Have you noticed reverse envy ?

[Nixx22jam]

I have a friend that ever since I've known her she has had long healthy (APL) hair which she flat irons once a month. I've only see it in its curly state once.
I love my friend and all but I've noticed that once I started growing my hair she would start saying snide things like "Your washing your hair too much" and things of that nature. And she would never offer me any advice not putting my hair up nothing especially since she knew I was attempting to grow my hair. I once asked her if she would do a silk wrap she said her hair was too long for that when I see people on this board do it everyday. Now from the beginning of my hair journey I have stopped talking about it to her up until recently where I've noticed she actually knows nothing about hair. The other day we were talking and she was saying that people should get their roots touched up every three to four weeks otherwise it gets tough. It was then I realized that there was no talking to her, she's kinda stuck in her ways and what ever I said to her about hair was be considered gobbledy gook because what she was doing was working for her. I think she's used to being the long haired one because among black girls it is such a rarity and I feel a lil off about her attitude. Am I being over sensitive; does anyone else notice this?

 

[Sianna]

I haven't noticed this personally, but I can believe that there are long-haired black women like that.

I imagine that, (in many cases) they believe themselves to have a superior quality of hair that is capable of growing and achieving greater lengths than "normal" or "non-mixed" black women and so they are quick to doubt our ability to grow our hair. Not only that, but I suspect that some of these women may even resent the fact that we're going to try! God forbid we should succeed! And the world would surely come to an end if, one bright day, two or three years into the future, our hair should surpass theirs in length! That just CANNOT happen!!

I think it's an insecurity issue really. Perhaps your friend thinks that her hair makes her special, and if you manage to grow your hair as long, or even longer than hers, it would somehow make her long hair less special.

 

[Renewed1]

Yup!!

But OPster when you are dealing with people that want to be "THE ONLY ONE" with whatever their thing is.

It's best to act bored or change the subject to let them know you don't care. I tend to look at my friend like she's stupid and she'll calm down.

 

[TLC1020]

I believe it also...

Yup!!

But OPster when you are dealing with people that want to be "THE ONLY ONE" with whatever their thing is.

It's best to act bored or change the subject to let them know you don't care. I tend to look at my friend like she's stupid and she'll calm down.

 

[BostonMaria]

I noticed that some people with long hair have really awful hair practices. I can usually tell when somebody doesn't want my advice or when they're giving me some stank advice LOL I would honestly just get your $6.50 worth at this forum and stop asking her. She sounds clueless, not necessarily mean.

 

[Lovelylocs]

So she only washes her hair once a month? :-( Sounds scrubby.

I would just stop talking to her about hair because it isn't doing anything for you anyway. Why do you feel like you need to talk to her about hair? Is it because you are just really into hair right now since you are at the beginning of your long hair journey? Maybe you should stick to discussing hair on LHCF because other people aren't interested unless they specifically ask you for advice.

 

[EbonyCPrincess]

I've noticed it too. A couple of my friends who have "effortless" long hair, meaning they don't necessarily have the BEST practices but not the worst either, and their hair has always been long (at least APL or below). I guess they feel that means they have the cornerstone on haircare and what everyone else SHOULD do or SHOULD use in order to have long, healthy hair. If its in an innocent way, I will entertain the conversation. But if at any point I feel its in a snide, slick outta-the-side-of-your-neck way....I tell them every single time, "well...you've always had hair that length, but I've had to work to grow mine, so no offense but I don't know that you actually KNOW anything about growing hair. If you did, yours would be growing even longER instead of staying the same."

 

[takincareofme]

I have experienced this. I have 2 long haired friends from different friend circles and neither was willing to share advice. I asked one friend how long she went between relaxersr (to help build my own regi) and she told me every 2 weeks!!! That she applied from root to tip and left the relaxer on with a shower cap while she picked up her kids from school.... ROFLMAO!!! Some ppl just want to be the long-haired one imo. No one can do that and have a strand left on their head.

Esp when it is sometimes the one thing they are complimented and noticed most for. Now that my hair has grown they want to talk about the "secret" to long hair. Some don't want others to find out that long hair can be had by all not just them. Again just mho.

 

[Myjourney2009]

^^^^ I would have said to her, really I want to see you do this, the next time you do it with a brand new relaxer we both go to the BSS and pick up.

 

[shunemite]

I do have friends with extra long hair and don't know a thing about hair care. Yeah, I wouldn't talk to her about your hair care practices. Especially because people like that, if you experience a set back she will pounce on that and discourage you even more.

 

[My Friend]

This thread is right on time.

Just the other day I decided to flat iron my hair and wear it down. After I checked the length, I realized that I was no LadyP . After seeing a few associates, I realized that I must have struck nerve because all three of them decided that I should cut my hair erplexed. I have told them all that I am growing my hair to my waist but they all strongly suggested that I cut my hair

 

[NaturalBeauty<3]

Yes ma'am. She has goooorgeous long hair. With low self-esteem. I've heard her say "all i have is my hair" before...but she's gorgeous. *shrug*

I nomally wear buns, and made the comment, my hair touches my bra now! *semi-stoked*

"So, you tryna say ur hair is long as mine?"

*crickets*

uh..uhhh *naturalbeauty dances jig* no'a massa! Not I! eyes jus sayin mah hair getn awful long, but not as long as urs is suh!

Smh. I swear thats what it felt like. Bunning til WL. And taking my friend to therapy in the meantime.

 

[Shadiyah]

You know some people long hair just run in their family and they don't have to do anything and you would think that they would be bald from the stupid stuff they do. and it properly would be even long then what they have if they knew what they were doing.

 

[Katherina]

Hilarity. With these people, oftentimes their hair is "long," but it's been at that exact same spot on their back for the last 10 years. So they wanna get mad at you because you grew a couple of inches that they can't retain. They're verrrrry afraid that you're gonna pass them up one day, month by month, inch by inch! Then they won't have a one-up on you no mo

 

[NaturalBeauty<3]

^LMAO AT YOUR SIGGIE

 

[brg240]

I agree with you ladies that posted. You should just ignore your friend. She is probably ignorant about hair care because well what's the incentive to learn? She probably thinks she has to be doing something right.

So I was one that grew up with long hair. The shortest hair i've had after 2 years old was maybe bsl. I mean I can't speak for other similar ladies but for myself at least, I have always gotten comments about my hair since i was a little girl. And I will be the first to admit I do have a complex. That is why I am transitioning for a million weeks, I'm to scared to bc. Everyone (except my fam) has drilled it into my head that this is what made me special, what made me pretty, I don't stick out otherwise. If you've seen/read Little Women when Jo cuts her hair her sis Amy says "Your hair! Your beautiful hair! Oh, Jo, how could you? Your one beauty" That's how I feel/t, your friend may feel the same.

Also, I've said it a couple times on this board. Long haired woman aren't necessarily keeping their knowledge from growing. When people asked me how i grew my hair so long I couldn't tell them. I'd just say it's always been this long or smile and not say anything. :/

yeah, yeah i know cry moar

 

[Aireen]

"Your washing your hair too much" and things of that nature. And she would never offer me any advice not putting my hair up nothing especially since she knew I was attempting to grow my hair. I once asked her if she would do a silk wrap she said her hair was too long for that when I see people on this board do it everyday.

Okay, yeah, I can see where this is going and she is jealous or feeling some kind of way about you growing your hair if you don't want to use that word to describe her emotions. Everyone makes snide comments when there's some type of emotion tied into an action a person is doing, I'll be big enough to say even I used to do it (concerning fashion though) sometimes! The best thing to do is to just not talk about it and not mention it. Don't even ask her for advice because she might be tempted to steer you in the wrong direction. Really, APL isn't that long ANYWAY, it's pretty short in my opinion.

The other day we were talking and she was saying that people should get their roots touched up every three to four weeks otherwise it gets tough. It was then I realized that there was no talking to her, she's kinda stuck in her ways and what ever I said to her about hair was be considered gobbledy gook because what she was doing was working for her. I think she's used to being the long haired one because among black girls it is such a rarity and I feel a lil off about her attitude. Am I being over sensitive; does anyone else notice this?

You're not being sensitive because she's your friend and you're expecting support because that's one of the characteristics of a FRIENDSHIP. I suggest just not even saying much when she talks about hair, she's not going to respect your opinion anyway. Just leave all the hair talk alone and if you can't, leave most of it to her. I know hair might be exciting to talk about sometimes but it's just hair, it's not even alive, you know? So just try to remember all of this along with the advice the other ladies before me have shared. She's not looking out for your best interests as far as I can tell so just keep all the hair talk to a minimum and just let her see your progress first hand without mentioning anything. Good luck!

 

[Nixx22jam]

The reason why I spoke to her about hair in the first place was because she works in a salon part time. So salon+ long hair equals something is going right. But ever since I noticed that she wasn't being supportive I stopped talking to her about it and only mention it in passing. My hair is now APL and she has cut hers to above shoulder length but is now wearing a hair peice why I dont kno, because her hair is so luscious and thick. She however doesnt kno how long my hair is because I dont talk to her about it and I dont straighten my hair too often. I agree with other posters who stated that she may not understand the trials and tribulations associated with growing long hair because hers has always been long.

 

[Carisa]

So she only washes her hair once a month? :-( Sounds scrubby.

I would just stop talking to her about hair because it isn't doing anything for you anyway. Why do you feel like you need to talk to her about hair? Is it because you are just really into hair right now since you are at the beginning of your long hair journey? Maybe you should stick to discussing hair on LHCF because other people aren't interested unless they specifically ask you for advice.

I agree completely. I would stop bringing up hair discussions with her and I wouldnt even get involved in her hair discussion that she brings up- I would just change the topic completely. Also maybe your friend is like most black folks and does not think your hair will grow and maybe she also feels some kinda way about someone who has shorter hair than her trying to give her advice (or rejecting her thoughts on haircare). Im rooting for you OP and I hope you surpass her quickly

 

[Nixx22jam]

So she only washes her hair once a month? :-( Sounds scrubby.

I would just stop talking to her about hair because it isn't doing anything for you anyway. Why do you feel like you need to talk to her about hair? Is it because you are just really into hair right now since you are at the beginning of your long hair journey? Maybe you should stick to discussing hair on LHCF because other people aren't interested unless they specifically ask you for advice.

I am at the beginning of my hair journey and I am excited but I assumed that she did similar things to what i was doing because her hair was longer.

 

[bibirockz]

Honestly I wouldn't say she's jealous. I would just think she doesn't know much about healthy hair practices. When I tell my friend I co-wash 2-3 times weekly she always says I'm doing too much but I know better and I'm getting to know my hair which is all that matters so I just nod and KIM.

 

[Nixx22jam]

I havent explained my regi to her for a long time since i first started learning and reading to her what i was seeing on here. We dont have much discussions on hair because she may not want to talk about it because if it aint broke dont fix it. So when she says thing like the relaxer comment or the silk wrap comment I dont respond i just KIM because she doesnt practice things the way I do she wont see the benefits or the difference. P.S she doesnt know how long my hair is because my hair is either under a weave in a bun or under my wig. My main issue is it seems to me like when I was asking questions in the beginning she seemed like she was witholding info, but recently It seems she doesnt know about hair because her hair has always been long so she hasnt had to try to gain length. But as she hasnt hd to try to gain length she too is stuck behind the myths that black girls cant grow hair and may believe she is the exception and would like to remain so.

 

[RegaLady]

I havent explained my regi to her for a long time since i first started learning and reading to her what i was seeing on here. We dont have much discussions on hair because she may not want to talk about it because if it aint broke dont fix it. So when she says thing like the relaxer comment or the silk wrap comment I dont respond i just KIM because she doesnt practice things the way I do she wont see the benefits or the difference. P.S she doesnt know how long my hair is because my hair is either under a weave in a bun or under my wig. My main issue is it seems to me like when I was asking questions in the beginning she seemed like she was witholding info, but recently It seems she doesnt know about hair because her hair has always been long so she hasnt had to try to gain length. But as she hasnt hd to try to gain length she too is stuck behind the myths that black girls cant grow hair and may believe she is the exception and would like to remain so.

If she wants to feel like being the exception, let her*shrug.* What is it to you? Do you and your hair care practices and grow your hair the best way you know how.

It reminds me of Dh's sisters who have very long hair, they can easily obtain it. They have told me that people often ask them what they do to their hair, and they have deliberatly sent them off with the worse hair care practices. So I took that to mean that I shouldn't be seeking anything from them. In other words OP, you seek your info from LHCF, don't go looking for her to give you anything, be that long hair advice, validation, self-esteem, and jealousy. Let her be.

 

[Carrie A]

She's probably never been on a mission to grow her hair. Sounds like she washes once a month and flat irons. She might put some product on her ends. She relaxes often. Typical real world hair care- not LHCF based hair care. When you start asking LHCF bases questions about protective styling- co wash etc, she really might not know how to respond. So she responds with what she believes. The things you've said she believes are pretty common thinking.

When people start doing new things sometimes friends can get a little shaken. Now once you reach APL then you will see what's truly up.

 

[Nixx22jam]

Thanks alot ladies