to look like, I had all kind of stuff and thought I knew what I was doing but didn't know diddley.

Adrienne was my first contact on these boards and her word of advice to me was "Less is More" I took notes, decided on a routine and threw out about half of my products(some had been in the closet since 99... they had to go) Another thing Adrienne stressed to me was to just be simple about it.

My introduction to the board was roughly two months ago and all I have to say is that dry brittle hair is now the bomb, It's all moist and strong.

First thing I did was also to stop relaxing, not that I'm against relaxing because I plan to relax again soon, I just didn't know what I was doing so I just stopped. I was using those No-Lye relaxers and that was the root of all evil right there.

I also stopped using Permenant Color... I was double processing and it was just a mess so I stopped and now I use Semi... It only lasts like one or two washes but my hairs is in much better condition.

Next thing I did was start taking vitamins and they most definitely work.
I take
GNC Ultranourishhair
1500 Mg MSM
2500Mcg Biotoin
Silicon
Evening Primrose

Then I committed to washing and deep conditioning TWICE a WEEK FAITHFULLY! I was running late for work this morning and didn't get the chance to deep condition and I feel just wrong.

And I wear Protective styles.... I also don't think braids would be right at this moment. Start a program, get your hair healthier and then maybe in about 6-8 weeks think about braids.

Here's my routine twice a week and I'm a 4A with about 3 inches natural, 4-5 inches permed hair.

Shampoo
I only use two.. I rotate between ABBA Moisture Scentsation and Mizani Botanifying. I don't think I'll be repurchasing the Mizani after this bottle is up. The ABBA, seems to work better for me. It's a pepperment shampoo that retains moisture.

Moisturizing Conditioner
Now most of the ladies on the board seem to do a deep condtioner with a protein conditioner then follow up with a Moisture conditioner for slip... I do it in reverse. After I wash my hair in the shower, I put on a moisture conditioner for about 5-10 minutes and then rinse and THEN I do my deep condtioner...I find I get a well enough slip.
For Moisturing Condtioner I rotate ABBA Moisture Scentsation Conditioner and Mizani Moisturefuse.

Deep Conditioning.
For Deep Conditioning, I rotate between ORS Hair Mayo and Motions CPR. Both are great, but I think I'm leaning towards the CPR as the fave. I rub a generous amount through my hair and then sit under a heating cap for about 30 minutes. In my opinion this is one of the most IMPORTANT steps.

Leave-ins
Okay this is where it's not that simple for me. Because I have the half natural, half perm thing going on, getting the two to work in harmony as a cohesive unit has been a challenge... I use all kinds of stuff here.

These four items seem to find there way into my hair everday.
Infusiam 23 Leave-in
S-curl Juice
Wild Hair Growth Oil
S-curl Wave Gel

And these are on Stand-By.
Parenvu Leave-in Conditioner
Elasta QP Mango Butter
Elasta Glaze
Duke Pomade for waves

So In Summation.... No more NO-LYE relaxers..ever, Take Vitamins, Wash Twice a week, Deep Condition faithfully, Keep all heat out of your hair(curlers, hot combs, hair dryers) and just love your hair. Just think, If you start today you can expect almost 5 inches of new hair by xmas. And if your at 6 inches now, You'll have almost a foot of healthy beautiful hair!!!! Good Luck.

PS.... you may want to try Shamboosies book... I just read it and it had some good info especially for the kids.

 

[Compassion]

Lou-Lou,

I know how you feel my friend. /images/graemlins/ohwell.gif Initially, I was so very overwhelmed and lost on this board. Don't get me wrong, I love it! It's a virtual gold mine filled with very good information. /images/graemlins/grin.gif But, I just needed some hair basics--a good starting point. I needed something like a hair care 101 so to speak. After speaking with a few ladies on the board privately, I learned that I needed to start sorta like this...

Be sure to use a moisturizing shampoo to start. Whatever brand you choose I found is up to you. I used Cream of Nature &amp; Mizani. They are very moisturizing. As long as the product specifically says moisturizing, then you know it's formulate for "our" hair. /images/graemlins/smile.gif BUT, now I omit that stage. My hair had become so dry, that I did not want to risk drying it with shampoo. So, I just with an instant conditioner like Suave Tropical, and use my instant conditioner as a wash. Thanks Crysdon!! Next, use a deep conditioner. I use hair mayo made by Organic Roots Stimulator I believe. That can be found at Sally's. Sit under a dryer for 30-45. Then follow up with an instant conditioner (meaning it contains no protein, it provides moisture after the deep condition). I like Kera Care right now. You would have to purchase that from a stylist. At least I do where I live. After you rinse, be sure to always apply an oil to your hair while it's wet. That seals in the moisture and makes your hair soft. I use Wild Growth Oil. It stinks when wet, but not when dry. After you apply the WGO, you may want to add a leave in conditioner of your choice for extra protection. I use Infusim, or a Tea Tree Product. I have read on this board that the products are important, but the actual care of your hair is what is most important. So choose what works best for you. But, for me, this basic outline is what helped me muddle through all of the information. If you notice, most of the ladies on this board follow this same outline. The fun comes in choosing what products you want to use I think! So if it will help try this for you and your babies... Wash (or omit this and do an instant conditioner wash first..then), deep condition, instant condition, hair oil, leave in, and setting lotion if you like. My leave in works as a setting lotion I think too. I do this twice a week. But at least once weekly should be okay to start. Sorry this was so long. It's just that I know EXACTLY how you must be feeling. Well, it's best I close. PM me if some of this was not clear. I want to give a hearty thanks to Crysdon, Pebbles, Adrienne, and Nita (hope I did not forget anyone!!)! I know I wore them out with questions. They were so informative and patient though. /images/graemlins/smile.gif Let us know how your hair turns out!!

Blessings,
Compassion

 

[Titansgirl]

Hi Louvenia /images/graemlins/wave.gif I just wanted to welcome you to the board. All of these fine ladies have given you some excellent advice. /images/graemlins/smile.gif I just wanted to say hi /images/graemlins/grin.gif

 

[louvenia]

Wow, thanks ladies for helpig me to break it down.

Thanks COmpassion, Crystal, Beana3, nita4, Mindy Mouse and SexyGirlNY

You have all given me something to think about.

SO far, I think I have most of my routine:

Shampoos:
CON

C/O washes:
Suave Humectant
Herbal Essences
Pantene Smooth and Sleek

Deep Condits:
ORS Hair Mayo
Motions CPR

Moist Condits:
Nexxus Humectress
Kenra Moisture
Pantene Instant Hair Quencher

Oils:
WGO
Hot Six

Leave ins:
Elasta QP mango butter moist
??? still looking from my list of stuff.


I am hoping not to have to buy anymore stuff right now. I've bought so much lately, the hubby is getting frustrated especially since the hair is not improving.

What is UBH?

And I take a multi-vitamin (Centrum), I've been thinking about the biotin and msm to get my hair growing.


Thanks again ladies, this helps me, I think.

 

[ngaa]

hey lou lou welcome to the board /images/graemlins/wave.gif

the ladies have given u some GREAT advice so i wont confuse u even more and remember moisture is yo hair's best frend.....

since yo kids r so young i'm gessin that they are still natural and if so then i'm basin this whole thing on the fact that natural hair generally dont need as much protein as relaxed hair. firstly u cud use the hot 6 oil as a pre-treatment and then wash the hair usin the CON shampoo or u cud skip this and do the no poo method usin the nexxus humecto and then condition usin the ors hair mayo and apply a moisturisin leave in. u cud air dry yo babie's hair or blow-dry on a really low setting and then apply the carrot oil to moisturise the air and braid it....u cud keep the braids/cornrows in for about 2 weeks at a time, take them down and repeat this all agen, but make sure not to do the cornrows too tight tho

ngaa /images/graemlins/drunk.gif

 

[Kitkat]

Hi Louvenia, and welcome! /images/graemlins/wave.gif Thanks for joining us, sweetie! Everyone else here has posted such great advice that I don't have anything else to add. Just stay positive and focused, and you'll turn things around for you and your girls. Don't give up or stress that you're not seeing immediate change. Like Beana said, seeing the results of your efforts can take time. If you stick with it, you'll eventually be rewarded with a head full of healthy hair. Remember that you're not alone, and we're all in this together. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[Honey Vibe]

Louvenia, there's a favorite products thread floating around here somewhere. Find a list you like and look for information on its ingredients on the net. You can purchase the ones you like.

If there is a product you have that does wonders for your hair, stick with it. If you're not sure, you can turn over your products and narrow down the list by dumping the SLS products. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[Lucia]

Hi Louvenia,
I'm sorry to hear your having a hard time but beleive me we've all been there. I always had long hair and jacked mine up terribly, lived to regret it, and now I'm back on track with healthy hair.
I would encourage you to go through your products and "DOWNSIZE" (me the PJ/VJ saying this)
If it's expired or (sitting around tooo long)-chuck it /images/graemlins/barf.gif
lame doesn't work-chuck it /images/graemlins/down.gif
full of 14-letter words that you need a degree in chemistry to figure out-chuck it /images/graemlins/barf.gif /images/graemlins/down.gif
Now use the products that work for you and stick with them. You still wil have a variety of products but they will be worth the money.
Hold your head up. /images/graemlins/smile.gif