fed up-he's not dependable

Glamorous_chic

Glamorous_chic

Well-Known Member
I'm a very understanding person, and sometimes i think i'm a little too understanding. and well, today i'm a little fed up. i've been dating someone for a few months now, and we get along very well, and i enjoy his company. but, he's proven to be very unreliable. he's someone that i was dating with the hopes of it becoming a relationship, and he's stated the same to me as well. but he continues to cancel plans. and it getting to the point of where i almost want to double book plans b/c i'm positive he will not come through. i know these are not qualities that i want in a s/o, and i've stated to him my frustration with the situation. he states that he understands and won't do it, but then of course some "emergency", job or family situation causing him to cancel. it's getting frustrating, b/c i'm left sitting at home, b/c my friends have made plans or are out with their s/o. i think at this point, i only give a damn, b/c he's really the only that i'm dating. most of the guys i meet, seem to only want sex. My single friends who i used to hang with, now have s/o. and it seems like, everytime i start to not give a damn anymore, here he comes. sort of like that chingy song, "something keeps pulling me back". and the whole cycle starts again. i probably wouldn't care so much, if i had "backups" :look:. dating sucks. maybe i'll just get a second job, so i won't have the time or energy to be lonely. b/c when i really thought about this situation, i wondered, am i this desperate to be dealing with someone who treats me like this? when we first started dating, we spent practically everyday together. i'm not exactly sure how we gotto this point. maybe he's just not into me. :sad: it hurts to even come to that realization. :wallbash:
 
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You need to start turning him down when he tries to make a date. Tell him how you feel and that you are too grown for his brand of BS. He will either work harder or give you space where you can date a dependable man who appreciates your company.
 
bimbabe said:
You need to start turning him down when he tries to make a date. Tell him how you feel and that you are too grown for his brand of BS.
Click to expand...

I would start turning him down, but I wouldn't tell him a darn thing. He already knows how you feel, and men tune out talk.

Talk won't make him change, and since they aren't in a relationship, there's really no ground for her to stand on here.

But actions? Yes, those work. I'd begin to start backing away without saying a word.
 
Wow, I'm really sorry. This would def be a dealbreaker for me. When I first started dating my dh we were in a ldr, well he came to visit me while I was still in college. I was so excited about our date. I still remember wearing a new lavendar sweater, curling my hair, anyway, he calls like an hour before to say he was going to hang out with his frat brothers instead. I was like okay, but I was so hurt and disappointed, anyway about 20 minutes later he called and we went out as planned. I think he new from the disappointment in my voice that this was a dealbreaker. You cannot allow him to continue to hurt and disappoint you like this. You gotta find a way to lift your sights higher. You have to believe that you deserve better.
 
I agree with Bunny and especially Hopeful...why does HE get to call the shots in YOUR life?

Where is YOUR life? It should not revolve around him and his plans. You and your life should continue to run like a well-oiled machine - he should be getting in where he fits in.

Plus, you said he's UNRELIABLE...and you're not even in a relationship yet.

I don't think you need another man or another job - I think you need a life...and I don't say that in a sarcastic or snarky way but in a "There's so much more for you and you sound like a nice person" kind of way. Men can pick up on clingyness and they know when you have nothing better to do than be with them. If he knows you're sitting on pins and needles, he has little incentive to come correct.

I'm with Hopeful in terms of continuing.. this would be a deal breaker for me. Perhaps you should consider whether it's a deal breaker for you, especially since he knows how you feel about this pattern.

Teach him how to treat you.
 
Someone else is more of a priority than you, and there's a lack of respect for your time if he can cancel on you with continuous emergencies.

I had the same situation like that with a guy. Funny enough, we became friendly while I was talking to, and eventually dating, someone else. Things with that someone else went dead wrong almost immediately after I "committed" and this person was sitting on the sidelines "waiting for me to be single." When I eventually became single, he wanted to call me his girlfriend, sent me those silly texts calling me by his last names. Mrs. Xxxxx and all that good stuff. We hung out 2 or 3 times in a 4 or 5 month span, but he would never answer the phone for me, barely sent texts, etc. I got the message quick, dated around without making it obvious, and to my surprise he had the nerve to be upset when I had a man, talking about "I already told my brothers and dad you were my baby."

Homie, bye.

I am NOT bragging, but like Mrs. Norway said, men will go out of your way to let you know they care. When I met my DH, he was in another country, on another time zone, sending me pictures he drew from work for me, emailing me, and eventually flying across the ocean to spend time with me. We spoke daily... from the moment we really started "dating" to today.

You deserve someone who's willing to move mountains, not ignore them.
 
You're just an option to him, and he's giving you just enough to keep you around as an option in case whatever he has going on that's making him unreliable doesn't work out. He must have someone he likes better than he likes you. Sorry.
 
I have a friend who's interested in a guy who is not interested in her. He makes dates with her and then comes up with crazy excuses like he has to go to the dentist (that was his excuse on three occasions). It sounds like you're in a similar situation.

And you know what--it's HIS loss.
 
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