HE CANT DRIVE!!!!

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So I am with a wonderful man right now:clap:... I love spending time with him, he is sooooooo understanding, we talk for hours, he LOVES me unconditionally... I love him:drunk:! except... he lives 30 mins away and his license is suspended! I know this sounds like a minor issue, but I am soooooooo tired of driving soooooo far to see him every day and then having to go home at night, etc:bouncegre. Is this like an actual problem that we have? I hate being the driver and I get so tired and he hates coming to my house cuz my parents are there. I feel like thats a bit selfish, but maybe it isn't:help:.... I dont know. I feel like in your mid-20s you should be cool with chillin in the same house as parents... but whatever how do the rest of you deal with this situation? Oh and by the way, we can't just go fix his license. He has to go to driver's ed and take the test all over again. ARGH!:wallbash: it will take a while cuz he WORKS HARD and has NO TIME.
 
Eh, why is his license suspended?

And he doesn't have time? Uh, you make time for things important to you.

What makes this man so "wonderful" and how do you know you "love him?"

I can't answer your question as to how I'd deal with this situation because I've never considered dating a man with a suspended license and every man I've dated (save for college) had a job, a place NOT with his parents and a car. So this is nothing I've had to deal with, nor do I plan to ever deal with it.

A suspended license and a lack of interest in getting it renewed tells me a lot about his character, and not in a good way.
 
Well, he doesn't live with his parents, I do... and when you have your own business and another job on top of that there is such a thing as no time... and in the DC metro area it is easy to go to work and back and run errands with no car... lots of walking, metro, and busing around here... its just that i live in the suburbs he lives in the city...
Anyways though, we have a good connection, i just feel burdened with driving...
I know love when I see it though, cuz I have seen plenty of "non-love"
And my area of education doesn't really hurt my knowledge either...
but i just don't wanna be the "*****y" black girl and stop seeing him all the time or give him a whole bunch of rules... I have seen where that has gotten my friends... single, alone, and complaining. and of course at the club with men who drink and cheat for a sport... i don't want to do that anymore... I am just tired of driving
 
Okay, I misread... you are the one that lives with your parents. My bad.

Actually, I agree with him... in my mid-20s, I did not "chill" with dates at my parents' house. In fact, I expected to go out on dates and then we could go back to my place or his after that.

So, if you weren't doing the driving all the time -- which you really shouldn't have to do -- then what would HE do?
 
tdennis44 said:
Well, he doesn't live with his parents, I do... and when you have your own business and another job on top of that there is such a thing as no time... and in the DC metro area it is easy to go to work and back and run errands with no car... lots of walking, metro, and busing around here... its just that i live in the suburbs he lives in the city...
Anyways though, we have a good connection, i just feel burdened with driving...
I know love when I see it though, cuz I have seen plenty of "non-love"
And my area of education doesn't really hurt my knowledge either...
but i just don't wanna be the "*****y" black girl and stop seeing him all the time or give him a whole bunch of rules... I have seen where that has gotten my friends... single, alone, and complaining. and of course at the club with men who drink and cheat for a sport... i don't want to do that anymore... I am just tired of driving
Click to expand...

Don't the DMVs open at 7 a.m.? If it's his own business, he can't take time off from his OWN business to get his license renewed?

And again, why is it suspended in the first place??

And f' that "I don't wanna be the **** black girl thing." You are not your friends and it's not an either or of staying with a dude with no license or being single and complaining. And if your friends are looking in the clubs for a man, well, that's their problem right there.

I'm not saying to leave the dude, but I'm saying to have some higher standards and don't feel that by expecting more, you're some *****y black girl... whatever that's supposed to mean! I have no idea what that even means, really!

Plus, I believe in a man being a man... and being the one to do the majority of the driving to see his woman. Most men I know worry about a woman being out late at night driving... even if they understand that she's going to do it anyway, they'd prefer to be the ones doing it... :ohwell:

As for "love" -- the absence of non-love doesn't equal "love." Love is sacrificial, love is wanting the best for the other person. It's not only about feeling good and having butterflies.

How long have you known him and how well do you really know his character?
 
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Girl, I was the designated driver once. Trying to loosen my criteria so dated someone with no car. Never again. He did take the bus to meet me cause I refused to be driving Mr.lazy. Make ur guy take the bus to meet u if he can catch it to do other things.

I will never date a dude again w/o a ride. Never...my criteria is what it is
 
tdennis44 said:
bunny i'm feelin you girl... i'm not feelin butterflies though, too old and too sarcastic for those lol
ive known him bout a year
Click to expand...
Thanks for the response. :)

I just get a little worked up when I hear about dudes doing trife things... If I were you, I would stop driving to see him and see if he's proactive in making sure that you see each other.

It shouldn't be all on you, and he shouldn't want or expect it to be all on you.

He knows better and can do better, so see what he does.
 
tdennis44 said:
his cousin stole his license and got tickets... didnt know about it till it expired and he tried to renew it.
Click to expand...

Um... Have you been able to independently check this story?

Okay, let's assume he is being truthful...

Maybe you can cut down on the driving a bit. Instead of everyday, go over there every other day or less. If you insist on seeing each other everyday, how about him contributing something like gas money for all your driving back and forth? If he has not offered, ask him if he can contribute. If he refuses, that will be a major red flag.
 
tdennis44 said:
his cousin stole his license and got tickets... didnt know about it till it expired and he tried to renew it.
Click to expand...
his cousin must be his twin to be able to pull off a license of someone else. how wouldnt he know about the tickets. wouldnt they mail him something about unpaid tickets. something sounds fishy. i would suggest for you to move on. any man that is interested in me needs to be coming to see me. we dont have to chill at my parents house take me out on a date and then take yourself back home.... im definitely not a chaser. you can do so much better op
 
I paid a ticket one day late, and a letter was sent to my home in between the due date and the time i paid it.


he lying.
 
Rapunzel* said:
his cousin must be his twin to be able to pull off a license of someone else. how wouldnt he know about the tickets. wouldnt they mail him something about unpaid tickets. something sounds fishy. i would suggest for you to move on. any man that is interested in me needs to be coming to see me. we dont have to chill at my parents house take me out on a date and then take yourself back home.... im definitely not a chaser. you can do so much better op
Click to expand...

Why would you suggest for her to move on so quickly?

Is it possible that we don't know all the variables? And maybe shouldn't be so quick to jump to conclusions?

I'm not trying to be combative, I'm just genuinely "talking out loud".
 
DragonPearl said:
Um... Have you been able to independently check this story?

Okay, let's assume he is being truthful...

Maybe you can cut down on the driving a bit. Instead of everyday, go over there every other day or less. If you insist on seeing each other everyday, how about him contributing something like gas money for all your driving back and forth? If he has not offered, ask him if he can contribute. If he refuses, that will be a major red flag.
Click to expand...

DragonPearl I agree with you.
I think OP should take that one a step more and only be friends and only see him on weekends. He need to move up if he can't, forgeta about hm. We do need to have basic standards. A licensed driver is one of them!!
 
Well I've been in the OPPOSITE situation a few times where I wasn't able to drive for an extended period of time so my boo at the time did all the driving. I appreciated it. :yep:

I can imagine how annoying that can be for you though, and 30 minutes each way.... that's a lot of GAS! Is he helping you out with that?

You mentioned the DC metro. I used to use it A LOT and from what I remember, its very convenient. He can't take the metro to a station near you and then you pick him up from there?

Also, are you all in a relationship? If not, I would say that you stop chillin at the house so much. Depending on the guy, it makes them lazy, and then they wanna complain when the time comes to take you out on a real date. :rolleyes:
 
Wow at 30 minutes being considered a long, drawn out, tiring ride.

I don't think you need to dum him, but I would suggest you communicate your frustration with his inability to have his license reissued. I'm not sure I believe his story about his cousin... I'd personally have to see this cousin to believe he was able to effectively use someone's license without being discovered.
 
What would happen if you went a few days without seeing him? How much effort would he make to come see you? You should try this out , make him show some sort of effort also.
 
TheLaurynDoll said:
Wow at 30 minutes being considered a long, drawn out, tiring ride.

I don't think you need to dum him, but I would suggest you communicate your frustration with his inability to have his license reissued. I'm not sure I believe his story about his cousin... I'd personally have to see this cousin to believe he was able to effectively use someone's license without being discovered.
Click to expand...

I've seen it done before! Several times.
 
Rapunzel* said:
his cousin must be his twin to be able to pull off a license of someone else. how wouldnt he know about the tickets. wouldnt they mail him something about unpaid tickets. something sounds fishy. i would suggest for you to move on. any man that is interested in me needs to be coming to see me. we dont have to chill at my parents house take me out on a date and then take yourself back home.... im definitely not a chaser. you can do so much better op
Click to expand...

Not necessarily...one of my brothers did that to my other brother and they do NOT look alike...he did not find out about it until he applied for a job and they were doing a background check. I am not saying this is the situation here..I am just saying things can happen.
 
I dont think its that big of a thing honestly. All he has to do is go to driver ed and retake the test right? I'm sure that can be done in a matter of months. I wouldn't leave over something so easily fixable.
 
TheLaurynDoll said:
Wow at 30 minutes being considered a long, drawn out, tiring ride.

Click to expand...

It sure is, when you have your own life and errands to run, and then you add another 30 minutes commute each way, everyday so you can spend time with someone. At the very least, he'd better give her gas money. I am sorry to say that most men will not respect or appreciate her more for expanding herself like that.
 
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Like someone said you make time for the things that most important to you. Im in my mid 20's and I can see how he has a problem chillin at your parents house. I know I wouldn't want to be chillin at my dudes parents house, its just not my thing. Also lets not mention privacy and you have to respect the parents house so I wouldnt even want to sit next to him let alone kiss him. LOL@ how skeptical the women of LHCF can be, but I think its truly possible for his cousin to do that with his license. My A and B look nothing alike (two different sizes) and all it took was for A to know B's DL# to use it when A was pulled over and a ticket to be written. So it could happen but he should be working to either sue the cousin to get the money to pay the tickets OR just paying the tickets off to get his license back.
 
Bunny77 said:
Actually, I agree with him... in my mid-20s, I did not "chill" with dates at my parents' house. In fact, I expected to go out on dates and then we could go back to my place or his after that.
Click to expand...

and girls that dont have their own place, should be..single? :ohwell:
 
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