Hair Confessions of a Black Woman...a hair story...

[Nayna]

I like this thread, I remember about 2-3 months ago my hair was frustrating me and I just didn't know what to do with it, so I was talking to a guy friend that is kind of interested in me and I asked him if he would still like me if I chopped my hair off again, so he goes 'of course I'd still like u, it's not ur hair I talk to every night', so i'm happy and cheesing and then the fool goes and adds 'the real question is whether i'd still be attracted to u', i was like dang it's like that?!

 

[Liege4421]

This article is awesome...I really like how she discusses the differences in the ways white and black men view our hair. I agree that all the Caucasion guys I've dated or been friends with have really seen my hair as something "neat" because it's DIFFERENT to theirs. I also agree I feel more confident with my cornrows or braid-outs because they really value(d) the difference in my hair texture and all the "cool" ways I could style it. However, that comes with a drawback. My hubby is Caucasian (English) and he thinks all my hairstyles are cute, but it does get tiring having to explain why I have to take more time with my hair than his previous partners...sigh. Some AA men may put more pressure on us, but I'll be the first to admit it's easier not having to explain why I wear a satin cap to bed at night (which I never had to with AA guys). And not all AA men feel that we have to have straight hair...my dad (AA) was so disappointed when I relaxed my hair because he saw it as a sign of me being ashamed of the natural me (he was raised in the 60s and rocked a 'fro, so he may see things differently than men now!). Anyways, there are pros and cons to both, but anyone who loves you for you shouldn't try to use you as a tool for their self-esteem.

 

[Liege4421]

I like this thread, I remember about 2-3 months ago my hair was frustrating me and I just didn't know what to do with it, so I was talking to a guy friend that is kind of interested in me and I asked him if he would still like me if I chopped my hair off again, so he goes 'of course I'd still like u, it's not ur hair I talk to every night', so i'm happy and cheesing and then the fool goes and adds 'the real question is whether i'd still be attracted to u', i was like dang it's like that?!

LOL...at least he is honest...

 

[Cassandra1975]

I am in no way saying all brothers, and I definitely am not suggesting that this perception is just a black thing. But if we are honest with ourselves there are a significant amount of black men who do not appreciate natural hair. It is not just a black male thing, it is a black issue. I come from a family of black people who just happen to think natural hair is the best thing since sliced bread and all of the men that I have dated appreciated my hair in all of its many incarnations. But I believe that the women who are responding to this thread are responding to all those people, black men especially who feel that they are less beautiful or attractive if they so choose to wear their natural tresses. In my opinion there is something pathological for a black person not to be able to recognize the beauty and variation of African textured hair in its natural state. Those are the people that this thread addresses, not the "enlightened brothers and sisters".

I agree! I enjoy reading your posts...you have summed up what I have been trying to express for a couple of years now, but didn't quite have the right words for it.

I can't wait to read part 2 of the blog post. I hope she posts it soon!

 

[gymfreak336]

It's funny because when I go to certain black men forums they talk about how they love a black woman with natural hair and how not enough black women wear there real or natural hair. I've never really encountered this problem with men, it is mostly women or family members who had a problem with my "bushy" hair. I got some laughs from HS kids at the mall when I BC'ed, but the guys I encountered gave me respect for going natural. I don't think you can have those negative guys rep the majority of black men on this issue. There are a lot of intelligent brothas out there that love and respect us with our natural tresses. Still there is that "length" issue, but that is not exclusive to black men.

These are the men I tend to know. My boyfriend wants me to go natural so bad For me in my experiences, many of the men that have the "silky straight relaxed only" mentality haven't really seen natural hair besides some afro pics of Angela Davis. Many grew up with mothers and sisters that never let a kink be seen in their hair, always pressing and relaxing within an inch of their hairs health all the while making negative comments about their "nappy ish". I have found that once they see natural hair in different styling options, their opinion changes. Sometimes you just have to show them better than you can tell them and expose them to something different. I think men just want you to look good (speaking about your SO) and once they see it can look good, much of the protest ends there.

I think about SouthernBellas husband...I hope she won't mine me bringing it up.... but he didn't really like her BC but now months later, seeing her do other things to it and seeing that it made her happy, his opinion changed.

 

[brucebettye]

I really enjoyed this article. This so sounds like what I went through with my hair since I was 16 years old. I am so happy that I found this website.

 

[Lucky's Mom]

Great writing......
Oh so true.