He read my journal!!!!!

[TCatt86]

The guy I have been seeing on and off for the last few months read my journal. In one of my entries I wrote about how I really liked another guy and I felt that guy should be the man I spend the rest of my life with. I feel like I should give some background into my relationship with him. Our relationship goes in ebbs and flows, somtimes it's really good and sometimes it's bad. He and I had a major setback and we were just starting to get back right and now this has happened. I feel like when we take a big leap something bad happens that sets us back.
This is the second time he has violated my privacy, he also read my text messages a couple months back where he saw some text between the same guy where we were discussing how great the relationship we had was. My boo or ex-boo whatever he is now, has issues with my relationship with this guy, he feels I downplay the relationship. And while I did write that I liked the guy and wanted to be with him long term I really do love my boo,and I want to be with him longterm. I told him there was nothing to worry about as far as my relationship with the other man or any man for that matter, but he's not hearing it now. I tried to console him but now he feels I'm a liar and wants to take it slow again. I can understand why he feels that way, but he shouldn't have gone through my stuff. And I really have gotten over my feeling of liking the other dude, it was a fleeting feeling that lasted for about a week. He left stuff at my house so I know what that means but I can't keep going through this violation of my privacy. I'm thinking of calling it an end and just letting it be, because it's one of two things 1) he has major trust issues or 2) he's seeing someone else and thinks I would do that too. I'm thinking it's both because when I went in his car for something I saw what looked like women's glasses. I'm just getting tired of this, I shouldn't have to worry about leaving him in my house and him snooping. Because he did go through my drawers and commented on me having a brand of condoms that he doesn't use, which I already knew because I have had these condoms for about two years. I'm really getting tired of this and explaining myself about something I know I'm not doing. And my only experience of a man snooping is when he was out there bad.

Have any of you ladies dealt with a man that consistently violated your privacy? And how did you deal with it? Did you stay with the man or did you break up with him?

 

[Saida]

\I wouldnt tolorate anyone reading my private messages, why does he do that? if he dosent trust you then maybe you have bigger issues than that other guy..

 

[onyxdreams]

If your having these issues and your only dating,then if the relationship continues it will get worse.I'm not one to tell someone to breakup with their man however since your just dating.Let it go while you still can,he has shown you that he doesn't respect your privacy and that he doesn't trust you.it might hurt now but imagine how much more it will hurt if you further this relationship

 

[TCatt86]

\I wouldnt tolorate anyone reading my private messages, why does he do that? if he dosent trust you then maybe you have bigger issues than that other guy..

I don't know why he does it and after talking to him I realize it doesn't matter. He doesn't trust me and I don't have the energy or time to invest into to proving him otherwise. I am just going to cut my losses. I just can't believe that a man would snoop like that. I expect that type of behavior from a woman not a man.

 

[TCatt86]

If your having these issues and your only dating,then if the relationship continues it will get worse.I'm not one to tell someone to breakup with their man however since your just dating.Let it go while you still can,he has shown you that he doesn't respect your privacy and that he doesn't trust you.it might hurt now but imagine how much more it will hurt if you further this relationship

Thank you, I am with you. At first I thought I could repair it, but I just talked to him and he was so cold towards me and now he doesn't believe a word I say. He basically told me if I hadn't had sex with the other guy I should have because it's all the same to him I don't have the energy to prove to a man to trust me when I'm not cheating. He won't get over it and I'm not about to get punished for a mistake I made.

 

[Arcadian]

This is what happens when men and women snoop.

Basically OP, you need to just cut your loses. He'll always feel that you cheated in your heart because of what he read.


-A

 

[CandiceC]

I would feel so violated by this. I would seriously hate it even if someone were to read my "to-do" list without permission. I'm funny like that.

 

[TCatt86]

I would feel so violated by this. I would seriously hate it even if someone were to read my "to-do" list without permission. I'm funny like that.

Yes I'm like that too. I hate for people to snoop through my things. I have never had a man read my journal.

 

[TCatt86]

This is what happens when men and women snoop.

Basically OP, you need to just cut your loses. He'll always feel that you cheated in your heart because of what he read.


-A

Pretty much. He pretty much told me that's how he feels. And I'm like how does one defend what they write in their private journal? And even if it could be done, I'm not going to defend what I write privately.

 

[Saida]

yes your right, it dosent seem like an attractive behaviour from a man, but women shouldnt be doing it either, that's spying, and you dont need to be spying on your spouse, I hope you make the right decision

I don't know why he does it and after talking to him I realize it doesn't matter. He doesn't trust me and I don't have the energy or time to invest into to proving him otherwise. I am just going to cut my losses. I just can't believe that a man would snoop like that. I expect that type of behavior from a woman not a man.

 

[onyxdreams]

Thank you, I am with you. At first I thought I could repair it, but I just talked to him and he was so cold towards me and now he doesn't believe a word I say. He basically told me if I hadn't had sex with the other guy I should have because it's all the same to him I don't have the energy to prove to a man to trust me when I'm not cheating. He won't get over it and I'm not about to get punished for a mistake I made.

Yeah see no matter what you may say to him he won't believe you.while he plays victim he doesn't understand the deepest of trust he has broken.Men in my opinion can't understand that our journals holds our deepest thoughts of what is real and what might just be a fantasy.

 

[hopeful]

I agree with the other ladies---cut your losses. He is way too much trouble. I would feel so violated if someone did this to me.

 

[Farida]

I'm sorry OP, while I feel it was unfair of him to invade your privacy, if my man was still text messaging an ex who he loved and wanted to be with long term, I would not be in that relationship.

So, both of you should cut your losses and move on.

 

[aja1121]

Men have an intuition just like women and maybe somehow he felt the disconnect. However, he definitely should have talked to you about it first, before snooping. He looked and he found. Definitely leave this relationship, the trust is gone. If he was going to break up with you, he would've done so, men are not as forgiving as us. He just wants you make you feel bad.

 

[TCatt86]

I'm sorry OP, while I feel it was unfair of him to invade your privacy, if my man was still text messaging an ex who he loved and wanted to be with long term, I would not be in that relationship.

So, both of you should cut your losses and move on.

Oh I understand but I don't love this ex. I got caught up in the good old days and basically fell in like. That's my issue. And if he had read my text like he has before he would have seen that the relationship with the ex was pretty much null. But I don't have the energy to defend my private feelings to him. He thinks I'm a liar and I think he full of ish. That's not condusive for a relationship.

 

[TCatt86]

Men have an intuition just like women and maybe somehow he felt the disconnect. However, he definitely should have talked to you about it first, before snooping. He looked and he found. Definitely leave this relationship, the trust is gone. If he was going to break up with you, he would've done so, men are not as forgiving as us. He just wants you make you feel bad.

Yeah I've seen this happen to my friends and family all too often. But what he felt was guilt. Meaning he did some suspect stuff early in the relationship and he's been fearing I'm going to get him back. But I don't roll like that. When he left I figured oh so he doesn't want to break up he just wants to punish me. When a man is through they will tell you. He text me at 2 this morning telling me how disappointed he is. I feel bad and I apologized but I told him I'm not going to be punished for this. I'm a big girl I can handle the consequences of my actions.

 

[TCatt86]

Yeah see no matter what you may say to him he won't believe you.while he plays victim he doesn't understand the deepest of trust he has broken.Men in my opinion can't understand that our journals holds our deepest thoughts of what is real and what might just be a fantasy.

Yes this is real. I was telling my sister when he read my journal he basically looked into my brain. Things I don't tell a soul and while I know some people are like well you wrote it and you were texting this man. What I wrote was for my eyes only and once I wrote those three sentences I seriously forgot about it and focused on my relationship with my ex boo.

 

[drasgrl]

I agree with everyone else. Leave while you can. The relationship didn't sound that good anyway.

 

[bimbabe]

I second that! He sounds too insecure. His snooping and double checking on you will be an ongoing problem.

 

[FemmeCreole]

drop him.....this is always going to be an issue

 

[TCatt86]

drop him.....this is always going to be an issue

Yeah. Once the trust is gone it's hard to get it back and at the age of 24 and only dating him for a few months I'm going to let it go and work on getting myself straight. I don't have the energy to deal with the constant questioning i will endure or the constant snooping, because he's not going to stop.

 

[TCatt86]

Lord!!! I just talked to him and he has admitted to going through my phone mutliple times!!! Yeah so that's the end of this.

 

[Blaque*Angel]

i've not read through all the replies, but c'mon now.
you have to be real with yourself, there should not be "best of both worlds" in this situation. if you like your best friend and feel you should be with him, then you both try and work on a relationship.

it is not fair what you are putting your BF through, he probably feels he cannot trust you,that is the reason he is snooping,the condoms are suspicious in his eyes also--if they are an issue throw them out, so your not feeding into his insecurities!!!

if you truly want to be with your boyfriend, you'll have to let best friend go....
cos the relationship will not work with you still "holding on" to your best friend

put yourself in his shoes and see how you feel!

((hugs)) and good luck to whatever decision you make

 

[Bunny77]

i've not read through all the replies, but c'mon now.
you have to be real with yourself, there should not be "best of both worlds" in this situation. if you like your best friend and feel you should be with him, then you both try and work on a relationship.

it is not fair what you are putting your BF through, he probably feels he cannot trust you,that is the reason he is snooping,the condoms are suspicious in his eyes also--if they are an issue throw them out, so your not feeding into his insecurities!!!

if you truly want to be with your boyfriend, you'll have to let best friend go....
cos the relationship will not work with you still "holding on" to your best friend

put yourself in his shoes and see how you feel!

((hugs)) and good luck to whatever decision you make

Yeah, I kinda agree with this.

I mean okay, dude was wrong for snooping, but if you feel that way about the other guy, then the BF probably noticed it in your behavior and it wasn't fair to him.

Anyway, this is too much drama for just a few months. If y'all had some years behind you, I might suggest you work it out, but it's time to let this one go because it shouldn't be this crazy in a few months.

I also wish you good luck!

 

[TCatt86]

Yeah, I kinda agree with this.

I mean okay, dude was wrong for snooping, but if you feel that way about the other guy, then the BF probably noticed it in your behavior and it wasn't fair to him.

Anyway, this is too much drama for just a few months. If y'all had some years behind you, I might suggest you work it out, but it's time to let this one go because it shouldn't be this crazy in a few months.

I also wish you good luck!

I put myself in his shoes and I can understand why he is so hurt. He has basically told me he is going to show me better than he can tell me and he's going on a date tonight. I feel bad I hurt him, but I won't endure emotional abuse for the sake of loving a man.

 

[MissYocairis]

\I wouldnt tolorate anyone reading my private messages, why does he do that? if he dosent trust you then maybe you have bigger issues than that other guy..

I wouldn't either. I cannot believe he read your journal. I cannot believe he went through your phone. And, I am shocked and amazed that he went through your DRAWERS? WTH? That's a major deal breaker.

Imagine what a life with him would be like? You may feel you love him now, but being married to a man who has no qualms about disrespecting your privacy and your things is no joke. He will be in EVERYTHING you own if you married him. You would have to cover your tracks and hide for everything you do. Do you really want that?

 

[MissYocairis]

....and one more thing....I just cannot get over the fact that your relationship is so new (a few months is a drop in the bucket) and he STILL had no reservations about going through ALL of your ****. That's WILD!

 

[msdeevee]

He,s jealous and possessive and nosy and snoopy and controlling.

You're too young for this. He obviously has serious trust issues from a past situation (didn't read whole thread) Why do you feel you would even want to take that on?

Cut your losses and move on. Don't accept his calls ,no more talk or negotiating.

Behavior like he's already displayed can very easily turn into physical abuse. This is more serious than you know.

 

[Belle Creole]

The guy I have been seeing on and off for the last few months read my journal.... Our relationship goes in ebbs and flows, somtimes it's really good and sometimes it's bad. And while I did write that I liked the guy and wanted to be with him long term I really do love my boo,and I want to be with him longterm. I told him there was nothing to worry about as far as my relationship with the other man or any man for that matter, but he's not hearing it now. I tried to console him but now he feels I'm a liar and wants to take it slow again. I can understand why he feels that way, but he shouldn't have gone through my stuff. And I really have gotten over my feeling of liking the other dude, it was a fleeting feeling that lasted for about a week.

Well Sis, Snooping is wrong and if someone is consistently violating your privacy that raises 2 red flags. I'd be concerned about outbursts of aggression (hey you never know) it starts with things like this. Now are you sure that he has nothing to worry about? If you can absolutely say yes with out a moments thought then you might have to re-evaluate what else could be at the root of his behavior. Are you with him because you want to be with him or are you with him for the meantime? He could be picking up on something you sending out, energy is both powerful and non verbal at times.
Take some time out to do some truth searching, only you and God know the answers. Sometimes there beliefs and intentions hiding out so deep down inside of that it takes a whole lot of excavation to bring them to light. NO judgements, just love
HTH

 

[Ballerina_Bun]

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