Don't want to go to church anymore...

[PaperClip]

...but I know better.... So how do I get the strength to walk back into my church home and face the people?

I should share that I LOVE my church and it is the place where I'm supposed to be and my spiritual parents are wonderful and I'm getting good teaching and I haven't outgrown the place.... It's just that I feel so lonely there (beyond the spiritual part) because there isn't anybody to socialize with or where I have common interests with (beyond the spiritual part). And this seems to be progressive, esp. as I advance through graduate school... there are fewer people who share this interest or can relate to the graduate school experience....

I haven't been to church in like a month (mainly because of school but I'm sorta glad to have that excuse). That's the longest intended time that I've been out of church since I've been on the PLANET!

Thanks for your prayers and suggestions....

Peace.

 

[Deluxe]

You said you were not able to make church because of school, so why do you feel uncomfortable going back. You did not do anything wrong that would cause anyone to be upset with you. Why would it be difficult for you to go back? Is there someone in church that you have to answer to?

 

[PaperClip]

You said you were not able to make church because of school, so why do you feel uncomfortable going back. You did not do anything wrong that would cause anyone to be upset with you. Why would it be difficult for you to go back? Is there someone in church that you have to answer to?

I guess I feel uncomfortable because I just feel like because I'm not (yet) married, that nothing else I do (e.g., school) matters or means anything. I'm learning that I have to "do me" and be content where I am. I do A LOT of self-talk with regard to reminding myself to have faith in God's plan for my life and that where I am in my life is good, but the message of "get married, be married, be wanted by somebody else" just got louder than my talk to myself.

I should also say that I take responsibility for not having more balance in my life in terms of going out and cultivating friendships. This just got more difficult as my single friends got married one by one and I just felt so out there by myself....

Being away for a time has taken some of the pressure off and now I just feel somewhat embarrassed and ashamed. I know I have to "get over people" and just go to church and enjoy the service (which I do, when I don't allow myself to get caught up in being like everybody else).... I'm gaining mental and emotional strength every day to know that I'm ok. I just hope and pray I haven't gone back in the Lord and I haven't missed out on His blessings for my life.

 

[firecracker]

Wow Relaxerrehab. I think you should just go back. You are there for spiritual uplifting, learning and fellowship. All the other stuff doesn't matter. Pray and go back home girl. Everything else will fall into place.

 

[dreamer26]

...but I know better.... So how do I get the strength to walk back into my church home and face the people?

And this seems to be progressive, esp. as I advance through graduate school... there are fewer people who share this interest or can relate to the graduate school experience....

I haven't been to church in like a month (mainly because of school but I'm sorta glad to have that excuse). That's the longest intended time that I've been out of church since I've been on the PLANET!

Thanks for your prayers and suggestions....

Peace.

I don't understand here, if you are getting fed spiritually at your church and you love your pastor and his wife and all is well but you don't want to go because you graduated with a degree.

Maybe you have matriculated at a university and have become erudite and scholary an on a higher echelon then some, but I think you have going to church mixed up with a social mix or networking.

You mean to tell me, no one in your church like going to the movies, no one likes shopping, or going out to eat, skiing, or horse back riding, or reading, or having get togethers, because the last I checked that's what friends do, with or without a degree.

What I hear is someone that feels they are now better than the people she worships with or shall I say attend church with.


Spoken in Love
"D"

 

[PaperClip]

I don't understand here, if you are getting fed spiritually at your church and you love your pastor and his wife and all is well but you don't want to go because you graduated with a degree.

Maybe you have matriculated at a university and have become erudite and scholary an on a higher echelon then some, but I think you have going to church mixed up with a social mix or networking.

You mean to tell me, no one in your church like going to the movies, no one likes shopping, or going out to eat, skiing, or horse back riding, or reading, or having get togethers, because the last I checked that's what friends do, with or without a degree.

What I hear is someone that feels they are now better than the people she worships with or shall I say attend church with.


Spoken in Love
"D"

You know, I could consider that it might sound like I'm being an educated snob.... I'm really not. I was going to that church LONG before I started working on this fourth college degree, so it's been the prayers of my church family that has allowed me to get this far, and I am grateful. But once everybody "comes out of the spirit", we all have our different likes and tastes and preferences, and there were fewer people who wanted to go to the museums, or plays.

And speaking honestly here, there are cliques in church and I tried to fit in to so many of them, but I never did. Also, I think a big part of it was that my group of friends (around the same age, especially), got married.... Out of my age group, I may be the only one who has yet to marry. I just didn't do the best job in cultivating new friendships in the church.... I take responsibility for that....

Especially as our particular church body has expanded numerically, there's always been an underlying message to mind your own business. We probably don't do fellowships across age/marital status spectrums that well, at least for me because I feel like such an oddball, not because of the education, but more so that I don't seem to fit in.... There was a group that I hung with for a little bit of time, but it became more and more detrimental for me to do so both spiritually and naturally. We didn't have interest in the same topics, varying degrees of unhealthy talk about church, etc.

So here I am, going back to church with a more realistic realization that the church's job is not to (or is not able to) provide social interaction (beyond the spiritual) and that I need to cultivate such friendships with others who are like-minded but may go to different churches. And yet I wonder how necessary it is to have some form of social interaction at the church I go to...how important is this to the fellowshipping aspect of the church-going experience?

 

[dreamer26]

I hear you, and I don't know where you are spiritually, but for me when I found that I'm out of place that because God was trying to do something with me.

In my experieince sometimes God will cause friends and family seem like they've outgrown you or vice versa because he's trying to get your attention and he's not going to compete with anyone.

Now that you have the degree out of the way, now stand back and ask God what's my next move. God doesn't bless for the sake of blessing nor does he bless you just for you, there are lives he wants you to touch and minster to and now it's time for you to be about your father's business.

Only God can tell you what you were created to do and what he's put you here for. Your Pastor is also a good souce if he's a good shephard he should be able to give some insight, but utilmately it will come from God.

If you're in this place where God is getting you ready for a work, then no matter what church you go to you will feel out of place until you get to the place of purpose.

It's like a bride that's dressed for a wedding standing at the pool side, you look out of place, you're overdressed, and hot, but as soon as you get to the church where the wedding is taking place, you fit right in and everthing makes since and you look good to.

 

[firecracker]

I found that I'm out of place that because God was trying to do something with me.

In my experieince sometimes God will cause friends and family seem like they've outgrown you or vice versa because he's trying to get your attention and he's not going to compete with anyone.

Now that you have the degree out of the way, now stand back and ask God what's my next move. God doesn't bless for the sake of blessing nor does he bless you just for you, there are lives he wants you to touch and minster to and now it's time for you to be about your father's business.

Only God can tell you what you were created to do and what he's put you here for. Your Pastor is also a good souce if he's a good shephard he should be able to give some insight, but utilmately it will come from God.

If you're in this place where God is getting you ready for a work, then no matter what church you go to you will feel out of place until you get to the place of purpose.

What a great post. I didn't understand what her education had to do with her spirituality or attending church either. I thinks it should be about core values and relationship. All that outside stuff doesn't impress God only certain people.

I am glad the OP further explained.

 

[Deluxe]

I understand your feelings, RRehab, sometimes you do feel out of place in your church home, I think it is normal for this occur when ther is time for change or a change is coming from God. I agree with the other posters that you should definitely pray about this to God. At the same time I would not allow others to make you feel like you don't belong because you are. My mother dealt with these same feelings but she kept going. I will pray that God sends you a christian friend to care for you, so that you do not feel lonely.

I do not have a church home right now, I am trying to understand which church God is telling me to go to. Until you find some friends we can be your friends, especially me. I am married but I am not so far removed that I will not understand what you are going through. Please feel free to pm about whatever.

 

[PaperClip]

I hear you, and I don't know where you are spiritually, but for me when I found that I'm out of place that because God was trying to do something with me.

In my experieince sometimes God will cause friends and family seem like they've outgrown you or vice versa because he's trying to get your attention and he's not going to compete with anyone.

Now that you have the degree out of the way, now stand back and ask God what's my next move. God doesn't bless for the sake of blessing nor does he bless you just for you, there are lives he wants you to touch and minster to and now it's time for you to be about your father's business.

Only God can tell you what you were created to do and what he's put you here for. Your Pastor is also a good souce if he's a good shephard he should be able to give some insight, but utilmately it will come from God.

If you're in this place where God is getting you ready for a work, then no matter what church you go to you will feel out of place until you get to the place of purpose.

It's like a bride that's dressed for a wedding standing at the pool side, you look out of place, you're overdressed, and hot, but as soon as you get to the church where the wedding is taking place, you fit right in and everthing makes since and you look good to.

Just curious to know what you mean when you say "where I am spiritually"....

Actually, I've allowed this issue to be bigger than my relationship with God...and I'm suffering for it right now (don't feel so close to the Lord, hard to sit still and pray and listen). It makes sense to read what you said about the Lord doing something with me.... I believe I'm (still) in preparation for this work... whatever this work is (I probably already know but I don't want to face it)....I'm actually still in school (working on a doctorate full-time). I'm not interested in attending another church.... For a time, I actually considered that I didn't have to go to church at all (but that's really not an option for me. Been trained TOO WELL on that topic! ).

I just gotta go back....

 

[PaperClip]

I understand your feelings, RRehab, sometimes you do feel out of place in your church home, I think it is normal for this occur when ther is time for change or a change is coming from God. I agree with the other posters that you should definitely pray about this to God. At the same time I would not allow others to make you feel like you don't belong because you are. My mother dealt with these same feelings but she kept going. I will pray that God sends you a christian friend to care for you, so that you do not feel lonely.

I do not have a church home right now, I am trying to understand which church God is telling me to go to. Until you find some friends we can be your friends, especially me. I am married but I am not so far removed that I will not understand what you are going through. Please feel free to pm about whatever.

Thank you for your generous listening ear/reading eye.... I have asked the Lord about healthy male and female friendships into my life and He is doing this.... And now I sorta don't know what to do with myself, how to act around people who are actually cool to be around.... It's like using new social muscles again that haven't been used in a long time....

 

[dreamer26]

Just curious to know what you mean when you say "where I am spiritually"....

What I mean by the above statement is I don't know where you are faith wise. Little faith, no faith, much faith, or babe in Christ etc. etc.

 

[PaperClip]

Just curious to know what you mean when you say "where I am spiritually"....

What I mean by the above statement is I don't know where you are faith wise. Little faith, no faith, much faith, or babe in Christ etc. etc.

Ahhh... ok.... been in long enough to know better....taught enough to know better, you know? Actually, my spiritual birthday (day I was baptized) was this past Sunday.... 17 years....

 

[Sweet C]

Don't worry about the people. One thing I have learned is that I don't go to church for me. At first, when you start off, it is definitely moreso for you, but as you grow and mature in the things of God you start to learn that yes, though we come and fellowship, but its first and foremost a house of prayer, and the time spent is mostly centered around prayer, praise, and worship unto God. I encourage you to surround yourselves with first people who are spiritually stronger than you, b/c they will definitely have Godly wisdom, and assist in pushing you in where you need to go in God. So if you want to learn how to pray, get with an intercessor. If you want to learn the Word, look for the teachers, and so on.

I understand exactly where you are coming from, b/c when I was in grad school, I felt kinda alone. I joined a church and stayed active in the college ministry, but I was pretty much the only grad student that was very active in that particular ministry. I did end up meeting a few grad students at the church, but we all seemed so stretched out doing different things, that we really didn't have time to converse with one another. The undergrads were cool, but we were just in different places at that time. So in this season, I was alone. And that was a good place to be, b/c it pretty much gave me the opportunity to sit still and lean on God. So I encourage you to milk this season, you are in right now for what it is. When its time, God will send people your way to be close friends with that will complement you.

 

[PaperClip]

Don't worry about the people. One thing I have learned is that I don't go to church for me. At first, when you start off, it is definitely moreso for you, but as you grow and mature in the things of God you start to learn that yes, though we come and fellowship, but its first and foremost a house of prayer, and the time spent is mostly centered around prayer, praise, and worship unto God. I encourage you to surround yourselves with first people who are spiritually stronger than you, b/c they will definitely have Godly wisdom, and assist in pushing you in where you need to go in God. So if you want to learn how to pray, get with an intercessor. If you want to learn the Word, look for the teachers, and so on.

I understand exactly where you are coming from, b/c when I was in grad school, I felt kinda alone. I joined a church and stayed active in the college ministry, but I was pretty much the only grad student that was very active in that particular ministry. I did end up meeting a few grad students at the church, but we all seemed so stretched out doing different things, that we really didn't have time to converse with one another. The undergrads were cool, but we were just in different places at that time. So in this season, I was alone. And that was a good place to be, b/c it pretty much gave me the opportunity to sit still and lean on God. So I encourage you to milk this season, you are in right now for what it is. When its time, God will send people your way to be close friends with that will complement you.

Yes... it's refreshing to read a similar experience. Lets me know I'm not alone.... The thing is, I served on the intercessory prayer team! Praise and worship team, church office assistant, assistant to the pastor's wife.... I just worked on the pastor's anniversary this year.... I think I was just "burned out"....

You're right.... I need to maximize and reframe and recognize the value of this time of solitude with the Lord....

 

[dreamer26]

RRehab

The more I read your post the more I'm understanding. Your first post left me in left field, but now knowing your work history and your spiritual level now, what I believe is happening is it's next level time.

God is getting ready to get you out of your comfort zone of church work to get you go to another level. Before you go to another level you must first take a test, you never take a test with everybody standing around you are isolated. Don't panic because all of the word you've been getting is for you to draw on during this test. Once the test is over and you pass you will get your next assignment. Next level. You will get new insight into God's word, he's going to show you something new about him that you didn't know. See you don't go to another level with the same ole information. Now is time for you to get in his word and keep yourself saturated in prayer and no matter what happens do not, i repeat do not give up or give in. You can only get what God has for you if you pass the test.

So girlfriend if you've ever told God you want to be used, you want to make a difference, you want to go higher or you want to do a mighty work for him, well get ready get ready, get ready, he's about to see just how for real you are. This is no time to be weary or sad or depressed, it's time to praise him like you've never praised him before.

PRAISE , PRAISE, PRAISE THEN HE'LL RAISE RAISE RAISE YOU TO ANOTHER LEVEL.

 

[PaperClip]

RRehab

The more I read your post the more I'm understanding. Your first post left me in left field, but now knowing your work history and your spiritual level now, what I believe is happening is it's next level time.

God is getting ready to get you out of your comfort zone of church work to get you go to another level. Before you go to another level you must first take a test, you never take a test with everybody standing around you are isolated. Don't panic because all of the word you've been getting is for you to draw on during this test. Once the test is over and you pass you will get your next assignment. Next level. You will get new insight into God's word, he's going to show you something new about him that you didn't know. See you don't go to another level with the same ole information. Now is time for you to get in his word and keep yourself saturated in prayer and no matter what happens do not, i repeat do not give up or give in. You can only get what God has for you if you pass the test.

So girlfriend if you've ever told God you want to be used, you want to make a difference, you want to go higher or you want to do a mighty work for him, well get ready get ready, get ready, he's about to see just how for real you are. This is no time to be weary or sad or depressed, it's time to praise him like you've never praised him before.

PRAISE , PRAISE, PRAISE THEN HE'LL RAISE RAISE RAISE YOU TO ANOTHER LEVEL.

Wow!!!! Thank you.... I'm glad that you understand what I was trying to say.... and I feel your words are divinely inspired.... I was at the point of giving up...too weary to go on.... I know the word says to not be weary in well doing, for in due time, we shall reap if we faint not.... And I just started asking the Lord to just show me the next step versus the end now. I used to ask Him to show me all of it, like He was just gonna do that... how is that faith? (Ha!) He is ordering my steps...and I told Him I would do what He asked of me...submitted to that a LONG time ago....

Thank you for listening and for sharing.... I truly appreciate it....

 

[firecracker]

Glad to see everything is working itself out RR.