Getting over the fear

[notsomebody]

I don't know if anyone else has this problem. I have a huge fear of wearing my hair down now. I first started putting my hair in bun a few years ago, when it dawned on me that my shirts were probably a major cause of breakage once my hair hit shoulder length. Also, giving up the curling iron completely sealed the deal as far as keeping the bun.
Well, I have done wrap sets and loved the look, but for some reason I only want me to see it. Like I will walk around my house when its just me and my man, but If I am going outside into the climate, my hair is up and protected.
Well, I am getting married next October and plan to wear my hair down then (Hopefully I will have gotten 6 more inches of Healthy hair by then) but, in the meantime I want to start looking dressier. The problem is that this has become a full fledged phobia. Every time I take may hair down, I become obsessed by the idea that my hair is weaving its way into the cloth of my shirt. Or, the absolute worse thing about wearing it down, some person who I know through work or something will put their hands in it to see if its real, or to see if its soft or whatever. Because it takes people off guard to see me with my hair down. I look like a completely different person. So, I guess they just assume that it isn't my hair and they want to touch it to be sure.
I guess I am hoping that there are people out there who feel me on this and can give me some advice on getting over this fear. I mean what is the point of having long hair if I never wear it out?
IF you have this phobia, what do you do make yourself go on the edge a little? I mean I use the protective styling for attaining length, but it can't possibly be good for my hair to be up all the time.

Does this make any since?

 

[LondonDiva]

It makes perfect sense. I was scared to wear my hair out instead of wrapped because I didn't know what i was going to do with it nor did I want it to break off. So I wore protective style with my relaxed hair like twists and it's now in braids without extensions. It grazes my shoulders and my clothes on a daily basis but seriously nothing to worry about. If you choose to wear it out then I may suggest the materials you use be silky as opposed to cotton or wool which may/will have a velcro affect on the hair or cause it to break. I will NOT wear certain coats of my hair is down, NO WAY, it's just not worth the hassle.

My "fear" was so bad to the point that I thought if the cold air touched it it would snap off right there and then.

As for the people coming close and wanting to touch your hair you will need to be a strong firm character and don't be afraid to use the word no, when you want to. It's an invasion and totally rude. If you don't think yo'll be able to say no to wandering hands then if they reach for it move it away or your head if they come near and ask them what are they doing? I'm sure they'll feel a little stupid and get the message. I knwo I definitely would if it were me.

The first day I wore my hair out I kept saying to myself I wondered what all the fuss was about. And can see that it did no damage to my hair. i was probably doing more damage at the time because I was wearing 100% cotton on my head daily for about 2 years.

 

[Honey Vibe]

I once lost my temper with someone who wouldn't stop touching my hair. She didn't mean any harm, but I felt caricaturized. Poking at my kinky hair is just as bad as poking at an Asian person's eyes.

If your hair care obsession has developed some phobic side effects, consider the reasons why you wanted your hair to grow long in the first place. If you've reached your goal, enjoy the fruits thereof! /images/graemlins/wink.gif

 

[notsomebody]

I am so glad I am not the only one who has ever felt this way. I have a question for you LondonDiva, do you put anything extra on your hair before wearing down, like some type of product that is protective to the ends? I worry so much that my ends are just going to snap off if my hair grazes my shirt collar.
I want to just take the plunge and wear it down, because I see so many beautiful heads of hair around me and I ask the advice of some of the women. I want to show them that there advice has worked. I just get so worried about damage. This is the longest my hair has ever been, thanks to this board and I want to be able to enjoy my progress not hide it away. I also know that if people were simply used to seeing me with my hair down, they wouldn't be as tempted to touch it and see what it feels like or if its mine.

 

[Mahalialee4]

How long is your hair "notsomebody"?,I am very careful about when I wear my hair out too (passing brastrap at the back and past armpit length on the sides. Being as it is natural, people really like to get in to it and I am just as determined to keep them out of it. I wear a silk scarf when I wear it down which is about 1 or 2 times a year. It is a shock for some but they have to get over it real quick!
I like French rolls with a few strands hanging loose and that is satisfying my need to express my long hair. I may get up the nerve to wear it out fully this summer. Anyway I can relate. Bonjour.

 

[notsomebody]

I've got one inch to go before I am at bra strap which was my first hair goal. Even though I don't wear my hair down a lot, I still keep it wrapped in a silk scarf as often as I can. Like I will put my hair in a bun and then tie the scarf and not take it off until I am inside my office at work. I wish I knew how to make the scarf look better on my head then I wouldn't even take it off at work.

Your hair sounds absolutely beautiful Mahalialee. How long did it take you to reach that length?

 

[Tracy]

Notsombody I feel you. I don't wear protective styles regularly, but the fact that I don't gives me nightmares. Literally. This weekend I dreamed that I went outside for the day after fresh a rollerset and came home at the end of the day to find my hair to my ears (it's well past shouklder length in the back now) from the combination of the air and the rubbing. /images/graemlins/shocked.gif /images/graemlins/crazy.gif

I am constantly in torment over protective styling. It's no way to live. BE FREE MY SISTER - BE FREE! LOL! /images/graemlins/laugh.gif

(My hair IS up in a bun today tho! /images/graemlins/tongue.gif)

 

[Mahalialee4]

I started growing it out from the middle of the neck length in February 1999. It was very unhealthy then but it's all good now. (3b,AA natural,very fine textured, curly, lots of shrinkage). Thank you for the compliment. Bonjour.

 

[notsomebody]

Did you use braids or protective styling to grow your hair out like that? I wonder because except for my twist outs in the summer, I've worn my hair in bun or protective ponytail for the past 3years. No wonder I developed such a phobia about wearing it down.

I had braids in college and lost so much hair when I took them out that I was afraid to ever try them again. Now, I wonder if it was just the fact that I didn't know how to take care of them.

 

[kymelle]

Hi Mahalialee4, I'm a "ghost" member!! Avid reader, you may have "sightings" of my occasional posts.

I'm at your starting point, but at the base of my neck, just barely touching my shoulders (ok when wet!!). I've been doing wet-sets since the summer, no heat (I was a daily abuser).

My question:

Back in '99 when you started to grow out your hair, did you take supplements for growth acceleration. Or was your growth from a basic/sensible hair care routine. I've been on the Bargello system faithfully since early September. Do you think I'm wasting my money??

 

[legs71]

Kymelle,

I have been taking Bargello's regimen for about 3 months now and I am a believer. Because I wear braids and my hair is natural the only way I am able to realize my rapid hair growth is from my body hair. Last night I took a small section of braids out and decided to flat iron it to really see the length. Girl, I was shocked to find my hair is no longer shoulder length as I thought, but collarbone length. Also the back which I thought reached the base of my neck is about 2 inches below the base of my neck. My new growth had an incredible shine-almost like the high pro glo(LOL). The texture of the new growth which I usually need a blow torch to straighten was very soft and manageable. One thing about the vitamins is you must take them faithfully which I have. Also you have to adjust your vitamin intake accordingly to what works for you. This week I am going to increase my dosage of biotin and MSM. I can't wait to take my braids out this spring and see everyone's reaction.

 

[kymelle]

Hi legs71,

That's really encouraging. And yes, I have been faithful, 2xs daily since early September 2002. I've been wearing my hair in a curly wet-set style since the summer, so I have not had the opportunity to see my hair straight enough to get a visual of growth. Even though I use the Nourish Hair, with silica and msm, I still take those isolated (liquid MSM, uggghhh!!- and the pills were to heavy or big or something, would never go down right). Along with the FSO, EPO, biotin, and I added bee pollen (for protein). I agree with the improved texture of the new growth, but not seeing amazingly "rapid" growth. Then again, I'm used to seeing my hair everyday, so I wouldn't notice the growth like someone who has not seen me in a while. But anyway, I'm going to stick with it- Thanks

BTW/LOL/"high pro glo" & "usually need a blow torch" very funny.

 

[legs71]

Kymelle,

You're definitely right about seeing your hair everyday and not noticing a difference in growth. I retighten my braids frequently so I never get to see my growth. This board is encouraging and very informative so it helps a great deal. I find everyone to be on this board to be inspiring, but Henrilou and Adrienne0914 are my "hair heroes". All my life my hair was short and my friends had the long hair. This is the longest and healthiest my hair has been in my life. Even though I take the vitamins and supplements since it's gotten cold here in NY it appears the growth is consistent, but has slowed down a bit(maybe it's my imagination). With this new vitamin craze my boyfriend jokingly calls me a "junkie". In the warm months, my hair and nails grow like crazy. About 2 weeks ago I started washing my braids twice a week and that helps a great deal also. Hopefully by March/April I will be at the halfway mark for my brastrap goal. From how you describe you hair it seems our hair is very close to the same length. Maybe we can become hair buddies to support each other while we attempt to grow our hair long. Happy hair growing!

 

[LondonDiva]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
I am so glad I am not the only one who has ever felt this way. I have a question for you LondonDiva, do you put anything extra on your hair before wearing down, like some type of product that is protective to the ends? I worry so much that my ends are just going to snap off if my hair grazes my shirt collar.

[/ QUOTE ]

notsomebody, sorry for taking so long to reply, work is kicking my [censored] and I just barely have time to read the fewer OT posts on the other boards.
Right now my hair is in individual braids without extentions and my hair rests on my shoulders and a little on my back. I wash it every 2 days which helps with the moisture (I wash with the braids in) and when the hair is in it's dry state in the morning before leaving out I may spray some sheen especially into the ends or use a curl free curl gold activator on the ends of my hair which is non greasy but gives it that slippery feel and acts as a barrier. My clothes I choose to wear out are all shiny/silky material so I don't have to worry about stray hairs catching.

 

[Mahalialee4]

When I started, the longest parts were a few 10"( crown area , some 7" some 4", the back was halfway between kitchen and the bottom of my neck.) some broken areas were at scalp area (hairline), I had health problems and a scandalous diet, etc. I started with wet wraps, oiling and wrapping with silk scarf, moved to buns, wore it curly, rinsed just about every day, etc. did not use regular supplements until way down the line as a regular part of my regime. Neither was I product conscious....just what ever...Started self braiding then getting my hair braided with extensions ( braiders damaged hair more with micro braids but did not spray daily, just rinsed or shampooed in shower (which they were shocked at!). Left the braiders in the dust, and decided to take charge of own hair issues. Once I realized that I was not going to lose my hair, that I could save it by nusing it back to health, I began to incorporate more healthy techniques. Seamless combs, not brushing hair when wet, conditioning after ever rinse and shampoo, deep conditioning. One thing that probably saved my hair as far as technique went is that I rarely ever used a curling iron, blow drier, or chemicals or any kind my whole life. I started to follow through using researched recipes I made...Plus I wrapped my hair most of the time, even when I went out. Few people got to see that mess. Not even my best friends, I was so self conscious about my damaged hair. I slept on silky type pillow case covers too, and wrapped my hair at night. (Because I kept my hair slathered in EVO at night). The main thing is, find out what works for your own hair and give it what it needs. Every thing is not for everybody. Hope this helps. Bonjour.

 

[kymelle]

Legs71-

To give you an idea of where I'm starting, here are some pics from September 2002 (I'm in a 365 day hair challenge):

Picture Trail

NOTICE: The pics were photographs transfered to a disk and turned out really dark.

I can't wait for those to become by "before" pics.

Thanks for the encourgement, and I'll keep you posted. /images/graemlins/wink.gif