Drop him or drop it?

[silenttullip]

if you were in a relationship but the person you were with never shared things of a spiritual nature with you but always had time to do it with others what would you do?
And if the person you were with always made purchases but the purchases weren't going to help make finances better what would you do?

It's two serious issues my friend and her guy are dealing with, so thats why I titled this as such.
I don't know if she should drop him or drop it it meaning her issues.

 

[MizzBrown]

Drop him. Next!!!

 

[song_of_serenity]

1. Won't do it with you but would find time to do it with others? NO!
2. Financial instability and immaturity?? NO.

Tell her move along! She'll end up feeling resentful and he is NOT someone she may want to risk a future with, especially with finances in these tough economic times if he can't handle his!

 

[JustKiya]

Define 'with', first.

Because at a certain level of 'with' - you have no input in my financial choices. Male or Female. Full stop. Raise up outta my paycheck.

And, as far as spirituality goes - I don't share it with my husband unless he specifically asks me about it, and I always spend time with others 'expressing' it. And I suspect that marriage is about as 'with' someone as you can be.

 

[silenttullip]

By with: she's living with the guy and their splitting bills but she says he doesnt even like the house their in and instead of saving little by little he buys and buys.
Spiritually she wants him to bible study with her, pray with her, and that sort of thing.

Me personally I couldn't be married and not share spirituality on a consistent bases not just popping up with info about it but you know one on one devotion and things.

Define 'with', first.

Because at a certain level of 'with' - you have no input in my financial choices. Male or Female. Full stop. Raise up outta my paycheck.

And, as far as spirituality goes - I don't share it with my husband unless he specifically asks me about it, and I always spend time with others 'expressing' it. And I suspect that marriage is about as 'with' someone as you can be.

 

[Bunny77]

By with: she's living with the guy and their splitting bills but she says he doesnt even like the house their in and instead of saving little by little he buys and buys.
Spiritually she wants him to bible study with her, pray with her, and that sort of thing.

Me personally I couldn't be married and not share spirituality on a consistent bases not just popping up with info about it but you know one on one devotion and things.

Okay, this is something I've NEVER understood.

How you gonna be living with a dude you're not married to, but then be harping on church and Bible study?

I'ma need her to be consistent in HER spirituality before she starts talking about what he doesn't do.

 

[song_of_serenity]

By with: she's living with the guy and their splitting bills but she says he doesnt even like the house their in and instead of saving little by little he buys and buys.
Spiritually she wants him to bible study with her, pray with her, and that sort of thing.

Me personally I couldn't be married and not share spirituality on a consistent bases not just popping up with info about it but you know one on one devotion and things.

If she wants to follow things on a spiritual matter, assuming she's Christian, she needs to not be shacking up. Calling it like I see it. And again. It's not like he's NOT interested in studying. He is...JUST NOT WITH HER!

And don't they know MANY, if not a high majority of marriages end because financial spats?? Money causes a big rift, they're already splitting bills?? And he won't save?? Naw...

 

[Almaz]

Thank you I agree with all of this.

 

[silenttullip]

I took that stand too until she hit me with they're not having sex so if it's true there's nothing against the word about it and if its not I feel for her. I just wanna help her.

Okay, this is something I've NEVER understood.

How you gonna be living with a dude you're not married to, but then be harping on church and Bible study?

I'ma need her to be consistent in HER spirituality before she starts talking about what he doesn't do.

 

[silenttullip]

I feel you but shacking is defined as living and having sex with someone before marriage at least I think it is not an actual term so kinda hard to pinpoint it but either way she claims they arent having sex and the fornication is where the bible and Christianity comes in.

If she wants to follow things on a spiritual matter, assuming she's Christian, she needs to not be shacking up. Calling it like I see it. And again. It's not like he's NOT interested in studying. He is...JUST NOT WITH HER!

And don't they know MANY, if not a high majority of marriages end because financial spats?? Money causes a big rift, they're already splitting bills?? And he won't save?? Naw...

 

[silenttullip]

Honestly I just want a nice way of telling her... I don't know lol I guess thats why I posted I guess I just wanna tell her to take some time apart but for now all I could say is "let me think about it" which inspired a post lol.

 

[JustKiya]

By with: she's living with the guy and their splitting bills but she says he doesnt even like the house their in and instead of saving little by little he buys and buys.
Spiritually she wants him to bible study with her, pray with her, and that sort of thing.

Me personally I couldn't be married and not share spirituality on a consistent bases not just popping up with info about it but you know one on one devotion and things.

Urram. That still doesn't define their relationship. They are having sex (I assume), they are living together, they are splitting bills. None of which equals an actual relationship. And if they aren't having sex, they could be strictly roommates.

It sounds like she wants him to act like a husband. Most boyfriends aren't responsible to their girlfriends to save a certain amount of money - or have things changed, lately?

He's telling her that he isn't on the same page that she is as far as financial goals go - and she needs to listen. Does she want him to save just to save, or are they saving for a 'goal'?

My hubby and I are of different faiths, so it works, and works well for us.

And urrah, I wouldn't want to study any religion with someone who is clearly not all that..... how shall I say this..... consistent in their own walk? How you gonna be shacking and I assume fornicating, and in the same breath demand that someone study the Bible - which forbids both things - with you? At least when he studies with others, his sins ain't looking at him from across the table.

 

[aprils13]

Out of curiousity, do they sleep in the same room? Or is it a roomate type situation? Does she have a habit of lying?

Anyways, I agree with the other ladies.

 

[silenttullip]

Urram. That still doesn't define their relationship. They are having sex (I assume), they are living together, they are splitting bills. None of which equals an actual relationship. And if they aren't having sex, they could be strictly roommates.

It sounds like she wants him to act like a husband. Most boyfriends aren't responsible to their girlfriends to save a certain amount of money - or have things changed, lately?

He's telling her that he isn't on the same page that she is as far as financial goals go - and she needs to listen. Does she want him to save just to save, or are they saving for a 'goal'?

My hubby and I are of different faiths, so it works, and works well for us.

And urrah, I wouldn't want to study any religion with someone who is clearly not all that..... how shall I say this..... consistent in their own walk? How you gonna be shacking and I assume fornicating, and in the same breath demand that someone study the Bible - which forbids both things - with you? At least when he studies with others, his sins ain't looking at him from across the table.

I feel u and I wanted to say some of that but she claims there's no sex going on. He asked her to be his gf a few years ago. I just dont want her living in an uncomfortable situation. What do you think I should tell her cause if I say what you typed I might just get a click in my ear.

 

[song_of_serenity]

I feel you but shacking is defined as living and having sex with someone before marriage at least I think it is not an actual term so kinda hard to pinpoint it but either way she claims they arent having sex and the fornication is where the bible and Christianity comes in.

As a Christian, she knows that you're supposed to even flee from the very appearance of evil. and out of situations that would cause temptation.

That aside, as JustKiya said...they're essentially living like a married couple without being married. Or like roommates, if she said no sex is there.

Has she spoken to him about her concerns?? What did he say? THAT is what really needs to be known because if she expressed to very VALID situations that are important...and he still doesn't really care, well he made his answer bold.

 

[silenttullip]

roflmao @ habit of lying lol I cant say no cause she may just be a good liar. I never asked her out right if they slept in a shared bed BUT whenever I call and he answers if its at night the phone gets to her quick so I assume theyre in the same bed

Out of curiousity, do they sleep in the same room? Or is it a roomate type situation? Does she have a habit of lying?

Anyways, I agree with the other ladies.

 

[JustKiya]

I feel u and I wanted to say some of that but she claims there's no sex going on. He asked her to be his gf a few years ago. I just dont want her living in an uncomfortable situation. What do you think I should tell her cause if I say what you typed I might just get a click in my ear.

I'd tell her to move out.
I'd tell her to separate her finances from this man.
I'd tell her to stop acting like a wife when she isn't one.
I'd tell her to listen to what he is telling her by his actions.
I'd tell her to stop having 'roommates' that she's emotionally involved with.

 

[silenttullip]

True... She said she told him about it and he understood but nothing changes. The first time this came up I simply said "I'm not him so make how u feel clear" but this time she is mad = crying tripping talking about packing bags blah blah.

As a Christian, she knows that you're supposed to even flee from the very appearance of evil. and out of situations that would cause temptation.

That aside, as JustKiya said...they're essentially living like a married couple without being married. Or like roommates, if she said no sex is there.

Has she spoken to him about her concerns?? What did he say? THAT is what really needs to be known because if she expressed to very VALID situations that are important...and he still doesn't really care, well he made his answer bold.

 

[JustKiya]

Talking about packing bags is possibly the least 'tripping' type thing I've seen her suggest.

 

[silenttullip]

I'd tell her to move out.
I'd tell her to separate her finances from this man.
I'd tell her to stop acting like a wife when she isn't one.
I'd tell her to listen to what he is telling her by his actions.
I'd tell her to stop having 'roommates' that she's emotionally involved with.

Okay I'm going to tell her, and thank you. Don't know how she's gonna take it but she should have listened to me when they first started dating even back then he was jockin her about money smh.

 

[silenttullip]

talking about packing bags is tripping when the only place she has to go is mine and uh I dont want that drama up in hurr lol but maybe she could stay here until she finds a place I'll suggest that too.

Talking about packing bags is possibly the least 'tripping' type thing I've seen her suggest.

 

[silenttullip]

I'm about to return her call she should be up. Thank you all for your help.

 

[JustKiya]

Good luck, and I hope she takes it well.

 

[aprils13]

roflmao @ habit of lying lol I cant say no cause she may just be a good liar. I never asked her out right if they slept in a shared bed BUT whenever I call and he answers if its at night the phone gets to her quick so I assume theyre in the same bed

They share a phone too! Along with a bed! Do they share bank accounts? I know I'm not giving much advise, I'm nosey.

Listen to JK

 

[Bunny77]

They share a phone too! Along with a bed! Do they share bank accounts? I know I'm not giving much advise, I'm nosey.

Listen to JK

Yeah, but they're not having sex...

I'm sure she's going to try to sell us a bridge over Brooklyn next, huh?


Anyway, I see nothing worth salvaging about this relationship. She needs to move on.

 

[song_of_serenity]

Yeah, but they're not having sex...

I'm sure she's going to try to sell us a bridge over Brooklyn next, huh?


Anyway, I see nothing worth salvaging about this relationship. She needs to move on.

That's why I always tell people the way you live your life speaks volumes. You're a walking testimony. In a relationship (so emotional attachment) In bed together? Two grown folks? Hormones raging? People will slip so you avoid situations!
and I agree. A man who is lax with money just...no. Especially if it's important enough for her to be so upset over...she needs to move on.

 

[Poohbear]

I feel you but shacking is defined as living and having sex with someone before marriage at least I think it is not an actual term so kinda hard to pinpoint it but either way she claims they arent having sex and the fornication is where the bible and Christianity comes in.

Genesis 2:24 (KJV) - 24Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

It did not say "cleave unto his girlfriend".

 

[Allandra]

I took that stand too until she hit me with they're not having sex so if it's true there's nothing against the word about it and if its not I feel for her. I just wanna help her.

She's grown isn't she? She's gotta wanna help herself first.

 

[Prudent1]

Okay, this is something I've NEVER understood.

How you gonna be living with a dude you're not married to, but then be harping on church and Bible study?

I'ma need her to be consistent in HER spirituality before she starts talking about what he doesn't do.

Let the Church say AMEN!! God will not bless our mess- sorry.

If she wants to follow things on a spiritual matter, assuming she's Christian, she needs to not be shacking up. Calling it like I see it. And again. It's not like he's NOT interested in studying. He is...JUST NOT WITH HER!

And don't they know MANY, if not a high majority of marriages end because of financial spats?? Money causes a big rift, they're already splitting bills?? And he won't save?? Naw...

Generally speaking:
39% list as primary reason for a divorce
59% list as secondary reason for a divorce

I took that stand too until she hit me with they're not having sex so if it's true there's nothing against the word about it and if its not I feel for her. I just wanna help her.

I feel you but shacking is defined as living and having sex with someone before marriagenono at least I think it is not an actual term so kinda hard to pinpoint it but either way she claims they arent having sex and the fornication is where the bible and Christianity comes in.

Someone else aleady stated this but here is the exact scripture reference.
1 Thessalonians 5:22 (22)Abstain from all appearance of evil

I guess by now you have already spoken to your friend. I wish her happiness.

 

[anon123]

she claims they arent having sex

whenever I call and he answers if its at night the phone gets to her quick so I assume theyre in the same bed

Really? Now I may be wrong, but I have a feeling that she's both having sex before marriage and lying about it. While simultaneously nagging him about studying the Bible with her. Maybe I should cut her some slack. Maybe since she doesn't have a Bible study partner, she doesn't know what's in it. Could be wrong . . .

So as to the 2 questions you originally posted, I would go with JustKiya. They are not married, they are splitting bills, why should she have a say in how he spends his money? If she thinks he is financially frivolous and irresponsible, then she may want to look elsewhere. As for the Bible study, well, . . .