Feelings for a friend.

[Vinyl]

On February 7th, 2008, my life changed completely. Whether it was for the better or for the worse, I'm not sure.

I met this man. We'll call him James. I didn't even like James at first. The very first day I met him, we ended up getting into an in depth conversation about his ex-girlfriend. It make me uncomfortable. Too deep, too soon. I also thought he was arrogant.

As I got to know him better, though, I realized that I really did like him. He reminded me a lot of my boyfriend. I told him that so many times that he started to complain.

Yeah, I bet you know where this is going. I ended up developing feelings for him. I didn't realize it until we didn't talk for a few days and I found myself wanting to go out of my way to spend time with him.

But... I'm taken. And his heart still belongs to his ex. And they might get back together. And this makes me jealous.

I don't understand my feelings for him. They're not born of lust or a dissatisfaction with my current relationship. I'm very happy with my boyfriend. I have a crush on James, only it's something deeper. When I'm with him, I'm happy. It goes beyond the petty crushes that I've had before, when my boyfriend wasn't satisfying me in one way or another. This is why it confuses me. I have genuine feelings for him... and it's something I haven't experienced before. It's like something inside me telling me that there's something there. But knowing that at this time in each of our lives, nothing will ever happen between us.

He makes me happy, not just in a way that I forget my troubles when I'm with him, but also that my whole life has brightened since I've met him. I feel happier, more refreshed, than I've felt in a long while. I feel beautiful. I would consider James an amazing person to have in my life, except that there are times when I start to wish we were more-than-friends. And then I get confused and depressed because I don't want to feel this way. I don't want romantic feelings for anyone but my boyfriend.

I know the best thing to do here is absolutely nothing. I have no desire to leave my boyfriend. I know that even if James and I did get together, it would never work out while he was still so hurt over breaking up with his girlfriend.

I do need someone to talk to about it, though. My closest friend is my boyfriend, so talking to him about this is off-limits. My second closest friend has a crush on me, and his advice is always something like, 'leave your boyfriend. He sucks.'

The strange this is, I talked to James about it the other night. He noticed something was bothering me and asked me what was up. Not wanting to lie to him, I made up some story about 'meeting a guy in Detroit'. He's actually the only one of my friends who's given me genuine advice that actually took my feelings into consideration, and didn't just go, "Leave your boyfriend."

Of course, that didn't help.

I don't know if anyone will read and respond to all this... I just really, really need someone (that's not James) to talk to about this. I can't go into this much depth with anybody without sparking their suspicions.

Thanks for reading.

 

[cocoberry10]

Read "How to Marry the Man of Your Choice" by Margaret Kent.

In it, she discusses how a man may discuss his ex, and how most women try to change the subject, but if you really like someone, you need to let him talk about the other woman he loves (his ex), and how to transfer that love to you. Trust me, it works.

However, don't use this if he's in a relationship. It doesn't look like he is. It looks like they broke up, so definitely it can work for you. She calls is the transfer of affection.

If you are in a relationship, don't use this either. If you don't like the guy you are with, you may consider ending it. If you like him and want to work it out, go for that too!

 

[SweetNic_JA]

It has only been 16 days and you feel this way??
How does he even get classified as a friend in less than 2 weeks. Sounds like a miscategorized emotional affair to me. If you are serious about your boyfriend then you need to get your act together and stop seeing this dude, as it will only get worse from here.

 

[Ivy_Butter]

It has only been 16 days and you feel this way??
How does he even get classified as a friend in less than 2 weeks. Sounds like a miscategorized emotional affair to me. If you are serious about your boyfriend then you need to get your act together and stop seeing this dude, as it will only get worse from here.

I was thinking the same thing. I had to scroll back up to make sure she didn't say Feb. 2007. OP, my advice is to let it go. There may always be some guy who catches your eye or who you can laugh and kick it with. But would you seriously consider being with him after two weeks? I think you have to learn to curb your feelings for him or stop being his friend especially if you and your bf are fine. You can't jump ship every time you develop a crush on a guy especially after only two weeks. You really don't even know James yet. And when you and James are hanging out and you're feeling so happy, where is the bf? Does he know James as well?

 

[strenght81]

I was thinking the same thing. I had to scroll back up to make sure she didn't say Feb. 2007. OP, my advice is to let it go. There may always be some guy who catches your eye or who you can laugh and kick it with. But would you seriously consider being with him after two weeks? I think you have to learn to curb your feelings for him or stop being his friend especially if you and your bf are fine. You can't jump ship every time you develop a crush on a guy especially after only two weeks. You really don't even know James yet. And when you and James are hanging out and you're feeling so happy, where is the bf? Does he know James as well?

ITA

I don't think you are being honest with yourself, if you and your man are fine, James doesn't fit in. It's only when we are having issues in our relationship feelings for others spark. Two weeks is a bit too soon to have strong feelings about another man. If you're feelings are that strong for james then leave your man for him, because by the way you explained the situation your man has nothing on James. But if you are not sure i would suggest you stop all contact with James immediately before you ruin your relationship........

 

[Vinyl]

Yeah, I already told my boyfriend about James. My boyfriend has work/school, so we don't really get to hang out a lot, which is why I didn't mention hanging out with him.

Yeah, I know two weeks is pretty soon. It feels like it's been longer.

It feels good to have people's opinions on it though. I'm def. not gonna be leaving my boyfriend for him or anything like that.