Ever been told that you need to open up?

[Paradox]

I've been told this by 3 different in such a short span of time, I didn't notice this until recently.
What do they mean?
( I need this male language translated into real talk)

 

[coconow2007]

I've been told I was too conservative and that he prefers women who were fun, outgoing, assertive, spontaneous - which translated to I did not give it up or give him the impression that I was going to give it up soon.

I know I may be approaching your question with a negative answer but be wary of men who tell u to be more open, yada, yada, yada and figure out where they r really coming from. If he is someone who truly knows u and cares for u then I would give more credence to his opinion. But if he is someone u r just getting to know make sure he is not stating things about u for his own benefit.

Just my thoughts......

 

[phynestone]

Um, yeah.

To me, it means "I can't read you." That's a good thing, because I don't think you'll be as likely to be taken advantage of. I had some co-workers tell me this, but the thing is, they didn't know me on a personal level, just professional. You might want to take that into consideration.

 

[Paradox]

I've been told I was too conservative and that he prefers women who were fun, outgoing, assertive, spontaneous - which translated to I did not give it up or give him the impression that I was going to give it up soon.

I know I may be approaching your question with a negative answer but be wary of men who tell u to be more open, yada, yada, yada and figure out where they r really coming from. If he is someone who truly knows u and cares for u then I would give more credence to his opinion. But if he is someone u r just getting to know make sure he is not stating things about u for his own benefit.

Just my thoughts......

Ok, this is the same thing I was thinking.
exact same thing.
I got told this by a 1)player 2) bible study leader (he's only 25) 3) an italian graduate
So since it such a mixture I didn't know what to think.

 

[Paradox]

Um, yeah.

To me, it means "I can't read you." That's a good thing, because I don't think you'll be as likely to be taken advantage of. I had some co-workers tell me this, but the thing is, they didn't know me on a personal level, just professional. You might want to take that into consideration.

Yeah, I try not to show too much because all the women I've ever seen open up much to fast get hurt.
I'm just wandering if I scare off potential good guys also.

 

[phynestone]

We both know what the player meant, but perhaps the other men think you're not approachable?

I'm going to stick with my original statement.

 

[Paradox]

We both know what the player meant, but perhaps the other men think you're not approachable?

I'm going to stick with my original statement.

I think I confuse guys because I'm nice but quiet but I'm also distrustful of them.

 

[Carrie A]

Possibility 1. You are introverted. Uptight. Not letting what's on your mind out.

Possibility 2. Could also be you are reserved and conservative.
ex (not open to new experiences)

 

[Bunny77]

Paradox, I know you've said yourself on this board numerous times that you kind of keep yourself closed off (particularly with guys) to avoid being hurt and the like.

So it sounds like these men are getting that vibe from you, and it's true since you said that you are doing this on purpose.

However, this doesn't mean that you have to be all wild and crazy and "open up" simply for the sake of pleasing them! And for the other ladies, there's nothing wrong with being conservative. The guy in Coconow2007's post sounds like he was spitting straight game and trying to put her down for being the way she is.

My advice is that you can be reserved and conservative if that's naturally how you are. But you can still be friendly, polite, talkative and humorous in a way that shows off your personality without seeming too forward or "desperate" or anything. Show through your personality that you aren't an open book, but that you are willing to let the right people in and that you're a cool person to get to know. (And that goes for male and female friends)

 

[miss_iari]

Possibility 1. You are introverted. Uptight. Not letting what's on your mind out.

yep this applies to me. i keep alot of things to myself and this makes some people uncomfortable.


i was told by my first boyfriend that i need to "open up". mainly because he couldn't figure me out and i wasn't quick to express my feelings. but this was coming from someone who told me he loved me after 3 weeks of knowing me and wondered why i didn't feel the same why he did

 

[**SaSSy**]

Yea. I hate when men say that especially. Why you wanna know so much? I don't care about your business because I know it ain't going no way all that serious.

I use to be more open, but then people use it against you when ish blow up. So when I meet new people, or starting to get to know someone, I just ask about them to keep them off of me!

 

[TrendySocialite]

I hear this a lot too. Mainly I hear I'm hard to figure out...LOL

I think there is a difference between being conservative, mysterious and uptight. You can be bubbly, outgoing, fun to be around and yet not reveal too much of yourself. Now for those of you that know how to do that, let me know...LOL

I let my guard down and am all those things with people I feel comfortable with. With people I don't know or are suscpicious of, my guard is up and that's what they sense.

My aunt told me to "trust people until they give you a reason not to." That has been a hard thing for me to do. But I do see the worth in that. That gives you an opportunity to open yourself up to genuine, intimate relationships (whether they are romantic or not).

I think women are becoming so conditioned to preventing hurt (by closing themselves off) that they may actually miss opportunities at some genuine relationships. These relationships may not always end the way we want, but I find that with each relationship I learn something about myself and another skill that I take into my next relationship.

So I think if we look at befriending men as an opportunity to build our relationship skills and to learn about ourselves, we can put any hurt we may encounter into perspective.

I just wish I could have this outlook...

 

[TrendySocialite]

Yea. I hate when men say that especially. Why you wanna know so much? I don't care about your business because I know it ain't going no way all that serious.

I use to be more open, but then people use it against you when ish blow up. So when I meet new people, or starting to get to know someone, I just ask about them to keep them off of me!

I'm masterful at this....

 

[cmperez]

Quiet is normally percieved by others as you're stuck up, rude or b*tchy. It's an unfair assesment but it happens all of the time with me. When I've been told that I need to "open up" it usually goes hand in hand with "Why you lookin so mad" or "Smile Ms. Lady..."