Emotional Cheating! What's the deal??
- Thread starter C@ssandr@
- Start date
Naveah2050
Well-Known Member
I have ...I would never physically cheat but I have been guilty of emotional cheating which is probably worse in retrospect. I wouldn't do it again or put myself in the place to do it again - I realized it's a choice to let yourself get so close to another person that is not your SO - it doesn't just happen.
C@ssandr@
formerly known as "keyawarren"
I've been there. He was a friend of mine. However, he was the one who was in a relationship. I became a confidant...his best friend actually, but I liked him, so it complicated things. It got tricky when he "needed" to vent about his gf. I didn't mind because I knew him more than twice as long as he knew her. So, even though I knew the line was thin, there was a sense of self entitlement on my part 
The cheating came in the form of hugging. His GF was not ever affectionate, and the sex was bad. We'd hug briefly before we went our separate ways after hanging out. But,then the hugs became longer, and longer. And then we'd just be holding each other. And then sometimes we wouldn't even wait till the end of our nights out to hug, we would just do it when we wanted to. Now when I think back on it I actually find it quite hilarious
Fortunately, it never lead to sex
I ended it because I just felt like it. I also put much distance between us. Although, I am not against hanging out. I'm just no longer there for the venting and inappropriate touches. As far as I know, his gf never found out.
The cheating came in the form of hugging. His GF was not ever affectionate, and the sex was bad. We'd hug briefly before we went our separate ways after hanging out. But,then the hugs became longer, and longer. And then we'd just be holding each other. And then sometimes we wouldn't even wait till the end of our nights out to hug, we would just do it when we wanted to. Now when I think back on it I actually find it quite hilarious
Fortunately, it never lead to sex
I ended it because I just felt like it. I also put much distance between us. Although, I am not against hanging out. I'm just no longer there for the venting and inappropriate touches. As far as I know, his gf never found out.
Fine 4s
Well-Known Member
I've been there. He was a friend of mine. However, he was the one who was in a relationship. I became a confidant...his best friend actually, but I liked him, so it complicated things. It got tricky when he "needed" to vent about his gf. I didn't mind because I knew him more than twice as long as he knew her. So, even though I knew the line was thin, there was a sense of self entitlement on my part
The cheating came in the form of hugging. His GF was not ever affectionate, and the sex was bad. We'd hug briefly before we went our separate ways after hanging out. But,then the hugs became longer, and longer. And then we'd just be holding each other. And then sometimes we wouldn't even wait till the end of our nights out to hug, we would just do it when we wanted to. Now when I think back on it I actually find it quite hilarious
Fortunately, it never lead to sex
I ended it because I just felt like it. I also put much distance between us. Although, I am not against hanging out. I'm just no longer there for the venting and inappropriate touches. As far as I know, his gf never found out.
I'm impressed that you realized this 'self-entitlement' feeling that you had.
Quite a few people feel like if they've known you longer, are closer to you or if they had a child with you somehow will always have 'rights' to you.
Which is one of the reasons why I don't like certain female relationships with my SO. I had to deal with lots of it. And only AFTER the breakup I found out some stuff.
I absolutely believe in emotional cheating. Although, men don't believe this happens to them *rolls eyes*
I have in my last relationship for about a month. Never again.
I remember being in a restaurant and my phone beeped. My ex asked me who was texting which was really unusual for him. He had this look in his eyes that I will never forget. Desperation/sadness.
It wasn't actually the guy friend texting me but he must have known I was emotionally elsewhere.
I intend my current SO to be my last so I'm approaching things differently. He's so strict with women that it drives me to be much more careful also.
I remember being in a restaurant and my phone beeped. My ex asked me who was texting which was really unusual for him. He had this look in his eyes that I will never forget. Desperation/sadness.
It wasn't actually the guy friend texting me but he must have known I was emotionally elsewhere.
I intend my current SO to be my last so I'm approaching things differently. He's so strict with women that it drives me to be much more careful also.
naturalmanenyc
Well-Known Member
I found this old article that I ripped out of O Magazine some years ago. Thought it might be helpful. It's still available on-line.
Could You Be Having an Emotional Affair?
By Gail Saltz
O, The Oprah Magazine
June 01, 2005
http://www.oprah.com/relationships/...ognizing-and-Coping-With-Emotional-Infidelity
Flirtatious e-mails. Cell phone heart-to-hearts. Perfectly harmless working lunches. It's a new kind of adultery. There's no sex, but psychiatrist Gail Saltz knows trouble when she sees it.
A client I'll call Sharon knew that something was missing in her marriage. She and Robert used to be passionate about each other, she said, but after 12 years and two children, she felt removed. Robert never asked her about work or what she was worried about or felt like doing. She was no longer attracted to him, and they rarely spent time alone together. Instead, she threw her energy into raising the children and her job as a paralegal. Life had become bland.
Then there was Todd. He'd been at the law firm longer than Sharon and showed her the ropes. They would discuss complicated cases, and Sharon found his enthusiasm engaging. They'd grab coffee together, and soon coffee became lunch, and lunch led to phone calls and e-mails as their conversations went from professional to deeply personal.
Sharon thought about Todd all the time, and told me she hadn't felt this alive since she and Robert had started dating. While she recognized a crush—her excitement about seeing him, her pleasure in his jokes, her relief in confiding in someone who got her—she told herself there was nothing wrong with what she was doing because they weren't having sex.
Robert, however, started to notice his wife's coming home later. She was on her cell phone a lot on the weekends, and when he asked who she was talking to, she became evasive. At one point, he complained that they never had sex anymore, that he felt lonely in the marriage, and that he wondered if there was someone else.
Sharon assured Robert—and herself—that she wasn't having an affair. While she felt a little guilty, the thought of giving up Todd, the way he made her feel beautiful and funny and fantastic, was unbearable.
Emotional cheating (with an "office husband," a chat room lover, or a newly appealing ex) steers clear of physical intimacy, but it does involve secrecy, deception, and therefore betrayal. People enmeshed in nonsexual affairs preserve their "deniability," convincing themselves they don't have to change anything. That's where they're wrong. If you think about it, it's the breach of trust, more than the sex, that's the most painful aspect of an affair and, I can tell you from my work as a psychiatrist, the most difficult to recover from.
Few people go looking for an extramarital entanglement. But like Sharon, they might hit a patch where their relationship isn't fun anymore, and they feel isolated and frustrated. Rather than making a collaborative effort with their partner—and perhaps a couples therapist—to improve it, women in particular often accept that "this is just the way the marriage is." So while they aren't consciously in the market, they are ripe for an affair of the heart: hungry for attention, craving excitement, and eager for someone to fill the emptiness they feel inside.
Sharon came to depend on Todd for emotional highs. The flirting, the accolades, the sympathetic ear all made her feel special. She escaped into this new involvement in a scenario that's increasingly common. Though emotional affairs have always been around, I'm seeing more of them among my clients than ever before. We've all grown so used to watching, reading, and hearing sexually suggestive material that there's no longer an obvious verbal or physical line we think we're crossing. And the exponential growth of e-mail, instant messaging, and cell phones gives us a wealth of private ways to connect. It's a snap to Google an old flame: What would have been idle fantasy a decade ago can, with the click of a mouse, grow into emotional (or sexual) infidelity.
We all know men and women who really are "just friends," and there's usually some romantic frisson, even if neither party admits it. But a healthy male-female friendship isn't clandestine.
Once a man and woman avoid telling their partners how much time they're spending on the friendship, make sure they look great anytime they're going to be together, or confide more in each other, including marital dissatisfactions, than in their spouses, they're involved in an emotional affair.
Often I'm told of a friendship that hasn't gone that far…yet. But if the possibilities are tempting, I believe that's the moment to look more closely at the marriage. What is each spouse missing that he or she needs? My prescription is for them to ask directly and answer frankly, because from everything I've seen, when a couple can't express their feelings, concerns, and dreams, they're both at risk for betrayal. I frequently talk to couples in this vulnerable state, not only about how to reclaim closeness but also how to protect their relationship from third parties. Even when a marriage can't be salvaged, I'd rather see it end amicably before either person starts up with someone new. Three habits strike me as playing with fire: (1) flirting with others, which can become too intoxicating to give up, (2) "innocently" spending time alone with old lovers, and (3) hanging out with emotional cheaters who make what they're doing seem like no big deal.
Increasingly, I find people are already enmeshed in an affair of the heart by the time they contact me, and they are terribly torn. They have a very hurt spouse but can't bear to lose their "friend." Marital implosion is close at hand. My approach seems like tough love, but I'm convinced it saves a lot of grief. The first and most important task, from which all the other things these clients must do will follow, is to take responsibility for the affair—same as if they'd had a sexual liaison. Denying it or blaming their partner's inattentiveness prevents the couple from reengaging. The only cases where it might not be best to fess up are the rare ones where the partner has no suspicions: Revealing hidden feelings just to absolve guilt is not a great idea.
Second, the affair must end. Yes, it hurts. And no, it's not possible to disengage partway and still be pals. Things get trickier if the infidelity began in the workplace, but all future interaction must be purely professional and kept to an absolute minimum.
Third, I try to help clients unearth the reasons they got overinvolved. Was their marriage failing? Did they need to build their self-esteem? Were they repeating the pattern of a parent who cheated? To prevent an encore, they must be brutally honest with themselves.
Finally, they have to build back the trust, which is the biggest obstacle to saving the marriage. I'm constantly telling people that it requires a lot of time, openness, and accountability (for example, being clear about whereabouts and coming home right after work).
What I find to be remarkably consistent is that most people don't appreciate the relationship they do have until they're about to lose it. This is what happened with Sharon. When Robert found her e-mails to Todd ("I miss you so much…I can't wait to see you," along with complaints about her home life), he was shattered and wanted a divorce. As soon as Sharon realized her husband might leave her, Todd didn't seem quite as thrilling. But saying goodbye to him, which she ultimately decided to do, was wrenching, and Robert isn't sure whether he can forgive her. The three of us are still working on understanding why the affair happened and whether they can agree to rebuild their relationship.
It's much more difficult to make your way back from a betrayal of intimate feelings than to try to refresh a marriage that may have become flat and distant. When you ignore anxiety-inducing thoughts like "I feel stuck—I wish I could run off and have fun or I feel old and dumpy—if only someone would make me feel young and sexy again," you cannot examine or deal with them in a productive manner. Instead, you unwittingly act them out, with potentially devastating results. Any good relationship takes an investment of time, effort, and emotional energy. What few people want to accept is that we can all become Sharon and Robert, and that marriage, while potentially tremendously gratifying, is always a work in progress.
Gail Saltz is a clinical associate professor of psychiatry at New York–Presbyterian Hospital, and the author of Anatomy of a Secret Life: The Psychology of Living a Lie (Morgan Road).
Could You Be Having an Emotional Affair?
By Gail Saltz
O, The Oprah Magazine
June 01, 2005
http://www.oprah.com/relationships/...ognizing-and-Coping-With-Emotional-Infidelity
Flirtatious e-mails. Cell phone heart-to-hearts. Perfectly harmless working lunches. It's a new kind of adultery. There's no sex, but psychiatrist Gail Saltz knows trouble when she sees it.
A client I'll call Sharon knew that something was missing in her marriage. She and Robert used to be passionate about each other, she said, but after 12 years and two children, she felt removed. Robert never asked her about work or what she was worried about or felt like doing. She was no longer attracted to him, and they rarely spent time alone together. Instead, she threw her energy into raising the children and her job as a paralegal. Life had become bland.
Then there was Todd. He'd been at the law firm longer than Sharon and showed her the ropes. They would discuss complicated cases, and Sharon found his enthusiasm engaging. They'd grab coffee together, and soon coffee became lunch, and lunch led to phone calls and e-mails as their conversations went from professional to deeply personal.
Sharon thought about Todd all the time, and told me she hadn't felt this alive since she and Robert had started dating. While she recognized a crush—her excitement about seeing him, her pleasure in his jokes, her relief in confiding in someone who got her—she told herself there was nothing wrong with what she was doing because they weren't having sex.
Robert, however, started to notice his wife's coming home later. She was on her cell phone a lot on the weekends, and when he asked who she was talking to, she became evasive. At one point, he complained that they never had sex anymore, that he felt lonely in the marriage, and that he wondered if there was someone else.
Sharon assured Robert—and herself—that she wasn't having an affair. While she felt a little guilty, the thought of giving up Todd, the way he made her feel beautiful and funny and fantastic, was unbearable.
Emotional cheating (with an "office husband," a chat room lover, or a newly appealing ex) steers clear of physical intimacy, but it does involve secrecy, deception, and therefore betrayal. People enmeshed in nonsexual affairs preserve their "deniability," convincing themselves they don't have to change anything. That's where they're wrong. If you think about it, it's the breach of trust, more than the sex, that's the most painful aspect of an affair and, I can tell you from my work as a psychiatrist, the most difficult to recover from.
Few people go looking for an extramarital entanglement. But like Sharon, they might hit a patch where their relationship isn't fun anymore, and they feel isolated and frustrated. Rather than making a collaborative effort with their partner—and perhaps a couples therapist—to improve it, women in particular often accept that "this is just the way the marriage is." So while they aren't consciously in the market, they are ripe for an affair of the heart: hungry for attention, craving excitement, and eager for someone to fill the emptiness they feel inside.
Sharon came to depend on Todd for emotional highs. The flirting, the accolades, the sympathetic ear all made her feel special. She escaped into this new involvement in a scenario that's increasingly common. Though emotional affairs have always been around, I'm seeing more of them among my clients than ever before. We've all grown so used to watching, reading, and hearing sexually suggestive material that there's no longer an obvious verbal or physical line we think we're crossing. And the exponential growth of e-mail, instant messaging, and cell phones gives us a wealth of private ways to connect. It's a snap to Google an old flame: What would have been idle fantasy a decade ago can, with the click of a mouse, grow into emotional (or sexual) infidelity.
We all know men and women who really are "just friends," and there's usually some romantic frisson, even if neither party admits it. But a healthy male-female friendship isn't clandestine.
Once a man and woman avoid telling their partners how much time they're spending on the friendship, make sure they look great anytime they're going to be together, or confide more in each other, including marital dissatisfactions, than in their spouses, they're involved in an emotional affair.
Often I'm told of a friendship that hasn't gone that far…yet. But if the possibilities are tempting, I believe that's the moment to look more closely at the marriage. What is each spouse missing that he or she needs? My prescription is for them to ask directly and answer frankly, because from everything I've seen, when a couple can't express their feelings, concerns, and dreams, they're both at risk for betrayal. I frequently talk to couples in this vulnerable state, not only about how to reclaim closeness but also how to protect their relationship from third parties. Even when a marriage can't be salvaged, I'd rather see it end amicably before either person starts up with someone new. Three habits strike me as playing with fire: (1) flirting with others, which can become too intoxicating to give up, (2) "innocently" spending time alone with old lovers, and (3) hanging out with emotional cheaters who make what they're doing seem like no big deal.
Increasingly, I find people are already enmeshed in an affair of the heart by the time they contact me, and they are terribly torn. They have a very hurt spouse but can't bear to lose their "friend." Marital implosion is close at hand. My approach seems like tough love, but I'm convinced it saves a lot of grief. The first and most important task, from which all the other things these clients must do will follow, is to take responsibility for the affair—same as if they'd had a sexual liaison. Denying it or blaming their partner's inattentiveness prevents the couple from reengaging. The only cases where it might not be best to fess up are the rare ones where the partner has no suspicions: Revealing hidden feelings just to absolve guilt is not a great idea.
Second, the affair must end. Yes, it hurts. And no, it's not possible to disengage partway and still be pals. Things get trickier if the infidelity began in the workplace, but all future interaction must be purely professional and kept to an absolute minimum.
Third, I try to help clients unearth the reasons they got overinvolved. Was their marriage failing? Did they need to build their self-esteem? Were they repeating the pattern of a parent who cheated? To prevent an encore, they must be brutally honest with themselves.
Finally, they have to build back the trust, which is the biggest obstacle to saving the marriage. I'm constantly telling people that it requires a lot of time, openness, and accountability (for example, being clear about whereabouts and coming home right after work).
What I find to be remarkably consistent is that most people don't appreciate the relationship they do have until they're about to lose it. This is what happened with Sharon. When Robert found her e-mails to Todd ("I miss you so much…I can't wait to see you," along with complaints about her home life), he was shattered and wanted a divorce. As soon as Sharon realized her husband might leave her, Todd didn't seem quite as thrilling. But saying goodbye to him, which she ultimately decided to do, was wrenching, and Robert isn't sure whether he can forgive her. The three of us are still working on understanding why the affair happened and whether they can agree to rebuild their relationship.
It's much more difficult to make your way back from a betrayal of intimate feelings than to try to refresh a marriage that may have become flat and distant. When you ignore anxiety-inducing thoughts like "I feel stuck—I wish I could run off and have fun or I feel old and dumpy—if only someone would make me feel young and sexy again," you cannot examine or deal with them in a productive manner. Instead, you unwittingly act them out, with potentially devastating results. Any good relationship takes an investment of time, effort, and emotional energy. What few people want to accept is that we can all become Sharon and Robert, and that marriage, while potentially tremendously gratifying, is always a work in progress.
Gail Saltz is a clinical associate professor of psychiatry at New York–Presbyterian Hospital, and the author of Anatomy of a Secret Life: The Psychology of Living a Lie (Morgan Road).
I did have an emotional affair once, that I wrote off as a "friend being supportive". I dont regret it one bit. It made me realize a few things about how I had settled and allowed someone to infiltrate every bit of my life and turn it into their life, except the little pieces I snuck in on the side. I no know myself a lot better as a result.
C@ssandr@
formerly known as "keyawarren"
I feel you. When I was with my ex, at some point my mind and heart started to wander. This was already after multiple attempts to work things through. In the end I relaized it makes no sense to be seeking out the company of someone else when I should just leave. The experience definitely opened my eyes.
Otoh, my ex had female friends that he kept in contact with regularly. It didn't bother me and I wasn't worried about him cheating. I guess it all depends on the dynamic between the two people (as the article does outline).
barbiesocialite
Well-Known Member
Yes. I know of someone who's marriage has survived emotional cheating.
I think this will be something that will always be a struggle to me. TBH, I've never been emotionally loyal to anyone--including parents, friends or SO.
I don't really understand what emotional cheating/infidelity entails. To me, I'm a highly sensitive emotional person. I'm a lot of work. I think it's unrealistic to expect or for anyone to actually be able to meet all of my emotional needs. I just don't see it happening. I also think it's unfair for me to demand that someone meet all of my emotional needs, I'm emotionally high maintenance. sometimes I have to emotionally checkout or get those needs met elsewhere be it a friend or therapist. what's so wrong or bad about that?
I think this will be something that will always be a struggle to me. TBH, I've never been emotionally loyal to anyone--including parents, friends or SO.
I don't really understand what emotional cheating/infidelity entails. To me, I'm a highly sensitive emotional person. I'm a lot of work. I think it's unrealistic to expect or for anyone to actually be able to meet all of my emotional needs. I just don't see it happening. I also think it's unfair for me to demand that someone meet all of my emotional needs, I'm emotionally high maintenance. sometimes I have to emotionally checkout or get those needs met elsewhere be it a friend or therapist. what's so wrong or bad about that?
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Naveah2050
Well-Known Member
Hmm I think I am the same!! Emotionally high maintenance and exhausting at times.
barbiesocialite
Well-Known Member
my psuedo-SO/ex indirectly accuses/ed me of emotionally infidelity all the time. We started out as friends first, are back to being a friends again. Even as a friend he often feels as if my emotional/mental time goes elsewhere. Actually even my female homegirls have covertly accused me of emotional betraying the friendship.
My thing is, what do you expect me to do? If I feel like I can't talk to you, I can't talk to you. I can't squeeze blood from a turnip. Get over it. I can physically or actually betray you if you'd like.....
Naveah2050
Well-Known Member
Haha wellllll girl I been in trouble before cause of this. I just try to restrain myself nowadays - as opposed to what I did before which was let other people indulge that neediness and flirt back etc thinking that because they knew I had a man people would realize I was just chillaxing and it didn't mean anything to me... It wasn't even my SO's reaction that got to me at the end it was the emotional side pieces and their extra emotional melodrama that just made me stop playing with their emotions. I actually felt bad--- I didn't know men could get so caught up off of just emotions with no sex! Never again....
barbiesocialite
Well-Known Member
I think women participate in the most emotional infidelity.
I think men participate in the most physical infidelity.
just goes to show how different the sees are, including needs they intrinsically desire to be met.
Fine 4s
Well-Known Member
You sound like you would hurt my little feelings all day long. No, let me not tip toe, you sound cold as heck! Lol
Honest question- do you have long time friends? If so, how do they handle you? I can't see you being sensitive though...then again, I don't KNOW you so maybe you are.
*gulp*
barbiesocialite
Well-Known Member
Yes I've had the same friends for a very long time.
My ex and I have been friends for a decade. Even my friends on this board are the ones Ive met within my first couple months to a year of joining. The most accurate assessment of me often comes from those who know to read me as "no new friends." I don't like new people or change. ultimately I am decisive in the midst of my indecsiveness: I know right away if you are for me. I'm very honest, yet upfront and reliable. I don't mean to be cold and I've never been described as such (that I know of) by anyone that knows me well. The thing is what you see is what you get. Period. If you have any other expectations beyond what I say and who you know me to be you will be sadly disappointed. Interestingy, the one thing my ex has always remembered about me even as friends is that I'd never marry for love. We got into a 5-hour convo this weekend about love languages--mine being primarily acts of service and qt. That said, if I tell you I'm emotionally needy and I don't anticipate any one person being able to meet them believe it. Fact is, I check out sometimes and the only person I've ever trusted with all my thoughts and feelings is my therapist. Funny, she's smart she knows I don't trust her that much either. so the most she or anyone else can really expect from me is my loyalty and physical reliability.
Now being sensitive, I am a very fragile person. I am strong yet a perpetual emotional damsel in distress. My sensitivity is usually for other people. I'm good at *seeing* people. Like I emotionally *see* you. I emotionally or mentally save you. Truth is, I rarely *very rarely* feel others see me or that they even have capability too. In this fact of my mind, I dont emotionally invest in individuals like maybe they wish I could. It's spread out. I think my mother and grandmother are kind of similar in that respect.
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Radianthealth
Well-Known Member
My mother did, she had a male friend throughout her marriage, it was never sexual but even as a kid I knew it wasn't right.
It caused a lot of strife in her and me dad's marriage. I don't have any male friends as a married woman because I don't think it is appropriate.
It caused a lot of strife in her and me dad's marriage. I don't have any male friends as a married woman because I don't think it is appropriate.
barbiesocialite
Well-Known Member
I'm a hypocrite. I'd never get rid of my male friends but I wouldn't allow my spouse to have female friends. I'm admittedly very emotionally controlling.
*CherryPie*
Well-Known Member
Honey Bee
Well-Known Member
keyawarren, There's a book about emotional cheating that I hear recommended a lot, 'Not Just Friends.'
I haven't had a close male friend since. I spread it out too because, too intently focussed, it creates an emotional vampire.
@ 2nd,
It's the Pisces-ness. They can't see you because you're busy reflecting.
@ 1st bold, When I got in this relationship, I knew I had to change how I related to men. It's very easy for me to slip from 'seeing them' to them seeing me if you know what I mean.
I haven't had a close male friend since. I spread it out too because, too intently focussed, it creates an emotional vampire.@ 2nd,
It's the Pisces-ness. They can't see you because you're busy reflecting.
C@ssandr@
formerly known as "keyawarren"
keyawarren, There's a book about emotional cheating that I hear recommended a lot, 'Not Just Friends.'
@ 1st bold, When I got in this relationship, I knew I had to change how I related to men. It's very easy for me to slip from 'seeing them' to them seeing me if you know what I mean.
@ 2nd,
That book title is hilarious.
Friendship? Not!
barbiesocialite
Well-Known Member
@keyawarren, There's a book about emotional cheating that I hear recommended a lot, 'Not Just Friends.'
@ 1st bold, When I got in this relationship, I knew I had to change how I related to men. It's very easy for me to slip from 'seeing them' to them seeing me if you know what I mean.
@ 2nd,
so on point and right on time.
@Honey Bee forever the wise woman dropping knowledge leaving food for thought. You are def one of the very few people I've met that automatically see me and get it.
I'm naturally a VERY intense and passionate person. One of my closest friends once told me that I feel EVERYTHING. Consequently, EVERYTHING with me tends to be all or nothing. The bottom line of it all is this makes me extremely polarizing in nature, including my relationships. I don't say the following with arrogance but I'm not really someone most can forget or just get over. Without conscious and concerted effort to compartmentalize to disperse and emotionally regulate I have & WILL become an emotional vampire. To myself and others. Be careful what you wish for. Sometimes I don't think some people understand the reality of what it really means to have all, or even most, of me. they ain't ready. I ain't ready. it's too much for one person or a single outlet. The level, magnitude and depth of my internal quake is vast and like quicksand that will leave both of us drowning in the eternal abyss that is all of my feelings or will leave me engulfed in theirs. no bueno. From past experience, this will leave both of us scarred and damaged with PTSD.
Overall I think I am and most consider me adequately generous in emotional capacity. I'm fairly intuitive and not entirely detached but emotional moderation and regulation is imperative in order for anyone to maintain a healthy and lasting with me. Too much attention WE WILL DROWN. folks should be grateful I spread myself out.
eta: this is the reason I need a large family and could never have only one child. Also the reason why I've always preferred I tend to surround myself with highly extroverted people and shy away from introverts. Mr. Social is my man and Ms. Busybody is my BFF. I like, prefer and work well with those annoying people that always on da phone, got too many friends, always has people in the house and ain't neva home because it brings balance to my life. We'd both be sad if they didn't bring other people around for me to bond with and talk to.
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Honey Bee
Well-Known Member
Awwso on point and right on time.
@Honey Bee forever the wise woman dropping knowledge leaving food for thought. You are def one of the very few people I've met that automatically see me and get it.
, that made my day!@ the bold, Oh snap, I think you just clarified something for me. I've been told that I absorb everything. So that's the difference between Pisces asc and Sun, one is surface level, the other is more all-encompassing. I do feel everything, but I quickly shake it off.
I figured out your detachment strategy when you explained why you didn't get worked up about the various shootings. SO and I both concluded that, even if we didn't agree, it was sound logic.
:shrug: I'm learning detachment in my old age and it is good. 
My mother's always worried about everybody and everything, she can't understand the Zen-like approach. I still have my areas where I go hard, but otherwise, meh... I'm intuitive enough to get it, detached enough not to care. :reddancer:
ScorpioBeauty09
Well-Known Member
I know someone who's having an emotional affair although it has probably become physical at this point. She settled for her husband (her words) and met someone (who's also married) through work. She spends every free minute she was with him, even extending business trips since they both travel a lot. She says that he just gets her in a way her husband doesn't and she feels alive when she's with him.
Honestly she sounds like a HS girl gushing over a crush.
She settled for her husband (her words) and met someone (who's also married) through work. She spends every free minute she was with him, even extending business trips since they both travel a lot. She says that he just gets her in a way her husband doesn't and she feels alive when she's with him. Honestly she sounds like a HS girl gushing over a crush.
FelaShrine
Well-Known Member
I dont believe in emotional loyalty..on my end anyway.
Honey Bee
Well-Known Member
Well, look at the situation posted right above you. Chick is dead wrong. Finish playing with one toy before you take out another. Toys scattered with no care end up damaged and then you ruin them for both you and the next little kid.
Don't be so selfish, fela.
Leave your toys in good condition so they can be recycled and loved by some other little girl.
C@ssandr@
formerly known as "keyawarren"
I know someone who's having an emotional affair although it has probably become physical at this point.
Smh.
This is what annoys me. It's time to file the legal documents and move on.
*I'm surprised at the type of responses in this thread. I have extremely laid back views on dating, but I certainly don't believe in stepping out on your partner. If I feel I can't ever talk you about my problems, I'm going to tell you "I can't talk to you about my problems, I'm going to talk to Jim about them, ok? Or we can call it quits" I ain't with the idea of adding more people in the problem by sneaking off with the next dude.
I'm also too lazy to keep up an affair.
ChasingBliss
Well-Known Member
barbiesocialite You are forever putting things in perspective for me. Amazing and thank you.
barbiesocialite
Well-Known Member
@barbiesocialite You are forever putting things in perspective for me. Amazing and thank you.
ChasingBliss
Thank you so much! Happy to know that my years of therapy help somebody.
FelaShrine
Well-Known Member
Well, look at the situation posted right above you. Chick is dead wrong. Finish playing with one toy before you take out another. Toys scattered with no care end up damaged and then you ruin them for both you and the next little kid.
Don't be so selfish, fela.
maybe her husband needs to stop being so lame
I mean dude obviously noticed something is weird with his wife, shouldnt he be doing whatever he can to get back her admiration and attention, nooo he's crying around like a little b.ok seriously
ScorpioBeauty09 does she have kids?
ScorpioBeauty09
Well-Known Member
maybe her husband needs to stop being so lame
ok seriously
ScorpioBeauty09 does she have kids?
No and it's unlikely she'll be able to because of an illness. From what I know, she married him thinking she wouldn't be able to get anyone else and since finishing school and getting new job she thinks she's on top of the world. As far as I know her husband doesn't have a clue.