Friends Who Like the Same Guy

[allygreeneyes]

So.......what would you do if you started seeing someone, all seems to be going well and on paper he seems to be everything you have been looking for.

Then your very good friend tells you she just met a guy the previous week who seems to be all she is looking for and after she finishes telling you the "happy" news, you tell her that he is the same one you have been seeing.......

Where do you go from here - Do you confront the guy? Call him and tell him what went down and see what he has to say for himself or do you just leave him alone and move on?

 

[JustKiya]

Are y'all exclusive? If not, then I would kindly ask my girl to step off for the sake of our friendship, and roll on - without mentioning it to him.
If y'all are exclusive, I'd thank her and dump him. She can have him if she wants. And again, I wouldn't tell him why.

 

[allygreeneyes]

No we are not exclusieve but home girl seems very "thirsty".......she already told him that his "friend" is me.
Would you call him or just let it die?

 

[JustKiya]

I wouldn't involve him at all, to be honest. You have no room to limit - or even care about - who else he is dating, because y'all haven't agreed to not date other people, and trying to do so makes you look like the crazy/overinvolved/stifling one.

Your 'friend' though - if she really is a friend - should respect the fact that you are trying to build something with him, and should step off.

If she doesn't, I wouldn't consider her much of a friend, to be honest.

 

[allygreeneyes]

She didn't know that in the beginning and just found out but it looks as though she is smitten.

I personllay wouldn't want him if I was her but...........

 

[Ronnieaj]

^^^Query though: isn't the flip side also true? What if she's trying to build something with him too? Which friend is required to step back, and at what resentment to the other? I don't know if I'd confront him, but quite frankly, I don't think I'd be interested in him at this point either.

 

[JustKiya]

^^^Query though: isn't the flip side also true? What if she's trying to build something with him too? Which friend is required to step back, and at what resentment to the other? I don't know if I'd confront him, but quite frankly, I don't think I'd be interested in him at this point either.

First come, first served. If homegirl had met him first, I'd be telling OP the same thing.

 

[allygreeneyes]

Too true also ronnieaj.......in my heart I really don't think I want him anyway - he told her the same things he told me. And I don't think I will confront him about it.

 

[Ramya]

First come, first served. If homegirl had met him first, I'd be telling OP the same thing.

But she didn't know that OP was dating the guy. If it were me I wouldn't stop seeing him if I liked him. He'll make that decision for himself in due time.

 

[JustKiya]

But she didn't know that OP was dating the guy. If it were me I wouldn't stop seeing him if I liked him. He'll make that decision for himself in due time.

Even for a friend? Really?

 

[allygreeneyes]

That's why I think I will not call him - if he is interested then we will go from there.

No physical attachment involved (thank God)

 

[Amcd]

If it were me, I would stop seeing him. It would get to complicated with the friend since she seems like she isn't going anywhere. It would make me take a closer look at my friend though. Why would she talk to him about me when the two of us have not decided what we will do?

 

[Aveena]

I personally would write him off... sure he can date whom ever (true) before we become exclusive but he ventured into my backyard whether knowingly or unknowingly and that is not cool with me.

Something similar happened to me. I was dating a guy who was also dating my friend's friend. So I'd tell my friend about him all the while she was hearing about the SAME guy from her other friend (a friend I never met and don't know).

Anyway one day she started asking me detail questions and it turned out to be the same guy.

He helped the other girl move into her apt (her friends and family there) the SAME day I had dinner with him and a few of his neighbors!

anyway THAT was a little too close to home for me. I stopped seeing him...

 

[Ramya]

Even for a friend? Really?

Why can't my friend make the decision to stop seeing him for me? It's casual dating at least on his end as he's still seeing other people. I'd keep him in the rotation, it's nothing serious so it's no big deal *shrug*

This actually happened in our group and both friends continued seeing the guy who turned out to be a jerk anyway. It was never an issue and we all knew they were casually dating the same guy.

 

[allygreeneyes]

I tell you homegirl is on the prowl for a man........and is soooooo happy she met him. I told her that was the same way I felt in the beginning as well.

 

[allygreeneyes]

I feel like I'm in the Brandy and Monica song - you know the one I mean right?

 

[JustKiya]

Why can't my friend make the decision to stop seeing him for me? It's casual dating at least on his end as he's still seeing other people. I'd keep him in the rotation, it's nothing serious so it's no big deal *shrug*

This actually happened in our group and both friends continued seeing the guy who turned out to be a jerk anyway. It was never an issue and we all knew they were casually dating the same guy.

Okay, that makes sense.

My line of thought was that if it's that casual, and your friend is that uncomfy about you dating him as well - for the sake of the friendship, I'd cut him off.

It sounds like in your group, there were no issues about both girls going out with him - which, to me, is the logical reaction. Casual, ya know? Long as you don't try to double date.

 

[Ronnieaj]

I personally would write him off... sure he can date whom ever (true) before we become exclusive but he ventured into my backyard whether knowingly or unknowingly and that is not cool with me.

Something similar happened to me. I was dating a guy who was also dating my friend's friend. So I'd tell my friend about him all the while she was hearing about the SAME guy from her other friend (a friend I never met and don't know).

Anyway one day she started asking me detail questions and it turned out to be the same guy.

He helped the other girl move into her apt (her friends and family there) the SAME day I had dinner with him and a few of his neighbors!

anyway THAT was a little too close to home for me. I stopped seeing him...

Yeah, that would cut a little too close for me too. My SO used to date a girl I was in law school with at the same time he was dating me. I mentioned something about him in this girl's presence and she asked me if I was talking about him. Suffice it to say that he did not have the best night that night ! But she and I weren't friends. We didn't even have mutual friends. And I'd definitely been there first, by around a year (not exclusive for either one though). But if we'd just started talking, I'd walk away with a quickness. We've been together for 5 years since then and everyone actually gets along okay now, but he still occasionally gets teased about it.

 

[allygreeneyes]

I don't think I want to date the same guy my friend is dating though - this island is so small that we would be bound to run into each other and when he is not with me I would be wondering if they were together.
Ignorance is bliss! If I didn't know then I could be happy in my rose coloured bubble.

 

[allygreeneyes]

I'll tell you ladies one thing though, a women's intuition is amazing and nothing to play around with.
I called him Saturday night to see if he wanted to get together and he was said not tonight as he was going to have an early night and to myself I was saying that don't sound right! A Saturday night and you staying in and you have a chance to spend some time with me and you want to go home. I called him right back and asked him if everything was alright cause he sounded a bit "off". I did not feel good coming off of that conversation and then Monday my friend comes to me with this bs - I was like DAYUM!!!!!!
She was right in the car when he was talking to me....!!!!

 

[JustKiya]

See - I'd have more of an issue about him lying to me. It's easy to say 'I've got other plans'.

That, alone, would get him dropped.

 

[Ramya]

See - I'd have more of an issue about him lying to me. It's easy to say 'I've got other plans'.

That, alone, would get him dropped.

See slime shows itself eventually.

 

[southernchocolate]

Girl please ,drop this dude!!!! Ol' boy has already pegged himself as a liar and your "friend" sat there enjoying the lie that he's told you. Don't waste your time. Let that thirsty chick have him.

 

[princessnad]

He's a liar. DROP HIM!!!

Honesty should never be negotiable. Just too critical.

 

[allygreeneyes]

JustKiya...that's the problem I have - the lie.

Yup!! Southernchocolate imma leave him alone and let the thirsty chick have him.

Thanks ladies, I knew I could count on you guys to see me through this one ((HUGS))

 

[allygreeneyes]

and princessnad.........

 

[DMJ's Mom]

I'd probably just let things run their own course. I'd inform him that we were friends and I'd inform her that he is the same guy that I met and just see what happened esp. if things were fairly new.

 

[Keen]

That's why I think I will not call him - if he is interested then we will go from there.

No physical attachment involved (thank God)

I agree. He already knows. You don't know what your friend told him. If he is interested, he will call you.

If he does call you and bring it up. Tell him you wanted you are aware that he is aware of the situation, so you didn't want to get in the way of what he really wants. If it's you, he should be able to tell you at that point.

 

[MuseofTroy]

So.......what would you do if you started seeing someone, all seems to be going well and on paper he seems to be everything you have been looking for.

Then your very good friend tells you she just met a guy the previous week who seems to be all she is looking for and after she finishes telling you the "happy" news, you tell her that he is the same one you have been seeing.......

Where do you go from here - Do you confront the guy? Call him and tell him what went down and see what he has to say for himself or do you just leave him alone and move on?

Considering that this guy isn't exclusive with anyone, he hasn't done anything wrong. With that being said, how close are you to this friend? Is this a very close friend or just an associate that you hang out with occasionally? How much do you like this guy? These are important questions to ask. If this was my best friend and she liked the guy, I would likely back off. Years of friendship isn't worth some dude who is likely not the one anyway. He isn't the only professional/educated/nice looking man on earth LOL.