Grounds for dismissal or the benefit of the doubt?

Flourishnikov

Flourishnikov

Somewhere Flourishing...
Hello Ladies!!

Scenario: You meet a really nice, attractive guy. You go out on a date, you click, and he's being very consistent/non-flakey, calling regularly and acting as if he wants to possibly pursue something serious. However, homeboy is....(wait for it)...UNEMPLOYED!! :blush::nono:

Given the state of today's economy, if you met a young man with potential that didnt currently have a job, would you date him or give him his walking papers?
 
Nah, I wouldn't even waste my/his time. I wouldn't feel right going on dates (assuming we still could :look:) knowing dude didn't have a job and if he couldn't date me properly I wouldn't be that into him. So, I'll have to pass..
 
I'd feel guilty about dipping into ol' boys savings. He needs to find employment before we could take our friendship to the next level.
 
Why is he unemployed? What was his last job? How hard is he trying to find a job? Does he need to find a job now, or is he taking a breather? What is he living off of? How old is he? I need answers to these questions before I can give an opinion.
 
I dated a guy who quit his job and was unemployed for 6-7 months. He took me everywhere and paid for everything without an issue. It took a long time for him to find the perfect job, because he would only accept $100k+ a year :look:.....plus it helps that his dad is a millionaire.

But in most cases, NO!
 
i agree that it depends on a lot of diff factors. but the scenario you described couldnt happen to me bc i ask somewhere between the first and second convo. and 9.99 times out of 10, unemployed means you get put into the friend category
 
Well he used to work for a home security company, but got cut during layoffs and is currently on unemployment. sadly, he does not have a college degree. (sigh)

It sucks, because i normally talk to white collar dudes. In fact, my ex was a principal and he was a walking talking bung hole. Anywhoo, i just appreciate this dude for all of his admirable qualities that have proven to be hard to find and its just my luck that he wouldnt have a job. Bah hum bug.
 
yea i know what you mean. you dont know how many times i start to get excited about a guy who seems to meet my requirements of "good looking, good job, no jail record, funny, interesting, tall, similiar interests, etc." only to find out.... he has kids! :cry2: i lament for 2-3 minutes then move on. bc no amount of him being tall, goodlooking, funny, etc. is gonna make up for what i'd have to deal w. if i were to mess w. him.

don't worry, you'll find what you're looking for in a guy AND he'll have a job. don't settle. but if you like him so much keep him as a friend. you never know. he might end up getting a good job in a few months, and you'll be right there to congratulate him :eyebrows2:

GrowGrl09 said:
Well he used to work for a home security company, but got cut during layoffs and is currently on unemployment. sadly, he does not have a college degree. (sigh)

It sucks, because i normally talk to white collar dudes. In fact, my ex was a principal and he was a walking talking bung hole. Anywhoo, i just appreciate this dude for all of his admirable qualities that have proven to be hard to find and its just my luck that he wouldnt have a job. Bah hum bug.
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I would say, him finding a job should be the priority and his dating life should be put on the back burner for a while unless he is independently wealthy.

I say keep it light.
 
I would date a good decent guy that was unemployed as long as he was looking for work and depending on why he was out of work. I would never dismiss someone simply because they had fallen on hard times ESPECIALLY since it is so hard for people to find work these days and so many people are getting laid off. I mean damn, broke people need love too:lol:. Plus, i don't really do the whole "going out on dates" thing:look: i mean i tend to like to do things that don't really cost a lot of money, like going to the park, beach and just hanging out etc:drunk:
 
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When he becomes gainfully employed, he should try to find a suitable mate. Until then, he needs to focus ALL of his efforts there. I am mad he even tried.
 
If he's your man already and became unemployed then I'd say stick it out.

But honestly, a real man is not satisfied with himself if he's not supporting himself. So he shouldn't be concerning himself with a relationship right now until he finds himself a job.

If a man (a real man) is not where he wants to be in life or pursuing what he wants to be in life, then he really is not ready to give himself to you.

I can't stress enough how I mention "real man". Plenty of bums or slackers don't care.
 
I wouldn't cut him off just yet, still speak to him.

Also if he wants to take you out on a date....GO!

A man feels good when he can give to a woman and even if he's low on funds if we wants to take you out (give to you) be open to receiving it. Believe me it might make him feel good to be able to do that in a time when his ego is probably bruised from not having a job.
 
GrowGrl09 said:
Well he used to work for a home security company, but got cut during layoffs and is currently on unemployment. sadly, he does not have a college degree. (sigh)

It sucks, because i normally talk to white collar dudes. In fact, my ex was a principal and he was a walking talking bung hole. Anywhoo, i just appreciate this dude for all of his admirable qualities that have proven to be hard to find and its just my luck that he wouldnt have a job. Bah hum bug.
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go out (no house dates) wif him and have fun, but don't phuck him. seriously.

i can't even get a lil "moist" from a dude who ain't workin....omg..and collectin unemployment?
 
I'm sorry, did you say he is unemployed and doesn't have a degree? The latter would be a dealbreaker and, combined with the former, would make anything between that fellow and I an impossibility.
 
Thiends said:
I'm sorry, did you say he is unemployed and doesn't have a degree? The latter would be a dealbreaker and, combined with the former, would make anything between that fellow and I an impossibility.
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sumfin is seriously wrong witchu....summa the stuff u post literally has me crackin up lolololol......:lachen::lachen::lachen:
 
If they're unemployed, their focus needs to be getting a job or a career off the ground, not dating.

Unemployed and no degree? Please.
 
Hairsnob said:
If he's your man already and became unemployed then I'd say stick it out.

But honestly, a real man is not satisfied with himself if he's not supporting himself. So he shouldn't be concerning himself with a relationship right now until he finds himself a job.

If a man (a real man) is not where he wants to be in life or pursuing what he wants to be in life, then he really is not ready to give himself to you.

I can't stress enough how I mention "real man". Plenty of bums or slackers don't care.
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Totally agree
 
I was thinking about this when I went to sleep last night because it is an issue near and dear to my heart. I am a widow of 2 years now and I am "ready" to get out there and start socializing. So, having been out of the dating arena for many, many years, I am shocked an appalled at what greets me today. Things have changed. I am a financially independent woman. I am not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination but I can afford to take of myself and my children comfortably and get some of the "extras" we want. I own 2 homes (one which I pray God relieves me of this year). My vehicles are paid for. I have good credit. I'm old but I ain't too bad to look at, one may even look twice on a good day. So here come these men..... and they start about a week after the funeral. Some young, some old, some handsome, some not - and here is how some of the conversation goes....

All from my point of view...

A. Oh... I see. So you did HOW many years for WHAAATTT??

B. Well I am sure your mother enjoys still having you around.

C. 3? Oh no, 4. Well, MAYBE 4 pending DNA. So why didn't you marry any of THOSE women?

D. Yes a 2 year job search can be frustrating. I'm sure just the right opportunity is right around the corner for you.

The list can go on and on and these are actual conversations I have had over the past 2 years. So, I say to you, BE ALONE until the right one comes knocking! When he does, you won't be asking us, you will just know. I am going to sit here alone until God sends me a mate worth having if indeed He feels I need to have one.

I don't "date" to "date". When I date, I am looking for someone suitable to have a relationship of permanence. I just don't share myself that way with a large variety of people. And I am not necessarily talking about sex, I am talking about ME. So if he does not have the potential for permanence, it is a waste of my time and energy and good perfume. There is no "kicking it" going on over here. That said, it annoys me to no end when some of these characters pop up.

If you have no job, then how are you going to take care of me? It is a requirement that you be able to do so. It is not a requirement set forth by ART11, it is a requirement set out by a Higher Authority than me who knows better why it is necessary. I can take care of MYSELF so if YOU cannot, then leave me to myself to do it. You surely cannot come up in here and let me take care of YOU. I have a home. If you have no home and are living with your mama, then am I supposed to come and live with your mama too? No! You fully expect to be able to come up in here and partake of the stuff my husband and I worked all of our lives to build. Go somewhere with that mess!

Some cultures do not stand for this mess. If a man has an undesirable background or is too broke to support a family, he does not marry. Period. Here we are expected to be all kinds of understanding and sympathetic, lower the bar for this, that, and the other until we're dang near dancing limbo trying to get a suitable mate and I won't stand for it. Don't do it.

All unemployed men are not worthless. Some of them just find themselves without a job. It is a tough economy. So if he is worth his salt and TRULY wants you, he needs to prove himself worthy of your attention by obtaining employment. THEN he can try to woo you. Until then...NEXT!!
 
You guys have all made some really valid points. Im definitely an advocate of dating more than one gentleman at one time, so i'll keep him in rotation and hopefully he'll get back on his feet soon and move into the starting player position of my Winter 2011 line-up. Lol
 
Hmmm, you get on well with him and he has a lot of the qualities that you want, but just because he hasn't got a job your gonna throw him back? As someone said, times are really hard at the moment and if he got laid off because of the company making cuts then it's not his fault.

Have you spoken to him about whether he is looking for another job? If he hasn't got a problem taking you out then he doesn't seem like a leech. He is probably trying to still make an impression on you, Which, if he really likes you he'll probably sort himself out sooner.

Oh another thing, I'm not from the US so I don't understand this "if you don't have a degree, then I can't date you" thing. Can a degree make conversation with you? can it make you chicken soup when your unwell? Can a degree love you? lolool

What are your reasons for dating? To find a husband or just to date? I think you should think real hard about what you want to get out of your relationship with someone or you could end up lonely with your job and your degree *please, I'm not being rude*

Also, one last thing, what if the shoe was on the other foot? What if you lost your job and the man found out and was thinking of cutting you?
 
NefertariBlu said:
Hmmm, you get on well with him and he has a lot of the qualities that you want, but just because he hasn't got a job your gonna throw him back?
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Yep. :yep: Times are hard, no doubt. But even with 10% unemployment and 16% underemployment, that still means most men have jobs. I don't have dreams about living an exceptionally rare super duper spectacular life, but I do know darn well that I can at least be average! :lachen: Honestly, if he doesn't have a job, he doesn't have one of the main qualities I want. You would think women were asking for something ridiculously unreasonable by asking that a man have a job. :rofl: A job, yo, we haven't even started talking about how much money he makes, just a job. A short hiccup as he transitions from one field to the other may be okay, but long term without work? That's a negative. :nono:

And let's not even get started on just dating vs. dating for a husband. If you're dating for a husband, then it's doubly important. What I look like marrying a man with no job? I'd rather have just my degree than a husband with no job long-term. At least my degree wouldn't make me mad every time I thought about it. :lol:

You can do it, ladies! Strive to be average! :rofl:
 
^^^ lolol, I hear ya. Although, I know people have gotten together with much less, one working a crap job and the other without a job and now they run a successful business. Thing is, she knew from the moment she met him, she wanted to be with him as he had the qualities she was after. They have been married for over 12 years now. So although they didn't have much when they got together they built what they wanted.

I'm not saying just settle for whatever, but really look at who you are throwing away and the reasons for it that's all.

I'm not sure how long this guy has been out ouf a job, but if he is actively looking for something then I don't think you should knock him back if you like him.
 
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