Extremely discouraged

Ladyhenri

Ladyhenri

Active Member
I am having a very bad hair day.
Before LHCF, i was in Blissful ignorance. My hair was jacked up but never in sight. I always looked on point, with perfect hairdoes etc.
Now i look like a Librarian half the time. With Buns and boring phony ponies.
What is most scary, when i do reach my goal length of between APL and BSl, i cant even wear the hair down every day...i will still look like a frigging librarian.
I feel like weaves damaged my hair so i have avoided them so far (since joining lhcf)
I just washed my hair, Dced and airdried. It is impossible for me to detangle in the shower beacuse my hairs always feels fused...any attempt at detangling always leads to breakage. SO i let my fused hair do its thing. By the time i'm relaxing, off course i loose a lot of hair cus the fused hair has to be detangled. sharpish.
I have made quite a few threads about dealing with severe tangles but a only a few kind souls responded...

My hair is growing...it just only looks good after i relax and blowdry to show length, after that, return of the boring princess with a round face and updo bun.

My hair is never going to get to my goal length if i dont find a way to deal with the tangles (and i have tried a million and one different ways) nothing helps but to comb hard and break away all my progress...or to blowdry which isnt allowed right:wallbash:)

Sareca, i just tried the oil thing as pre con...even sat under the dryer with the oil in....but did it work...nada.
I hate my hair right now.
 
i feel your pain what is the point of growing all of this hair to wear it in a bun.
i was in the same mind frame. i guess you have to weigh what you really want
do you want pretty hair that is on paint at a certian length or do you want
long strong hair? i want long hair.
 
I sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo feel your pain. My hair pre-LHCF was on point, SHINY, and silky. Always went weekly to dominicans. Blew they hell out of it, but it was lovely. COmpliments all day long.

NOW. Nada. I popped and teared through my NG this week just to be able to put the perm in it. It was soooooooo dry! I could not believe that the hair coming out of my head could be so dry.

Blowdrying is not out entirely. Airdrying is hard to master. Sylver has hair down to her @ss and she blowdries when she washes her hair (every two weeks) I believe. When stretching, she also flat irons her roots. She has great hair!

Do you. Find what works for you and do it. Some airdry with no issue time after time. For others...it is a beast.
 
why don't you try some new styles like a flexi/perm rod set, done up in an updo. My friend has relaxed hair and she's been flat twisting at night and takes it out in the morning and she has these cute waves.
Get creative!

How much new growth do you have Henrietta?
When you wash your hair plait it immediately- at last the new growth, because there is no way i could let my hair airdry- owww. without plaiting it. :drunk::nono:

I know you said weave was damaging butyou could get just like 2-3 tracks sown in at the back or the middle?

There are a lot of people on LHCF who have weave regimines, and their hairs doing ok. Maybe you could check those?

Braids maybe?

I feel you about looking a H.A.M i'm transitioning ( long storyI hate Dye!!) and if i wasn't so vain i'd buy a wig lol!!!

don't be discouraged
 
I have heard a lot of SCurl helping to make the new growth soft. I haven't tried it though but I am going to give it a try this time since I am going to be on a 12 week stretch. I recently purchased a detangling comb from Sally's and it just not your standard wide tooth comb and it has helped me when I have the rough new growth. Also have you thought about doing the wig thing? I have seen some really really cute wigs. You might could get you a couple and rock them and look fly. Also I think that there are some ladies that do wear their hair down once they reach their goals you can celebrate that hard work once you get to your goal mark but I am sure you will probably have to do some extra TLC to keep your hair in shape but you can do it. Also Dlewis has some very pretty updo styles were she put her hair up and it is curly and she has a clip in it maybe you should check out her album she has beautiful hair.

BTW: I am not an expert but just wanted to come through and give you encouragement to keep going and you will make your goal and most important we family here (((((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
 
I hope you feel better soon, henrietta! Sending you a big hug because bad hair days are THE worst.

I know you'll figure something out re: products and techniques for detangling (do you have a "go to" conditioner that REALLY moisturizes your hair? This may help with tangles), but I would like to suggest that you don't romanticize the past. I made the mistake of doing so and I think it makes the hair journey a little more difficult because you are looking back instead of forward. Your hair was not healthy and even though you could achieve a great look, you knew your own hair was not in the best shape.

Once you get through this phase of learning what works, you will have your own head of beautiful, shiny, fun, attention-getting hair! Anddddd- there's a big chance it will look better than any extensions you could put in. Hang in there and keep looking forward!:)
 
Have you tried a deep conditioner like Silicon Mix? A lot of ladies in the forum swear by it for the new growth. I've had great experience with it as well. It makes new growth very soft.
 
you said you did Sareca's thing, but you did it as a pre-poo treatment. You probably should really do it as an oil rinse, putting it in after you shampoo, then detangling under the water. Not sure that it can make the difference for you, but it is worth a shot.
 
nvybeauty said:
I sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo feel your pain. My hair pre-LHCF was on point, SHINY, and silky. Always went weekly to dominicans. Blew they hell out of it, but it was lovely. COmpliments all day long.

NOW. Nada. I popped and teared through my NG this week just to be able to put the perm in it. It was soooooooo dry! I could not believe that the hair coming out of my head could be so dry.

Blowdrying is not out entirely. Airdrying is hard to master. Sylver has hair down to her @ss and she blowdries when she washes her hair (every two weeks) I believe. When stretching, she also flat irons her roots. She has great hair!

Do you. Find what works for you and do it. Some airdry with no issue time after time. For others...it is a beast.
Click to expand...

Yep, what she said. I can't do the air drying thing either. :nono: After hoping on and off of bandwagons last year, I have finally gotten a feel for what my hair likes and doesn't like. Be patient, it will get better.
 
I know I'm natural, but honestly to avoid any tangling issues I wash my hair in plaits pretty much ALL the time the Crown & Glory way, unless I'm doing a hard Aphogee. How do you usually wear your hair? The afrodetangler works for me (even though its quite pricey) and sticking to a routine, but what exactly is your regimen?
 
I feel you...
I'm planning to get through my transition
by bunning everyday for a year... I'm like
5 months into it... I get fed up with the bun look
but buns can be sexy too... you just gotta work
the hell out of it... I want to do just a "Sexy bun"
album in my fotki... to inspire people like me and you.
I keep my eye on the prize... next year... my hair will have grown 6"...
and I don't plan on wearing a bun everyday
but when I do... I'll make it FLYY!
 
Last edited:
I feel your pain, lovely lady. I truly do. I was cleaning up my room and came across several pics from last year's Christmas vacation. This was before I joined the forum. I was shocked!! My hair was long, shiny and looked so very healthy.

Now, I just keep it in this tired-ass bun. Don't get me wrong, I have learned so much here and I do think my hair is growing, even getting thicker. But I don't enjoy my hair. It's stays up. People make comments. And I think to myself: last year when I was allowing my hair to be free, I looked so pretty. I am a professor and I look like one, too! :yep:

I'd like to think that making these sacrifices and trying to stick with what works for my hair has been a challenge. We have to keep focused on the prize. Things will turn around. But it's just going to take some patience and a little work and commitment.

As for the tangles, I'm not sure what's going on there. You may want to do an analysis of the products that you're using. What are the ingredients? Could it be that your hair doesn't like the products that you're using. I'm sure you've clarified as well.

Hang in there. Take a look at those products/ingredients. Perhaps go to the Dominicans and allow them to give you a nice blowout so that you can see your progress.

I hope that you feel better. Trust me, you're not the only one who feels this way. I truly wish it wasn't so hard to grow some darn hair...:nono:
 
I'm so sorry to hear about your hair troubles. All I can suggest is what's already been said....take a look at your hair care products (perhaps list them so the experts here can make some suggestions)...try to detangle under water (this works miracles) and Silicon Mix might help!

Good luck!
 
I feel your pain!

Before I joined LHCF, it was weekly visits to the Dominican salon for blowouts, colors, everything you can imagine. But:

a. I got tired of dishing out money every week
b. I want a change in the length of my hair

In April I had to cut my hair down to the shortest it has EVER been (chin length) due to damage from a weave (my first and last weave ever, at that). But joining this forum and seeing all of these beautiful ladies with lovely long thick and most importantly HEALTHY hair really made me sit back and think. I realized that I'm more than capable of doing my own hair and doing it well, and that healthy hair IS possible if I do it properly! I've had to get used to the fact that I have to lessen manipulation, lay off the heat and flat irons, take vitamins, and really, TRULY, take care of my hair. All of which, are things that I never used to do. For someone who owns a flat iron and hates the thought of sitting under a hot dryer, getting rid of these habits are HARD.

Its hard to wear my hair in a ponytail or a bun when I'm so used to wearing it down. BUT, wearing it down (for now) will only cause friction between my ends and my clothes and right now I need all the hair I can keep. There are so many things I've had to change but I know for me the real prize is having beautiful hair.

If I wasn't so self-conscious I would've bought phony ponies by now, would've probably been baggying everyday and wearing wigs, but I figure for now I can mix and match; take the advice of the vets around here and adapt it into my own.

I know that its hard, and trust me you're not alone. Thats the good thing about this forum - the way you feel, you can guarantee someone else here feels the same way. All I can say is you WILL get through this, and in the end its going to be all worth it.

Have you tried pre-pooing with a mayo treatment? And THEN later on doing an oil rinse? It'd be best to probably list your regimen in verrrrrry specific details..

But no worries mama, stay :strong:, you'll get through this.
 
Thank you for your kind responses ladies...after posting the initial post i went off to work and only just returned....now to read with a notepad and pen.....
 
msportugal said:
i feel your pain what is the point of growing all of this hair to wear it in a bun.
i was in the same mind frame. i guess you have to weigh what you really want
do you want pretty hair that is on paint at a certian length or do you want
long strong hair? i want long hair.
Click to expand...

I do want long hair...i'm more depressed with the tangles at the mo, than the buns...i feel my hair will get long but probably be so thin from all the detangling that it wont look nice. my hair is already quite scanty so i honestly dont need to loose any more hair.
 
sweetwhispers said:
why don't you try some new styles like a flexi/perm rod set, done up in an updo. My friend has relaxed hair and she's been flat twisting at night and takes it out in the morning and she has these cute waves.
Get creative!

How much new growth do you have Henrietta?
When you wash your hair plait it immediately- at last the new growth, because there is no way i could let my hair airdry- owww. without plaiting it. :drunk::nono:
I know you said weave was damaging butyou could get just like 2-3 tracks sown in at the back or the middle?

There are a lot of people on LHCF who have weave regimines, and their hairs doing ok. Maybe you could check those?

Braids maybe?

I feel you about looking a H.A.M i'm transitioning ( long storyI hate Dye!!) and if i wasn't so vain i'd buy a wig lol!!!

don't be discouraged
Click to expand...

Hi girl,

I have nearly 1.5 inches of newgrowth (3 month stretches)...and this sounds like a god idea. Bad thing is at the moment my hair is so tangled that my fingers cannot even go through it let alone braid it. Unless i detangle (without loosing all my hair,) i wont be able to give that a try.
 
Hey chica- sorry bout your tangles. If you want to PM me your address, I will look thru my stash and see what I can send to your from the good ol USA that might help your tangles. Have you tried Porosity Control?
 
Henrietta said:
I have nearly 1.5 inches of newgrowth (3 month stretches)...and this sounds like a god idea. Bad thing is at the moment my hair is so tangled that my fingers cannot even go through it let alone braid it. Unless i detangle (without loosing all my hair,) i wont be able to give that a try.
Click to expand...

Please don't revoke my membership for saying this:sekret:...

But you may be doing more harm than good by stretching so long. If your 1.5 inches of new growth is so matted and tangled that you're pulling out your hair detangling, you might want to consider just going ahead and relaxing. There's no shame in stretching for 9 - 10 weeks vs. 12 weeks. Several ladies on here, myself included, relax every 8 weeks with no ill effect.

I do want to echo what the other ladies wrote, a super moisturing, "slippy" conditioner like Silicon Mix could do wonders. Also, consider using a Dominican rinse after you condition to help detangle.

Good luck! :crossfingers:
 
ChocalateDiva said:
Hey chica- sorry bout your tangles. If you want to PM me your address, I will look thru my stash and see what I can send to your from the good ol USA that might help your tangles. Have you tried Porosity Control?
Click to expand...

Aww.. you are too sweet..
I have tried porousity control....doesnt seem to do much for me.
 
Katt73 said:
Please don't revoke my membership for saying this:sekret:...

But you may be doing more harm than good by stretching so long. If your 1.5 inches of new growth is so matted and tangled that you're pulling out your hair detangling, you might want to consider just going ahead and relaxing. There's no shame in stretching for 9 - 10 weeks vs. 12 weeks. Several ladies on here, myself included, relax every 8 weeks with no ill effect.

I do want to echo what the other ladies wrote, a super moisturing, "slippy" conditioner like Silicon Mix could do wonders. Also, consider using a Dominican rinse after you condition to help detangle.

Good luck! :crossfingers:
Click to expand...

Thanks for this...I always used to have soft tangle free thin hair so i guess since my hairs are thickening, they are all going round saying howdy to the neighbours:grin:

Seriously, i do need all the luck in the world. I was going to cut short my stretch but i wont. If i try to relax now, i will loose too much hair. I need to try and detangle first, so that i can at least make the parts for the relaxer application.
 
I had serious problems with tangling for several months until I stop using a product line (Akbari) that contained a lot of protein. Once I stopped using products that had a lot of protein in them, my hair was very managable. I now only put a very small amount of protein in my hair every once in a while. I'm in my 14th month of transitioning and I think that a lot of protein does not agree with my Motions relaxed ends. Also, doing co-washes with Elucence has made a world of difference.:yep:
 
I'm not an expert but I had the same tangling issue recently and this is what helped me. I co wash every 3 or 4 days BUT I leave my conditioner in for 2 hrs before washing it out. I don't think the product matters as long as it's a moisturizing conditioner (i used ors replenishing/alter ego mixed) Sometimes i mix oil with my conditioner. I get in the shower and detangle (with a big tooth comb). I use cold water to rinse it out. (this leaves some of the conditioner in and provides slip) I also apply a dominican rinse afterwards(this is optional, I'm trying to use stuff up) I use a liquid leave in (water and conditioner mix) i apply a cream leave in over (giovanni direct at the moment but i'm changing) then i apply oil...I detangle after i apply all of these (with a seamless comb). I either put it in a satin pony and airdry or braid it at the ends and airdry....and then tie it down w a satin scarf. I moisturize my hair daily with the above combo, and i moisturize my scalp every other day (which will help w the root tangles) with ors carrot oil (no mineral oil) ...HTH
 
Henrietta said:
I do want long hair...i'm more depressed with the tangles at the mo, than the buns...i feel my hair will get long but probably be so thin from all the detangling that it wont look nice. my hair is already quite scanty so i honestly dont need to loose any more hair.
Click to expand...

What exactly are you using on your hair, do the tangles stay when you use different products?

Ive recently gone over to use glycerine based stuff because my tangles were ridiculous before.
 
hothair said:
I know I'm natural, but honestly to avoid any tangling issues I wash my hair in plaits pretty much ALL the time the Crown & Glory way, unless I'm doing a hard Aphogee. How do you usually wear your hair? The afrodetangler works for me (even though its quite pricey) and sticking to a routine, but what exactly is your regimen?
Click to expand...

I agree with hothair henrietta. I always dealt with fused hair so I know exactly what you are going through. It wasn't until I found out about the crown and glory method that I stopped having that problem. Yes, the initial combout is going to be scary (especially when your hair is stuck together) but if you are following the plaiting way of washing from then on, you won't have that problem anymore.

I also use the afro detangler but it doesn't do anything for detangling (for me), it's just an excellent moisturizer. I also agree with the other poster that said to watch your protein -- your hair may just need moisture.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

S
Excessive tangling. Help!
Replies
13
Views
2K
sweetcashew
S
soslychic
Little balls of tangles at the end of my hair!
Replies
21
Views
7K
Karonica
K
N
Fusion . . .
Replies
5
Views
861
Alisha08
A
S
What Causes Braids to Fuse Together?
Replies
1
Views
1K
littleaudie
littleaudie
Truth
From the Front till the Middle...(typing help!)
Replies
4
Views
775
Brownshugaz
Brownshugaz
Back
Top