Father In Law Hates natural Hair!!!..VENT!

LightEyedMami

LightEyedMami

New Member
So i went to my Husband's Fathers House for a BBQ yesterday; and i was so annoyed by him i try to ignore him but it is getting almost impossible to now. So im a Natural (4b) and my daughter is 3 yrs old (natural as well and is about a 3C-4A) So his family ALL relax their hair, and everytime they see me, they tell me how i should relax my hair and how i would look like a "pretty pueto rican" if i would just relax it :ohwell:. So anyways i MYSELF have got used to the comments but then i got mad when my FIL came out of the blue and said my daughter hair was "nappy" (now i know to US naturals, Nappy isn't bad to us, but the way he said it was as if to say her hair is NOT PRESENTABLE!!) then he goes on to say "It really shows your a good parent when you put care into your child's apperance" as if keeping my childs hair in its natural state is Neglectful, my daughter ALWAYS looks cute when we go out AND her hair is always done before she goes to events, but to hear him talk you would think i let her look any kind of way!!...i refuse to go over his house again anytime soon, i wanted to tell him off SO BAD!! :wallbash::wallbash::wallbash:.........Next time anyone from Hubbys family tells me about me or my daughters hair needing to be fixed they're getting a ear full.
 
Wow... you should have let him know about himself... that's awful. I hope he didn't say it in front of your daughter.
 
Yup, you should definitely say something next time. Be calm but firm when you do it. Let him know in no uncertain terms that you do not allow negative talk about your daughter's (or your) hair and that since you are her parent you will do her hair how you see fit.

I hate when people talk like that around kids because that's how they start getting complexes about their hair.
 
Amen to that! Kudos to you for keeping your cool and not letting him have it then and there, he was WAAAAY out of line. Some people just dont know when to stop.
 
yep he needs to be checked, but umm your husband needs to do it!

If you do it, his family will just talk about you more, if you husband does it your FIL will listen.
 
Yeah, I say get it out now before you get real mad and say more than you intended. That's horrible though. I hate how people get this impression about their OWN hair. It already shows he views straight hair as better and prettier. As if natural hair is a sign of neglect...smh. After all the stories I hear from people who have been overprocessed...... The in-laws showed themselves with the remark about how you would look like a "pretty puerto rican". What does that have to do with straightening your hair ?:rolleyes: I am sure you and your daughter look beautiful with healthy natural hair.
 
Can you talk to your husband about this? I can so see not wanting to go to another event there, ever again, if all you can expect is for them to gang up on you and your daughter about your hair. Have him tell them to stop, I would try that first. Otherwise, spend the holidays with your family.
 
msa said:
1) Yup, you should definitely say something next time. Be calm but firm when you do it. Let him know in no uncertain terms that you do not allow negative talk about your daughter's (or your) hair and that since you are her parent you will do her hair how you see fit.

2) e when people talk like that around kids because that's how they start getting complexes about their hair.
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1) I will for sure i just didn't feel comfortable saying anything there because it was HIS house, which is why i said i wouldn't be back there anytime soon. (if ever if he keeps being a jerk)

2)my daughter has mental and physical delays so THANKFULLY she cannot understand the ignorant things he says.
 
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I agree, hubby should say something as well. Sorry you are dealing with that. I am sure you and your daughter are beautiful with your natural hair.
 
I'm with the others. WHERE IS YOUR HUSBAND?

Why hasn't he said anything? I'm sure he doesnt like his own seed being called a nappy-head either so whats his say-so?

Hubby needs to check his family members FIRST and then if they dont comply, you come in.
 
MizzBrown said:
I'm with the others. WHERE IS YOUR HUSBAND?

Why hasn't he said anything? I'm sure he doesnt like his own seed being called a nappy-head either so whats his say-so?

Hubby needs to check his family members FIRST and then if they dont comply, you come in.
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I agree, I will talk to him about this tonight, he naturally is a "peace maker" and i notice he will shy away from conflict when it comes to people he cares about (Family,Friends ETC.)
 
What does your husband/BF/SO say when his family makes these comments? My husband's family used to make the "good" hair comments about my DD and me. How DD is going to have what they perceive to be long "good" hair. DH could see me about to go off :lachen:. LOL SO he nipped that ISH the bud , and told them all hair is good and to never talk that ISH in front of me or our children. I am sure they still think that mess though :wallbash:
My hair and hers will be long because I take care of our hair:drunk:. All I can say is.......when will people learn???:rolleyes:
 
Girl...NEXT TIME? I would've let lose right then and right there and told my husband "let's go!"

My husband knows I don't play games with him or his family.
 
I don't think you should stop going there because of a comment and a way of thinking. Is your father's husband we're talking about, a member of your family. You should be able to talk to him, calm and polite, explain to him (and the rest of the family) what you think about natural hair, and what you feel about your daughter's hair, and most important how they makes you feel anytime they talk in that way about this topic.

I gues that if you talk to them - even they don't change their thinking about natural hair - they will double think before going on the natural hair looks again.

Good luck!
 
Im-in-Love-with-Guitars said:
So i went to my Husband's Fathers House for a BBQ yesterday; and i was so annoyed by him i try to ignore him but it is getting almost impossible to now. So im a Natural (4b) and my daughter is 3 yrs old (natural as well and is about a 3C-4A) So his family ALL relax their hair, and everytime they see me, they tell me how i should relax my hair and how i would look like a "pretty pueto rican" if i would just relax it :ohwell:.
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What a hot ignant mess:nono:

So anyways i MYSELF have got used to the comments but then i got mad when my FIL came out of the blue and said my daughter hair was "nappy" (now i know to US naturals, Nappy isn't bad to us, but the way he said it was as if to say her hair is NOT PRESENTABLE!!) then he goes on to say "It really shows your a good parent when you put care into your child's apperance" as if keeping my childs hair in its natural state is Neglectful,
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Oh my gosh :needhug: I'm soooo sorry you had to go thru that, I have a portion of my family they're light-skinned and collectively have this complex about natural hair, they're all relaxed and have all had the same hair length for years:rolleyes:. They're practically knocking eachother down and out the way to ask me about haircare when my hair is straightened and swangin but let me roll up to their house with a fro a kink or a curl and for years they'd all look at me like "why isn't your hair done" or "oh gosh there she goes again with that natural hair thing" they quickly learned not to say nothing sideways to me because they know not to get their feelings hurt, they'll find out more about themselves then they will about me if they try to have somethin to say about me being natural.

my daughter ALWAYS looks cute when we go out AND her hair is always done before she goes to events, but to hear him talk you would think i let her look any kind of way!!...i refuse to go over his house again anytime soon, i wanted to tell him off SO BAD!!:wallbash::wallbash::wallbash:
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I believe you I bet you keep her lookin fresh and on point, I think sometimes its a generational thing and theres really nothing you can do to turn their minds around to the idea, to them looking like another lighter race is beautiful *sighs* smh. Just establish the fact that there needs to be a level of respect for you and your daughter thats really all you can do....

.........Next time anyone from Hubbys family tells me about me or my daughters hair needing to be fixed they're getting a ear full.
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I think that's wise, there are certain things that need to be nipped in the bud and disrespecting you and your daughter's natural beauty is one of them, it's just unacceptable, it will set a great example for your daughter as well:yep:
 
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Im-in-Love-with-Guitars said:
I agree, I will talk to him about this tonight, he naturally is a "peace maker" and i notice he will shy away from conflict when it comes to people he cares about (Family,Friends ETC.)
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Great plan. I can understand picking your battles, especially with your family, but at a certain point he needs to stand by you. Isn't that even in the bible?
 
Dak said:
Great plan. I can understand picking your battles, especially with your family, but at a certain point he needs to stand by you. Isn't that even in the bible?
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:yep:Leave and Cleave! (If she believes of course:look:)

I can't stand it when a man doesnt stand up for his wife and instead chooses to stand by his momma-daddy-sis and brother..

Wife comes first!
 
My husband is the same way. And we have had a dificult situation in the past with his family. I find that when he stands up for me. The Family
backs off and they respect him, and they know they can't get between us.
Besides your husband should know the right words to reach his father.
Some men may not respond to "you hurt my feelings" They see women as overly sensitive and emotional.

But when a man steps to another man and says, Leave my family Alone,
Or I need you to show more respect to my WIFE and BABY. A Real man will listen.:yep: In theory:grin:

I am sure he can do this in a way that's respectful and helpful

Im-in-Love-with-Guitars said:
I agree, I will talk to him about this tonight, he naturally is a "peace maker" and i notice he will shy away from conflict when it comes to people he cares about (Family,Friends ETC.)
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mariofmagdal said:
I agree, hubby should say something as well. Sorry you are dealing with that. I am sure you and your daughter are beautiful with your natural hair.
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I LOVE our natural hair, and you know whats funny is that i have been natural for over 6 years and i constantly think about relaxing just because i hate knots and im ALWAYS getting them, BUT when i hear stuff like that it makes me want to stay natural (I don't like people feeling like they got their way :yep:)
 
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I forgot to say in my earlier post DD is natural. I am not. However, I still stand by my thoughts that your DH needs to nip that in the bud. All hair healthy hair growing from our scalp is good :).
 
Yeah, definitely give him an "earful" next time, or let hubby do it. But someone definitely should say something.
 
Thank goodness your daughter doesn't know what hateful things they are saying, because I have definitely seen first-hand that if they are saying it to you, they would be saying something to your DD. "Why don't you ask your mom to do your hair?" or something along those lines is what my aunt said to me to get my mom to put a relaxer in my hair...
 
UPDATE: Well i just finished talking with my husband he apoligized for not saying anything at the BBQ, and called his DAD and let him know "that was innapropriate and that it upset me and made us feel uncomfortable" his father apoligized and said "he didn't mean it like that" and that he was "Sorry" and would not say anything like that again....My husband did mention while we were talking that his dad is getting old and most of the family just ignore him now because he's getting "senile" and says "off the map" stuff all the time, my mom said she noticed that as well and even ignored him herself a few times.

-So i feel better now ladies and from now on we will make it known RIGHT then when (IF) something like that happens :yep:
 
BlkOnyx488 said:
yep he needs to be checked, but umm your husband needs to do it!

If you do it, his family will just talk about you more, if you husband does it your FIL will listen.
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Agreed. What does your husband do/say during all this? i assume he's aware of how annoyed you are by these "discussions"
 
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