He stutters:(

[Kinkyhairlady]

I kind of feel bad posting this because I know we all have our flaws and insecurities but the guy I'm seeing stutters but It's not hugely obvious which is why I did not notice before but I'm starting to notice it more now. The issue I'm having is that if he has something important to tell me he seems to get nervous and stutters more and I'm noticing he'll text me things that we really should be discussing verbally. He admits the stuttering happens most when he's upset or nervous Is there anything he can do to help with the stuttering? The texting is really starting to annoy me. We can literally be talking on the phone and when I hang up he'll text me how he's feeling about me like why couldn't say it when we were speaking. Face to face its the same. When I get home he'll text and say things that I feel are better when we in front of one another. It's so weird.

 

[Lilmama1011]

Sounds like he can't express how he feels to you face to face, you intimidate him maybe or afraid to express his feeling because maybe he was hurt in the past after expressing his feelings to another woman

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

Sounds like he can't express how he feels to you face to face, you intimidate him maybe or afraid to express his feeling because maybe he was hurt in the past after expressing is feelings to another woman

He claims that is not it and that he forgets to say things so he'll text me. He'll ask me questions via text that we should be talking about. I'm about to tell him to not text me unless its really necessary. He needs to get over his fear if that's what's causing him to text. My hands hurt causing my wrist to hurt.

 

[Rastafarai]

Check out this website:

http://www.stutteringhelp.org/adults

Depending on how you feel about him, I think it important to support him in addressing his issue. He is aware that it is a problem and if he thinks you are upset or annoyed by it, it can worsen his stuttering. The good thing is that with the right help it can be managed. Try and seek help together and calm his nerves by telling him that you're willing to stand by his side. It will help ease his tension and maybe help him open up more via phone conversations.

 

[Rastafarai]

He needs to get over his fear if that's what's causing him to text. My hands hurt causing my wrist to hurt.

re: the bolded, by himself or with your help? You both need to sit down in person and have a serious conversation about this. Communicate your concerns as soon as possible and go from there.

 

[JustifiablyMe]

I have a slight stuttering problem as well but when I am nervous, it gets bad. I've always been a fan of texting because of this. No matter how understanding the person is, it's so agonizing and embarrasing to get stuck on a word. Especially if it's a person you are trying to impress. Unless if the texting is an absolute dealbreaker for you, I think you should try to be a bit more understanding. I'm sure in time he will feel more comfortable and less of a need to rely on texting. I don't think forcing him out of his comfort zone is the best solution right now.

 

[Foxglove]

He needs to get over his fear if that's what's causing him to text.

If it were that simple nobody would stutter

 

[Hairsnob]

The only thing I would hope is that as he gets to know you more he will be less nervous around you, so less stuttering maybe????

I dated a guy who stuttered but it wasn't that bad and I knew him already so maybe he wasn't as nervous. It didn't bother me at all. However, I met a guy not too long ago who stuttered BADLY and it turned me off IMMEDIATELY! I think because I didn't know him. Who knows. But I didn't know he stuttered until after we exchanged numbers and I never returned his calls.

And I would imagine that he's not going to admit to texting instead of calling because of the stuttering. Hopefully there's some help for adults out there.

 

[deltadreamland]

Is he a pretty decent guy? How does he treat you? How does he make you feel? Is his stuttering a deal breaker for you? You don't have to answer these questions...just putting some things out there for you to think about. I'm sure this is an issue he has dealt with most of his life and would love to get past it. It will probably gets better once he's completely comfortable with you.

 

[hopeful]

I wouldn't address the stuttering or try to help him. I think doing so will set you up as the "helper" in the relationship. I would just tell him that I enjoy talking to him and to please stop texting so much, especially with regard to important matters. He knows he stutters and he needs to address that the best he can as an adult. As long as you aren't teasing him or acting annoyed by the stuttering, I don't think it's your issue to address. I mean you can talk to him about the stuttering as a separate issue but I wouldn't be problem-solving and trying to figure out why he texts so much, what he needs to do improve the stuttering, etc. The next time he texts I'd text back I would prefer to discuss in person or on the phone. I'd do that a couple times. If he persisted I'd ignore those texts.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

So I'm reading these responses and feel super guilty for some reason. I really like him and he's adorable sometimes when he stutters I just want him to be comfortable enough to talk to me about anything. Texting me about his feelings is not the way for me. Almost feels less genuine. I will give him time but I already told him he needs to limit the texting.

 

[hopeful]

So I'm reading these responses and feel super guilty for some reason. I really like him and he's adorable sometimes when he stutters I just want him to be comfortable enough to talk to me about anything. Texting me about his feelings is not the way for me. Almost feels less genuine. I will give him time but I already told him he needs to limit the texting.

You shouldn't feel guilty. You aren't complaining about the stuttering, you're frustrated by the texting, something many women have a problem with. You have the right to prefer phone or in-person conversations over texting.

 

[Evolving78]

I wouldn't address the stuttering or try to help him. I think doing so will set you up as the "helper" in the relationship. I would just tell him that I enjoy talking to him and to please stop texting so much, especially with regard to important matters. He knows he stutters and he needs to address that the best he can as an adult. As long as you aren't teasing him or acting annoyed by the stuttering, I don't think it's your issue to address. I mean you can talk to him about the stuttering as a separate issue but I wouldn't be problem-solving and trying to figure out why he texts so much, what he needs to do improve the stuttering, etc. The next time he texts I'd text back I would prefer to discuss in person or on the phone. I'd do that a couple times. If he persisted I'd ignore those texts.

yeah, that texting thing is a crutch for anyone that has communication issues. what would he do if texting wasn't around? i get text messages too. but the men in my life have no problem talking. they just can't seem to communicate properly face to face and like to hide behind a damn phone. tell him you know he has a speech issue and you are not going to pacify him or it by allowing him to text.

 

[RocStar]

So I'm reading these responses and feel super guilty for some reason. I really like him and he's adorable sometimes when he stutters I just want him to be comfortable enough to talk to me about anything. Texting me about his feelings is not the way for me. Almost feels less genuine. I will give him time but I already told him he needs to limit the texting.

You know what you want and don't want, but I do have to say that stuttering is a real disability. And texting is a way to minimize/accommodate the disability. You cannot expect him to talk more via phone, you either have to accept his limitations or don't. Email and texting has allow those that stutter (or have any speech disability) to actually be able to communicate better. It has changed the life of many, allowing them to communicate in a way they never could before.

You know what is up between you two and you know what you will accept, just know that he cannot change is disability for you and to expect that is setting yourself up to be disappointed.

 

[Evolving78]

You know what you want and don't want, but I do have to say that stuttering is a real disability. And texting is a way to minimize/accommodate the disability. You cannot expect him to talk more via phone, you either have to accept his limitations or don't. Email and texting has allow those that stutter (or have any speech disability) to actually be able to communicate better. It has changed the life of many, allowing them to communicate in a way they never could before.

You know what is up between you two and you know what you will accept, just know that he cannot change is disability for you and to expect that is setting yourself up to be disappointed.

i don't know.. that sounds like an excuse. both of my children have speech issues and have to be forced to communicate with others on a daily basis. they have speech therapy as well. this grown man needs to get a speech therapist and work on his problem. he has no problem dating and meeting women, but now he can't talk right? it's only reasonable if he has to hold a pen in his mouth to type and communicate, because he can't talk at all, or move his hands to do sign language.

leave him alone.

 

[MsDee14]

I stutter and still prefer to talk on the phone. Now..I probably stutter a few times a week, but if I didn't work on my issue, it would be more excessive.

If texting isn't for you and he prefers to text...I don't see how this is going to work unless there is a compromise.

 

[JaneBond007]

Give him one last text:

I'm not discussing this via text. Come and see me.

If he can't do it, move on. I think he's probably going to be stuttering when in your presence. The trigger is often fear and you intimidate him. He's into you, though, to receive such a beating all day long lol! Tell him what is acceptable and what is not. If his stuttering doesn't bother you, demand he communicate with you in person. Texting is useful for minor things. A couple existing off texting? I dunno about that. And I'm not disrespecting his disability but he can't use it as an excuse.

 

[bklynbornNbred]

Is this the same guy you started other thread about (that English is not his first language)? Is he texting because he's not comfortable with his English and you stated you didn't want to speak creyole?

Seriously - you are allowed to have likes/dislikes in a potential mate and its ok if you turn down someone that shows interest but doesn't match the requirements you want for yourself. You don't have to feel guilty about it. I don't understand why at every turn you keep ignoring the red flags (by your own posts) that he may be a good man but not the one for you. You point out things you don't like get validation that its ok then you keep giving it more time.

The more time you take with the wrong man leaves you with less time to meet and be with the one that already has what you are looking for. Time (& eggs) wait for no one. You deserve happiness. Get out of your comfort zone and go get it before you are stuck with someone that you settled for out of fear of being alone.

 

[KaramelKendra]

Aww poor guy ,i don't think he has met your expectations .Move on .

 

[God_Favor]

Move on, if it really this deep for you.

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy III using LHCF

 

[Lenee925]

Sounds like he can't express how he feels to you face to face, you intimidate him maybe or afraid to express his feeling because maybe he was hurt in the past after expressing his feelings to another woman

You think his stuttering developed because some other woman "intimidated" him in the past?

OP, you know what you can handle and what you can't. Moderate stuttering I could handle but If a man stuttered so bad he took 10 minutes to ask me how my day was, I couldn't do it. To heck with the guilt trips.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

Is this the same guy you started other thread about (that English is not his first language)? Is he texting because he's not comfortable with his English and you stated you didn't want to speak creyole?

Seriously - you are allowed to have likes/dislikes in a potential mate and its ok if you turn down someone that shows interest but doesn't match the requirements you want for yourself. You don't have to feel guilty about it. I don't understand why at every turn you keep ignoring the red flags (by your own posts) that he may be a good man but not the one for you. You point out things you don't like get validation that its ok then you keep giving it more time.

The more time you take with the wrong man leaves you with less time to meet and be with the one that already has what you are looking for. Time (& eggs) wait for no one. You deserve happiness. Get out of your comfort zone and go get it before you are stuck with someone that you settled for out of fear of being alone.

Yes it's him but the texting is mostly in Creole or French and I respond in the same even if my grammar is off. He's getting better with the English as well. I like him a lot but I do feel I deserve better and do feel guilty about it. He has been nothing but kind and a gentleman to me but there are flaws that I wish were not there. When I'm with him I don't want to leave we get along well but I still have something in my mind that says there's better out there. It's the worse feeling to judge someone just cause you think they are not good enough for various reason. Good person but not where I'm at professionally or educationally. I just can't let go though cause I do like him even with his little stuttering.

Eta: I did tell him again I'm tired of texting about important things and he was good for like 2 days. Lol. Even caught himself and said oh no ill talk to you in person about this no texting but today he is doing it again. Sigh

 

[RocStar]

i don't know.. that sounds like an excuse. both of my children have speech issues and have to be forced to communicate with others on a daily basis. they have speech therapy as well. this grown man needs to get a speech therapist and work on his problem. he has no problem dating and meeting women, but now he can't talk right? it's only reasonable if he has to hold a pen in his mouth to type and communicate, because he can't talk at all, or move his hands to do sign language.

leave him alone.

Nope, not an excuse at all. It is a real disability. He may have already been through years of speech therapy, who knows. If you want more information and understanding of stuttering there are plenty on-line resources available. It could be insulting to people who stutter to tell them to go see a speech therapist (most already do) and work on your problem. It is not a problem...it is a disability.

 

[hopeful]

Yes it's him but the texting is mostly in Creole or French and I respond in the same even if my grammar is off. He's getting better with the English as well. I like him a lot but I do feel I deserve better and do feel guilty about it. He has been nothing but kind and a gentleman to me but there are flaws that I wish were not there. When I'm with him I don't want to leave we get along well but I still have something in my mind that says there's better out there. It's the worse feeling to judge someone just cause you think they are not good enough for various reason. Good person but not where I'm at professionally or educationally. I just can't let go though cause I do like him even with his little stuttering.

You feel guilty about feeling you could do better? I don't get this thought process at all. I read the other thread too and I also believe you are really settling and at the root of this is likely your guilt at believing you have no right to want more. I won't post anymore though. I'll just say one last time that you have every right to want the things you want. Your wishes are not extreme or excessive at all, just basic things that most women want.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

I want to mention his stuttering is not severe which is why I did not notice in the beginning. He says its gets noticeable if he is upset or nervous. I've met people who's stuttering is severe and I would not be able to deal. I just think he's afraid to stutter a lot on important topics and sometimes he does but it does not bother ms cause its only on a couple of words. Just the texting is my problem. I want him to be able to be comfortable enough with me to relax.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

You feel guilty about feeling you could do better? I don't get this thought process at all. I read the other thread too and I also believe you are really settling and at the root of this is likely your guilt at believing you have no right to want more. I won't post anymore though. I'll just say one last time that you have every right to want the things you want. Your wishes are not extreme or excessive at all, just basic things that most women want.

I agree but lately I've been realizing no one is perfect. He is not a bad guy so far., he's Christian and very handsome. Smart and polite. The woman in his church look like they want to cut me every time they see me, lol. He's adored by many of the members and his aunt and uncle. Very goal orientated but is new to the country and just starting out. Basically I've developed feelings for him. Idk what to do and yes I'm too old for this. He's done nothing to me to make me want to cut him off.

 

[bklynbornNbred]

In the end you will get what you believe you deserve nothing more.

If the job requires a HS diploma and you give chances to those who only have elemetary school diplomas because they are "nice" or "everyone loves them" you will eventually reach a boiling point because niceness will never make up for the qualities that you need right now let alone in the future. If you get out you will find there are plenty of men that possess the basic qualities you are holding on to as reasons to keep pressing on along with others that you don't seem to think you deserve. You don't have to settle and mold yourself to accept any man that is presented to you.

You've already mentioned plenty of reasons why you shouldn't be moving forward with him one on one. At the very least try to meet someone else and just date. Get over your timetable. Get to know other men and see what is out there. Stop behaving as if any man is better than no man. Let the right one earn his position and don't limit yourself from the beginning.

You know what to do but you are scared. I'm telling you as the big sister you've never met time (& eggs) waits for no one. Its ok to say out loud that you deserve better. You need to believe that and act accordingly. There is no EEOC on dating. You don't HAVE to give every and anyone a chance. If you were here listing ridiculous requirements I'd wish you good luck but your needs and wants are basic. He sounds like a good man but he is not in the position to be the man you need and want right now. And frankly being raised in church - the church women fawn over any male so don't take that as endorsement that he's a good man.

In the end the time you are spending with him is time you are not spending with the one that already has what you need.