FH wearing his wedding band before wedding

[wofford16]

This past weekend we had dinner with two other couples, we are getting married in June, one couple is getting married in August, and the other couple don’t have any plans to marry yet since they are both recently divorced.

All of the men are friends and the ladies don’t socialize outside of these rare dinner nights. The gentleman that is getting married in August has recently started wearing his wedding band so this prompted a seriously heated discussion among the men regarding if it were appropriate to wear the band prior to marriage, what say you?

 

[MD_Lady]

Eh. *shrug* If a man is (presumably) that excited about getting married, let him wear his ring. In any case, I don't know why it would spark a heated debate because this definitely falls in the "to each his own" category.

 

[MrsMe]

Interesting. I would be puzzled too, but why can't he wear a ring like engaged women do?

 

[ThickHair]

Um, they aren't married. To me a wedding ring symbolizes the commitment in MARRIAGE. IMHO it isn't appropriate, but with folks calling bf\gf spouses and having 50\11 uncle\daddies and auntie\momma's a lot of folks thinking is warped. Again this is IMHO.

 

[gabulldawg]

This past weekend we had dinner with two other couples, we are getting married in June, one couple is getting married in August, and the other couple don’t have any plans to marry yet since they are both recently divorced.

All of the men are friends and the ladies don’t socialize outside of these rare dinner nights. The gentleman that is getting married in August has recently started wearing his wedding band so this prompted a seriously heated discussion among the men regarding if it were appropriate to wear the band prior to marriage, what say you?

I'm not seeing the issue. Women wear engagement rings. Is this not similar to that idea? Technically my DH is wearing his wedding ring before our wedding, since we recently got married and won't have a big wedding ceremony until next year. I guess he could have waited until then, but he wanted to wear it now since we are already married. I'm wondering if the guy is already married?

 

[10WordzOrLess]

I think that...

-It is rare and refreshing that a man would be excited enough about getting married to put a band on before the wedding!

-That he would do that in a social setting, in front of male friends, speaks volumes to me...

-Bottom Line: If he wants to advertise that he's taken, and his future wife is cool about it, GREAT! At least they're happy right? That's their business, and their business only.


Now, would I have let my hubby do that? Nah, that does not tickle my pickle.

He'd have to wait. I don't know why, but I wouldn't have liked that.

-But I DO get the whole, woman gets the engagment ring though. I mean what does the man get to signify and impending marriage? A COKE AND A SMILE. That's what.

But...I wore just an engagement ring, not the band...to signify being engaged. Men don't usually get engagment rings...so...

Brain hurts.

 

[DMJ's Mom]

To each his own I guess

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

To me thats a great problem to have.

There are too many fools running around itching to take their wedding band off at the first opportunity so they can do their dirt.

This is a good sign to me.....heck this gives me an idea! My FH can wear an engagement band beforehand.....I like it!

 

[10WordzOrLess]

Technically my DH is wearing his wedding ring before our wedding, since we recently got married and won't have a big wedding ceremony until next year. I guess he could have waited until then, but he wanted to wear it now since we are already married. I'm wondering if the guy is already married?

That is a good point!

I was thinking "before married", not "before wedding"

I didn't have a wedding until 5 MONTHS after I was legally married.


DH had that band on the MINUTE we walked out of the coat-house...shhhhhiiiiiiiiiiins.

 

[moonglowdiva]

If that what he wants to do so long as he bought and paid for it.

 

[Mrs. Verde]

I think that...

-It is rare and refreshing that a man would be excited enough about getting married to put a band on before the wedding!

-That he would do that in a social setting, in front of male friends, speaks volumes to me...

-Bottom Line: If he wants to advertise that he's taken, and his future wife is cool about it, GREAT! At least they're happy right? That's their business, and their business only.

I absolutely agree.

 

[spelmanlocks]

I see nothing wrong with it. One of the biggest cheaters I know never wears his wedding ring and takes it off every chance he gets.

 

[MissYocairis]

I don't see the problem. I think it's wonderful. I'm more bothered that this resulted in a "heated discussion" among the men. For why? Were the other men uncomfy with seeing their friend express his excitement about being commited to his future wife? Why are men always busting each others' balls over outward demonstrations of love and commitment? Let that man be excited about being the future husband of a wonderful woman! They really need to let that couple's love be great.

 

[kandake]

My ex wore his wedding band before we got married. He loved his ring and he couldn't wait to wear it. I really don't see the problem.

 

[runwaydream]

what was said in this heated debate?

 

[FlowerHair]

To each their own.

Our tradition calls for the man and the woman wearing engagement rings (usually plain white or red gold bands) and only the woman gets a new and more elaborate ring for the wedding.

 

[wofford16]

what was said in this heated debate?

The heated conversation started when he was asked why he started wearing his ring and he said that when he picked the rings up he was on his way to a networking function and forgot to take it off, while at the function he felt like some of the senior managers would strike up conversations with him more because they thought he was married and they wanted to talk to him about the wife, kids, honey do lists, etc. so he feels by wearing his ring it is increasing his visibility within the company.

The other guy got a little upset behind it and asked him if that was the real reason he is getting married for appearance and status and the guy said no and chimed in I love my lady and if she gets to floss having a good man desiring to marry her then he should be able to do the same. At that point they were going in for the kill, nothing he said was right in their opinion and it just caused tension the rest of the night, it was more fight action at our table than there was on the T.V. during the boxing match we went to go see in the first place.

 

[LilMissRed]

I dont see a problem with it

 

[Bunny77]

The heated conversation started when he was asked why he started wearing his ring and he said that when he picked the rings up he was on his way to a networking function and forgot to take it off, while at the function he felt like some of the senior managers would strike up conversations with him more because they thought he was married and they wanted to talk to him about the wife, kids, honey do lists, etc. so he feels by wearing his ring it is increasing his visibility within the company.

You know, I don't really have an opinion on this issue, but the bolded was a point that a few of us made in a different thread about the benefits of marriage for men... points that a lot of dudes who want to stay single until age 50 and play the field are missing.

If you are in corporate America and reach a certain age, people in power perceive you much differently as a married man as opposed to a single one. You can be a cheating, lying dog for all they care, but the "image" of stability having a wife and kids is something they can relate to... plus, if Mr. Boss is talking about taking his 10-year-old to soccer practice and all you can mention is the chick you met in the VIP at the latest Grown and Sexy night, well uh, yeah.

I think this might be one reason why there's a rush for men after 35 to suddenly decide they want to get married... by then, they might have reached a higher level in their careers and realize they are the oddballs around their peers... and they aren't necessarily perceived as being responsible family men (and therefore, responsible workers deserving of extra tasks, raises, etc.).

Sorry for the tangent!

 

[MD_Lady]

...If you are in corporate America and reach a certain age, people in power perceive you much differently as a married man as opposed to a single one. You can be a cheating, lying dog for all they care, but the "image" of stability having a wife and kids is something they can relate to... plus, if Mr. Boss is talking about taking his 10-year-old to soccer practice and all you can mention is the chick you met in the VIP at the latest Grown and Sexy night, well uh, yeah. ...

This made me for some reason.

 

[FlowerHair]

You know, I don't really have an opinion on this issue, but the bolded was a point that a few of us made in a different thread about the benefits of marriage for men... points that a lot of dudes who want to stay single until age 50 and play the field are missing.

If you are in corporate America and reach a certain age, people in power perceive you much differently as a married man as opposed to a single one. You can be a cheating, lying dog for all they care, but the "image" of stability having a wife and kids is something they can relate to... plus, if Mr. Boss is talking about taking his 10-year-old to soccer practice and all you can mention is the chick you met in the VIP at the latest Grown and Sexy night, well uh, yeah.

I think this might be one reason why there's a rush for men after 35 to suddenly decide they want to get married... by then, they might have reached a higher level in their careers and realize they are the oddballs around their peers... and they aren't necessarily perceived as being responsible family men (and therefore, responsible workers deserving of extra tasks, raises, etc.).

Sorry for the tangent!

ITA. I believe this to be true, especially for professional men higher up in companies etc. Most of them are already married, and it really hinders the social part of networking if they don't have a wife. All those dinners with the bosses...

 

[JustKiya]

I don't think it's appropriate, simply because I think that a WEDDING band shouldn't be worn until AFTER you are married. Just like I give a side-eye to chicks rocking engagement rings and ain't been asked to get married. You are faking the funk.

With that said, I brought DH an engagement ring. I felt that he brought me a sign of our commitment, and since it's an equal commitment, it was only right that I brought him a sign of it, as well. It's a simple yet stylish titanium ring, and when we got married, he added his wedding band (which matches mine) to it. He still wears both to this day, and sometimes when he's working (esp. with high flames/heat) he'll just wear the engagement ring, because titanium is heat-resistant.

You can see his engagement ring closest to his hand. This was right after we got married, so we hadn't switched the order of our rings yet.

ETA: And you know, it's funny, but I never asked him if wearing the engagement ring gave him any 'props' at work. I suspect not, just because of the environments he usually works in, but that's an interesting thought.

 

[likewtr4chklit]

JK that was a really cool idea!

 

[Transformer]

If you are in corporate America and reach a certain age, people in power perceive you much differently as a married man as opposed to a single one. You can be a cheating, lying dog for all they care, but the "image" of stability having a wife and kids is something they can relate to... !

This is so true. The top boss at DH's company would never speak to him. I flew out to meet DH at an out of town business trip and was introduced to the "Mr. Big." Dh states that the guy's attitude toward him immediately changed. I told him it was because he's the only Black guy in the company married to a Black woman!

 

[wofford16]

I don't think it's appropriate, simply because I think that a WEDDING band shouldn't be worn until AFTER you are married. Just like I give a side-eye to chicks rocking engagement rings and ain't been asked to get married. You are faking the funk.

With that said, I brought DH an engagement ring. I felt that he brought me a sign of our commitment, and since it's an equal commitment, it was only right that I brought him a sign of it, as well. It's a simple yet stylish titanium ring, and when we got married, he added his wedding band (which matches mine) to it. He still wears both to this day, and sometimes when he's working (esp. with high flames/heat) he'll just wear the engagement ring, because titanium is heat-resistant.

You can see his engagement ring closest to his hand. This was right after we got married, so we hadn't switched the order of our rings yet.

ETA: And you know, it's funny, but I never asked him if wearing the engagement ring gave him any 'props' at work. I suspect not, just because of the environments he usually works in, but that's an interesting thought.

JustKiya that was such and endearing idea, and you answered another question for me, when to switch the rings around. I thought I had to take off my engagement ring prior to the ceremony and have him place both rings on my finger at the same time but now I know I can just switch the set the next day. You are a wealth of information

 

[JustKiya]

JustKiya that was such and endearing idea, and you answered another question for me, when to switch the rings around. I thought I had to take off my engagement ring prior to the ceremony and have him place both rings on my finger at the same time but now I know I can just switch the set the next day. You are a wealth of information

Yeah, I didn't want to take off my e-ring, and I thought it was appropriate to place the wedding band 'above' the e-ring initially, as a symbol that we had 'locked in' the intentions that the e-ring symbolized.

I think we actually switched at the reception - perhaps right before/after our 'first dance'? It wasn't the next day, though switching them after consummation would be sweet, too.

 

[Cheleigh]

JustKiya that was such and endearing idea, and you answered another question for me, when to switch the rings around. I thought I had to take off my engagement ring prior to the ceremony and have him place both rings on my finger at the same time but now I know I can just switch the set the next day. You are a wealth of information

I wore my engagement ring on my right hand for the ceremony so that DH wouldn't need to put the wedding ring on top of the engagement ring. I switched the engagement ring to be on top of my wedding ring after the ceremony, before photos.

Oh and my DH wore his wedding ring one weekend while we vacationed, a few months before we got married. He did it as a surprise for me, and I thought it was really sweet.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

I think its wonderful that he's that committed. I say yes why not!

 

[luckiestdestiny]

I just read this to my sweetie asking why people would be upset with a man wearing a ring before marriage and said "women have to do it they know we are taken so why not men?"and .in his sweetest condescending voice he said "That's because women are property honey not men." Then he burst out laughing (fyi he was joking)

 

[lunabelle]

Actually FH is getting a "practice ring" to wear before our wedding in August because he rarely wears jewelry and wants to get in the swing of things before he gets the real one. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with that! LOL!