Fat Girl Slim . . .

[Glib Gurl]

Okay, so this is a spin-off of the "Strategies for Thick Girls" thread (which, amazingly, is still open )

In that thread VelvetRain made the following points . . .

Always been curious how the other side lives in terms of attracting men.
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Sometimes you gotta try something different if want different results. I see nothing wrong with that.

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My life is not gonna do a total 360 if I drop 4-5 pant sizes but I have identified what exactly is holding me back and its the weight. I do plan on it changing by 180 though. No seriously being heathly is important to me as I am getting older. I just had a surgerey that I probably could have avoided if I wasn't carrying this excess weight around. I am trying to protect the rest of my joints at this point. It's all about the choices one makes and the consequences they deal with afterward. Enough is enough in my eyes.

I think about this often. As an overweight person, I've always said that I didn't want to be with someone who couldn't accept me for who I am at my present size . . . . at the same time, though, that has really limited my dating experience. (Except for the ever so wonderful Dutch Chocolate, who really raised the bar in terms of what I expect in treatment from the opposite sex.) As I am now back in the dating pool, it's finally sinking in that if I want to have more options, I've gotta lose the weight. (There are also other life circumstances - like being in my YOUNGER brother's wedding next year - that have really have motivated me to get this weight off.) But, let's say I do get down to a healthy size . . . I honestly think I would be highly upset if I got with someone who wouldn't have accepted me the way I am today. I mean, am I supposed to go around hiding old pictures of myself? What happens if I have a baby or otherwise put weight back on?

A friend of mine who lost (and then regained ) 100 lbs actually had a situation like this happen to her. She was going to the same gym for years . . . but didn't finally lose the weight until she got into Weight Watchers. When she was at the gym, she always saw the same folks . . . including this one, really fit, good looking brotha. Let's call him Charlie So, Charlie never paid her any attention until she was close to her goal weight . . . and then he came at her HARD. When she politely declined, he got offended ("You need to get with me because I'm the most fly ") And then she was like, "Hold the phone . . . I've been coming to this gym for years and you've NEVER even spoken to me until now, so why should I get with you?" He then stopped in his tracks because he didn't even realize it was the same person (she really did look different - cut her hair and everything). Anyways, they ended up just being friends . . . but that story really stuck with me. Don't get me wrong, Charlie sounds like a prick, but still . . . that was really something.

So here is what I'm wondering -

Are there any ladies here who lost a bunch of weight and found a difference in how they were perceived by men? How did this make you feel? How did this impact your relationship(s)?

Also, I pose the same question to ladies who are hoping to lose weight - how do you anticipate dealing with guys who might not have given you the time of day when you were rockin' Lane Bryant and Ashley Stewart?

GO!

 

[VelvetRain]

Great spinoff glib and I am anticipating the responses. Taps fingers and chills while waiting.......

The last man I dated was not comfortable with me losing my goal of 75 pounds. He was more concerned about there not being enough of you know what back there for coloring purposes. Hell I have had it all my life and isn't going anywhere. I just want to tone it up. If anything I stressed this was something I need to ultimately make me happy and have my clothes fit the way I want too. I am a curvy size 16 andmost folks don't see my weight right away because I am tall. If the fellas come or don't that is cool but this is for me. My experience with some dudes are quick to wanna hit the plus size chick but rarely want anything of substance. My ex is the only person who I truly feel and know he loved me just as I am.

 

[Skyfall]

I have thought about this, if a guy that knew me before was mean to me about my weight then hell no, I would not give him the time of day. If he never expressed romantic interest in me till I lost the weight then maybe, I would have to see how shallow he really is, the latter though wouldn't bother me as much because I don't like big guys either (hypocrite lol)

 

[Katherina]

I haven't had this experience but I think LittleGoldenLamb has posted before on this subject...

 

[Shinka]

I have been in shape and now I am out of shape. Currently, trying to get back in shape. One reason, not 'the" reason, I need to focus on losing weight is that the type of guys I am attracted are not the ones who are into obese women. They value health and fitness. They have to cause I like athletic type guys. I get attention since being overweight still from those types, but it's not as much as when I was thinner ( granted I was never skinny, I was thick size 9/10ish hips, big booty, hourglass etc...) To have a bigger option pool, I feel I need to get back there.

I boiled it down to people have preferences. Like growing up, there were guys who I was uninterested in for x,y,z reason and maybe after they grew into themselves physically or got more education, or change their outlook on a specific issue did I become interested.

Guys are visual and I don't think we should fault someone who didn't know us personally or maybe did, and I wasn't his type physically.

Think about this in the reverse...Even though I am overweight, I'm not attracted to overweight men, I never was. I have overweight guy friends. Say one of my guys lost weight I became attracted to him, does that mean I am shallow? I hope not.

My former fiance was fat before we met. I did tell him if I met you during that time I doubt we would have been together. He understood that- of course by the time I met he had six pack.

I say don't make this an issue. Be open to the guy who likes in the present...You are not your weight, just like you are not your hair! it changes, but know that what attracts him will probably continue to attract him. Usually why men don't like when women drastically change. I think women in general are more forgiving of changes. I am not saying he should up and run away if you can 10lbs, most guys accept with pregnancy and overtime our body changes. Don't be shocked if you gain 50lbs and he may not find you as attractive, but still loves you. I think it's both partners responsibility to not let themselves go, for themselves primarily, and their partner.

What is the point of showing him your "fat" pics. To me that shows you feel unworthy or that you feel that outward appearance defines you. He needs to be attracted to you physically to step to you, but it's YOU ( personality wise) that he will chose to stay with. Of course they are shallow people, but they are evident usually after awhile because they lack depth. I think everyone starts with an "aesthetic" attraction that draws you to or make you open to advances from another.

anyway i am off my soap box

 

[imaccami]

Well, I haven't lost a lot of weight and I don't have a lot of weight to lose, but I think everyone has a range of weight gain during the course of the relationship that they're willing to overlook. Usually too much more over that is a deal breaker.

I think that a weight gain over probably 50 to 60 lbs is the average deal breaker. I think it's asking a lot of someone to overlook 50 lbs or more. Probably a lot less if the person is short.

I don't think people should feel hurt that they attract someone when they're thinner that they wouldn't attract when they were 75-100 lbs bigger because we all have attributes that we're physically attracted to.

Probably a lot of women wouldn't date a man who was 4 feet tall even if that man had the perfect personality for her. I'm not saying that being obese is equivalent to being excessively short, but some men feel as strongly about dating a woman 100 lbs or more overweight as some women feel about dating a really short guy.

Probably both groups feel that they can find someone whose personality they like just as much who fits into their likes physically.

 

[ixoyegodisgood]

Are there any ladies here who lost a bunch of weight and found a difference in how they were perceived by men? How did this make you feel? How did this impact your relationship(s)?

I have lost close to 90lbs over the past 8 months (just cut back...a lot), and I can tell a differnce with the type of men approach me. We all know what we are attracted to. Extra weight is not one of them. As you lose weight your definition of 'attractive' will probably change too. Though I was generally a healthy person at my former size, being physically fit (not necessarily thin) is a sign of self control and health.

Yes, there is a bit a of resentment when I have men approach me now that I know would not have approached me before, but we all have 'tastes'. As long as someone is not being c@cky or mean, no one should be penalized for a preference.

Eta: I went from a size 22 to an 18 (some 16s) Missy. So, still a way to go.

 

[Renewed1]

Personally, I'm losing the weight for myself (I'm currently a 10/12). I'm doing well in my weight lost, but I'm attracted to a specific type of guy. Which is slim to medium build, which means I must be slender (without losing my butt and breasts) to obtain the guy.

At my current size I attract big men. I HATE that!! Once I noticed the type of guys I was attracting. I set off to lose the weight. Because I remember when I was smaller (size 6/8) I attracted more men to my liking.

Do I have fat pics of myself? Of course, would I "purposely" show the guy so he can see what I use to look like....ummmm no. I'm not going to hide my pics. But to say "See I use to weigh over 200 pounds!" Do you still love me? Is silly. If he wants to discuss than sure lets' talk about it. But other than that...forgot about it.

For MY health and to keep my man interested. I'm willing to do what is necessary to stay at a decent size.

 

[MonPetite]

I went from a 14/16 to a Zero and then purposefully gained muscle to be a size 2/4.

The quality and type of men who approached me changed drastically. I also had access to social circles I didn't even know existed.

While I evaluate the heart and the actions it births, I noticed that the assumed discipline that comes with having a fit body caused men that also valued health, self-control, and discipline to approach me...that may have ignored me, unless they got to know me over time.

I say, get healthy for yourself first.

If getting healthy for yourself, is part of meeting the man you want for yourself, because, yes, you will be more attractive, healthy, and ready for such relationships --Godspeed to you, m'dear!

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

I don't have a personal story to share but I remember BeautifulBrownBabyDoll on YouTube discussing this in one of her videos. She lost 80 pounds and kept it off.

 

[Bun Mistress]

I didn't loose that much weight, but about two years ago I had enough of being the "fat girl (no one siad htis too me but I can ask I weigh less now than I did in high school)" granted I was only 160, but I'm barely 5'2 so my BMI was almost 30. So I spent my vacation hitting the gym, changed my way of eating completely and made habits. And in about 6 months was down to 120 and was a size 4 down from a 12. (I do not wear weight well). I lost hte weight for my self and I wanted to become a better healthier person all around. I even went vegan (that lasted for like a year).

So the dating question, I do get more attention I think. The was online dating for awhile and it got a little rediculous (I put up a full length picture) But some of this is my attitude has changed. I wear clothes that fit better. I smile more. I don't care if I get attention so men talk to me more. I don't look at the floor as much because I'm not self concious

My ex BF, (we broke up years ago) still thinks I'm attracctive (granted when we were dating I was 140) but says I'm too skinny and has asked me if I'm eating.

Mostly I think I look more feminine. I have a waist! I don't wear revealing clothes (I don't like showing my bare legs. Just don't, never have). There will always be men that talk to you "now that your hot". I have a few guy friends that wont talk to a woman unless she has this and that. Even know that men are visual, some of them are idiots.

 

[lushcoils]

I find it interesting that the experiences in this thread are different than what should be expected according the majority opinion in that thick strategies thread.

 

[ebonylocs]

I have thought about this as well.

I once lost weight over the summer when I was 17. It didn't bring me additional dating prospects because I was in the closed environment of a boarding school with less than 200 students, but still I got a lot of positive attention from both girls (complimentary) and boys. People staring at me like they were suddenly seeing me for this first time and telling me that I was beautiful. People telling me that they liked my clothes (most of it the same clothes I had from the previous year!)

Looking back I think it actually kind of made me uncomfortable, and slightly resentful. So now I have thought about guys who might be attracted me when I lose weight and if I will be fearful to let them see pictures of the fat me, and if I'll hold it against them that they weren't attracted to that old me. But then, I reverse the situation and I know that I do not tend to be initially physically attracted to overweight men. (Although it is possible that attraction might kick in once I get to know someone). So it would be rather hypocritical of me to condemn a guy for something of which I am also guilty.

 

[Shay72]

So here is what I'm wondering -

Are there any ladies here who lost a bunch of weight and found a difference in how they were perceived by men? How did this make you feel? How did this impact your relationship(s)?

Also, I pose the same question to ladies who are hoping to lose weight - how do you anticipate dealing with guys who might not have given you the time of day when you were rockin' Lane Bryant and Ashley Stewart?

GO!

I lost over 100 lbs and during that time I was living with my boyfriend. Initially he was okay because he was concerned about my health but as I got smaller and smaller he started making comments like "I don't want you to lose your a$$ because I love it " or at one point this fool fixed his mouth to say I looked like a crack addict. Then he started talking about me acting different, etc. Needless to say we are no longer together. He was concerned I would break up with him when I woke up and realized I didn't need to settle (because I was ).

Now I have regained quite a bit of weight and trying to lose again. I wouldn't have a problem with a guy approaching me once I lose the weight that didn't give me the time of day prior. I know I am a different person when I am smaller. I am more confident. I am happier. I feel like I am being the best I can be. Going natural has given me a boost in confidence too. I feel like for me--losing weight and being natural I can't go wrong .