Hair Dresser Dilemma

[Leona28]

I live in a country where hair dressers who know how to make our afro hair gorgeous are scarce. I happen to have found someone who is good but lately I've felt she is after my money despite doing a good job. I had been trying to take care of my hair on my own but this has not been a success. I decided to get her to relax my hair with the probability of having a short hairdo. She was diplomatic about it -stating that short hair requires major upkeep if you want it to look good. As she knew I wasn't one to keep it regular, she tried to encourage me to keep my hair and work on making it longer. In her next breath, she said I should do the Keratin Treatment as it helps one's hair more manageable. In my view from a previous trial, it broke my hair but that could have been due to my own hair practices - I can not make sense of it. She has been pushing it for a few weeks eventho all I ever wanted was to have blow dries and relaxer.

I wanted to meet the following week but she was quite booked up. She then mentioned that I could come in flexibly on certain days. I did this and for some reason she thought she could start the process of the Keratin Process. I stopped her in her tracks and said all I wanted was a blow dry. She then had some story that some girl who had set up a routine with her managed to get her hair long whereas another girl did travel to different hairdressers and it broke her hair in the end.

I got the impression she was trying to encourage me to keep going to her in a manipulative manner. I have to ask, is this person being honest or just seeking money? I go there for the service which is good but she is trying to get more from me - wanting me to get into a routine of having the Keratin process every 6 months, relaxer every 6-10weeks,etc,etc. I could put my foot down and not play along with her messing and just get what I want to pay. Mind you, she may start to produce poor results. I've seen this pattern when I attended 2 previous hair dressers regularly.

What would you do in this case? Stay with this person or learn how to manage your own hair? I would love to know how to do my own hair but keep breaking it in the process which in turn costs money.

 

[MizzBFly]

manage your own hair ~ the control/joy that you have once your knowledgeable about healthly hair practices cannot be taken from you

 

[Leona28]

Thank you for your reply. I tried the no blow drying or flat ironing for a season, my hair just doesn't look so good. What to do next?

 

[bklynbornNbred]

Just because someone doesn't tell you what you want to hear doesn't make them manipulative. Go back and read what you wrote.

*You aren't good at taking care of your hair nor do you have time/money to go regularly
*You asked for a short hair style with relaxer (which I agree with stylist is NOT the style one who doesn't know how to take care of their hair should run with)
*She suggested a Keratin treatment which you are hesitant to go with because you had issues with it in the past

You need to learn how to take care of your hair regardless of what route you decide. If you know you had poor practices in the past instead of arguing with her ask for a consultation to go over what one should be doing with either process - relaxer or keratin treatment. That you argued to get a blow dry is probably exasperating to her given that she knows you don't know how to take care of your hair in between visits. There are plenty of styles you can get with a relaxer that don't require blow drying on top of it (such as roller sets). Indirect heat (sitting under dryer) is not the same as blowing your hair out. Most short styles require ongoing upkeep. If you know what you are doing relaxers can be done every 8-12 weeks. If money is an issue and your hair can take it keratin treatment doesn't sound like the worst thing given you only do it every 6 months. But again - you don't decide what to do with your hair just based on money.

I know this board tends to cast all stylists as evil but in this case sounds like she is trying to work with you but you are not hearing her. There are plenty of threads on here with regards to healthy practices - if she was doing something that was bad for your hair then of course speak up and stay away but that is not what you said. You said she's helped other people grow their hair out and that doesn't sound like a scissor happy stylist to me at all.

Figure out (or ask for suggestions) on styles you'll be able to keep up on your own that don't require blow dryer and go from there. You can't blame past stylists if you are doing the same things over and over at home on your own. You also can't hold this new one accountable for all the wrongs past ones have done.

 

[havilland]

Just because someone doesn't tell you what you want to hear doesn't make them manipulative. Go back and read what you wrote.

*You aren't good at taking care of your hair nor do you have time/money to go regularly
*You asked for a short hair style with relaxer (which I agree with stylist is NOT the style one who doesn't know how to take care of their hair should run with)
*She suggested a Keratin treatment which you are hesitant to go with because you had issues with it in the past

You need to learn how to take care of your hair regardless of what route you decide. If you know you had poor practices in the past instead of arguing with her ask for a consultation to go over what one should be doing with either process - relaxer or keratin treatment. That you argued to get a blow dry is probably exasperating to her given that she knows you don't know how to take care of your hair in between visits. There are plenty of styles you can get with a relaxer that don't require blow drying on top of it (such as roller sets). Indirect heat (sitting under dryer) is not the same as blowing your hair out. Most short styles require ongoing upkeep. If you know what you are doing relaxers can be done every 8-12 weeks. If money is an issue and your hair can take it keratin treatment doesn't sound like the worst thing given you only do it every 6 months. But again - you don't decide what to do with your hair just based on money.

I know this board tends to cast all stylists as evil but in this case sounds like she is trying to work with you but you are not hearing her. There are plenty of threads on here with regards to healthy practices - if she was doing something that was bad for your hair then of course speak up and stay away but that is not what you said. You said she's helped other people grow their hair out and that doesn't sound like a scissor happy stylist to me at all.

Figure out (or ask for suggestions) on styles you'll be able to keep up on your own that don't require blow dryer and go from there. You can't blame past stylists if you are doing the same things over and over at home on your own. You also can't hold this new one accountable for all the wrongs past ones have done.

ita^^^

It sounds to me like she is trying to stop you from doing something you will ultimately regret.

Also, I give her kudos for not chopping all your hair off, giving you a relaxer anyway, KNOWING it will require you to come to her more because you don't know how to keep your own hair.

If she was trying to keep your money, giving you a high maintenance style is the best way.

She probably suggests a keratin treatment because you want a relaxer. She is assuming you want straighter hair...which seems like a reasonable assumption.

Before you dismiss her as the devil, I think you should realize you just may have a friend in her instead of thinking she is an enemy.

 

[Leona28]

Thank you for your reply but I gather I may not have been clear re what happened from your response. These meetings have happened over a series of weeks.
I initially called her as my hubby had been relaxing my hair and it became apparent that he was slabbing the relaxer on as opposed to section by section. I went to the hairstylist and she did my relaxer finding areas of non processed hair which I had thought were simply very dry parts of my hair which I cut short. When I visited, all I wanted was to get regular blow dries and relaxer. She suggested the Keratin process when we spoke about cutting my hair short. We decided to not do it on our first meeting as it was late and an even later suggestion. To me, it was an add on as opposed to necessity. She would hold that hair is more manageable with KP, I did not feel that way in the past. She would always feel that it makes hair more manageable. She would not tell me any more even when I'd ask. (Language barrier).
Why I feel she was being manipulative is because this KP seems to be the end and be all of the management of my hair. Yes I do have naturally strong hair but because of my care of hair, it weakened in the past. Having gone blow dryer and flat iron free for a few months helped as my hair retained length. I had mentioned that after my travels this week, I would consider the KP as I made a definite to do it beforehand. My question would always be, why should I? I do not know much about the KP other than it's harmful reports. I can afford a KP happily but is it what I really need?

 

[mshoneyfly]

Leona28

ITA with the other responses. IDT your hairdresser is trying to manipulate you and also you should learn to take care of your own hair. There are tons of YTers with tutorials on self relaxing with really good tips. One blogger called Just Grow Already has a few good vids on the process. Her hair is WL and she has a highly detailed blog on taking care of her own hair.

IDT she wants you to keep getting relaxers and also get the Keratin treatments. It makes no sense to do both. The more logical option is to use the KT to keep it manageable while growing out your natural hair. This is prob what she is trying to do. If you cut into a short style you will end up going back weekly if you want your hair to look good all the time. And even then, eventually you will tire of the short cut and want to grow it out. Do you want long hair? How long is your hair now??

By all means, stop letting your SO relax your hair and stop cutting your hair until you learn to do it correctly.

The only problem I have with this hairdresser is that there is a language barrier. Other than that, she seems to want better for your hair than you want for yourself.

ETA: You should definitely find out the name of the Keratin treatment and research online before going through with the process. You are probably suspicious of her because you are so clueless about taking care of your own hair.

 

[Ogoma]

Just tell her you are not interested in a keratin treatment and if you change your mind you will let her know. Be definite about it and put an end to the discussion if it is not something you are interested in. If she is good at relaxers and you are not good at relaxers, keep going to her for what she is good at.

I agree with others, if she was trying to get your money, she would have cut your hair on the spot. Short relaxed hair requires more maintenance than medium/long relaxed hair, and you have admitted you don't know how to take care of your own hair.

 

[BostonMaria]

You're brave! I would never let DH brush my hair, let alone relax it.

I think you should try to be a DIYer until you figure out what works for you. Relying on DH and a stylist is not making you happy or working for you. Tell the stylist that BKTs are too expensive and you'd rather relax your hair. Those keratin treatments are like $300 a pop! Relaxing your hair 3x a year would probably cost a fraction of the cost.

Good luck!! And I know that doing your own hair can be intimidating. Especially if you're used to somebody else doing your hair for you. But your hair will thank you later. Practice makes perfect. HHJ

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[bklynbornNbred]

Get a translator so you are comfortable but based on your update I stand by my original post. Your hair may be strong and you may have lucked out so far but it doesn't sound as if your hubby has done a good job with your hair and based on your needs the suggestion of getting the Keratin treatment isn't the worst thing in the world. Sounds like she is trying to avoid a set back. Either you adjust your budget and go for regular relaxers until you learn how to do it yourself or go for the Keratin treatment so you can have straighter look without too much damage.

Whatever you decide you have to know that you must do things differently in order to get different results. Demanding to have blow outs or picking things based on cost will end up in you having another set back and starting yet another "blame the stylist and ignore everything I did leading up to it" thread.

 

[Kinky4Agirl]

Learn to do your own hair... Nothing is better than that. It's like a mother taking care of her own child versus someone else... No one will treat your child like you will.... Do it yourself girl!!!

 

[havilland]

I see what u are saying OP.

I would suggest just politely telling her no. Stick to that answer.

I think you should def stop letting your husband relax your hair though.

I'm still not sure that this stylist is a problem for you, but if you don't want the services she is offering, just say no.

My stylist tried for 3 years to get me to go natural. I just kept saying no. In the end her suggestion was correct. But I still did what I thought was best at the time. And I stuck with that decision until I changed my mind.

In the end it's YOUR hair. Do what YOU feel is right.

 

[Leona28]

Thank you for your input, ladies.