Hard to move on after 2 years

[BobbieDoll]

OK so my ex and I broke up in July 2005. Every since then we have been back and forth with the idea of getting back together but due to hasty decisions on both of our parts and (moving to different states, dating other people, etc) it just never happened. Not to mention the fact I was extremely mad at him and had a hard time allowing myself to trust him again. Now it seems like lately I want him back more than ever. Has anyone ever been through this? Is this just a phase I'm going through or could I possible still love and want to be with him after all of this time? I'm not sure how he feels about me any more but I'm pretty sure he would like to get back together if it was possible. What really going on?

 

[winterinatl]

Well I broke up with my ex over two years ago too, and I was really in love with him, so I understand.

I hurt so, so very much at the time, I thouhgt I would lose my mind!! But we didn't have contact. I can't imagine healing at ALL if we were talking while he was dating someone else...it still nearly drives me bonkers if I think on it enough but if we were still talking? I might-a be in jail by now.

This man recently came out of "time-out", talking all sweet and everything to me. Last time we had spoken he was real nasty , doing his best to let me know his new girl was his priority. I'm sure she dumped him when he went to jail and now he needs some oooey gooey. Hmph.

Stay away!! It's a Jedi-Mind trick!! lol

Oh, I still love him greatly, probably always will and will always be temped to go there again. But for what? Can he be the dad and husband I want? NO. So there's no point in wasting anymore years over his behind.

 

[imani97]

That's really tough. I would like to say that you should remember why you broke up in the first place. Obviously, it was bad enough for you all not to stay together. However, people do make mistakes and can change. I do think that you need to give yourself more time w/out him though, including not talking to him at all. It's impossible to move on if you are still talking to him.

 

[BobbieDoll]

That's really tough. I would like to say that you should remember why you broke up in the first place. Obviously, it was bad enough for you all not to stay together. However, people do make mistakes and can change. I do think that you need to give yourself more time w/out him though, including not talking to him at all. It's impossible to move on if you are still talking to him.

I know that what you said is true and I have tried to go without talking to him but for some reason I always end up communicating with him. We were together for so long and he was my best friend for almost 6 years. I still want to share good and bad things with him. Even if we don't ever get back together he will always be my friend and I will always want to be a part of his life even as friends. I think I'm just getting confused with wanting to be his friend and wanting to be his girlfriend. I'm not even sure anymore.

 

[imani97]

I know that what you said is true and I have tried to go without talking to him but for some reason I always end up communicating with him. We were together for so long and he was my best friend for almost 6 years. I still want to share good and bad things with him. Even if we don't ever get back together he will always be my friend and I will always want to be a part of his life even as friends. I think I'm just getting confused with wanting to be his friend and wanting to be his girlfriend. I'm not even sure anymore.

Girl, I understand! I was in a relationship for six years and even though I've moved on, I know that I can't have contact w/ him b/c it's hard to get over someone that you've spent so much of your life with. We really were not meant for one another and I'm much happier with my new boyfriend, but it is still hard sometimes since we basically entered adulthood together. Another thing that you should consider is if he really is your friend. I don't know the circumstances of your relationship, but I know that I had to realize that the things that my ex said and did to me showed me that he was not a good friend to me. He's not a bad person, but clearly, I need to make sure that I am surrounded w/ positive people who compliment me and help me to be a better person. I don't think that we were that for one another.

 

[Blackoutzangel05]

I don't have the best advice about this because I don't double dip (repeat boyfriends that I have broken up with) but my best advice would be simply asking yourself, have you tried to move on? Have you tried to give yourself the space that you need to explore other options?? Have the issues that caused the break up in 2005 been resolved? Do you really want him back or are you just lonely right now? Sometimes its hard getting to know someone and having to learn their ways all over again, I know that I didn't want to do it when I met DH but it was for the best, sometimes we have to let the past stay there. Now I am not sure about your situation but I am sure if you truly answer those questions honestly, you will be pointed in the right direction about what to do.

 

[Afrolinda]

I understand you, I was in a relationship for five years and it's been over two years since we broke up. The last time we talked to each other was six months ago, Im still having a hard time to move on better say I don't want to move on it all because I still dont have the strength. After the break-up it was really weard when I wanted to talk to him he didn't want to and when he wanted the same thing I didn't want to. Six months ago he wanted to see me but I wasn't ready. I just think like we left things unfinished but I prefer that we don't see each other again, I think it's better to move on. So I understand your situation and I'm not really the right person to tell you what to do. Be strong .

 

[*Happily Me*]

well i can certainly relate. it's been close to 3 years since my separation and i'm still very close to my husband. see, i should say soon-to-be ex-husband. :sigh:

 

[hondahoney007]

I don't have any advice for you. I just popped in to say hello, since I haven't seen you on the forum for a while.

 

[BobbieDoll]

I don't have any advice for you. I just popped in to say hello, since I haven't seen you on the forum for a while.

Thanks Hondahoney007. I didn't think anyone noticed that I was missing, I went on deployment for 4 months. Thanks again.

 

[BobbieDoll]

I don't have the best advice about this because I don't double dip (repeat boyfriends that I have broken up with) but my best advice would be simply asking yourself, have you tried to move on? Have you tried to give yourself the space that you need to explore other options?? Have the issues that caused the break up in 2005 been resolved? Do you really want him back or are you just lonely right now? Sometimes its hard getting to know someone and having to learn their ways all over again, I know that I didn't want to do it when I met DH but it was for the best, sometimes we have to let the past stay there. Now I am not sure about your situation but I am sure if you truly answer those questions honestly, you will be pointed in the right direction about what to do.

Thanks your post was enlightening and helpful.

 

[Evolving78]

I know that what you said is true and I have tried to go without talking to him but for some reason I always end up communicating with him. We were together for so long and he was my best friend for almost 6 years. I still want to share good and bad things with him. Even if we don't ever get back together he will always be my friend and I will always want to be a part of his life even as friends. I think I'm just getting confused with wanting to be his friend and wanting to be his girlfriend. I'm not even sure anymore.

He will always be there if you focus your energy on him. You probaly want him back because you guys were together for awhile, but remember you said that you have a hard time trusting him. You should really take that into consideration. What has he done or not do for him not to gain your trust back? People tend to go back to their ex partners because it is comfortable and that they feel they know the person already, but don't take into accountability that people usually don't change unless they want to. From what it sounds like, you are not ready to just be his friend. So you just need to really takes some time out away from this guy to see things clearly. I think that you feel like if you lose touch with him, you might lose him altogether.

 

[CarLiTa]

Girl, I understand! I was in a relationship for six years and even though I've moved on, I know that I can't have contact w/ him b/c it's hard to get over someone that you've spent so much of your life with. We really were not meant for one another and I'm much happier with my new boyfriend, but it is still hard sometimes since we basically entered adulthood together. Another thing that you should consider is if he really is your friend. I don't know the circumstances of your relationship, but I know that I had to realize that the things that my ex said and did to me showed me that he was not a good friend to me. He's not a bad person, but clearly, I need to make sure that I am surrounded w/ positive people who compliment me and help me to be a better person. I don't think that we were that for one another.

i just had to cosign on this one.
this was sort of my situation.
Was with someone for a long time, we broke up about 1.5 years ago. Didn't talk for a year after the break-up. He told everyone that we never dated I was beyond hurt by this. It's so weird SAYING this, because it makes NO SENSE, but even though he didn't treat me too well, somehow I expected better from him. I would have never imagined that he would have actually erased me completely from his life.
So I didn't talk to him for nearly a year. A few months before that year was up, he made contact with me, asking how I was doing. I had no desire to talk to him at the time, and told him I had to go. I felt no anger then, and was happy to realize that I was putting everything behind me.
A few months later, he makes contact with me again, and this time starts telling me how he's changed, etc.

I got on the principle that maybe people can change. He was saying a lot of the things that I had wanted to show him, things about himself that he was denying, so I thought he was starting to change. And it was nice to know that he had done it on his own, and that I didn't force him to.
well... I kept talking to him, and at first I noticed some changes, not only in the way we communicated, but just in the way he interacted with others as well and thought that was good... BUT sure enough, he started exhibiting some of the SAME behavior that made me leave. It was soooo disappointedand really sad, because I felt like I fell for the okey-doke again.
I realize, I can't even be friends with this person at all. Too much history, too much pain to remember. I don't like that even though I had forgiven him, some things that he did would come to mind. Now I don't even have to think about them AT ALL.
Like she said, I want help being a better person, and he's not the right person for it. All he does is add drama, confusion, and doubt to my life.
I feel like I'm truly ready for a fulfilling relationship, whenever the new person comes along

whew that felt like a journal entry. Not sure if I helped at all but I just wanted to share my story.

 

[mscocoface]

We have a habit of going back to what we know even when it is uncomfortable.

I was with someone for 27 years (high school sweethearts). Married, seperated, back together, seperated, finally divorce.

I kept going back to what I knew because it was what I knew and it was comfortable.

Remember the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.

Unless one or both of you have done some major growing and maturing and really understand what it takes to make THAT relationship change and grow, it won't.

Ask yourself to forgive not only him but yourself for all the things that went wrong in that relationship, learn what you can do to change and better yourself and move on with your life.

I promise you he will look much different once you have dealt with some stuff about yourself first.

Speaking from experience.

 

[bludacious]

I know that what you said is true and I have tried to go without talking to him but for some reason I always end up communicating with him. We were together for so long and he was my best friend for almost 6 years. I still want to share good and bad things with him. Even if we don't ever get back together he will always be my friend and I will always want to be a part of his life even as friends. I think I'm just getting confused with wanting to be his friend and wanting to be his girlfriend. I'm not even sure anymore.

This statement is why it is hard for you to get over him. I understand it's hard. I've been there. But you still love him and you can't get over him as long as he's a part of you life. I'm not saying you shouldn't be friends with him. Well in a way I am. But what I am really saying is that in order for you to get over him, you need that separation. Get over him first and then be his friend. The heart is so weak at time that it can't distinguish between love and friendship. Trust, there is someone else out there who is willing to satisfy that spot and more...(((hugs)))

 

[BobbieDoll]

Thanks for all of the support and advise ladies, it's really helpful. I guess I just feel like we had a great relationship before we broke up and I was too hasty in my decision to call it off. I know he has changed and I know I have changed both for the better. I haven't talked to him in a while so hopefully this will pass and I can move on with my life