Getting over someone advice

[NIK]

A friend of mine cannot get over a guy...and I'm running out of advice...what do you think? Here is the story:

In 2001 my friend met this guy in college. They were never a couple and they were just kicking it. I believe the guy just got out of a long term relationship and just wanted to start dating again.

After a few of dinners and "hang outs", my girl asked him "what his intentions were?"...he just said that they were "cool" and that's it. Basically, he thought she was a good and very cool girl to just chill with...which I question this because he acted a little bit more friendly (if you know what I mean). So, my friend decided to keep her distance from him so, she wouldn't catch feelings. Unfortunately, it was too late.

Then, she found out that he had a girlfriend. But he still wanted to chill with her just to kick it.

After few rounds of cutting him off, she finally stopped talking to him because she felt so confused but she still had feelings for him.

Now, she found out that the guy is engaged and doesn't know what to do with herself. I've been giving her the usual advice of "he is not for you, you'll meet the one, etc....). I even told her to date and she has but for some reason, she cannot get him out of her system completely.

Now it has been 4 years that she has dated someone because she has really hard time meeting quality men and she feels down and like she messed up or could have done something to keep him, etc...

I don't know what else to tell her...any advice??

 

[ThickHair]

Not much except move on. Seems like he was very clear with her. That is the problem with "kickin it".

 

[dreysonsmommy2011]

At this point I think that you have said just about all that you possibly could...This is one of those life lessons that she is just going to have come to terms with and figure out on her own. She won't ever meet anyone new until she lets go of the past. She can't expect someone to be really into her if she is thinking about some other guy. She needs to live and let go

 

[locabouthair]

wow! has it been 4 years since they stopped speaking?

it's messed up how he did her. guys always do that they wanna "kick it" with you and then you find out you're the side piece and he has a wifey.

your friend should have left him alone when she found out he had a gf, but when we're "in love" or attached to someone we do things we shouldn't do.

She has no choice but to move on. He's doing the same so why shouldn't she?

 

[Kurlee]

That is such a burn! poor girl! Time and a distraction are the only things that will help her

 

[locabouthair]

That is such a burn! poor girl! Time and a distraction are the only things that will help her

yeah that's all that will help.

i feel for her though.

getting over heartache is hard.

 

[NIK]

Thank you ladies for your replies. I know she wants to move on but she's just frustrated that she doesn't know how...and she blames herself for how she feels right now but she thinks she knew better.

 

[sky_blu]

Maybe it just takes her awhile to get over people. I know it takes me awhile and everybody tells me just "Get over him!" but if you have feelings for someone you can't shut it on and off like a light switch. But mmmhh she hasnt spoken with him in 4 years and not over him? Thats crazy

 

[msmills2U]

the best way to get over a guy is to get under a new one.

it works!

 

[esoterica]

I spent almost a year attempting this with a friend of mine and it made no difference. She got over it in her own time. Most of the time what we feel and what we know are different. Everybody knows they shouldn't miss their ex, but they do for a while, it's normal. However, if it's been 4 years then she needs to get a grip on reality and just accept that she messed up big time by "kicking it" with a guy that only thought she was "cool". Dumb move, but the whole point of life is moving on and improving yourself. She cannot erase time.

 

[filthyfresh]

Four years?
I don't even have shoes from four years ago, let alone memories of a man that wasn't mine to begin with.
She's got to do it in her own time, but sheesh, four years?
I bet you feel like this smiley when you talk to her.
All I can say is...hell, I really don't know what to say.
If she brings him up, I'd say "Oooh girl that's so old. Why even talk about him? Let's focus on the present."
And if she doesn't get it after that, I don't know what to tell you.

 

[LittleGirlBlue]

It wasn't completely clear, and I just wanted to ask: Has she indeed cut him completely out of her life? Has it really been four years since they have spoken?

Has she been pining for him for four years, or do these feelings come and go? Just wanted to gather a lil more info.

 

[erokawa]

That's really sad... all that can help her is time if you've said and done everything else. That's why I'd only kick it like that with good friends. I don't trust strangers.

 

[tocktick]

Not much except move on. Seems like he was very clear with her. That is the problem with "kickin it".

pretty much. it would appear he made the nature of the relationship clear. she choose to accept the terms of the deal, so i guess that's that . it's much too bad that her emotions got tied into it but this is something that she now needs to deal with in her own time. you cannot really give rational, logical advice to someone who is highly emotional; the combination does not often mix well. i would suggest you stop giving her advice and just let her deal with this on her own terms.