Funeral trouble

[Khaiya]

Hi ladies, i have a situation i want ya'll to give me some advice on *WARNING, LONG POST FOLLOWS!!!

Ok, so my DH's grandma died about a week ago from heart problems, (this story requires some background) she's pure indian, married an indian/caucasian man and in your younger years she was VERY racist, my MIL (mother in law) was indian/black and my GIL (grandma in law) and her daughters gave my MIL a REALLY hard time because she was "black".

Eventually my MIL divorced my FIL (father in law) and finally gave my GIL the cussing out she deserved (the argument that triggered my GIL's first heart attack!) Anyway, my GIL got divorced and later remarried a black man, she's been really sweet to me (my MIL warned me it might be fake) but i tried to convince myself she was genuine and we had no issues.

Now her daughters, my IAIL (ignorant aunts in law) have been taught VERY WELL, they were the ones that gave my MIL the hardest time of all and encouraged my GIL to do terrible things to her (like guarantee a loan for the house my MIL, FIL, DH and his brother were living in and then cancel the loan so they couldn't finish the house, it remains unfinished to this day cause my MIL moved out and left my FIL in it with their 2 sons and moved on with her life.)

So my IAIL know i exist, dont want to meet me, hear about me, didnt come to my wedding, just dont want to have anything to do with me at all cause i'm black, they give my DH a hard time if he talks about me, in his earlier years they tried to indoctrinate him to only date indians but it didnt work so they're not very happy with him.

Now, my GIL has died, the funeral is on Thursday, i'm cautious about going but i never thought it was an option for me to stay home, i want to be there to support my hubby regardless of what they think, i'm not going there to fight or anything, i have every intention to avoid them. Then today my hubby says if i plan to go

, so i'm thinking, of course i plan to go! thats not even an option for me, thats a strange question.

So i ask him if we wants me to go with him, he says he wouldn't mind the company to drive there but he needs to talk to his dad (my FIL) and find out who will be at the funeral

. So i'm feeling a little hurt cause i dont see why it matters who's going to be there, so he picks up on my attitude and asks whats wrong, so i say i'm a little.......confused by what you said about the funeral. He says his dad asked him earlier this week if i was coming but the way his dad asked, he wasn't sure if his dad wanted me there or not

.

So tell me ladies, am i being a little selfish or unreasonable to feel hurt? I suddenly dont feel welcome in the family anymore, i feel more like a girlfriend than a wife. His dad was always pretty friendly towards me so i dont understand why he would have a problem with me being there aside from that his sisters might not like it (an i dont really give a rat's *** what they think, i wanted to go for my DH not for them).

I'm wondering if maybe i'm being a little insensitive and just not looking at it from my DH's point of view but i feel like he should stand up for me and insist that i be there if i want to be, i dunno, i dont know if i even wanna be there anymore, i feel like an outsider, like i dont even belong there with my DH. So i'm a little blue today.

I know this is long, and i hope ya'll can understand what's been said, but what do you guys think i should do? should i go or stay or what? If ya'll have any questions feel free to ask.

 

[dlewis]

I would do what your Dh recommends. It's his family and yes you should be with him BUT in a situation like this where the EGIL (evil grand in law) has died, everyone might be sensitive. I don't think it's right, even with them being like they are, to make them uncomfortable at a time like this.

I feel for you.

 

[Nayeli]

I certainly understand why you're hurt. My first instinct was not that your husband was shutting you out, but rather that he was trying to protect you from adverse feelings towards you that may be displayed at the funeral.

 

[Khaiya]

^You're right, actually he doesn't want to go because of his aunts but he has to go because its his grandma and he wants to support his dad, granddad and younger brother. I dunno, i know questions are gonna be asked if i dont go as well, if noone else my MIL is going to want to know why i let him go alone so either way i take it i'm gonna have trouble with somebody. I dunno, as of right now i dont feel like i'm going to go.