Feel like I can't wear my hair natural..

[Channy31]

Hey ladies,

Over 2013 I made it my mission to learn more about my curls and to learn to love them and I've achieved this

Although, my hair in it's natural state frizzes after a day so I really struggle to wear it out.

I could wash my hair everyday but since my hair is SO thick and dense it can literally take a day or two to dry fully so, it would mean using a blow dryer everyday.

Not only that but it matts up which causes issues.

Also braid and twist outs cause more shrinkage than my natural hair, which I don't like.

I really want 2014 to be a year of super healthy hair but it seems the only way I can wear my hair is straight. Which is not only unhealthy but I also want to show off my curls!

I also hate bunning everyday, i've been bunning for a number of years and i've realised it actually make me less confident than when my hair is down.


Ladies advice? should I give up on natural hair? I'm half tempted to relax..

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Don't give up. It just sounds like you haven't nailed down products or techniques you can live with. What's your regimen?

 

[naija24]

I thought you were doing BKTs. Are you no longer a fan?

 

[Channy31]

Don't give up. It just sounds like you haven't nailed down products or techniques you can live with. What's your regimen?

Erm its simple
Non-sulphate shampoo
condition and detangle
deep condition

Then I've been experimenting with different styling techniques but the only thing that actually works is when my hair is straight.

 

[Channy31]

I thought you were doing BKTs. Are you no longer a fan?

I did two design essential STS treatments which are different to BKT but I noticed my ends suffered.. this could be due to several things for example around the same time I started roller setting. So for now I just cut them all out, whilst I learn more about my curls

 

[naija24]

Idk....I think you ARE wearing your hair natural, but you can't wear your hair curly. I think that's what you're trying to get at.

I say maybe try like roller sets. Your hair would be straight but have curls in them, you can control how many curls or what size, and your hair wouldn't frizz as much I assume.

 

[Channy31]

Idk....I think you ARE wearing your hair natural, but you can't wear your hair curly. I think that's what you're trying to get at.

I say maybe try like roller sets. Your hair would be straight but have curls in them, you can control how many curls or what size, and your hair wouldn't frizz as much I assume.

Idk I feel like I "should" be wearing my curls.. especially if i'm natural but it's not working out and it's getting me down.

Roller sets don't work for me, also they take hours. Flat ironing takes me 40 mins then I can just put some flex rods in for the curls.

 

[naija24]

I totally get that. I feel the same sort of pressure to have my hair a certain way.

A lot of team naturals are against heat/straigtening (but wear booty length straight weaves!!) whatever.

I am trying to learn how to just appreciate MY HAIR and how I want it to look, without outside influence. If you aren't a fan of how your hair looks or feels when curly, then you don't have to fight yourself and try to make it curly. ESPECIALLY if it's getting you down. Hair should not be that serious.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Wear it the way it works for you. You may not be using the best products for your hair. Or the porosity is off, hence, the frizz. And what's the weather like? That's a whole other animal That could be working against you. What's your hair type?

 

[Channy31]

I totally get that. I feel the same sort of pressure to have my hair a certain way.

A lot of team naturals are against heat/straigtening (but wear booty length straight weaves!!) whatever.

I am trying to learn how to just appreciate MY HAIR and how I want it to look, without outside influence. If you aren't a fan of how your hair looks or feels when curly, then you don't have to fight yourself and try to make it curly. ESPECIALLY if it's getting you down. Hair should not be that serious.

You're so right! Thank you so much!

 

[ckisland]

Awwwww!!! Don't give up !!
I'm assuming that you do wash n'gos. What products are you using? Depending on how kinky your hair is, frizz is just going to be another characteristic of your hair. I have very very kinky hair. No matter how much gel I smoothed on, my hair was always kinda frizzy. Frizzy doesn't mean that your curls aren't wearable, it means that your hair isn't inclined to silkiness. Frizz is a part of that universal curly head struggle. Of all the issues people have wearing their natural hair (severe knotting, shrinkage and matting), frizz is something that you can embrace and it'll do you know harm .

But in the end, you can keep your hair straight and still be natural. Afrolistas might not be giving you the nod on the street , but you'll be happy with your hair, so what else matters

 

[Channy31]

Awwwww!!! Don't give up !!
I'm assuming that you do wash n'gos. What products are you using? Depending on how kinky your hair is, frizz is just going to be another characteristic of your hair. I have very very kinky hair. No matter how much gel I smoothed on, my hair was always kinda frizzy. Frizzy doesn't mean that your curls aren't wearable, it means that your hair isn't inclined to silkiness. Frizz is a part of that universal curly head struggle. Of all the issues people have wearing their natural hair (severe knotting, shrinkage and matting), frizz is something that you can embrace and it'll do you know harm .

But in the end, you can keep your hair straight and still be natural. Afrolistas might not be giving you the nod on the street , but you'll be happy with your hair, so what else matters

Thanks, I've been using all sorts of products but as i'm away form home at the moment I can't try anything more out currently.
You're right. I feel like I do need to try out a few more techniques and products to get the results I want.

You're right, I've always been so hung up on my hair I think it means I make a big deal out of it.

 

[Prettymetty]

Can u rollerset? Your hair would be really easy to silk wrap after a rollerset. There are a ton of tutorials on YT. Best of all it isnt direct heat. Flatironing every other week is an option also.

 

[Channy31]

Can u rollerset? Your hair would be really easy to silk wrap after a rollerset. There are a ton of tutorials on YT. Best of all it isnt direct heat. Flatironing every other week is an option also.

I have done in the past but it was really time consuming and around the same time my ends started getting a bit thin.

My hair only takes 40-50 mins to flat iron with the right technique whereas roller settings took hours.

Think I may just flat iron once every two weeks and see what happens.

 

[Bozcurls]

I've pretty much got the hang of my hair now. Wearing it out is a matter of following my own few steps. Since we have a similar hair type maybe it'll work for you.

1) wash (if needed), condition and detangle.

I don't detangle my hair dry, ever. Regardless if it's tangled or not, I'll wash it in that state. I only focus on my scalp when I'm shampooing so that doesn't matter much.

With the conditioner still in your hair, part it in two sections and clip one side up. I use a paddle brush to detangle because it's much faster than a wide tooth comb. Starting from the bottom, I work my way up with my hair under running water. If you have too much resistance, add more conditioner until the brush glides through that entire section with ease.

Add a little more conditioner and use a wide tooth comb to clump your curls back together. While a paddle brush is effective at detangling, it messes with the curl pattern and causes too much frizz if not addressed. Do the same to the other side.



2) use a thick, creamy leave in with a bit of gel.

I usually get dressed first so I'll add a bit of leave and then clip my hair up again. You'll notice the curl pattern pop immediately. Wring your hair until it no longer drips before styling.

Part your hair in two sections again. Bun one side up with a clip so it stays moist. Start with the driest, most frizz prone area. That's usually the back of my head. Part your hair again. Clipping that out of the way. Apply leave in conditioner as desired. If you notice that your hair is starting to tangling again, use your wide tooth comb and then apply a bit more leave in. Now your can truly apply the product evenly. Apply a bit of gel and clip it out of the way. All in all I style 4 sections like that and my hair looks hydrated and defined when fully dry.

I washed and styled my hair around 3 pm today in this pic. It's almost 10:30pm



Sent from my iPhone 5 using LHCF

 

[Ogoma]

If you are feeling the urge to relax, I suggest you go ahead and relax. You can always transition back to natural when you feel like it. Don't make this any bigger than a styling choice.

I have been on this forum long enough to know if you felt the need to make a thread about it, the urge would not go away.

Good luck.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

If you are feeling the urge to relax, I suggest you go ahead and relax. You can always transition back to natural when you feel like it. Don't make this any bigger than a styling choice.

I have been on this forum long enough to know if you felt the need to make a thread about it, the urge would not go away.

Good luck.

True, it feels like you're asking us permission in a way. It's your hair, do your thang.

 

[healthyhair2]

Yeah, I think if you prefer to wear straight hair all of the time, it's best to relax. I went through this several times where I would big chop , get 12 inches of hair and relax again! It took about 5 BC's for me to feel like I really wanted to deal with my hair in it's natural state. It is work. Natural hair is not easy all the time. I am not meaning to put you down in any way, I'm sure you are very capable with your hair, but it sounds like you would feel more confident with straight hair.If that's the case, do what you feel is right for you.

 

[newgrowth15]

MixedGirl. I was having a similar problem with frizz this past fall. I simply switched products (I used TreSemme Naturals all spring and summer) and saw a difference in my hair immediately. Sometimes, curly hair needs a few sulfates and cones in order to behave properly. The problem is the build up of these products on our hair and the need to clarify with nonsulfate and cone free products from time to time.

Photo #1 is the new shampoo I've been using since October.
Photo #2 is the amount I use. I dilute the shampoo with water to prevent drying my hair out.
Photo #3 is the conditioner. Needless to say, I really like the product line.
Photo #4 is my hair before I shampooed. My hair was "dirty" since I hadn't washed it in 14 days. As you can see from the photo my scalp still looks clean, but I prefer to wash my hair weekly or every two weeks in the winter months.
Photo #5 is my hair immediately after washing/conditioning. There is no product in my hair.

Hopefully, you find what works for your hair.

 

[Briabiggles]

Bozcurls

We have similar hair. What products do you use?

Sent from my iPad mini mini.

 

[Channy31]

I've pretty much got the hang of my hair now. Wearing it out is a matter of following my own few steps. Since we have a similar hair type maybe it'll work for you.

1) wash (if needed), condition and detangle.

I don't detangle my hair dry, ever. Regardless if it's tangled or not, I'll wash it in that state. I only focus on my scalp when I'm shampooing so that doesn't matter much.

With the conditioner still in your hair, part it in two sections and clip one side up. I use a paddle brush to detangle because it's much faster than a wide tooth comb. Starting from the bottom, I work my way up with my hair under running water. If you have too much resistance, add more conditioner until the brush glides through that entire section with ease.

Add a little more conditioner and use a wide tooth comb to clump your curls back together. While a paddle brush is effective at detangling, it messes with the curl pattern and causes too much frizz if not addressed. Do the same to the other side.



2) use a thick, creamy leave in with a bit of gel.

I usually get dressed first so I'll add a bit of leave and then clip my hair up again. You'll notice the curl pattern pop immediately. Wring your hair until it no longer drips before styling.

Part your hair in two sections again. Bun one side up with a clip so it stays moist. Start with the driest, most frizz prone area. That's usually the back of my head. Part your hair again. Clipping that out of the way. Apply leave in conditioner as desired. If you notice that your hair is starting to tangling again, use your wide tooth comb and then apply a bit more leave in. Now your can truly apply the product evenly. Apply a bit of gel and clip it out of the way. All in all I style 4 sections like that and my hair looks hydrated and defined when fully dry.

I washed and styled my hair around 3 pm today in this pic. It's almost 10:30pm



Sent from my iPhone 5 using LHCF

Wow! beautiful results. I'll be saving this!

 

[Channy31]

True, it feels like you're asking us permission in a way. It's your hair, do your thang.

you're right I suppose I am..

 

[Channy31]

MixedGirl. I was having a similar problem with frizz this past fall. I simply switched products (I used TreSemme Naturals all spring and summer) and saw a difference in my hair immediately. Sometimes, curly hair needs a few sulfates and cones in order to behave properly. The problem is the build up of these products on our hair and the need to clarify with nonsulfate and cone free products from time to time.

Photo #1 is the new shampoo I've been using since October.
Photo #2 is the amount I use. I dilute the shampoo with water to prevent drying my hair out.
Photo #3 is the conditioner. Needless to say, I really like the product line.
Photo #4 is my hair before I shampooed. My hair was "dirty" since I hadn't washed it in 14 days. As you can see from the photo my scalp still looks clean, but I prefer to wash my hair weekly or every two weeks in the winter months.
Photo #5 is my hair immediately after washing/conditioning. There is no product in my hair.

Hopefully, you find what works for your hair.

Thank you for this, much appreciated.

 

[curlycrocheter]

MixedGirl I've always felt like we are hair twins. You seem to suffer from a lot of the same issues/complexes as me.

for 98% of my life, I've worn my hair straight. Then I decided to give my curls a chance & learned that no heat=big time setbacks for me.

I think its all about finding the right balance in terms of style/technique/products.

I've learned that my twist/braid outs are hit or miss. Even if I do everything the exact same way, I get different results each time.

I always had to learn the right amount of product to use for my hair. I used to think that leave-in's and moisturizers didn't work in my hair. One day, I accidentally poured too much out of the bottle, decided to use it anyway & VOILA! Beautiful hair. I learned that I can't be afraid to use a literal handful of product. I have A LOT of hair, so why would I use a tiny dab of leave-in??

For wash n go's, I had to find a good gel. I find that really is the key to keeping frizz at bay. I also never do a wash n go without plopping. I always wrap my hair in a t-shirt after adding my products. I prefer this over blow drying any day. No, it doesn't dry my hair all the way, but it helps, plus it does something to set my curls just right.

Finally, you have to be okay with your preferences. It's your hair & nobody can tell you how to wear it. I used to NEVER wear my hair curly, now I feel weird when I wear my hair straight. The last time I straightened my hair, I washed it out 2 days later. I use heat sparingly now, to keep things in line & prevent setbacks. But I had to grow to love my hair. It definitely didn't happen overnight.

I've gone back and forth on this issue since I started my HHJ & now, almost 5 years in, I'm reaching the point where my hair doesn't HAVE to be straight all the time. You will waffle back & forth a few times, but in the end, whatever way you decide to wear your hair, it will be the right choice for you

 

[curlycrocheter]

Bozcurls. Those are the exact same steps I use when styling my hair!

I too use a paddle brush. I found it is muuuuuuuch faster than using a wide tooth comb, but still just as effective & gentle. I make sure to focus on my tangle/mat prone areas. For me, they are my nape area & both temples. The only thing I do different is wrap my hair in a t-shirt to dry.

These pics are from the summer, but they show my results. My hair was probsbly 75% dry. It got a little bigger before the end of the day.

 

[Channy31]

MixedGirl I've always felt like we are hair twins. You seem to suffer from a lot of the same issues/complexes as me.

for 98% of my life, I've worn my hair straight. Then I decided to give my curls a chance & learned that no heat=big time setbacks for me.

I think its all about finding the right balance in terms of style/technique/products.

I've learned that my twist/braid outs are hit or miss. Even if I do everything the exact same way, I get different results each time.

I always had to learn the right amount of product to use for my hair. I used to think that leave-in's and moisturizers didn't work in my hair. One day, I accidentally poured too much out of the bottle, decided to use it anyway & VOILA! Beautiful hair. I learned that I can't be afraid to use a literal handful of product. I have A LOT of hair, so why would I use a tiny dab of leave-in??

For wash n go's, I had to find a good gel. I find that really is the key to keeping frizz at bay. I also never do a wash n go without plopping. I always wrap my hair in a t-shirt after adding my products. I prefer this over blow drying any day. No, it doesn't dry my hair all the way, but it helps, plus it does something to set my curls just right.

Finally, you have to be okay with your preferences. It's your hair & nobody can tell you how to wear it. I used to NEVER wear my hair curly, now I feel weird when I wear my hair straight. The last time I straightened my hair, I washed it out 2 days later. I use heat sparingly now, to keep things in line & prevent setbacks. But I had to grow to love my hair. It definitely didn't happen overnight.

I've gone back and forth on this issue since I started my HHJ & now, almost 5 years in, I'm reaching the point where my hair doesn't HAVE to be straight all the time. You will waffle back & forth a few times, but in the end, whatever way you decide to wear your hair, it will be the right choice for you

Thank you, you're right! I get worried that my hair might end up crunchy but I have tons of strands so I must need more product.

 

[Channy31]

Bozcurls. Those are the exact same steps I use when styling my hair!

I too use a paddle brush. I found it is muuuuuuuch faster than using a wide tooth comb, but still just as effective & gentle. I make sure to focus on my tangle/mat prone areas. For me, they are my nape area & both temples. The only thing I do different is wrap my hair in a t-shirt to dry.

These pics are from the summer, but they show my results. My hair was probsbly 75% dry. It got a little bigger before the end of the day.

Beautiful

 

[Bozcurls]

Bozcurls

We have similar hair. What products do you use?

Sent from my iPad mini mini.

I've been favoring that conditioner over Aussie moist lately.

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

OP, you say that the next day it's frizzy. I'm assuming it's ok up until then? What are you doing at night to keep the style? Have you tried doing a pineapple?

 

[Shelew]

OP I would not relax. I understand with the bun and not feeling to confident. Try some of the tips suggested. If they don't work you can pull it in a loose bun in the curly state. That may give a different look until it's perfected to wear down.