Have any Naturals experienced any negativity from other Naturals?

[B_Phlyy]

I've been a member of that board for almost two years, but I hardly post in the hair topics because I know the direction some of the threads will take. Every site and thread had it's good and bad posts, so why even let it bother me? I use what I need and if I want to contribute something, I do and if I don't, I just leave.

 

[BerrySweet]

To me, natural hair is free of chemicals and free of permanent alteration in any way, form, or fashion. Nothing wrong with defining your OWN hair texture as long as your not trying to make it look like something it's not. For me, DIRECT heat is the devil. The difference in me and some of the mean naturals you have seen is that I don't put down the people who do it. I'm just against the usage of relaxers and heat.

To answer your question, I've gotten negativity from both naturals and relaxed ladies. You talk about Nappturality being all mean and militant, well let me tell you about my experience. When I had heat damage, yes, some naturals had that "you know better" speech with me. Not too bad. But the worse was when I got my hair shaved off down to less than 1/2 an inch, I had a few relaxed ladies here calling me bald headed with no hair in private messages (one was a transitioner at the time). I left LHCF for almost a year and came back after all that mess here went away.
But outside the forums, I've had some negativity with a few relaxed heads. The naturals that I got negativity from were my dad, brother, some male cousins, and an uncle...no natural women.

Besides all the negativity, the positives have greatly outweighed all the negativity. I also didn't let the negativity get to me from Nappturality and from Long Hair Care Forum because I'm happy with my natural hair and am grateful for all the experiences I've had with my hair.

Are you joking??? Who in the hell said that to you???? My heavens, people just act like animals!

 

[Robin41]

I've gone on that site a few times and the ladies there are a bit passionate about their beliefs, but that doesn't bother me. That site just ain't no fun and it's not as interesting as this site.

 

[Poohbear]

Are you joking??? Who in the hell said that to you???? My heavens, people just act like animals!

No, I am not joking... It was somewhat discouraging. It made me feel like everyone here at LHCF thought that way. But I don't care what negative people have to say about my hair. I'm glad I don't have to see them here anymore.

 

[babyblue]

I'm a member at that board and yes I do feel some are overly militant and condescending over there. Do I pay them any mind? No. When I visit I take what applies to me and ignore the rest. Like relaxerrehab stated you take the meat and spit out the bones.

I wouldn't paint everyone over there with a broad brush though. I've met nasty relaxed heads and idiotic naturals. There are many over there like myself who are fine with heat styling and curl defining. Shoot a lot of active NP members have plenty of pressed hair and curl defining pics in their fotki's.

But one thing u must keep in mind the owner of that site sets the rules. She doesn't want any "heat talk" so therefore since it's a privately owned site she has the right to set her own rules. Those who disagree can choose not to go there, develop their own more inclusive site or better yet...stay here at this one : )

Please don't let negative attitudes of a few people deter you from becoming natural if this is what u choose. There is no one way to be natural. I love my naps and i love np, but I'm all for people changing their hair with a straight style from from time to time. It's your hair and you should be able to do as you please without being made to feel bad or talked down to like a child.

 

[lsubabiedee]

The board's mission and rules are on the front page, and I believe they serve a purpose, and I respect it even if I don't totally agree with everything that is said.

The reason anybody would get chewed out about heat styling is because it is listed numerous times on the site that it's not acceptable to talk about it. There's a whole subforum full of old threads about people complaining about heat damage and there's a sticky in the main hair care forum. So there's really no excuse for people to come in there talking about something that is not acceptable to that board.

However, I don't feel that people there talk down to one another about hair issues at all. They just don't tolerate posts that clearly go against the mission of the board.

 

[miss Congeniality]

The board's mission and rules are on the front page, and I believe they serve a purpose, and I respect it even if I don't totally agree with everything that is said.

The reason anybody would get chewed out about heat styling is because it is listed numerous times on the site that it's not acceptable to talk about it. There's a whole subforum full of old threads about people complaining about heat damage and there's a sticky in the main hair care forum. So there's really no excuse for people to come in there talking about something that is not acceptable to that board.

However, I don't feel that people there talk down to one another about hair issues at all. They just don't tolerate posts that clearly go against the mission of the board.

ITA with everything you just said. I visited that forum just as much as this one. Yeah, there are some members that are extreme, but aren't there extreme members everywhere. Discussing using heating tools and curl definition products will start a heat discussion just as easily as a discussion of natural vs relax here. But that a side, it is your hair and it is you living with it. So do with it whatever you want. It is just the internet. No one is going to come to your house and wash out your press and curl .

 

[Wildchild453]

Its just one hair board out of many.

Like one poster already stated, the owner of the board is against 'heat' and has said so many times. Most of the ladies don't even react to it anymore b/c the thread will get closed and the person directed to the sub-forum about heat damage. The unspoken rule is that if you use heat don't say anything about, it has no business on that board.

About the lady wanting to define her 'curls' and getting annoyed about it. Maybe it was a personal thing, maybe she's sensitive about ppl not accepting nappy hair that doesn't have ant curls. Don't let a few thread color the whole experience especially when most of that stuff can be taken as a glance.

And yes, any kind of heat damages the hair. It might not be noticable at first but after awhile it will begin to show.

::shrug:: there are bads with every good. You either go to the site or don't

 

[patient1]

I got curious and checked that Aveda thread out.

I have to say, the way op framed the responses to the Aveda thread is off the mark. If anything, the majority of the responders said they found nothing wrong with the salesperson suggesting curl-defining products. I found the opinions to be anything but "militant" (not the op's word but an irksome term for naturals anyway).

I understand the op's post, but in this case, this particular thread wasn't the best example of extremism.

p1

 

[Candiss]

This has been on my mind for a while. After reading threads on another site (one that most naturals are extremely familiar with), I've noticed that a lot of the ladies on there have strong views of what being natural is.

Here's an example: There was one thread with a woman pissed off because a sales person at an Aveda salon asked her if she wanted to define her curls. This natural lady got upset because of that....I don't get it. This certain lady feels that defining your curl/coil pattern is I guess "un-natural" and that to be natural, you need to just shampoo and condition your hair only. It seems that a lot of other women agreed with her also.

Another example: This has to do with heat styling. Many of the women think that heat styling is like the devil. This one girl straightened her natural hair with a straightening tool. The iron was too hot, so that ended up damaging some of the ends of her hair by straightening them some. She got quite a few responses to her thread, but most of the responses were mean ones like "I don't feel sorry for you, you should have known better." They felt it was wrong for her to straighten her hair.

I mean, I know that heat can be damaging, but I don't want to be criticized for flat-ironing my hair (when I go natural). As long as I moisturize properly and protect my hair from the heat, then straightening my hair every once in a while is fine. I do believe that putting a scorching hot iron on un-protected, dry hair would be very damaging, no matter if you're relaxed or natural. I don't think that applying heat to my hair every once in a while (in a safe way) would damage my natural curl/coil pattern, but it seems that a LOT of the women on that site think that it will. And it seems that they look down on people who do it.

Honestly, when I go natural, I don't want to be looked at as being militant and anti- everything that Europeans started. If I want to define my curls and temporarily straighten my hair, does that make me any less natural than the person who doesn't?

ETA: This is why I won't stray from LHCF, I love you guys

Well, I've got to say in defense of THAT site that it is for women with a certain point of view. It is not trying to be all things to all people. So if you feel that it is ok to use heat once in a while, etc. then don't go on the site talking about it. I like LHCF because of what it is and the service it provides. But I also like the other site for what it provides. They are two different site with two different philosophies. I wish that we could think about that and respect those differences before we go around posting what sister's on another board feel about x,y,z concerning hair.

 

[Alee]

I don't go on that site anymore. I used to lurk there when I was thinking of going natural, but their views were too strict. It kind of seems hypocritical to say that you should'nt want to change your curl pattern/natural hair, but they seem to like to band their hair a lot....

LMAO I was thinking the same thing . Go on that site and ask about a curl defining product and watch the sparks fly ask about how to STRAIGHTEN you hair by banding and they could'nt be more helpful.

 

[testimony777]

...it's just the culture of that board - and it's stated pretty blatantly that they are 'extreme' about their definition of natural. ...and I think that is the difference that folx have to understand about the other board....they aren't really focused on having NATURAL hair. They are focused on having natural AND nappy hair.

Thank you for this comment! I have never heard it articulated in such a clear way before.

I have read so many post from people who were, understandably, offended by some of the assumptions and comments made on the "other board" and most of the time it comes down to not understanding what you said, "natural AND nappy." For them it is not just about being chemical free it is about radically embracing your napptural texture. I don't frequent there often, but I appreciate the niche they are filling.

To answer the original question, I have not received any negativity from other naturals about my hair. The only negativity I have ever experienced around hair has been from my relaxed friends who don't think anything I say about being natural is of value because my hair is curly.

 

[shiningstar84]

Well, I've got to say in defense of THAT site that it is for women with a certain point of view. It is not trying to be all things to all people. So if you feel that it is ok to use heat once in a while, etc. then don't go on the site talking about it. I like LHCF because of what it is and the service it provides. But I also like the other site for what it provides. They are two different site with two different philosophies. I wish that we could think about that and respect those differences before we go around posting what sister's on another board feel about x,y,z concerning hair.

I do frequent that board every once and a while for "more specialized" information regarding hair similar to my own and the way I take it, the philosophy of the board is focus on appreciating your hair without altering the texture (whether if it is permanent or natural). If its asked, expect the thread to be closed. Each board has its own philosophies and rules (just like this one) and even though we don't have to agree, unfortunately, we must follow them.

=But one thing u must keep in mind the owner of that site sets the rules. She doesn't want any "heat talk" so therefore since it's a privately owned site she has the right to set her own rules. Those who disagree can choose not to go there, develop their own more inclusive site or better yet...stay here at this one : )

The board's mission and rules are on the front page, and I believe they serve a purpose, and I respect it even if I don't totally agree with everything that is said.

The reason anybody would get chewed out about heat styling is because it is listed numerous times on the site that it's not acceptable to talk about it. There's a whole subforum full of old threads about people complaining about heat damage and there's a sticky in the main hair care forum. So there's really no excuse for people to come in there talking about something that is not acceptable to that board.

However, I don't feel that people there talk down to one another about hair issues at all. They just don't tolerate posts that clearly go against the mission of the board.

ITA with all of you ladies.

 

[Priss Pot]

Thanks to everyone for your responses. I go to NP for advice dealing with natural hair so that I'd know what I'm dealing with and how to properly care for it. Afterall, my newgrowth will actually be my natural hair, so I need to know how to handle it as well (expecially when I'm several months post).

While lurking there, I just realized how the atmosphere is as a whole. I didn't base my feelings off of just 2 threads, those were just examples that I could remember at the time.

I'm so happy for this site, LHCF.

Poohbear, I'm glad that you came back to LHCF. I can't believe how foolish people can be. This site is about encouraging, not discouraging. Whoever the person is who disrespected you, glady she's not here anymore .

 

[DDTexlaxed]

I think NP board has more info on natural styles, but I prefer the atmosphere here. We do have our lil spats here and there, but my experiece is that we have a more positive and relaxed air on LHCF. There are more product recommendations on LHCF and I don't see that as much on NP. Whether u are relaxed, texturized, or natural, you are welcome here. NP does tell ppl in advance about their board's rules and their policy, so it's really their way or the highway.

 

[MizaniMami]

I like to lurk there for the concoctions and such.

I would NEVER post though. I feel wrong even lurking.

But TSU sis good luck with the natural thing. Remember you got us. I ain't natural but I will help you best as I can and I'm pretty sure the rest of us feel the same way.

 

[caltron]

I do agree that the ladies at NP can be extreme when it comes to their mission. However, I do have deep respect for that site and what they are trying to do.

I think that there are times when the NP mentality is necessary and helpful because there are times when it's not "just about hair". In my transition to becoming a natural, I get down from time to time, and it's really good to go to a place where people are so pro nap during those periods. I don't think it's a coincidence that there are so many 4a/b women there who feel comfortable posting their albums on that site, as compared with this site where there are relative few 4a/b women with albums.

I agree that the atmosphere there can be a bit much to take 24/7, but I do think it's good to go there from time to time for a reality check. Wihtout a doubt, black women's hair can be a very political issue, and it's good to address those issues head on every now and then.

 

[PaperClip]

I think that there are times when the NP mentality is necessary and helpful because there are times when it's not "just about hair". In my transition to becoming a natural, I get down from time to time, and it's really good to go to a place where people are so pro nap during those periods. I don't think it's a coincidence that there are so many 4a/b women there who feel comfortable posting their albums on that site, as compared with this site where there are relative few 4a/b women with albums.

I agree that the atmosphere there can be a bit much to take 24/7, but I do think it's good to go there from time to time for a reality check. Wihtout a doubt, black women's hair can be a very political issue, and it's good to address those issues head on every now and then.

This is true.... and like Poohbear's testimony about being called bald-headed, this site's atmosphere is about L-O-N-G hair... and anything less than that is felt to be less acceptable (at times, by some bad apples).... But as evidenced as to where I placed my PAID membership (here at LCHF), I voted with my keystrokes on where I wanted to experience and grow in my NATURAL hair journey.... And I feel a little bit more comfort and agreement with the mission and Christian emphasis here.

 

[chocolate01]

Every board has there misson statment and things that they will and wont tolerate. I choose not to frequent that board because I don't agree with their position on heat and some other things. I straighten my hair, I use a blowdryer and I use curl defining products to achieve a certain look when I wear my wash n goes. I don't think twice about it because it is my hair, if I damage my hair using heat i'll deal with it. People get so caught up in what other people say . Life is too short to worry if some other natural is gonna turn their nose up at you because oh you used heat. Wear your hair the way you like.

 

[Priss Pot]

I know this is off topic (even though I started this thread), but I want to be natural NOW. I'm excited about my transition. I just want 5-6 inches of newgrowth so that I can BC.

The responses to this thread are encouraging still. It's true that one person's hair philosophy doesn't have to be my own hair philosophy.

 

[Enchantmt]

When I first wanted to go natural and realized I could transition w/o the BC, I posted a thread here asking for info and a few people PM'd me the other site since it dealt with natural hair. Being new to LHCF, I didnt understand the secrecy of the PM, lol..no one wanted to really mention it by name in the thread. Thats when I almost got cold feet, between that site and research on the internet, reading about peoples bad experiences with others, realizing how much emotions, politics, racial perceptions and everything surrounded black hair. If you have a curl pattern you're not "black enough", but you're still "too nappy" for most mainstream tastes. I just wanted to stop relaxing! It was a lot to take in, I almost stayed relaxed. I was also initially put off by the attitudes there, and a lot of the responses still rub me the wrong way, but I understand more the reason behind it.

When you are trying to change your mindset, you need all the positive reinforcement you can get. Any amount of doubt will stop you in your tracks. Anything telling women that their hair is not "good enough" or that encourages people to only go natural if they will have a "silky texture" is sort of frowned upon. The sad part is, it alienates a lot of people, as many do have a "curly" texture, that shines through, even without trying to define it. I've read many posts where people were disappointed because they thought they were going to have a cleopatra Jones fro going on, and they end up with not only waves and frizz, but even at times straight sections. For the most part black women have NO IDEA what kind of texture, wave or curl pattern we are going to end up with because a lot of us havent seen our natural hair since we were very young, and many cant even remember getting their first relaxer depending upon when it was decided their hair had become "too unmanageable". It's all some folx know. Regardless, we arent more or less black depending on our curl pattern, thickness or texture and EVERY hair type, from 1a-4z has its own unique challenges. Just because your struggle is different, doesnt mean it is any less of a struggle. The grass always LOOKS greener on the other side. I think what they try to avoid is the idea that someones hair is "better" than someone elses because of the texture or curl pattern.

This book may be out of print now, but you can probably still find it: That Hair Thing: And the Sisterlocks Approach. http://www.amazon.com/That-Hair-Thing-Sisterlocks-Approach/dp/0965742652 I picked this book up at half price books locally a couple of weeks ago for about 6 bucks. I dont want to get sisterlocks, I just wanted to read something positive about natural black hair. I had planned on reading it and giving it to a cousin that wanted sisterlocks, but its a really good book and I think I'm going to read it again first or try to find her a copy.

It deals with these types of mindsets, why we relax etc. Its not trying to really "push" her system. In fact the first 100 pages or so deal with influences on our hair and mindsets. The book is about 180 pages. It doesnt condemn folx who relax, but it does explain some of the cultural influences. How after slavery we were sort of forced to "conform" an look "less black" in order to get jobs and provide for our families. It touches on a lot of subjects that folx dont like to deal with surrounding black hair, like the "fact" many black women dont have long hair and that it wont grow, (and why this "fact" is actually a lie that looks like the truth: the only so-called legitimate approach to hair care that is legally open to us -that is taught in beauty school- ruins black hair) how and why some see our natural texture as an embarrasment. That we are the only culture that who can grow up never knowing what our natural hair looks like, how the "professionals" dont even know how to take care of natural black hair, and they are supposed to be the specialists. I think it is an excellent book for EVERYONE to read, relaxed or natural, whether you are planning to stay that way or not. I think even being relaxed, you can read this with out being "threatened" or made to feel bad about your hair choices. When you understand some of the influences behind the decisions made about black hair, you understand both sides and are less likely to get angry at peoples responses/reactions, because you know where it stems from. For some, it may not be totally profound, but it touches on a lot of attitudes that are understood and accepted, but not voiced, and personally it gave me a lot to think about. It touched on so many aspects of our lives, including personal relationships, defining our beauty.
There is so much I could say about it, for me it was very enlightening. If you have any kind of struggle at all about your hair and what it means to your identity, if you have doubts about being relaxed or natural, if you get aggravated over comments that are pro/con relaxed or natural, get this book. I think it will help vocalize some of the issues and allow you to consciously make your own decisions about what you want to do with your hair and be at peace with it. Personally I think being relaxed or natural is a style choice, but I now understand more clearly why my simple decision is viewed differently by others, and all the reasons behind it.

 

[Country gal]

When I first wanted to go natural and realized I could transition w/o the BC, I posted a thread here asking for info and a few people PM'd me the other site since it dealt with natural hair. Being new to LHCF, I didnt understand the secrecy of the PM, lol..no one wanted to really mention it by name in the thread. Thats when I almost got cold feet, between that site and research on the internet, reading about peoples bad experiences with others, realizing how much emotions, politics, racial perceptions and everything surrounded black hair. If you have a curl pattern you're not "black enough", but you're still "too nappy" for most mainstream tastes. I just wanted to stop relaxing! It was a lot to take in, I almost stayed relaxed. I was also initially put off by the attitudes there, and a lot of the responses still rub me the wrong way, but I understand more the reason behind it.

When you are trying to change your mindset, you need all the positive reinforcement you can get. Any amount of doubt will stop you in your tracks. Anything telling women that their hair is not "good enough" or that encourages people to only go natural if they will have a "silky texture" is sort of frowned upon. The sad part is, it alienates a lot of people, as many do have a "curly" texture, that shines through, even without trying to define it. I've read many posts where people were disappointed because they thought they were going to have a cleopatra Jones fro going on, and they end up with not only waves and frizz, but even at times straight sections. For the most part black women have NO IDEA what kind of texture, wave or curl pattern we are going to end up with because a lot of us havent seen our natural hair since we were very young, and many cant even remember getting their first relaxer depending upon when it was decided their hair had become "too unmanageable". It's all some folx know. Regardless, we arent more or less black depending on our curl pattern, thickness or texture and EVERY hair type, from 1a-4z has its own unique challenges. Just because your struggle is different, doesnt mean it is any less of a struggle. The grass always LOOKS greener on the other side. I think what they try to avoid is the idea that someones hair is "better" than someone elses because of the texture or curl pattern.

This book may be out of print now, but you can probably still find it: That Hair Thing: And the Sisterlocks Approach. http://www.amazon.com/That-Hair-Thing-Sisterlocks-Approach/dp/0965742652 I picked this book up at half price books locally a couple of weeks ago for about 6 bucks. I dont want to get sisterlocks, I just wanted to read something positive about natural black hair. I had planned on reading it and giving it to a cousin that wanted sisterlocks, but its a really good book and I think I'm going to read it again first or try to find her a copy.

It deals with these types of mindsets, why we relax etc. Its not trying to really "push" her system. In fact the first 100 pages or so deal with influences on our hair and mindsets. The book is about 180 pages. It doesnt condemn folx who relax, but it does explain some of the cultural influences. How after slavery we were sort of forced to "conform" an look "less black" in order to get jobs and provide for our families. It touches on a lot of subjects that folx dont like to deal with surrounding black hair, like the "fact" many black women dont have long hair and that it wont grow, (and why this "fact" is actually a lie that looks like the truth: the only so-called legitimate approach to hair care that is legally open to us -that is taught in beauty school- ruins black hair) how and why some see our natural texture as an embarrasment. That we are the only culture that who can grow up never knowing what our natural hair looks like, how the "professionals" dont even know how to take care of natural black hair, and they are supposed to be the specialists. I think it is an excellent book for EVERYONE to read, relaxed or natural, whether you are planning to stay that way or not. I think even being relaxed, you can read this with out being "threatened" or made to feel bad about your hair choices. When you understand some of the influences behind the decisions made about black hair, you understand both sides and are less likely to get angry at peoples responses/reactions, because you know where it stems from. For some, it may not be totally profound, but it touches on a lot of attitudes that are understood and accepted, but not voiced, and personally it gave me a lot to think about. It touched on so many aspects of our lives, including personal relationships, defining our beauty.
There is so much I could say about it, for me it was very enlightening. If you have any kind of struggle at all about your hair and what it means to your identity, if you have doubts about being relaxed or natural, if you get aggravated over comments that are pro/con relaxed or natural, get this book. I think it will help vocalize some of the issues and allow you to consciously make your own decisions about what you want to do with your hair and be at peace with it. Personally I think being relaxed or natural is a style choice, but I now understand more clearly why my simple decision is viewed differently by others, and all the reasons behind it.

Great post. Excellent points. I need to get that book.

 

[Country gal]

I do have issues with femaies that say they don't want natural hair unless it is the good stuff. It seems to me that they are set in a very old way of thinking. I also don't use heat on my hair very rarely. I do plan on flat ironing at the end of the year. I don't feel heat is very good for natural hair. It can really change your texture and make parts permanently straight. Becoming natural is definitely a state of mind. It is not as simple as being about hair. SO much power and energy is focused on hair. It really is our crowning glory. I take my hair health very seriously. I just encourage relaxed heads to really think about the effort and challenges in becoming natural.It is a wonderful experience. You have to be prepared for folks not ready to see you looking different.

 

[so1913]

When I first wanted to go natural and realized I could transition w/o the BC, I posted a thread here asking for info and a few people PM'd me the other site since it dealt with natural hair. Being new to LHCF, I didnt understand the secrecy of the PM, lol..no one wanted to really mention it by name in the thread. Thats when I almost got cold feet, between that site and research on the internet, reading about peoples bad experiences with others, realizing how much emotions, politics, racial perceptions and everything surrounded black hair. If you have a curl pattern you're not "black enough", but you're still "too nappy" for most mainstream tastes. I just wanted to stop relaxing! It was a lot to take in, I almost stayed relaxed. I was also initially put off by the attitudes there, and a lot of the responses still rub me the wrong way, but I understand more the reason behind it.

When you are trying to change your mindset, you need all the positive reinforcement you can get. Any amount of doubt will stop you in your tracks. Anything telling women that their hair is not "good enough" or that encourages people to only go natural if they will have a "silky texture" is sort of frowned upon. The sad part is, it alienates a lot of people, as many do have a "curly" texture, that shines through, even without trying to define it. I've read many posts where people were disappointed because they thought they were going to have a cleopatra Jones fro going on, and they end up with not only waves and frizz, but even at times straight sections. For the most part black women have NO IDEA what kind of texture, wave or curl pattern we are going to end up with because a lot of us havent seen our natural hair since we were very young, and many cant even remember getting their first relaxer depending upon when it was decided their hair had become "too unmanageable". It's all some folx know. Regardless, we arent more or less black depending on our curl pattern, thickness or texture and EVERY hair type, from 1a-4z has its own unique challenges. Just because your struggle is different, doesnt mean it is any less of a struggle. The grass always LOOKS greener on the other side. I think what they try to avoid is the idea that someones hair is "better" than someone elses because of the texture or curl pattern.

This book may be out of print now, but you can probably still find it: That Hair Thing: And the Sisterlocks Approach. http://www.amazon.com/That-Hair-Thing-Sisterlocks-Approach/dp/0965742652 I picked this book up at half price books locally a couple of weeks ago for about 6 bucks. I dont want to get sisterlocks, I just wanted to read something positive about natural black hair. I had planned on reading it and giving it to a cousin that wanted sisterlocks, but its a really good book and I think I'm going to read it again first or try to find her a copy.

It deals with these types of mindsets, why we relax etc. Its not trying to really "push" her system. In fact the first 100 pages or so deal with influences on our hair and mindsets. The book is about 180 pages. It doesnt condemn folx who relax, but it does explain some of the cultural influences. How after slavery we were sort of forced to "conform" an look "less black" in order to get jobs and provide for our families. It touches on a lot of subjects that folx dont like to deal with surrounding black hair, like the "fact" many black women dont have long hair and that it wont grow, (and why this "fact" is actually a lie that looks like the truth: the only so-called legitimate approach to hair care that is legally open to us -that is taught in beauty school- ruins black hair) how and why some see our natural texture as an embarrasment. That we are the only culture that who can grow up never knowing what our natural hair looks like, how the "professionals" dont even know how to take care of natural black hair, and they are supposed to be the specialists. I think it is an excellent book for EVERYONE to read, relaxed or natural, whether you are planning to stay that way or not. I think even being relaxed, you can read this with out being "threatened" or made to feel bad about your hair choices. When you understand some of the influences behind the decisions made about black hair, you understand both sides and are less likely to get angry at peoples responses/reactions, because you know where it stems from. For some, it may not be totally profound, but it touches on a lot of attitudes that are understood and accepted, but not voiced, and personally it gave me a lot to think about. It touched on so many aspects of our lives, including personal relationships, defining our beauty.
There is so much I could say about it, for me it was very enlightening. If you have any kind of struggle at all about your hair and what it means to your identity, if you have doubts about being relaxed or natural, if you get aggravated over comments that are pro/con relaxed or natural, get this book. I think it will help vocalize some of the issues and allow you to consciously make your own decisions about what you want to do with your hair and be at peace with it. Personally I think being relaxed or natural is a style choice, but I now understand more clearly why my simple decision is viewed differently by others, and all the reasons behind it.

I am LOVING this response. I really don't have much to add. I will be looking for this book.

 

[Dare~to~Dream]

They are focused on having natural AND nappy hair.

Yeah, that basically sums it up. I've only been to the site like three times but never for the hair forums {there was a pretty good health topic that someone told me about and I went there to read it}. To be honest, I don't need advice about my "natural" hair but I do need all the tips I can get for growing my hair long and of course keeping up with the hot new product raves! Lol. That's why I continue to frequent this site not just for hair but it is very entertaining at times too! To answer the question, I don't get negativity from others...I mean I don't really know anyone else who is "natural" on a personal level so...and those that I don't know--well I when I was attending college I was in braids (human hair/micro/tiny/braids) so most didn't automatically "assume" I was "natural".

 

[Cooyah]

When I first wanted to go natural and realized I could transition w/o the BC, I posted a thread here asking for info and a few people PM'd me the other site since it dealt with natural hair. Being new to LHCF, I didnt understand the secrecy of the PM, lol..no one wanted to really mention it by name in the thread. Thats when I almost got cold feet, between that site and research on the internet, reading about peoples bad experiences with others, realizing how much emotions, politics, racial perceptions and everything surrounded black hair. If you have a curl pattern you're not "black enough", but you're still "too nappy" for most mainstream tastes. I just wanted to stop relaxing! It was a lot to take in, I almost stayed relaxed. I was also initially put off by the attitudes there, and a lot of the responses still rub me the wrong way, but I understand more the reason behind it.

When you are trying to change your mindset, you need all the positive reinforcement you can get. Any amount of doubt will stop you in your tracks. Anything telling women that their hair is not "good enough" or that encourages people to only go natural if they will have a "silky texture" is sort of frowned upon. The sad part is, it alienates a lot of people, as many do have a "curly" texture, that shines through, even without trying to define it. I've read many posts where people were disappointed because they thought they were going to have a cleopatra Jones fro going on, and they end up with not only waves and frizz, but even at times straight sections. For the most part black women have NO IDEA what kind of texture, wave or curl pattern we are going to end up with because a lot of us havent seen our natural hair since we were very young, and many cant even remember getting their first relaxer depending upon when it was decided their hair had become "too unmanageable". It's all some folx know. Regardless, we arent more or less black depending on our curl pattern, thickness or texture and EVERY hair type, from 1a-4z has its own unique challenges. Just because your struggle is different, doesnt mean it is any less of a struggle. The grass always LOOKS greener on the other side. I think what they try to avoid is the idea that someones hair is "better" than someone elses because of the texture or curl pattern.

This book may be out of print now, but you can probably still find it: That Hair Thing: And the Sisterlocks Approach. http://www.amazon.com/That-Hair-Thing-Sisterlocks-Approach/dp/0965742652 I picked this book up at half price books locally a couple of weeks ago for about 6 bucks. I dont want to get sisterlocks, I just wanted to read something positive about natural black hair. I had planned on reading it and giving it to a cousin that wanted sisterlocks, but its a really good book and I think I'm going to read it again first or try to find her a copy.

It deals with these types of mindsets, why we relax etc. Its not trying to really "push" her system. In fact the first 100 pages or so deal with influences on our hair and mindsets. The book is about 180 pages. It doesnt condemn folx who relax, but it does explain some of the cultural influences. How after slavery we were sort of forced to "conform" an look "less black" in order to get jobs and provide for our families. It touches on a lot of subjects that folx dont like to deal with surrounding black hair, like the "fact" many black women dont have long hair and that it wont grow, (and why this "fact" is actually a lie that looks like the truth: the only so-called legitimate approach to hair care that is legally open to us -that is taught in beauty school- ruins black hair) how and why some see our natural texture as an embarrasment. That we are the only culture that who can grow up never knowing what our natural hair looks like, how the "professionals" dont even know how to take care of natural black hair, and they are supposed to be the specialists. I think it is an excellent book for EVERYONE to read, relaxed or natural, whether you are planning to stay that way or not. I think even being relaxed, you can read this with out being "threatened" or made to feel bad about your hair choices. When you understand some of the influences behind the decisions made about black hair, you understand both sides and are less likely to get angry at peoples responses/reactions, because you know where it stems from. For some, it may not be totally profound, but it touches on a lot of attitudes that are understood and accepted, but not voiced, and personally it gave me a lot to think about. It touched on so many aspects of our lives, including personal relationships, defining our beauty.
There is so much I could say about it, for me it was very enlightening. If you have any kind of struggle at all about your hair and what it means to your identity, if you have doubts about being relaxed or natural, if you get aggravated over comments that are pro/con relaxed or natural, get this book. I think it will help vocalize some of the issues and allow you to consciously make your own decisions about what you want to do with your hair and be at peace with it. Personally I think being relaxed or natural is a style choice, but I now understand more clearly why my simple decision is viewed differently by others, and all the reasons behind it.

excellent post enchantment, just excellent

 

[Poohbear]

excellent post enchantment, just excellent

I agree. Right on! I would like to read that book along with some books so1913 have suggested in other threads here.

I also liked babyblue and Candiss' response about NP.

The most joy I get from NP is viewing all the different albums there. Beautiful heads of natural hair all over that site. I also enjoy PMs from time to time. Well, yesterday I had a disagreement with one girl about curl definition and we took it to PM. I see it as defining the texture you have. She sees it as trying tomake your kinks to waves or curls.
Plus, she took this challenge I started over there (The Whzdm Challenge) way to seriously! I started the challenge over there because they do all this talk about embracing your hair texture without chemicals or heat, well, how about embrace it without styling. LOL! Some of them did not like that!
Anyway, if you want to post in a thread, you just have to have some balls and don't worry about what others think about what you have to say. Its not all that bad over there.

@RelaxedRehab, I was called bald-headed with no hair here at LHCF, not NP.

 

[Ebonygurl00]

@RelaxedRehab, I was called bald-headed with no hair here at LHCF, not NP.

Oh no, Poohbear, PLEASE tell me that those people aren't members here anymore!

 

[Ebonygurl00]

Great post. Excellent points. I need to get that book.

I agree! I'll be getting that book soon hopefully.

 

[Poohbear]

I know this is off topic (even though I started this thread), but I want to be natural NOW. I'm excited about my transition. I just want 5-6 inches of newgrowth so that I can BC.

The responses to this thread are encouraging still. It's true that one person's hair philosophy doesn't have to be my own hair philosophy.

Wonderful! I love your spontaneity and eagerness! You are soo cute in your avatar! You would be beautiful with a full head of natural hair. I can't wait to see you natural!
And you're right, there's no one true hair philosophy, you have to have your own unique hair philosophy, one that you are happy and content with and is best for your hair, not someone else.