Guys complaining about being asked what they do for a living.

[Carrie A]

So I've been chatting it up with a few internet guys of late. So the last three asked where I was from and when I said DC, they let out heavy sighs and "oh boys". Then they start ranting about their experiences with DC women. They said as soon as a conversation starts it feels like an interview. Women will ask what they do for a living right after the introduction and they are turned off by that. This is followed by a synopsis of the ladies' achievements. I wasn't aware of that perception. Single ladies, I'm curious about your conversation style when you first meet a guy. How does it go down?

 

[kandake]

I usually let the guy lead the conversation. If I don't already know what he does for a living, I try not to ask right away. When I do ask I try to slip it in when we're talking about work. Like if he mentions having a long day at work or something.

 

[Mortons]

To me, its a part of normal conversation. The only folk who have a problem with it are the ones embarrassed about what they do or are trying to be dishonest.

 

[Bunny77]

So I've been chatting it up with a few internet guys of late. So the last three asked where I was from and when I said DC, they let out heavy sighs and "oh boys". Then they start ranting about their experiences with DC women. They said as soon as a conversation starts it feels like an interview. Women will ask what they do for a living right after the introduction and they are turned off by that. This is followed by a synopsis of the ladies' achievements. I wasn't aware of that perception. Single ladies, I'm curious about your conversation style when you first meet a guy. How does it go down?

Okay, first the bolded... even if everything they say is true, I don't care to hear about their past drama with other women. Men on the Internet who talk about how tired they are of "drama", "games" and other assorted things usually are the main ones to continually get involved in drama, games and end up with bossy DC women!

I have heard that DC MEN are no different, so they need to simmer down. You'd obviously know better than me, seeing that you live there, but I've heard that talking about what you do, what degrees you have, etc., is par for the course for DC people (and maybe upper-echelon NYC folks). So any men who seem to shift all the blame to the women get the side-eye from me.


That being said, when I first meet a guy, I don't break out the resume or anything, but it's usually clear sooner rather than later what we both do for a living. If I meet a guy at a party or club, we might not have that discussion immediately (nor do I want to), but if an actual date occurs, you better believe I'm finding out what he does for a living and vice versa. We don't need to spend a whole lot of time talking about it -- I'd prefer to NOT discuss work/school on a date -- but I'm going to find out what you do.

 

[locabouthair]

To me, its a part of normal conversation. The only folk who have a problem with it are the ones embarrassed about what they do or are trying to be dishonest.

Exactly. I dont see the problem.

 

[DayStar]

Guys love to ask you what you do, but when you ask.......i can find out without directly asking if he at least has a decent job/career...its important to me.

 

[Deluxe]

Sounds like... Boo hoo, I don't want to let her know that I have done absolutely nothing with myself/life since I've been on this earth for the last forty years.

 

[kandake]

In the other thread people were talking about the "what do you do for living?" question and a lot of people felt they were being sized up when people asked this question.

So, in the male defense. If I was an achieved black male, I probably would be annoyed with women asking me this question within seconds of us meeting. Lets be real, I think most women are sizing men up when they ask that question. Its like, ok he has a good job... check. I probably would take offense to it too.

 

[specialbeauty]

I don't get the big deal either, unless you're ashamed, why not talk about it? That's where you are for at least 40hrs a week. And she'll find out eventually anyway...

 

[caltron]

For me, this is just a basic question like asking "what part of town do you live?" It's one of the first things I want to know. I could see being offended if you're asking for salary or something, but what you do for a living is a major part of life.

 

[Bunny77]

For me, this is just a basic question like asking "what part of town do you live?" It's one of the first things I want to know. I could see being offended if you're asking for salary or something, but what you do for a living is a major part of life.

Right.

Asking about salary is ridiculous and tacky.

And as Kandake said, I wouldn't ask them within seconds of meeting him... "Hi, I'm Bunny77 and I went to Harvard Law School and Wharton Business School and work for Goldman Sachs. What do you do?"

(Oh, and none of that is true about me... I'm just exaggerating to make my point! I barely know what Goldman Sachs does. )

 

[Carrie A]

I have heard that DC MEN are no different, so they need to simmer down. You'd obviously know better than me, seeing that you live there, but I've heard that talking about what you do, what degrees you have, etc., is par for the course for DC people (and maybe upper-echelon NYC folks). So any men who seem to shift all the blame to the women get the side-eye from me.


That being said, when I first meet a guy, I don't break out the resume or anything, but it's usually clear sooner rather than later what we both do for a living. If I meet a guy at a party or club, we might not have that discussion immediately (nor do I want to), but if an actual date occurs, you better believe I'm finding out what he does for a living and vice versa. We don't need to spend a whole lot of time talking about it -- I'd prefer to NOT discuss work/school on a date -- but I'm going to find out what you do.

In my experience, now granted I'm back in the dating game after a long absence, most guys did the asking about profession and were all too happy to volunteer info and hand out a business card. Like you, I usually don't bring it up right away as much info can be gained indirectly or the setting is such that you have a feeling of what a person might do for a living. I also don't talk much about work on first dates.

So I was a little taken aback by these comments. I wonder if they are exaggerating a bit about the time til "The question".

Okay, first the bolded... even if everything they say is true, I don't care to hear about their past drama with other women. Men on the Internet who talk about how tired they are of "drama", "games" and other assorted things usually are the main ones to continually get involved in drama, games and end up with bossy DC women!

Right it's like a moth to a flame .

 

[Carrie A]

So, in the male defense. If I was an achieved black male, I probably would be annoyed with women asking me this question within seconds of us meeting. Lets be real, I think most women are sizing men up when they ask that question. Its like, ok he has a good job... check. I probably would take offense to it too.

This is how they made it sound. However, I have to wonder if this is an exaggeration. I wish I could be a fly on the wall sometimes.

 

[MizAvalon]

I can't remember the last time I asked a man what he does for a living. They are always the first to ask me. I'm not sure how interested they actually are in what I do or if it's just an opening for them to talk about their jobs because the floodgates open up immediately after. They are always very happy to discuss their careers/education.

However, with regards to the OP, I guess I can understand some mild annoyance that the men must feel over constantly being sized up within minutes of meeting. But, if we are dating I will find out what it is that you do from the beginning. Why wouldn't I?

 

[Carrie A]

However, with regards to the OP, I guess I can understand some mild annoyance that the men must feel over constantly being sized up within minutes of meeting. But, if we are dating I will find out what it is that you do from the beginning. Why wouldn't I?

The thing is they are sizing up women too based on figure and face in that order. They can do this without having to say a thing. Then they can go about assessing your personality through conversation.

 

[kandake]

The thing is they are sizing up women too based on figure and face in that order. They can do this without having to say a thing. Then they can go about assessing your personality through conversation.

I was going to mention something like this. But I was thinking in terms of sex. Upon first meeting you, I guy is thinking about if and when he's going to have sex with you. While women are trying to figure out what you do for a living and your earning potential. I tend to think each of these things holds some sort of importance to men and women as they decide upon a potential suitor.

Most respectable men manage to hold off on broaching the subject so as not to offend. Women just come right and ask it and don't care if it offends the man.

 

[FluffyRed]

men size up women all day every day.

not trying to hear that ****

 

[CheLala13]

Oh...so is it wrong when I ask? Because it's definitely something I ask within the first 10 minutes of chatting with someone. I guess because I'm a student, I want to know where you go and if you aren't in school...what are you doing with your life? What's so wrong about that?

ETA: And when I ask, it has NOTHING to do with how much you make...just to know that you have goals. I'm in my very early 20's.

 

[Carrie A]

I was going to mention something like this. But I was thinking in terms of sex. Upon first meeting you, I guy is thinking about if and when he's going to have sex with you. While women are trying to figure out what you do for a living and your earning potential. I tend to think each of these things holds some sort of importance to men and women as they decide upon a potential suitor.

Most respectable men manage to hold off on broaching the subject so as not to offend. Women just come right and ask it and don't care if it offends the man.

That's what I mean too figure + face = sex potential. It's pretty funny that I have a face shoulder shot in my profile. It's a pretty face pic but I can't count the number of times I have been asked to send "more" pics via email within the second message exchange (The first being hello how r you?). But again this is assessed non verbally IRL. That's very important to men.

 

[Bunny77]

Oh...so is it wrong when I ask? Because it's definitely something I ask within the first 10 minutes of chatting with someone. I guess because I'm a student, I want to know where you go and if you aren't in school...what are you doing with your life? What's so wrong about that?

ETA: And when I ask, it has NOTHING to do with how much you make...just to know that you have goals. I'm in my very early 20's.

I don't think there's anything wrong with it!

In fact, you probably have more reason to ask than someone who's 30-something does... (well, I assume that if I meet a 30-something at a professional event, that he has a decent job... I still ask though because he could be "in da studio" for all I know.)

But anyway, there's no problem in my world!

 

[Duchesse]

I too think it's a normal and natural question. But now that I'm on the temporarily unemployed side, I can see where it can make a man frustrated if a)he is not working (which if this is the case, he shouldn't be trying to date), or b)he is ashamed of his job or feel he doesn't "measure" up.

However, having been around certain types of people, male and female, do use that question as a measuring stick. The stereotypical DC individual is ambitious and likes connections. I can see how a man would be seriously grilled in a way that would differ if he were dating someone from Podunk.

 

[ThickHair]

I don't bring it up in the first conversations unless he does, but I will ask by the second date if he hasn't.

First conversation is bio info, age, marriage, kids, where do you live (not address). Everything after that is casual.

I like guys who are my age or older and they should have already started a career a few years ago. I don't do "I'm in the studio". The "I am in school getting my associates" may pass if this is his second career or his industry was downsized. I need to know that you have a solid work history behind you because I do. I am not asking for anything that I don't have. I am 38 years old and I dont want no starter, work with me or a "I'm gonna" type man.

 

[rabs77]

Oh boohoo Tell them to get over it. What you do for a living is important to me. There is no way I would agree to meet up someone for a second date without knowing what they do. And yes it is that serious. They only thing they sholud be worried about is hooking up with a gold digger, and I for certain am not one.

 

[MizAvalon]

I don't think there's anything wrong with it!

In fact, you probably have more reason to ask than someone who's 30-something does... (well, I assume that if I meet a 30-something at a professional event, that he has a decent job... I still ask though because he could be "in da studio" for all I know.)

But anyway, there's no problem in my world!

Not "in da studio"!!

Earlier this year, I met a 28 year old who was still "in da studio". Mmm-hmmm, BUH-BYE LOSER!!

 

[Glib Gurl]

OP, I am guilty of this - not just with men, but with anyone I meet for the first time. (And yes, I'm in DC.) It's not (necessarily ) because I'm sizing people up . . . it's just that work is the one thing that most people have in common and for most people it's what occupies most of our time and attention so why not talk about it?

I have heard that DC MEN are no different, so they need to simmer down. You'd obviously know better than me, seeing that you live there, but I've heard that talking about what you do, what degrees you have, etc., is par for the course for DC people (and maybe upper-echelon NYC folks). So any men who seem to shift all the blame to the women get the side-eye from me..

True, true, Bunny - people work like dogs here and also it's a big networking town so people often start off conversations with "So, what do you do?"

 

[simone103]

So I've been chatting it up with a few internet guys of late. So the last three asked where I was from and when I said DC, they let out heavy sighs and "oh boys". Then they start ranting about their experiences with DC women. They said as soon as a conversation starts it feels like an interview. Women will ask what they do for a living right after the introduction and they are turned off by that. This is followed by a synopsis of the ladies' achievements. I wasn't aware of that perception. Single ladies, I'm curious about your conversation style when you first meet a guy. How does it go down?

I live in the DC metro area and what those men are saying is true, but the men in DC ask the same questions. A few months ago a friend of mine invited me to her place for a get-together. She had invited several friends and there was a man that she wanted to introduce me to. The very first question that this guy asked me was "what do you do for a living?" What followed after that question was a series of questions from him. It felt like I was being interviewed.

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

It's extremely important for me to know what a man does for a living bc I have had some losers in my life.I don't want a warehouse guy or anything like that unless he doing it to get through school...I'm 23 and I'm proud of my job at the FDIC and I wouldn't want a man talking to me that isn't proud of what he does...it says alot about his character..

 

[ThickHair]

It's extremely important for me to know what a man does for a living bc I have had some losers in my life.I don't want a warehouse guy or anything like that unless he doing it to get through school...I'm 23 and I'm proud of my job at the FDIC and I wouldn't want a man talking to me that isn't proud of what he does...it says alot about his character..

Sometimes you have to remember, that the suit and tie guys can be worst off then the warehouse guy. It is more about work ethic and dedication to me.

 

[MD_Lady]

Point blank, a lot of these men have double standards and are overly sensitive.

 

[BackToMyRoots]

I attend alot of receptions and events...and that question is always a conversation piece and a comfortable starting place. It's just natural for me to ask or for me to be asked.

I don't believe in interrogating people about their resume or educational pedigree though. I've come across people like that and it can be quite a bore.