Hair...The Black Woman's Curse?

[trini_rican]

thank you! and you know i love yours too

Thanks, I just want my curls to pop like that! Beautiful lady.

 

[Mystic]

I had to burst out laughing when I saw your question in bold!

This is what I've been dealing with lately. I don't think black women's hair texture is a "curse" (that's a harsh way of looking at it), I just don't understand why we have to go through so much to keep hair on our heads and gain length --- relaxed or natural!! When I was natural I couldn't wear a puff everyday if I wanted my hair to grow... I had to keep it twisted. I also had to wash n' go in intervals because detangling would be horrible if I did it everyday. I still had to protect my ends, use no heat, moisturize, deep condition, do protein treatments, clip split ends, etc as a NATURAL. And now that I'm texlaxed, I still have to do the SAME thing! And for what, 1/4" a month?!

 

[DragonPearl]

nothing wrong with that! and truth be told, i'd probably be better off in protective styles. but just like some women can eat any and everything and still be skinny, whereas others say a doughnut makes them gain 10 lbs. instantly.

do you have a Fotki? if so i'm off to peekd at your pics...

As you requested. Here are some pics for ya.

The following has been done with banded hair:

This picture here was the first time I banded my hair. I liked the result, because it made my hair so much softer and it helped it lay down a bit.

One pressed but sweaty from exercising hair:

Yeah, I was nearing BSL, that was 2 years ago. I haven't done much protective styles since.

Here is my hair at its true natural un-manipulated, non-banded, non-twisted, non-pleated, shrinkage:

This is a 4-bun hairstyle:

I kid you not, if I don't do something to my natural hair after washing, it shrinks up to that length and I can't untangle it 1 day later without losing major hair.

 

[ladylibra]

^^^just as i thought... looks very much like my son's hair. (well, except yours is much longer, obviously i keep his short) i know he has SUPER shrinkage. after a certain length, if i want to keep his hair growing i'd have to keep it in protective styles because it gets to be too much trying to detangle loose hair every morning after a toddler's wild sleeping session... not to mention all the playing and tumbling he does all day.

your hair looks extremely healthy though... i would be interested to know what products you use. i don't plan on growing my son's hair long but i would like his to look as nice as yours.

 

[gymfreak336]

Thanks!! It's my third, and last the baby girl that I've always wanted. Truly a blessing from God.

OT - You have a very eloquent way of saying things. You should consider writing professionally.

I can't wait till she is here. I want to see pics of a future LHCF member

Thanks for the compliment

 

[Mystic]

Your hair looks so healthy, soft and beautiful.

As you requested. Here are some pics for ya.

The following has been done with banded hair:

This picture here was the first time I banded my hair. I liked the result, because it made my hair so much softer and it helped it lay down a bit.

One pressed but sweaty from exercising hair:

Yeah, I was nearing BSL, that was 2 years ago. I haven't done much protective styles since.

Here is my hair at its true natural un-manipulated, non-banded, non-twisted, non-pleated, shrinkage:

This is a 4-bun hairstyle:

I kid you not, if I don't do something to my natural hair after washing, it shrinks up to that length and I can't untangle it 1 day later without losing major hair.

 

[trini_rican]

I can't wait till she is here. I want to see pics of a future LHCF member

Thanks for the compliment

Welcome, I'm just telling the truth.

She's already a member and doesn't even know it

 

[trini_rican]

As you requested. Here are some pics for ya.

The following has been done with banded hair:

This picture here was the first time I banded my hair. I liked the result, because it made my hair so much softer and it helped it lay down a bit.

One pressed but sweaty from exercising hair:

Yeah, I was nearing BSL, that was 2 years ago. I haven't done much protective styles since.

Here is my hair at its true natural un-manipulated, non-banded, non-twisted, non-pleated, shrinkage:

This is a 4-bun hairstyle:

I kid you not, if I don't do something to my natural hair after washing, it shrinks up to that length and I can't untangle it 1 day later without losing major hair.

Your hair's so pretty. Very healthy, shine is incredible. Shrinkage is a ****.

 

[DragonPearl]

Thanks ladies. I don't even mind shrinkage, it can be beautiful at times. It's the detangling after shrinkage I HATE.

What products do I use?
For the past 2 years, just the bare minimum leave in (homemade concoctions of coconut oil, and cheapy slippery conditioners, Paul Mitchell The Conditioner, Castor oil, whatever is available in the cabinet).

Lately, my hair has been suffering from a lack of moisture and losing its luster. What happened is that I have been taking acupuncture classes where sometimes, you are going to be laying down on a bed while others are needling you, and I got embarrassed because I was the only one leaving greasy oily streaks on the pillowcases. So, I stopped using a lot of moisture and grease on my hair. I'll be done in December, though, so I will go back to moisturizing and pampering my hair after that.

 

[ladylibra]

^^^okay i REALLY need to start using coconut oil on his hair. people keep singing its praises and i'm still sleeping on it.

IKWYM about grease spots... last time i did that was at the ob/gyn. as if those visits aren't embarrasing enough...

 

[hopeful]

Jessy, your hair takes my breath away. Love the pics.

Onto the topic at hand, I don't believe our hair is a curse but it is harder to detangle, takes longer to do, and takes more effort to retain length. At least for most of us 4a/b ladies. But as Gymfreak mentioned, there are other areas in which I don't have to work so hard, if at all. There are days when I don't feel like putting in the effort, when I dream of a non-chemical relaxer that would magically loosen my coil just right and of course I'd never have to "touch-up." There are days I wish I didn't have three distinct textures on my head. Most of the time I am just fine and grateful. Personally, if I spent too much time begrudging my hair and wishing it were otherwise, I'd become very depressed.

 

[hopeful]

Thanks ladies. I don't even mind shrinkage, it can be beautiful at times. It's the detangling after shrinkage I HATE.

What products do I use?
For the past 2 years, just the bare minimum leave in (homemade concoctions of coconut oil, and cheapy slippery conditioners, Paul Mitchell The Conditioner, Castor oil, whatever is available in the cabinet).

Lately, my hair has been suffering from a lack of moisture and losing its luster. What happened is that I have been taking acupuncture classes where sometimes, you are going to be laying down on a bed while others are needling you, and I got embarrassed because I was the only one leaving greasy oily streaks on the pillowcases. So, I stopped using a lot of moisture and grease on my hair. I'll be done in December, though, so I will go back to moisturizing and pampering my hair after that.

Jessy can't you just put a towel over the pillow? I'd hate that pretty hair to suffer through December.

 

[Platinum]

As you requested. Here are some pics for ya.

The following has been done with banded hair:

This picture here was the first time I banded my hair. I liked the result, because it made my hair so much softer and it helped it lay down a bit.

One pressed but sweaty from exercising hair:

Yeah, I was nearing BSL, that was 2 years ago. I haven't done much protective styles since.

Here is my hair at its true natural un-manipulated, non-banded, non-twisted, non-pleated, shrinkage:

This is a 4-bun hairstyle:

I kid you not, if I don't do something to my natural hair after washing, it shrinks up to that length and I can't untangle it 1 day later without losing major hair.

Jessy, I love your hair! I'm seriously thinking about letting mine go natural. I haven't had my hair completely natural since I was 9 years old (I'm 35 now) Our hair is beautiful, I wish I had learned to appreciate natural hair a long time ago. Thank you for posting those pics. You really made my day!

 

[AfroKink]

I've personally had a different experience. In Trinidad, PR, VI, and DR, that's not the case. Pulled back in a pony or bun and braids (yes) but not 90% of the time.

You find most type 4a/b naturals wearing afros and puffs in those regions? I've never been to any of those islands

In my experince, in St. Lucia and in Barbados, and with people from TNT, JA, and St. Vincent living in Bdos, the 4a/b naturals normally (95%+ of the time) have their hair in some kind of cornrow, twist, braid style. I don't see girls walking around with their hair "flying" as they would say.

Lys

 

[Choklatekiss79]

As a natural 4a/b and that works out at a gym several times per week, I must say that seeing what white, asian, latina (some), etc. women go through to look "good" before they leave the gym is exhausting. It's the washing, towel drying, combing, blow drying, flat ironing, tossing....

Meanwhile, I just conditioner wash, blot, thow in some leave in conditioner, fluff, and I'M DONE! I swear at times they look at me with envy. And I just hold my head up high, smile, speak, and get on with life.

I honestly couldn't imagine having to do all that they do. It's those times (and others of course) when I really value and treasure my natural hair. When I was relaxed, handling my hair after going to the gym was not an enjoyable experience.

 

[Ms Lala]

I agree, we choose to do alot w/our hair, technically we could all just rock our natural hair in a wash n go or fro. I can go a month w/o combing my hair. I LOVE that about my hair, I don't have to do a lot w/it but sometimes I choose to if I want to do a different style.

First of all, you never know what a White person, or any person for tat matter went through to grow their hair. Plus, I see that you are in California, that might not have been their hair in the first place.


Secondly, I think people make a choice to do alot with their hair. I don't do much with mine. I am a member of a predominantly White hair board and we use the same hair techniques, except since I have curly/ coily hair, I stick to add or take off things on my regimen.

Thirdly, My mother always said to "not want what other people have, you never know how they got it." Really take this into mind, you don't know how hard people have worked. I can honestly say, based on the other forum that I belong to and THIS forum that people with long lengths of hair do not work that hard on it, in fact they don't do much to it. Take notes!

 

[Choklatekiss79]

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I think that's the main problem - Our men. If they could just get past hair they could love us. They're so caught up that it's given us women a complex. Is it long enough, straight enough. They (just like white men) adore our bodies and strength as women but let Becky's skinny *** pass by swinging her blonde hair and he's gonna look. It's ridiculous because half the time it's extentions, when it's a black man with his white girl he's breaking his neck to check our body though Whatever.

Well I think that if we as black women want our men to appreciate us, we have to do our part and be confident enough to BE us. We can't blame them for our SELF esteem issues. Ya know?

 

[Cayenne0622]

I want to read all of these responses but I'm soooo tired tonite so I'll just post for now (after having read 2 pages worth).

I'm glad there are so many blk women in this forum who love their black hair. Heck I love ya'llz hair too!!But my hair has been a hot mess from birth!! Allllways been a struggle whether natural or straight.

I still find myself seeing a black woman with some nice silky coily natural hair and I ask...now why can't all black women have hair that coily and silky and full? I don't necessarily wish we had exactly what other people have but this hair is definitely difficult and other races (at least the ones I've encountered) are intrigued with our hair but are soooooooo happy that they don't have it.

On Tyra's show when they had different races of men on and different races of women on. The main concensus amongst all other races of men on why they don't fantasize or find black women attractive was OUR HAIR. That hurt my feelings so bad. They weren't even trying to be mean or anything...just honest.

In fact in the end, the black woman was the only one who was not picked by any race of man (not even blk) as someone they fantasize about. And I kid you not SHE WAS HONESTLY THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL ON THE STAGE.

Anyway, coming from a family of women with naturally silky, curly thick, beautiful hair, I am the odd ball with thin, kinky, fragile easily broken hair. It can be depressing. As an adult, I know how to manage it to keep it looking nice but the poster is correct WOMEN WITH STRAIGHTER HAIR HAVE AN EASIER TIME MANAGING their hair.

I'll give one of many examples and then I'm out. My neighbor is Mexican. Every morning she washes her hair and normally doesn't even bother with conditioner. Soak and wet she vigorously brushes it back into a ponytail holder that is hard with a metal piece on it. She roughly pulls her hair through the holder wraps it around and then secures it all in the same holder. Her hair is bunched up in the holder and looks like her hair should all break and fall out when she takes it down. But everytime she yanks that holder out of her hair, thick volumes of beautiful hair falls down her back to bsl. She gets it cut and it is right back in a couple of months like it was never touched. I've been babying my hair for 1 1/2 years now with moisture and protein balance and oils and deep conditioning and protective styles and little to no heat and I am constantly battling breakage and/or shedding. It saddens me at times which is why I haven't posted pictures in months. I have to keep cutting it the length in my avatar because it just refuses to do right!

Anywho...thanks for letting me vent. I feel much better. lol

 

[moonglowdiva]

I have not read through all of the comments posted. I just wanted to comment on the hook. "Hair...The Black Woman's Curse". Last year, I being an AA woman would have agreed. But today, i disagee with that. The curse is wanting the STYLE to last. AA women want to be cute. That's all it is. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and that is AA women. Caucasian women don't care about hair STYLES like that. Don't get me wrong, they do go to the beauty shop and they get lots of chemical services but they might go once in 6 or 8 weeks. We will go every week, every 2 week etc. I like STLIST but they are trained to STYLE hair not care for it. We as AA women have to learn to care for our hair and get over what the STYLE looks like. Just my 2 cent.

 

[MizAvalon]

Now when it comes to Indian women, we're screwed

OK!! If they don't have the most lush, gorgeous hair then I don't know who does.

 

[MizAvalon]

Also, even when BW straighten their hair, it will never be as straight as that of a WW, and that in itself is a good thing, cuz when it is that straight it tends to look limp sometimes. Even when we relax our hair, it still has body.

Agreed. Black relaxed hair looks like black relaxed hair. I have never seen black hair as straight as caucasian hair, even when it's permed within an inch of its life.

 

[Choklatekiss79]

Didn't read all of the posts but we don't have a curse. The curse is, we don't accept our natural hair. The "God forbid someone see me with my hair nappy" attitude is well imbedded into our psyche. As for length, that's not a curse. My hair is all shrunk up to my shoulders but if straight it's more like BSL. I guess we as women like shaking our hair, but our hair is different. We can shake it but it doesn't flow as much(natural hair that is). This is just my opinion though...erplexed

Totally agree!

 

[Ms.Honey]

OK!! If they don't have the most lush, gorgeous hair then I don't know who does.

hehehehe I can't say a bad thing against it.

I'm gonna figure this thing out though, y'all are welcome to join me. I'm telling y'all it has something to do with our natural oils and moisture levels. Maybe our livers aren't producing enough or something. At the very least we all have some common ancestor that dried us out and our hair and skin a suffering for it now

 

[Choklatekiss79]

I agree, but if we took 100 black women, 100 chinese women, 100 mexican women and 100 white women and gave them the same diet, exercise and and hair program over a 1 year span without the black girls doing all of the extra care I would venture to think based on what ive seen all my life that we come in last in terms of length retention..what do you think?

I'm seriously not trying to be an a$$ or anything, but at the end of the day, what would this prove? It just seems like a defeatist argument. What would you say if it actually turned out that the black women retained more legnth? It seems that every positive spin put on this thread is getting challenged negatively.

 

[MizAvalon]

Just in my life I have experienced more delimas with my skin than my hair (acne, cyst, blemishes). I feel hair makes a woman beautiful weither it be long, short, or medium but a womans skin is what trully makes her beautiful. Personnaly I get more jealous when I meet or see women with youthful beautiful blemishes free skin tone... may I add without wearing makeup. That is why I am planing to a do a master cleanse or detox soon in the efforts to improve my skin complexion.

OT:
Hyperpigmentation is something all races deal with espically women of color and women in my family. I personally have minor hyperpigmentation on my face in a few areas. Hyperpigmentation is when your skin heals darker than the original shade after you get a scar or pimple or experience trama. In a nutshel is it a blemish or mark that heals darker than your original skin tone. I will be going to school soon to study skin and beauty procedures to help myself and other achieve flawless youthful complexions.

No I am not refering to the overall color of my skin....I love my beautiful brown skin color that God has given me and would not want any other. I just want clear skin.

Here are some pics of black women dealing with hyperpigmentation and got chemical peel treatments.

Before:

After:
After

I see this on women so much. Makes me sad.

 

[MizAvalon]

okay first off... i've ALWAYS had small breasts and NEVER gone bra-less, at least not outside the house...

and many girls with long hair complain about how long it takes to wash/detangle/style etc. but you still see them day in and day out with long hair. and when and if the DO cut their hair short, the first thing i hear is how LIGHT their head feels.

now obviously it's cheaper and easier to cut your hair than to have a breast reduction but you get my point.



i've never... ever... EVER seen a black man breaking his neck to look at a white girl's "swangin" hair. where do y'all live? SERIOUSLY. i've seen them breaking their necks when they see it on a black woman, but NEVER a white one. and where i live black men are dating white women like it's going out of style in 10 minutes...

I don't think I've ever seen this either. Long haired white women are a dime a dozen, why would anyone break their neck to look at their long hair?

 

[MizAvalon]

I think we both live in So Florida. Self-hate is out of control down here. I think she's also getting this from the internet because I read it all over the internet. But, I'm going to be honest: The opinions of most black men are like caca to me when it comes to black beauty. IMO, men don't need to be talking about women's beauty practices... period. I don't talk about your funky arse pomade for your 360 waves, your dumb behind tape ups and dye-ing your hair ultra-black with bigen powder to prove you've got indian in your family... so don't talk about weaves, perms, relaxers, natural hair or anything else dealing with black women's perception of beauty. That's the number one turn-off growing in me about black men; discussing topics that don't concern them not one bit. Let women worry about women stuff; you worry about men stuff.

It is a little creepy when a man is that concerned with women's beauty paractices.

 

[Sugarhoney]

How is black women's hair cursed when white people's hair is a genetic mutation of ours? That is just brainwash. 1a hair comes from 3c/4a hair. Their hair is straight because of the cold climate 20,000 yrs ago. The scalp overproduced oil & heat to keep them warm during the cold dark ages of Europe, thust changing coily hair to straight hair over the years and down generations--it is like a natural thousand year long genetic relaxer. Just as 4b hair is a mutation of 3c/4a--it comes from climates along the equater where the heat stripped the moisture out of the cuticles. The original homosapiens where first found in Ethiopia, and then later in South Africa--those people have the blueprint hair, skin color, and facial features of all humans.

Sorry for the history and genetics rant, but it frusterates me to see our beautiful hair not be respected and appreciated.

 

[cmesweet]

What do I think? I think on the average, our length retention would be less due to our curl pattern.

How many black women past BSL with natural 4a/b hair do you see walking around everyday with their hair loose, and I don't mean twistout or braidout, I mean loose as in I washed my hair, then I just let it be, as a regular haircare practice? No twist, no braids, no cornrows, no buns, no nothing after washing and conditioning. I have yet to meet this rare specimen. Yet I have met too many white, asian and hispanic ladies who do just that.

Well it depends on the season, but I have BSL or longer 4a/b hair and in the summer I wear wash-n-go puffs on the regular. I go 2 weeks without detangling.

Besides, how can YOU tell if a natural 4a/b is BSL, especially if they are wearing a wash-n-go? My wash-n-go puffs look about 1inch- 2inches shrunken. I do see alot of naturals with shrunken hair, but I can't determine their lengths in the shrunken state.

 

[DragonPearl]

Jessy can't you just put a towel over the pillow? I'd hate that pretty hair to suffer through December.

I really haven't thought about doing that... But then the towel would soak up all the moisture, defeating the purpose of moisturizing my hair in the first place.

And there are times when students or teachers will be going into your scalp to place needles, I don't want their hands to come out all greasy and stuff. I don't want to have to explain black hair care practices to non-black folks.