Friends??

Age has a lot to do with it for black women especially if the person already has an established set of friends or are under the impression that they don't need friends. Joining clubs, groups and organizations, volunteering ect. will help you to meet people with similar interests. Talk to people around and eventually it will happen. :yep:
 
I have no idea, im 30 and i guess im just tired of alot of the drama that have came with my friends in the past. Ive had to cut alot of people loose lately friends and family and those that remain are here for a reason, My very best friends are my mom and dad. Maybe it has something to do with getting older, wanting your life and priorites in order, Im hard to roll with anyway im too honest:look:
 
awhyley said:
Huh? Why would they think that? :perplexed
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A lot of times married, engaged, booed up women will think all they need is their husband/SO and family. Or some people are so caught up in their careers and kids that they don't think friends are important anymore. The ones who had bad experiences categorized all black women as messy and trifling. My friends and I attended a friendship workshop a few months back and I was amazed at what some of the perceptions about friends were. :nono:
 
This mentality has always amused me but I guess it is that serious for some. I never saw what the big deal was in making a new associate/potential friend. I would figure as long as someone does not come with drama, what could possibly be the harm. :perplexed

Ramya said:
Age has a lot to do with it for black women especially if the person already has an established set of friends or are under the impression that they don't need friends. Joining clubs, groups and organizations, volunteering ect. will help you to meet people with similar interests. Talk to people around and eventually it will happen. :yep:
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Social.Buttahfly said:
This mentality has always amused me but I guess it is that serious for some. I never saw what the big deal was in making a new associate/potential friend. I would figure as long as someone does not come with drama, what could possibly be the harm. :perplexed
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Yeah, that's the main reason I've made fewer and fewer friends as I've gotten older - my tolerance for drama - esp. drama that you can SEE coming 5 months down the road - has gone down to nil. Nil. NIL.

My life isn't messy, and I'm not trying to invite ANYONE into my life and my heart (and that's what friendship requires, for me) who is messy. Not. having. it.

I want friends - crave them - but - I'm picky. And I'm not willing to settle with hanging out with just anyone in order to have 'friends'.

And yeah, I need to get out more, too. :lachen: I can admit that.
 
I guess I am too picky.

I'm a stage in life where I don't have much $$$ and most of my "friends" want to go to vegas and clubbing all the time, dropping loads of money on drinks and flights. I just can't do that. Not to mention I am just not into clubs at this point in life.

Another thing is I don't BS people and most people don't like that. There is what you want to hear and what you NEED to hear. Especially regarding relationships, and most people don't want me to tell them the truth. Isn't that what friends are for?

I get sick of people who gossip all the time...I mean really...is there nothing else going on in life? Especially people who gossip in front of me and are all whispering. That is incredibly rude and I just don't go for it.

I hate texting. I don't do it unless I can't call. People want to send me 50-11 texts.

Maybe I'm a little like a man. I like my life simple, drama-free and yeah...
 
everything in this is totally me!!!!

wanna be friends?! :lachen:

vivmaiko said:
I guess I am too picky.

I'm a stage in life where I don't have much $$$ and most of my "friends" want to go to vegas and clubbing all the time, dropping loads of money on drinks and flights. I just can't do that. Not to mention I am just not into clubs at this point in life.

Another thing is I don't BS people and most people don't like that. There is what you want to hear and what you NEED to hear. Especially regarding relationships, and most people don't want me to tell them the truth. Isn't that what friends are for?

I get sick of people who gossip all the time...I mean really...is there nothing else going on in life? Especially people who gossip in front of me and are all whispering. That is incredibly rude and I just don't go for it.

I hate texting. I don't do it unless I can't call. People want to send me 50-11 texts.

Maybe I'm a little like a man. I like my life simple, drama-free and yeah...
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vivmaiko said:
I guess I am too picky.

I'm a stage in life where I don't have much $$$ and most of my "friends" want to go to vegas and clubbing all the time, dropping loads of money on drinks and flights. I just can't do that. Not to mention I am just not into clubs at this point in life.

Another thing is I don't BS people and most people don't like that. There is what you want to hear and what you NEED to hear. Especially regarding relationships, and most people don't want me to tell them the truth. Isn't that what friends are for?

I get sick of people who gossip all the time...I mean really...is there nothing else going on in life? Especially people who gossip in front of me and are all whispering. That is incredibly rude and I just don't go for it.

I hate texting. I don't do it unless I can't call. People want to send me 50-11 texts.

Maybe I'm a little like a man. I like my life simple, drama-free and yeah...
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Umm this is me too and I managed to find 3 close female friends who fit the bill. :yep: It really bothers me that women are connected to drama and gossip though.
 
Ramya said:
A lot of times married, engaged, booed up women will think all they need is their husband/SO and family. Or some people are so caught up in their careers and kids that they don't think friends are important anymore. The ones who had bad experiences categorized all black women as messy and trifling. My friends and I attended a friendship workshop a few months back and I was amazed at what some of the perceptions about friends were. :nono:
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k thanks, that makes sense. I didn't know they had friendship workshops.
 
Ramya said:
A lot of times married, engaged, booed up women will think all they need is their husband/SO and family. Or some people are so caught up in their careers and kids that they don't think friends are important anymore. The ones who had bad experiences categorized all black women as messy and trifling. My friends and I attended a friendship workshop a few months back and I was amazed at what some of the perceptions about friends were. :nono:
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There is definitely truth in this. Women get married and have kids and that becomes their whole life. Hard to make new acquaintances when all you do is work and go home. Men, on the other hand usually have no problem because they keep their social circle up, going for a beer with the guys or playing basketball on the weekends.

I remember years ago I went to visit my Aunt out of state and I asked her if she was friendly with her neighbors. She said, "No, I don't be having women up in my house. I don't fool with them.":perplexed
 
awhyley said:
k thanks, that makes sense. I didn't know they had friendship workshops.
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Women's fellowship at my church hosted it. There were 6 women who have been friends for 30+ years and they gave advice and did a question and answer section. They all live in different cities or states now but they are still close friends. The women were all noticeably different but one thing that I did pick up on was their dedication to their friendship. After that night my friends and I decided that we were committed to our friendship for life. No matter where we go or what point we are at in life, we will make time for one another. :o
 
Friendship workshops? Interesting.


I like to keep to myself so I can go for stretches of time without seeing or talking to my friends. Thankfully they're busy like I am so they understand. They're friends from childhood so we know we're not going anywhere even if we haven't spoken with each other in awhile. Newer friends, I've found need way more nurturing because that history isn't there.
 
CandiceC said:
Friendship workshops? Interesting.


I like to keep to myself so I can go for stretches of time without seeing or talking to my friends. Thankfully they're busy like I am so they understand. They're friends from childhood so we know we're not going anywhere even if we haven't spoken with each other in awhile. Newer friends, I've found need way more nurturing because that history isn't there.
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I agree with this. My closest friends are my friends from childhood. If we don't talk or see each other for a while, when we finally do we can just pick up where we left off. A new relationship(of any kind) needs to be cultivated and nurtured. That's hard to do in adulthood when everyone is so busy and doesn't have time to devote to developing new relationships.
 
I don't have the desire to have new friends but if it happens, it happens. I have a pretty good life with the folks I surround myself with now. :perplexed:

ETA: My bff and I have known each other since kindergarten. TRUE friends are very rare!
 
Females equal drama too me. My best friends is my mother. She totally understands me. I wish that making friends gets easier with age, but it doesn't. Oh well!
 
I mean, like I have had friends who meet a guy in a club, don't talk to him, and on the first night sleep with him, and then complains he only calls them for sex.

Everyone is like, "oh he is such a jerk blah blah"

I'm like. You carried yourself like all you wanted is sex. What do you expect him to want to really KNOW you now?

Of course...that's not what people want to hear. So I am the rude one, the jerk.

I carry my lunch to grad school everyday. My friends eat out everyday. I can't afford that. Now I'm the antisocial one.

People want to go out clubbing the night before we have a huge brief due...that's not me.

I miss having deep conversations with people. Perhaps that's why I am on here so much. So much to discuss.
 
As I have gotten older i find myself being my own friend. I spen more time with myself and family and less with friends. I find myself staying home more when the girl's go out. I'm in a place in my life where I'm trying to get in tune with myself. I have found that friends I thought I had, really weren't my friends and I'm alright with that. I find things to do with my children and that makes me happy!
 
Viv-

See my friends eat out a lot too. I don't always go. If I have the money, I'll go otherwise I'm going to take my behind in my kitchen and eat lol. Sometimes I'll offer to cook and invite everybody over to eat.

We also have "study nights" like we are in the middle of final exams and have stayed together for the last week keeping each other in check. :lol: It took us a while to get here but we had to have some balance. Everybody ain't balling out of control so sometimes we just drive to the beach or walk to the park. We try to be mindful of everybody's financial situation.

Have you talked to them about this before?
 
I'm glad you started this thread. It is!!I used to think that I had some serious problems. I have stretch marks on my thighs. I'm not sure what I am going to major in. And then I meet people, and these people have crazy drama in their lives. And it's not that I'm insensitive, I am really open to listening to other people. Which becomes an even bigger problem, because I get sucked into their drama and I become temporary confidant instead of friend.

Also, I don't know how it is with older generations, but in my generation, literally all anyone wants to do is drink. Like everyday! Studying becomes a drinking game. Gotta have a shot before going to see Batman. I think this is becoming a barrier to me becoming friends with people my age. I'm sorry I know, I how to have fun without alcohol? I'm not much of a party girl, and with this hollywood culture, that's all any wants to do is take pix and post them on facebook.

I have alot of acquaintances. :yawn: But, if I could just have one really best friend or two that would last me a life time. Having to deal with people's drama, and people's low self-esteem, and people's fakeness ), it's just too tiring. A girl needs her beauty sleep, once in a while, you know?
 
Well I'm newly engaged, but don't want to be up under him 24/7. He still hangs out with his boys, so why can't I hang with my girls. Plus my fiancee is in a motorcycle group with female members and "groupies". I don't have time to worry about women being around and him doing things he's not supposed to. If he's going to cheat, he's going to cheat, me sweating him ain't gonna change that.

As far as friends, I have my 2 oldest friends from high school, but they don't live in NY, 1 is in Ohio and the other in Florida. And I actually met my best friend off the net. I was wondering if it was me, or do most women feel the same?
 
Ramya said:
Viv-

See my friends eat out a lot too. I don't always go. If I have the money, I'll go otherwise I'm going to take my behind in my kitchen and eat lol. Sometimes I'll offer to cook and invite everybody over to eat.

We also have "study nights" like we are in the middle of final exams and have stayed together for the last week keeping each other in check. :lol: It took us a while to get here but we had to have some balance. Everybody ain't balling out of control so sometimes we just drive to the beach or walk to the park. We try to be mindful of everybody's financial situation.

Have you talked to them about this before?
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I have, and they say that they just don't have the time to make their own meals. So, sometimes I suggest they get food to go and come sit and eat with me - they want me to take my food to the restaurant. lol. I am not about to walk into a sit-down restaurant with my tuperware and bottle of water. :lachen:

When I had the money I went with some other friends, but the thing that irked me is they decided to order like 4 different appetizers and split the cost. So while I had expected to drop a modest $3-8 the meal ended up costing a lot more.

I try to invite people to my house for barbecues with DH and I, usually only 2 people show up. And sometimes it sucks when you find people who are willing but the chemistry isn't there. You try to talk but most of the night is spent making awkward observations about the weather. :lachen:

It was also different when I was in college because I could just invite people to hang out at my dorm. Now, in grad school and friends working and some with kids, it's difficult to find a time that's convenient for everyone. I guess that's one of the consequences of getting older - losing the free time you used to have. :ohwell:

As for studying, I am so not a group person. What takes a group like 4 hours to cover, takes me about 2.5. So I much rather study alone. Plus I get to tempted and start talking to people instead of doing my work.:lachen:
 
I don't know. It's not hard for me to make friends. BUT.... I want to make friends more with Christian minded women who are in their late 20's.

I haven't found a church home yet. So, it's kinda hard..... :perplexed
 
LaBelleChele said:
Well I'm newly engaged, but don't want to be up under him 24/7. He still hangs out with his boys, so why can't I hang with my girls. Plus my fiancee is in a motorcycle group with female members and "groupies". I don't have time to worry about women being around and him doing things he's not supposed to. If he's going to cheat, he's going to cheat, me sweating him ain't gonna change that.

As far as friends, I have my 2 oldest friends from high school, but they don't live in NY, 1 is in Ohio and the other in Florida. And I actually met my best friend off the net. I was wondering if it was me, or do most women feel the same?
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I was waiting for you post a thread to give you my first and only THANKS!!!! :lachen:Mwen fou!!! :yep:

Um, well we have spoken about this to no end, and we have that event next Friday to look forward to. WOO HOO!!!! Maybe we can go to our spot after? :look: Nah weh Sherman! :lachen:

No, it's not just you. I guess at the age that we're at, SOME women have already made their lifelong friends and are not accepting any new applicants. However, since we met each other, I am sure there are others who are in a similar situation and are looking for quality friends. :yep:
 
Op, honestly it's not you. Unless you have some huge character flaw that's repelling everyone away from you which I highly doubt that you do. It's just basically the factors that everyone else mentioned.
1. Set social circles and and reluctance to add new people to the mix.

2. Women that are focused on other things they have going on boyfriend, spouse, kids, career, or trying to get all of the above and friendship is pushed to the back burner .

3. Women hold onto the bad friendships they've had in the past and are unable to trust anyone in a new friendship.

It's something I want but I'm not going to beat myself up over it anymore because it hasn't happened yet. Now I'm focusing on dong things that make me happy and if I meet some people along the way that's great .
 
Imani said:
I'm 26 and I haven't made any new female friends in ages. My closest friend is a guy. And I'm really close to my family (mother, grandmother). I don't really talk to any of my female friends from undergrad. We kinda grew apart/had drama, etc. I made some female acquaintances in grad school that are cool and we hang out occasionally; we aren't really close tho. It seems like the people I met in grad school were a lot less dramaful, but already had their cliques and I kinda always felt like a bit of a tag along.

I think after a certain age, most females already have their core friends and its hard to make close friendships. Plus, on top of that I'm extremely introverted and not very outgoing. When I move this year, I do plan to join some organizations and make an effort to get out and meet people (both sexes). But I am starting to realize any really close friendships will prob be hard at this age.

SOME females do have a bunch of drama. But not everyone. You just have to learn to spot it out and not hang w/those people. And to just find people who u click with and have similar interests. The only thing that has really shocked me as an adult making new friends was that a female acquaintance told someone else (i saw the email) that I take all the male attention when we go out and so she doesn't invite me out very often anymore:ohwell:
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My mother told me she thinks this may be the reason I'm having the female-friend issue too. (I have a ton of self-confidence, but I never mentally put others down b/c of looks and I view everyone as being complete as they are so this never, ever crossed my mind, but I suppose there are people out there that feel this way?)

I tend to get a long better with guys anyway or other "slightly girly tom-boys (like myself)" like my female friends from HS
 
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