He doesn't have papers

sweetvi said:
I would tell him Holla at me when he has that situation figured out......until then find someone else who might if he gets deported... I've seen it time and time again. They woo you..marry you..gets that paper then forgets you.
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And he wants to go to school too?! Oh hells No!
 
AstroQueen77 said:
@CurlyMoo, why didnt she invite you?
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I have no idea, we had spent some time together celebrating my birthday. She mentioned that he asked her to marry her and that she had excepted. She doesn't have a cell phone so I have to wait for her to contact me. She then announces it on Facebook that they got married. I was so miffed, I didn't like her post and I have yet to congratulate her. :sad: I think she has received some criticism for both changing her religion so quickly to Muslim and then this world wind relationship..
 
Your friend is in for some major grief. I hope you do not spend your time being that shoulder for her to cry on when it is over. Keep it moving just like she did. I hope she waits a good long time before she brings kids into this.
 
Everybody is so judgemental and stereotypical in this thread. Op learn him and do what you feel us best. He is a totally different culture. Do what you feel is best and take your time.
 
SimFio said:
What if he turned out to be a pretty good guy tho? Who ended up loving and caring and providing the way any woman has ever dreamt about? Mind u, I'd be suspicious as all get up, but I kinda have in my mind also that he's a man who's in his prime who regardless of needing the papers, at this age would also want a wife and kids and to settle.....
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Its been 10 yrs, and he has a good job etc, he dont need papers. However, the parts that have me skeptical is that 1) he wasnts to go to school. (although he could be telling you this to impress you, and not realizing hes shooting himself in the foot) and 2) he met you through your mom. I would moreso believe if yall just met and fell in love, rather than him recruiting a wife.

Papers are overrated.
 
.... I've moonwalked away from a similiar situation...... And we were "actually" talking marriage......I was involved and all "caught-up"; but decided to err on the side of caution. That was the only decision I could live with
 
Gin&Tonic said:
Your friend is in for some major grief. I hope you do not spend your time being that shoulder for her to cry on when it is over. Keep it moving just like she did. I hope she waits a good long time before she brings kids into this.
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@ Gin&Tonic

Was this comment for me?

My friend is already in grief she is in a bitter custody battle over her only child with her ex-husband. She lost custody and the husband has her son. I am worried about her because she stripped the house of any signs of her son. She is usually a neat freak and the place was looking kinda messy. But she seems so upbeat and positive.

She has moved in with her new husband. She shared some other grief with me at my birthday dinner. She said her husbands brother was living with them and wouldn't move out. I'm guessing he moved out as she has moved out of her apartment.

She has stated she wants another child.

Sorry OP for the thread hijack. Your situation reminded me of a friend.
 
thatscuteright

Years ago I would have said tell this dude to keep moving but now at 32 I would give him a chance. I've been in this situation a couple of times and backed out because I was afraid of being used to give someone their papers. I have major regrets now not giving in because these men were good men but were just unlucky and now they are happily married living well while I'm still single.

Think about this.. The guy is 37 and had been here illegally for 10 years. If he wanted someone just for papers he would have been done so. He probably does not want to go through all the drama. He is looking for a wife of course if she can get him his papers that's just a bonus. If dude is serious, smart and attractive and let's not forget God fearing than go for it! Years from now when you have a good hubby and your children ain't nobody gonna have anything to say! Give him a chance. See what happens. Good luck!
 
Clearly, most of you don't know what it's like to not have papers (permanent residency) in this country.... not every paperless human being wants to marry to get their papers (but some definitely do).... I've been in this country for 10 yrs without papers (but I'm not illegal though).... I started out with a student visa (undergrad n grad school).... Worked for a fortune 500 bank for 4 yrs who only filed a work visa and not a permanent residency (they promised me before I started, but I didnt get it in writing), and now back in school for my PhD.... Oh... I got married too... except I got married to a Nigerian from Nigeria in the same student visa boat as me...

My point.... not everyone without papers is trifling.... OP if this guy only wants you for papers, you will see other negative traits... + this guy is 37 yrs old, who age-wise needs to be married soon, and got introduced to you by your MOTHER who is from the same country as him... in marry-for-paper situations, the men generally go for women who nobody in their circle knows, to avoid the backlash after they divorce...

I say give this guy a chance... if he shows some negative/greedy traits that you are uncomfortable with, dump his ***.... else... you dont know what God has in store for you.
 
Well I contacted him and we spoke several times. Based on factors of incompatibility, and differing views, I decided to move on.
 
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