He Used The "p-word" In Our Second Phone Conversation. . .

Silkycoils

Silkycoils

Well-Known Member
So, I live in Atlanta. Dating here is terrible because everything you've heard about Atlanta is true :look:, but the straight men are often trash. I met this guy outside of a restaurant. He approached me, he's attractive, and is an officer in the Army.

He's 45 or 46, and has been married twice (which I actually find more appealing than a 40-something never-married man). Anywho, he calls me as soon as I give him my number, I guess to verify that it was the correct number (This didn't bother me at all). I was leaving for about a two week vacation that upcoming Tuesday (we met on a Friday). He calls me that Saturday or Sunday and we have a pleasant enough conversation. I immediately notice that he is very free with his use of profanity during our conversation, but I decided to chill because I sometimes use profanity (though not often), and figured he was just being himself. The day before I left the country, we chatted, and I asked him about his previous marriages.

I don't know how we got there (well, he said how his first wife had cheated on him), but he says that if he wasn't doing something right sexually, that she should've just communicated . . .and then he drops the pu$$ . . .word?! I was aghast! :eek: I had to say to him, "You know, I'm usually put off when a man uses profanity with me, but I figured you were just being yourself, which is cool because I sometimes use profanity, but I don't want you to speak to me like how you speak to your boys." He didn't apologize, and didn't really acknowledge the comment. He called me again the next day to chat, and I told him when I'd be back in town.

The thing is, y'all I'm SO turned off by him using that word with me!!!! It just lets me know that he isn't a gentleman. There are certain instances where that word is appropriate :look:, but that wasn't one of them. I decided to block his number yesterday. I'm pretty confident in my decision, but wanted you sage ladies' opinions. :)
 
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Disrespectful. It doesn't bother me that he speaks this way. It bothers me that he spoke this way to you. Men who don't seem to be able to separate the way they speak and act around their friends vs. how they speak and act around women they like sound like a headache from the start. Even if you gave him a chance, based on his reaction (or lack thereof) I could see endless arguments about you trying to correct him or getting him to act right .Not worth the hassle. Blocking him was a sound decision.
 
ScorpioBeauty09 said:
It's not that he used the word so much as he didn't respect or acknowledge your wish for him not to use it. Y'all haven't even had a first date and he's showing how he's not considerate. o_O You did a good thing blocking him. Good riddance.
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This. It's the fact that he doesn't care that you are offended that is the real issue and not the language used that is the red flag here.
 
I think the problem is both that he said the p word at the very beginning, at the show your best self stage, and how he reacted to you (being unapologetic, etc.). But honestly be grateful that he didn’t apologize. This guy is vulgar and not the kind of guy you want a relationship with, period. He showed you who he was right away. That’s a gift. He saved you the trouble of teasing out who he really is. Had he apologized and acted empathetic you might have wasted weeks or even months on him while he tried to hide his vulgar side.
 
You did right. You better hope he doesn't start calling you from random numbers. I had a guy who used it the first time we text.

Him: Good Morning beautiful. Hope you're having a great day.
Me: Thank you. You as well.
Him: I'm not gonna lie you're so sexy, an ya @$$ is fat I would eat u up u like gettin ya p***** ate?
Me: This conversation took an unexpected turn. You should ask a girl out on a proper date before you ask about her bedroom preferences. Us getting to know each other is not going to work. Be good.
Him: I mean no disrespect I just wanted to know but I already had in mind to take u out. I'm just waitin on a time when u free boo. What's your nationality?

After this interaction I blocked him and for weeks he contacted me from different numbers telling me to unblock him. o_O I should have followed my intuition and not given him my number when we met but he was handsome so I gave in.
 
giigii613 said:
You did right. You better hope he doesn't start calling you from random numbers. I had a guy who used it the first time we text.

Him: Good Morning beautiful. Hope you're having a great day.
Me: Thank you. You as well.
Him: I'm not gonna lie you're so sexy, an ya @$$ is fat I would eat u up u like gettin ya p***** ate?
Me: This conversation took an unexpected turn. You should ask a girl out on a proper date before you ask about her bedroom preferences. Us getting to know each other is not going to work. Be good.
Him: I mean no disrespect I just wanted to know but I already had in mind to take u out. I'm just waitin on a time when u free boo. What's your nationality?

After this interaction I blocked him and for weeks he contacted me from different numbers telling me to unblock him. o_O I should have followed my intuition and not given him my number when we met but he was handsome so I gave in.
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I never give out my real phone number upon first meeting. I have a Google Voice number. Also, I'm at a point in my life where I don't answer unknown numbers. :look:

Yeah, I just felt as if a decent man wouldn't be so free with his language with a lady he'd just met. I have finally learned to put myself on a pedestal, and I definitely expect my man/future husband to do the same. As I said, colorful language can be acceptable during coloring. :look: :lachen:
 
Silkycoils said:
I never give out my real phone number upon first meeting. I have a Google Voice number. Also, I'm at a point in my life where I don't answer unknown numbers. :look:

Yeah, I just felt as if a decent man wouldn't be so free with his language with a lady he'd just met. I have finally learned to put myself on a pedestal, and I definitely expect my man/future husband to do the same. As I said, colorful language can be acceptable during coloring. :look: :lachen:
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You are the real M.V.P.!!! :clapping::clapping:
 
Silkycoils said:
I never give out my real phone number upon first meeting. I have a Google Voice number. Also, I'm at a point in my life where I don't answer unknown numbers. :look:

Yeah, I just felt as if a decent man wouldn't be so free with his language with a lady he'd just met. I have finally learned to put myself on a pedestal, and I definitely expect my man/future husband to do the same. As I said, colorful language can be acceptable during coloring. :look: :lachen:
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I should get a Google voice number too :scratchchin:
 
Crackers Phinn said:
A dude who has been divorced twice isn't good at marriage. I was ready for you to be done with him after reading that.
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I was thinking the SAME thing!

Plus, he was OK with his ex-wife cheating if he wasn't satisfying her in bed. What kind of spouse thinks this way? Only one that is cheating themselves! :/

ps. "If" (and this is a big IF) he is really a military officer, he knows proper behavior and language. A middle-aged man should not be acting like this.
 
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I strongly dislike men who swear around women. I don’t swear around men because I’m a lady and d*** it., I want to be treated like one.

I also strongly dislike men who freely talk very negatively about their exes. It’s indicative of a tendency to avoid responsibility in a relationship and to blame the woman. It’s also manipulative in that it programs the new woman for competition with the old one.

As for him having been twice divorced, I mean, No.
 
Silkycoils said:
So, I live in Atlanta. Dating here is terrible because everything you've heard about Atlanta is true :look:, but the straight men are often trash. I met this guy outside of a restaurant. He approached me, he's attractive, and is an officer in the Army.

He's 45 or 46, and has been married twice (which I actually find more appealing than a 40-something never-married man). Anywho, he calls me as soon as I give him my number, I guess to verify that it was the correct number (This didn't bother me at all). I was leaving for about a two week vacation that upcoming Tuesday (we met on a Friday). He calls me that Saturday or Sunday and we have a pleasant enough conversation. I immediately notice that he is very free with his use of profanity during our conversation, but I decided to chill because I sometimes use profanity (though not often), and figured he was just being himself. The day before I left the country, we chatted, and I asked him about his previous marriages.

I don't know how we got there (well, he said how his first wife had cheated on him), but he says that if he wasn't doing something right sexually, that she should've just communicated . . .and then he drops the pu$$ . . .word?! I was aghast! :eek: I had to say to him, "You know, I'm usually put off when a man uses profanity with me, but I figured you were just being yourself, which is cool because I sometimes use profanity, but I don't want you to speak to me like how you speak to your boys." He didn't apologize, and didn't really acknowledge the comment. He called me again the next day to chat, and I told him when I'd be back in town.

The thing is, y'all I'm SO turned off by him using that word with me!!!! It just lets me know that he isn't a gentleman. There are certain instances where that word is appropriate :look:, but that wasn't one of them. I decided to block his number yesterday. I'm pretty confident in my decision, but wanted you sage ladies' opinions. :)
Click to expand...
I’m turned off by that word too. You have integrity and self respect, so you did the right thing.
 
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