Good Marriage

mieshashair

mieshashair

New Member
Ok I know thy there is no such thing as a "perfect marriage" but I do believe that some ppl have a "good marriage". Please share your positive stories here about it... Oh and let's remain truthful about it..no fantasy relationships 
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Okay so no fantasy right? Here's the honest truth. Married to my middle school sweetheart. He is very good to me. He cooks, cleans, irons and provides for me. His overall goal is to make my life easier. He doesn't expect anything in return for all the good provided to me. I love my dh dearly and I feel very blessed to have him as a spouse. As mentioned, no one is perfect. He's not big into surprising me with gifts. However, he doesn't deprive me of material things. Instead, he prefers to take me shopping so that I can pick out whatever I desire. Because of his technique, it makes those surprising gifts mean something a little extra special when they take place. Just this week, we celebrated 13 years of marriage. He definitely is the one for me. I can go on but I won't but I really am blessed.

Nix08, get in here.
 
@Choclatcotton - Great points. I failed to mention that the dh and I kneel in prayer nightly together. We attend church together and are spiritually connected. Communication and God are important for us also. ETA: Your wedding pic avi looks pretty.
 
Thnx ladies, those r really nice. I really love that u said you all are spiritually connected. That's beautiful!!! Keep em coming ladies!!!


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I had a friend tell me that she and her husband went to church and the pastor said something to the effect about how love in marriage works in cycles. That you fall in and out of love over and over again. Hearing that gave me some level of comfort.

My marriage works because I've learned to stop overanalyzing everything. Men (I believe) are simple and uncomplicated.

My husband doesn't "wow" me with extravagance, but he pays for the bulk of our vacation expenses when we get to take one every few years or so. We're not wealthy people, ya know?

My husband isn't the most romantic dude on the planet, but he will cook dinner nightly and fuss at me to make sure I pack a healthy lunch to take to work everyday.

My husband doesn't compliment me as much as I'd like to hear, but I catch him giving me quick glances all the time (then blush and turn away because he didn't expect to be caught looking at me).

I sometimes get caught up in the "what has he done for me lately?" that I forget to do my part and do things to make him feel good too. I notice that when I just go with the flow of things, not hang on to some stupid misunderstanding we've had...we get along so much better.

In my 5 years of marriage, and my 38 years of life, this is what I've either learned, been told, or read about being married. I believe it all to be true.

1- Being realistic about what marriage should look like. Not HOT, not cold, but warm. Warm is good and cozy.

2- I've got to choose my battles wisely

3- I have more power than I am aware of. My mood sets the tone of the household. If mama ain't happy, nobody's gonna be happy kind of thing

4- Anything can be said, but the delivery or approach is what dictates the outcome. I might have to think carefully before actually speaking

5- Everyone needs time alone, I shouldn't take it personal

6-My husband wants to feel needed and appreciated. If I make him feel obsolete, he'll stray. Truth is, I do appreciate and need him. I shouldn't be prideful about letting him know it every now and again.

There are others, but these pop out. Thanks for reading.
 
InBloom said:
I had a friend tell me that she and her husband went to church and the pastor said something to the effect about how love in marriage works in cycles. That you fall in and out of love over and over again. Hearing that gave me some level of comfort.

My marriage works because I've learned to stop overanalyzing everything. Men (I believe) are simple and uncomplicated.

My husband doesn't "wow" me with extravagance, but he pays for the bulk of our vacation expenses when we get to take one every few years or so. We're not wealthy people, ya know?

My husband isn't the most romantic dude on the planet, but he will cook dinner nightly and fuss at me to make sure I pack a healthy lunch to take to work everyday.

My husband doesn't compliment me as much as I'd like to hear, but I catch him giving me quick glances all the time (then blush and turn away because he didn't expect to be caught looking at me).

I sometimes get caught up in the "what has he done for me lately?" that I forget to do my part and do things to make him feel good too. I notice that when I just go with the flow of things, not hang on to some stupid misunderstanding we've had...we get along so much better.

In my 5 years of marriage, and my 38 years of life, this is what I've either learned, been told, or read about being married. I believe it all to be true.

1- Being realistic about what marriage should look like. Not HOT, not cold, but warm. Warm is good and cozy.

2- I've got to choose my battles wisely

3- I have more power than I am aware of. My mood sets the tone of the household. If mama ain't happy, nobody's gonna be happy kind of thing

4- Anything can be said, but the delivery or approach is what dictates the outcome. I might have to think carefully before actually speaking

5- Everyone needs time alone, I shouldn't take it personal

6-My husband wants to feel needed and appreciated. If I make him feel obsolete, he'll stray. Truth is, I do appreciate and need him. I shouldn't be prideful about letting him know it every now and again.

There are others, but these pop out. Thanks for reading.
Click to expand...
In regards to the bolded, I was once told something similar: "there are times when you both will want to give up, but as long as you don't choose to give up at the same time, then everything will be alright." :yep:
 
I know I'm blessed to be married to my hubster and I thank God for our marriage. No, it's not perfect; no relationship is. Neither of us float in angelic bliss lol; it's a real relationship :couple:.

We've known each other since we were 12 and were married at 19. He put me through engineering school then I put him through school for his B.A. in english. We were blessed with our daughter at age 29 and both actively raise her. He does the chores I hate: ironing, washing dishes, washing and drying laundry. I do the chores he hate: dusting, cleaning, and folding the clothes.

We both cook and take care of our daughter. I style her hair and taught him how to wash and condition her hair. I love cooking (kind of a turn on to see him eat my food :blush3: IJS) but he cooks too, like now as I surf the net. :user:

What works for us is open, honest communication (even if you know it will piss your mate off), respecting each others individuality (he's more of a home-body and I'm not), and having "us" time so we still go on dates and have great intimacy and wrestling sessions. Yep, it's like that :lachen::blush:
 
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My husband doesn't compliment me as much as I'd like to hear, but I catch him giving me quick glances all the time (then blush and turn away because he didn't expect to be caught looking at me).

OMG how adorable is this! InBloom your hubby sounds like he's shy but this ^^ is too cute!:cloud9:
 
@ Etheralsmile....Thanks for that. I suppose he is shy with me, even after being married for a few years. Go figure.
 
I'm still a newbie at marriage (three years), but the following is what makes my marriage good:

1. Dh lets me know that I'm important to him by calling me to tell me he loves me or to tell me about something that he's seen in the street or read somewhere (we have "random thoughts" conversations everyday)

2. He brings me my meals on a silver tray that we got at a backyard sale

3. He knows what he's going to get me for Christmas and my birthday months in advance

4. He reads poetry to me.

5. He randomly buys me flowers and, once the petals have wilted, he runs a bath for me and puts the petals in the water.

6. We never scream at each other, nor do we call each other names when we argue. Also, we try (big emphasis on "try") to let the other person speak without interrupting.

7. He's gotten better at understanding that my alone-time is something that makes me feel good & it's not meant to push him away.

8. Whenver we have a disagreement, we handle it. We don't have this one and that one all in the mix.

9. Whenever we have a disagreement, we handle it that same day. We don't allow it to fester because that only leads to resentment, which will rear its ugly head later on.

10. Whenever we have resolved a disagreement, it's resolved. In other words, we can't throw the same stuff in each other's faces the next time we have a disagreement.

11. I like that he's a gentleman (hand-holding, opening doors, making sure I'm on the inside when we're walking outside, etc.).

12. He understands and is respectful of the fact that I am never having children.

11. We listen to each other--not just hear words coming from each other's mouth's; we truly listen.

13. We understand that loving each other doesn't mean that we do or ever will like everything about each other.

14. Approximately every six months, we take "inventory" of all aspects of our marriage. We discuss how we feel about each other & our marriage.
 
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darlingdiva said:
I'm still a newbie at marriage (three years), but the following is what makes my marriage good:

1. Dh lets me know that I'm important to him by calling me to tell me he loves me or to tell me about something that he's seen in the street or read somewhere (we have "random thoughts" conversations everyday)

2. He brings me my meals on a silver tray that we got at a backyard sale

3. He knows what he's going to get me for Christmas and my birthday months in advance

4. He reads poetry to me.

5. He randomly buys me flowers and, once the petals have wilted, he runs a bath for me and puts the petals in the water.

6. We never scream at each other, nor do we call each other names when we argue. Also, we try (big emphasis on "try") to let the other person speak without interrupting.

7. He's gotten better at understanding that my alone-time is something that makes me feel good & it's not meant to push him away.

8. Whenver we have a disagreement, we handle it. We don't have this one and that one all in the mix.

9. Whenever we have a disagreement, we handle it that same day. We don't allow it to fester because that only leads to resentment, which will rear its ugly head later on.

10. Whenever we have resolved a disagreement, it's resolved. In other words, we can't throw the same stuff in each other's faces the next time we have a disagreement.

11. I like that he's a gentleman (hand-holding, opening doors, making sure I'm on the inside when we're walking outside, etc.).

12. He understands and is respectful of the fact that I am never having children.

11. We listen to each other--not just hear words coming from each other's mouth's; we truly listen.

13. We understand that loving each other doesn't mean that we do or ever will like everything about each other.

14. Approximately every six months, we take "inventory" of all aspects of our marriage. We discuss how we feel about each other & our marriage.
Click to expand...

darlingdiva, this is beautiful and helpful to know. Thank you!!!! A lot of useful tidbits in here that I can apply to my own relationship.
 
@darlingdiva sounds like you and your husband have a great marriage. I love how open you two are regarding communication and not yelling during disagreements. I wish you both a long and healthy marriage :)

BTW how did you meet him? I despair of finding a man who will understand that I never want children:sad:
 
Etherealsmile: Thank you for the well-wishes!


We met in college during undergrad. He has two daughters and he doesn't want to have anymore children either, so that works out well. He often asks me if I'm sure that I never want to have children and he tells me not to be afraid to tell him if I change my mind about wanting them. I often tell him that I don't EVER want to have children.

Don't despair; there are plenty of men who don't want children, and your special man who doesn't want children will come.
 
What makes our marriage good for me...after writing this either I'll feel a need to be extra sweet to dh or I'll be vex:look: lets see:

-When we first met I considered him a gentleman bringing me flowers which he still does on the rare occasion for no reason
-I don’t get compliments as often as I’d like but then I guess that’s because I would like compliments every hour:look:
- He is the best gift giver (again not on a regular basis) but his gifts totally suit me and to me it says that he knows me
-When he get home from work after greeting all of us with a kiss he goes and changes then takes over with the kids; he’ll take them to the park while I do my hair:love:
-He makes me laugh with jokes or spontaneous flirting
-We were both only children and I think the consequence of that is that we don’t know how to argue well but we’re learning slowly (the lessons been going on over 8 years):giggle:
-although of different faiths we are respectful of each other’s beliefs
-we are certainly not like minded but we do compliment each other. He’s laid back and I’m more energetic:lol: I’m always trying to read his face and asking what’s wrong and he gets annoyed because he’s fine and doesn’t have any intention of sitting there with a grin on his face. I think that he should, heck he’s got me:look:
-he’s supportive of almost anything i want to do and encourages me and challenges me when I need it
-we have ‘our’ shows True Blood & Dexter – this is great for bonding:yep:
-he does a lot around the house cleaning and maintenance and I cheer him on:yep: :lol:
- we haven’t in a while but we read novels out loud to each other; maybe I ought to go look about a good book for us.
 
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