When I first wanted to go natural and realized I could transition w/o the BC, I posted a thread here asking for info and a few people PM'd me the other site since it dealt with natural hair. Being new to LHCF, I didnt understand the secrecy of the PM, lol..no one wanted to really mention it by name in the thread. Thats when I almost got cold feet, between that site and research on the internet, reading about peoples bad experiences with others, realizing how much emotions, politics, racial perceptions and everything surrounded black hair. If you have a curl pattern you're not "black enough", but you're still "too nappy" for most mainstream tastes. I just wanted to stop relaxing! It was a lot to take in, I almost stayed relaxed. I was also initially put off by the attitudes there, and a lot of the responses still rub me the wrong way, but I understand more the reason behind it.
When you are trying to change your mindset, you need all the positive reinforcement you can get. Any amount of doubt will stop you in your tracks. Anything telling women that their hair is not "good enough" or that encourages people to only go natural if they will have a "silky texture" is sort of frowned upon. The sad part is, it alienates a lot of people, as many do have a "curly" texture, that shines through, even without trying to define it. I've read many posts where people were disappointed because they thought they were going to have a cleopatra Jones fro going on, and they end up with not only waves and frizz, but even at times straight sections. For the most part black women have NO IDEA what kind of texture, wave or curl pattern we are going to end up with because a lot of us havent seen our natural hair since we were very young, and many cant even remember getting their first relaxer depending upon when it was decided their hair had become "too unmanageable". It's all some folx know. Regardless, we arent more or less black depending on our curl pattern, thickness or texture and EVERY hair type, from 1a-4z has its own unique challenges. Just because your struggle is different, doesnt mean it is any less of a struggle. The grass always LOOKS greener on the other side. I think what they try to avoid is the idea that someones hair is "better" than someone elses because of the texture or curl pattern.
This book may be out of print now, but you can probably still find it: That Hair Thing: And the Sisterlocks Approach.
http://www.amazon.com/That-Hair-Thing-Sisterlocks-Approach/dp/0965742652 I picked this book up at half price books locally a couple of weeks ago for about 6 bucks. I dont want to get sisterlocks, I just wanted to read something positive about natural black hair. I had planned on reading it and giving it to a cousin that wanted sisterlocks, but its a really good book and I think I'm going to read it again first or try to find her a copy.
It deals with these types of mindsets, why we relax etc. Its not trying to really "push" her system. In fact the first 100 pages or so deal with influences on our hair and mindsets. The book is about 180 pages. It doesnt condemn folx who relax, but it does explain some of the cultural influences. How after slavery we were sort of forced to "conform" an look "less black" in order to get jobs and provide for our families. It touches on a lot of subjects that folx dont like to deal with surrounding black hair, like the "fact" many black women dont have long hair and that it wont grow, (and why this "fact" is actually a lie that looks like the truth: the only so-called legitimate approach to hair care that is legally open to us -that is taught in beauty school- ruins black hair) how and why some see our natural texture as an embarrasment. That we are the only culture that who can grow up never knowing what our natural hair looks like, how the "professionals" dont even know how to take care of natural black hair, and they are supposed to be the specialists. I think it is an excellent book for EVERYONE to read, relaxed or natural, whether you are planning to stay that way or not. I think even being relaxed, you can read this with out being "threatened" or made to feel bad about your hair choices. When you understand some of the influences behind the decisions made about black hair, you understand both sides and are less likely to get angry at peoples responses/reactions, because you know where it stems from. For some, it may not be totally profound, but it touches on a lot of attitudes that are understood and accepted, but not voiced, and personally it gave me a lot to think about. It touched on so many aspects of our lives, including personal relationships, defining our beauty.
There is so much I could say about it, for me it was very enlightening. If you have any kind of struggle at all about your hair and what it means to your identity, if you have doubts about being relaxed or natural, if you get aggravated over comments that are pro/con relaxed or natural, get this book. I think it will help vocalize some of the issues and allow you to consciously make your own decisions about what you want to do with your hair and be at peace with it. Personally I think being relaxed or natural is a style choice, but I now understand more clearly why my simple decision is viewed differently by others, and all the reasons behind it.
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Its not all that bad over there.
