Hair...The Black Woman's Curse?

[DragonPearl]

Jessy, I love your hair! I'm seriously thinking about letting mine go natural. I haven't had my hair completely natural since I was 9 years old (I'm 35 now) Our hair is beautiful, I wish I had learned to appreciate natural hair a long time ago. Thank you for posting those pics. You really made my day!

thanks Platinum. It's never too late. I was older than you when I went natural. Also, you don't have to stay natural forever. I thought I would never use relaxers again after I went natural, but so many years later, I am not sure anymore. I get tempted to relax quite often, and who knows, one day I might do it.

 

[cmesweet]

Ok I just read the whole thread, Jessy your hair is beautiful. I believe I've seen your hair album a few times and I loved your styles.

 

[SerenavanderWoodsen]

OP , i hear you, i feel that way very often

 

[DragonPearl]

In case I missed somebody, I just wanted to say thank you for the compliments to:

LadyLibra, Mystic, Trini-Rican, Hopeful, Platinum, Cmesweet.

Black hair is uniquely beautiful.

 

[Isis]

As you requested. Here are some pics for ya.

The following has been done with banded hair:

This picture here was the first time I banded my hair. I liked the result, because it made my hair so much softer and it helped it lay down a bit.

One pressed but sweaty from exercising hair:

Yeah, I was nearing BSL, that was 2 years ago. I haven't done much protective styles since.

Here is my hair at its true natural un-manipulated, non-banded, non-twisted, non-pleated, shrinkage:

This is a 4-bun hairstyle:

I kid you not, if I don't do something to my natural hair after washing, it shrinks up to that length and I can't untangle it 1 day later without losing major hair.

I love these pics! I know I'm late but I've always loved and admired your hair Jessy. Your techniques are very creative also.

 

[Christa438]

Just finished reading this thread. I know Im late. Im glad we can understand what one another has to say about our hair issues whether we agree or disgree with what is said. That's another reason why I love LHCF so much!

It's funny that one poster saw a few ww with WL hair because I was in a store the other day (slyly doing hair evaluations --thanks LHCF for turning me into a hair judge... everywhere I go I gotta be lookin upside people head at their hair condition and texture...and always have to play it off if they turn around in my direction ----> hurry up and act like Im looking at something else--cant help it lately ) but I noticed that a majority of ww and some women of other races were wearing APL or shorter...now I don't know if that's because they keepin up with the latest Spring/Summer hair-fashion-season-styles but that's what I witnessed on that day at that time. Yep, sure is. Some may have problems, and some don't have problems but just prefer that shorter style--that's what i feel.

And Miss Mae, your hair is pretty! And i can understand your frustration. If I don't make APL by the time the Summer is over, Im going to be very upset ....
Come on yolanda adams, I need you to cheer me up...sing yo song

"They said you wouldn't make it so far a a
And ever since they've said it its been hard
But never mind that night'cha had to cry
Cause you had never let it go inside
You worked real hard and you know exactly what you want and need so believe
And you can never give up
You can reach your goals
Just talk to your soul and say

[Chorus:]
I believe i can
I believe i will
I believe i know my dreams are real
I believe i can
I believe i will
I believe i hold it soon man
That is what i do believe..."

okay, Let me take myself to bed....

 

[lilamae]

I'm seriously not trying to be an a$$ or anything, but at the end of the day, what would this prove? It just seems like a defeatist argument. What would you say if it actually turned out that the black women retained more legnth? It seems that every positive spin put on this thread is getting challenged negatively.

I'm not trying to be negative at all love, i'm just going on my personal lifetime observation of growth retention among different races. Yes I think we can grow our hair as long but Its hard for someone to convince me that we don't have to do waay moreto get there. that's all I'm saying...

 

[LadyPaniolo]

I have said it before, our 4 a/b hair requires more conscious care to retain length. I don't take this as a put down of our hair or as a reason to feel inferior to non-blacks.

I am sure orchids and roses that require more care to grow and flourish don't think they are less beautiful than wild flowers that grow without care.

And AMEN! This is the most beautiful way to sum up black hair care I've ever heard. Thank you so much for this.

 

[LookingandListening]

Well, at the risk of being labeled a black Nazi (or whatever) or self hating (or whatever) I'd like to throw my two pennies into this here pot:

Both sides of the issue are valid. It is just an undebatable fact that black people, with curlier hair that is thus more fragile, have to work harder to retain their hair. I don't see how one is wrong for being upset or frustrated for having to work twice as hard to get something that comes effortlessly for others. I wonder if anyone who is of the opinion that this is a weak, self hating, or invalid argument feels the same about about black people who believe America is still racist and blacks still have to struggle twice as hard as whites for the same jobs, same education, same rights?

Yet on the other hand, when DOES the frustration become a self-hindrance? I read the part about the exercising. Personally, I am in the gym all the time and the only thing I think about my hair is if it's coming out of the ponytail or how dry it will be because of the sweat. This is something that I really don't like about the whole difference-in-hair argument because is showing the world your hair in its natural state such a horrific scenario that you are going to avoid exercise? Like, I'm black, and when I sweat, my hair gets frizzy and big and NAPPY (OOH THE N WORD), so what? Who cares? That's what it naturally looks like, that's what people should expect for it to look like when it gets wet, both black people and white people, so why is something this fundamental and simple such a hindrance to something so beneficial? I really don't like this because it (the argument itself) feels like to me people are so afraid of anyone seeing them without their hair Euro-straight that they can't participate in anything that would betray that illusion.

I mean, I get mad that it seems to take a million magic lotions and potions for me to tame my hair. But at the same time I realize that as a black person, my hair is never going to be sleek straight, and anyone seeing me with my hair NAPPY is seeing me for what I am, and if they take issue with that, especially as a fellow black person, they are the one with the problem. Black people seem quicker than anyone else to look at you funny if you show even the slightest hint of curl, unless you are somewhat Afrocentric and then they will take it as some sort of statement of defiance. I eventually had to come around to this way of thinking, because it IS ingrained in us and in our culture. It took a few months into learning how to care for my hair that well, it's going to HAVE to look "not-straight." It's NOT going to be able to be combed and styled all the time. Once I realized how much more my hair is going to flourish from not trying to force styles on it that it can't handle, the idea of wearing my hair straight all the time started to seem ridiculous, and I was able to not care what anyone would think if I wore my hair less sleek and less styled than people expect of me. I am not a Nappy Nazi by far (and I would go so far as to say I do not advocate their way of thinking at all) but I do think there is a lot of latent resentment for "nappy" hair that we all need to get over. I DO NOT MEAN THAT PEOPLE WITH RELAXERS ARE SELF HATING.

ITA!!!! Well said

 

[Poohbear]

I don't see my hair or any black woman's hair as a curse... nor do I feel like I have to do much more to keep the hair on my head. I just deal with my hair every 2 weeks and my hair still grows and retains length. Just leave your hair alone and it will grow.

 

[Poohbear]

I'm not trying to be negative at all love, i'm just going on my personal lifetime observation of growth retention among different races. Yes I think we can grow our hair as long but Its hard for someone to convince me that we don't have to do waay moreto get there. that's all I'm saying...

What do you mean by we Black women have to do WAY MORE to get longer hair??? erplexed I know I don't have to do way more than a White woman to my hair.

 

[cecilie]

I don't think that our hair is a curse for us , In Africa before the" fashion of relaxer " when I was young many women made cornrows and singles braids and their hair were very nice they put red palm oil , coconut oil and lot of other things ans it' wasn't hard for her but you know the fashion , the TV MODEL OF STRAIGHT HAIR , contact with white people and the "modern world " changes all the values so ....
but all race can think that something is fun or a curse and it' s depend on how you fell .
Cecilie .

 

[bravenewgirl87]

It is a little creepy when a man is that concerned with women's beauty paractices.

I think its bizarre too. It so annoying when you're trying to read Bossip and the comments about Kim K. turn into an all out brawl about black women wearing weaves or contacts.If they think black women have self-hate, you won't believe the things I hear more black men say "I'm light-skinned with curly hair; why won't white women be nice to me?" or "You want me to wear my hair NAPPY? Oh, hell no. I need my waves." "My hair is curly that's how I can get natural waves." I understand why so many black women hate nappy hair because black men have no clue about themselves or their natural black beauty and perpetuate those same feelings in young girls, so they too hate how they look.LISTEN TO ME NOW, BLACK MEN: ALL BLACK PEOPLE HAVE NATURALLY CURLY HAIR. SOME HAVE CURLS IN VARYING DEGREES, BUT ITS STILL CURLY.YOU'RE NOT THAT SPECIAL.

 

[anon123]

I have said it before, our 4 a/b hair requires more conscious care to retain length. I don't take this as a put down of our hair or as a reason to feel inferior to non-blacks.

I am sure orchids and roses that require more care to grow and flourish don't think they are less beautiful than wild flowers that grow without care.

Very eloquently put. And it bears noting that even orchids are wildflowers somewhere. When you try to grow them in an unnatural environment, e.g. your windowsill, they will require more care. Still beautiful, no one would argue, and those who grow them (like me ) would definitely not consider the care required for them a curse. But when they grow in their natural environment, they bloom without any artificial intervention, any intervention, and any stress.

 

[nodisrespect]

What do you mean by we Black women have to do WAY MORE to get longer hair??? erplexed I know I don't have to do way more than a White woman to my hair.

I'm sorry, but I don't understand this comment. Ok, that's you. Does this negate the vast majority of women on this board that DO have stick to strict routines in order to successfully grow their hair? I'm getting like gymfreak over here, fascinated by other people's deductive skills. This is a fallacy of argument called the statistic of small numbers. In other words, just because someone can point to a few favorable outcomes, that says nothing about the overall chances of the whole.

 

[AfroKink]

I'm sorry, but I don't understand this comment. Ok, that's you. Does this negate the vast majority of women on this board that DO have stick to strict routines in order to successfully grow their hair? I'm getting like gymfreak over here, fascinated by other people's deductive skills. This is a fallacy of argument called the statistic of small numbers. In other words, just because someone can point to a few favorable outcomes, that says nothing about the overall chances of the whole.

I think a lot of women on this board do a lot more than is necessary to 'grow' their hair. If they washed, conditioned, detangled, and braided their hair once a week, or once every two weeks, they would see growth and length retention. For whatever reason, they choose not to wear their hair braided or twisted up.

Lys

 

[AfroKink]

Very eloquently put. And it bears noting that even orchids are wildflowers somewhere. When you try to grow them in an unnatural environment, e.g. your windowsill, they will require more care. Still beautiful, no one would argue, and those who grow them (like me ) would definitely not consider the care required for them a curse. But when they grow in their natural environment, they bloom without any artificial intervention, any intervention, and any stress.

Agreed

Lys

 

[nodisrespect]

Yeah... but having to wear your hair braided or twisted up frequently is an extra routine in and of itself. I hate to beat this to death, but do other races of women have to do this in order to have long hair? Isn't that the original point of this post... that black women HAVE to do more than just wash and go in order to have long hair? I'm sure many white women flat iron, blow dry, and style their hair to make it pretty... but they do not do those things in order to grow their hair.
​

 

[cmesweet]

Yeah... but having to wear your hair braided or twisted up frequently is an extra routine in and of itself. I hate to beat this to death, but do other races of women have to do this in order to have long hair? Isn't that the original point of this post... that black women HAVE to do more than just wash and go in order to have long hair? I'm sure many white women flat iron, blow dry, and style their hair to make it pretty... but they do not do those things in order to grow their hair.​

I don't see how braiding or twisting is an extra routine. When you braid or twist your hair it usually stays for a week or more, depending on the person and their style. After its braided, no one has to bother with it.

However, many of the people that others are mentioning do wash their hair everyday or every other day. Usually adding to this is flatiroing and blow drying. That seems like a lot more work to do daily than to just braid it up and call it a week.

As for me, I take my hair down once a week because I have very fine natural hair, which frizzes up within 2 days of braids. Nevertheless, the routine I use once a week was done another person's 5 day a week routine.

I do believe that SOME (not all) members on here, because of product junkism or desperationg is doing alot to their hair. Which in turn becomes counterproductive in some aspects. Of course, this are just my thoughts.

 

[lala]

" Girl, I don't know about no hot yoga! Hot yoga will have my hair lookin a hot mess" ( everyone laughs as I stand there with a straight face) They should invest in some Moisture Block...


The conversation continues and I nonchalantly observe. Then one of the olders ladies struck a nerve with her final statement as she left to the room..."Hair...it's the black womans curse" she said as she casually walked away.

"why do WE have to do so much more??!!"

I mean I know its has to do with texture and yadi-yadi-ya but sometimes it just gets frustrating and I know I can at least come here to let out my " hair frustration".

I've never felt as if my hair was a curse...it's been a blessing . I've never experienced frustration with my hair because it's always been long, but I can understand your frustration. But I think when it comes to our textured hair, we have just been misinformed...not cursed.

Back in the day, we were never even considered beautiful, so IMO they didn't put a lot of research into products that will help with the manageability of our textured hair. There are some products that we're probably sleeping on due to advertising, availability, etc. For example, I've switched from my DE leave-in to a leave-in conditioner that's for blonde hair, but for whatever reason, it makes my hair super soft . Who knew?

 

[nodisrespect]

I don't see how braiding or twisting is an extra routine. When you braid or twist your hair it usually stays for a week or more, depending on the person and their style.

No... you misunderstand me... braiding and twisting was brought up as a style for retaining length... which must be done in order to grow long hair... my question is, do women of other races have to do this to retain length?

If the answer is no, it qualifies as an extra routine, regardless of how much time it takes.

 

[AfroKink]

Yeah... but having to wear your hair braided or twisted up frequently is an extra routine in and of itself. I hate to beat this to death, but do other races of women have to do this in order to have long hair? Isn't that the original point of this post... that black women HAVE to do more than just wash and go in order to have long hair? I'm sure many white women flat iron, blow dry, and style their hair to make it pretty... but they do not do those things in order to grow their hair.​

A different routine doesn't necessarily mean "more work", or "extra". Many white women feel the need to shampoo, condition, comb/bush (detangle), sometimes blow dry, and ponytail on a daily basis. That takes probably 10-15 mins. X 14 days = 2.3 - 3.5 hours. which equals to an every two weeks wash, condition, detangle, and braid session for a black woman.

And some black women do grow their hair doing wash and gos on what they call a bohemian routine.

Lys

 

[AfroKink]

I don't see how braiding or twisting is an extra routine. When you braid or twist your hair it usually stays for a week or more, depending on the person and their style. After its braided, no one has to bother with it.

However, many of the people that others are mentioning do wash their hair everyday or every other day. Usually adding to this is flatiroing and blow drying. That seems like a lot more work to do daily than to just braid it up and call it a week.

As for me, I take my hair down once a week because I have very fine natural hair, which frizzes up within 2 days of braids. Nevertheless, the routine I use once a week was done another person's 5 day a week routine.

I do believe that SOME (not all) members on here, because of product junkism or desperationg is doing alot to their hair. Which in turn becomes counterproductive in some aspects. Of course, this are just my thoughts.

And my thoughts as well

Lys

 

[nodisrespect]

A different routine doesn't necessarily mean "more work", or "extra". Many white women feel the need to shampoo, condition, comb/bush (detangle), sometimes blow dry, and ponytail on a daily basis. That takes probably 10-15 mins. X 14 days = 2.3 - 3.5 hours. which equals to an every two weeks wash, condition, detangle, and braid session for a black woman.

And some black women do grow their hair doing wash and gos on what they call a bohemian routine.

Lys

They may feel the need to... but do they have to? Will their hair suffer if they don't? I could say white women feel the need to wake up and leave out the house without combing a strand of hair on their head, but does that make it true for even one white women let alone the majority? And does that negate the fact that for many black women routines are necessary, not optional?

I think it's a little... ridiculous to claim that black women can do the same as white women and have the same results, for hair at least... but I can see your mind is set and nothing can make you budge... so about now is where I bow out...

As for me, I take my hair down once a week because I have very fine natural hair, which frizzes up within 2 days of braids. Nevertheless, the routine I use once a week was done another person's 5 day a week routine.

I do believe that SOME (not all) members on here, because of product junkism or desperationg is doing alot to their hair. Which in turn becomes counterproductive in some aspects. Of course, this are just my thoughts.

Would it be fair o say that your hair is finer than most black women? This is a genetic thing with you that does not require you to do much to your hair, yeah?

I'm saying that it's the exact same thing as with white women. Genetically their hair is finer, so they do not have to do much to it. What is it that you are disagreeing with me about, may I ask?

 

[AvaSpeaks]

I just want my hair to grow longer! I think that's what we all want right?

I mean personally, if our hair was so tangled and matted, but still could grow to our ***, we probably wouldn't be having this conversation

I'm telling ya'll, it's not "how" our hair is that bothers most black women deep down inside, it's "how long".

At least that's what I think. And some of that is based on the countless threads I have seen over the years on this board stating that they want "4a/4b hair down their back, unstretched"!

 

[AfroKink]

[/i]No... you misunderstand me... braiding and twisting was brought up as a style for retaining length... which must be done in order to grow long hair... my question is, do women of other races have to do this to retain length?

If the answer is no, it qualifies as an extra routine, regardless of how much time it takes.

Twists are a style, which happens to be great for length retention.

That "messy bun" that a lot of white women wear, is a style, which happens to be great for length retention.

A different style for a different texture. The simple haircare routine of white women allows them to retain length. Black women can also adopt a simple hair routine. A different routine doesn't mean extra. And honestly, white came from black. Humans started with this kinky, coily, super curly hair. View black hair as the 'standard', then you'd wonder why white women are being extra with this wash and style EVERYDAY, when black women only have to do that once every two weeks. Everyday seems more 'extra' to me...

Lys

 

[AfroKink]

They may feel the need to... but do they have to? Will their hair suffer if they don't? I could say white women feel the need to wake up and leave out the house without combing a strand of hair on their head, but does that make it true for even one white women let alone the majority? And does that negate the fact that for many black women routines are necessary, not optional?

I think it's a little... ridiculous to claim that black women can do the same as white women and have the same results, for hair at least... but I can see your mind is set and nothing can make you budge... so about now is where I bow out...

I think it's ridiculous too. Where did I say 'same'?erplexed

Lys

 

[nodisrespect]

Twists are a style, which happens to be great for length retention.

That "messy bun" that a lot of white women wear, is a style, which happens to be great for length retention.

A different style for a different texture. The simple haircare routine of white women allows them to retain length. Black women can also adopt a simple hair routine. A different routine doesn't mean extra. And honestly, white came from black. Humans started with this kinky, coily, super curly hair. View black hair as the 'standard', then you'd wonder why white women are being extra with this wash and style EVERYDAY, when black women only have to do that once every two weeks. Everyday seems more 'extra' to me...

Lys

I thought you just said white women do routines that take 2 and a half hours including daily blow drying which I think most can agree on would wreak havoc for black hair. Now they do protective styling to retain their length. Which is it? I was not aware that white women wear their hair in sloppy buns for a purpose, or that they consciously wear their hair like that in order to retain their length. Do you have a white friend that told you this?

 

[lala]

[/i]No... you misunderstand me... braiding and twisting was brought up as a style for retaining length... which must be done in order to grow long hair... my question is, do women of other races have to do this to retain length?

If the answer is no, it qualifies as an extra routine, regardless of how much time it takes.

For those of you who are struggling with your hair...I think you need to start a panel, and do a 3-6 mo. study to see if these styling practices actually work. The panelists could keep a daily journal, measure, whatever, to see what works for them and what doesn't. I for one, have only had my hair braided once (never twisted), and I took them down that same day .

 

[cmesweet]

Would it be fair o say that your hair is finer than most black women? This is a genetic thing with you that does not require you to do much to your hair, yeah?

I'm saying that it's the exact same thing as with white women. Genetically their hair is finer, so they do not have to do much to it. What is it that you are disagreeing with me about, may I ask?

Because of MY genetics, I actually have to do more with my hair. My hair frizzes up in 2 days, making my new hairstyle look 2 months old. Some naturals are the same, while other naturals can wear their braids or styles for 1 month and they never look frizzy like mine.

My point is, both sides have to work. I don't believe a specific group has it over the other. This is based on the forums I am a member of and hair discussions with people of various races.

But this of course, will always be a debated discussion.

*off to another thread* this was great!