Does wives need to ask husbands' permissions to have children?

[kayte]

What about a husband that asks his wife to have an abortion after she got pregnant by accident?


What do you guys think? Is he entitled to do that?

ooooops just read by accident!~
the below still applies

Do you know how many

I-should-have-been-an-abortion
but-mommy-said-no!
t-shirt wearing kids there are

Not sure if it's a sense of entitlement enables a husband to challenge
a full term pregnancy but MANY MANY men... in or out of wedlock
have and do...it's fairly common...
They can ask...but she has final say..and can veto
it any time

I knew this awe some looking English guy married with three kids
all daughters~~~ with baby 4 shortly making her debut

..and thinking sbout aggressively getting a divorce

He said to me "I have 3 daghters ...they mean the
world to me...but their mother is crazy,I want to split now,
but she's gone and got pregnant!!!!"

Very shortly after that conversation I saw him and the missus
rocking the brand new infant daughter.

..beautiful baby#4.

he had picked her and was rocking her with such force
that and the mother leaned over worriedly ..like he might be too rough
he gave the baby back to her and saw me came over to say hi

Hey Andy! Congrats on the baby
Oh yeah??? ...he kind of sneeered
Well. I IDID'N WANT IT. I DIDN'T WANT IT~!
I wanted her to have AN ABORTION

I paused before I spoke ..I HAD remembered when he said all this
but yet here was......swinging a tiny infant girl in his arms
before giving her back to the anxious mom

I said lamely ..well... she's a beauty

He answered
OF COURSE she is ..
She's FREAKIN GORGEOUS~~
But I dint want her! I dint want her!
I'm getting a vasectomy~


wow...I thought to myself.
I guess the sentiment being what's good for the goose ..
be twice as nice for the gander ....

wow ..was all I could say to him

 

[musiclova]

I am married and we have a 3 year old together right now. She is a handful as most kids are at that age but according to my husband she is enough and he does not foresee us having children in the near future. I know him and I translate that into he doesn't want to have anymore children period. Although I wanted to have at least one more and be done after that I acknowledge his feelings and choose to just go along with that because I honestly don't want to try to talk him into having another child if he truly doesn't want to have another one and if I did I could see that resulting in a huge problem in the future.

 

[MahoganyJazz]

I want at least one more as well, but DH is like . I told him we can reevaluate when the twins are at least 2 1/2. I know this first year has been rough with two new babies, so I'm not going to hold it against him!

 

[Jenibo]

ugh i have nothing to add to this thread except Mike Baisden really gets on my nerves sometimes

 

[newbiemom]

It is not permission. By design it takes 2 people to concieve because ideally both parties should want the same goal. a child. If any oarty changes their mind it should be discussed and neither should try to trap the other one into a life altering situation. It is not like over rideing you dh on a pint color this decision changes both your lives forever. If some one lied about that to me I would have ahrd time forgiving them .What kind of person u manipulates the so with an unborn child or a persons sense of duty by forceing them into that situation. I wouldn't want to be attached to that..

 

[SleekandBouncy]

Permission? *makes lemony face*
Permission sounds so one sided.
I think in order to make any kind of life altering decision like that, one that specifically requires another person contributing there body in some way BOTH people must be in agreement. I do not think it is fear for one party to make those kinds of decisions without the input and agreement of the other. It's not good for the child either and quite often ends in disaster even if those ppl appear to stay together.

 

[SOdie429]

I'm married and currently deployed in Afghanistan with my Husband. April will make a year since we have been married. I feel like we should wait to have some more fun together because being deployed for our first year isn't fun at all. We constantly talk about having a baby when we get back to the states though. I feel it shouldn't be a issue for a married couple. If you guys are ready financially, emotionally things like that, then it shouldn't be a question "can we get pregnant"? I think if it happens it happens you know.

 

[fmnnity]

I know someone going through this right now. He has 5 kids, 2 with his wife and 3 before he met her. She is a sahm and not a very good one. His two oldest are 18, one getting ready to head to college. She decided years ago that she wanted another child. Of course he is not in agreement and thought that was the end of the discussion. Guess what? She is pregnant and just in time for his oldest to get screwed over financially when she goes to college. One would think that he should have used condoms or whatever and maybe he should have but I'm thinking that if you are in a marriage and can clearly see where having another child would not only upset your spouse but his other children why would you do it? Should he have to check up behind his wife if the decision regarding family planning has been made? It was obviously done on purpose and now he will never be able to trust her again.

 

[anon123]

It seems really unfair if two people agree in advance on, say, 2 children and then one person changes their mind to only one. After part of your decision to marry them was because you agreed on children. That was part of the deal.

 

[Bunny77]

I'm married and currently deployed in Afghanistan with my Husband. April will make a year since we have been married. I feel like we should wait to have some more fun together because being deployed for our first year isn't fun at all. We constantly talk about having a baby when we get back to the states though. I feel it shouldn't be a issue for a married couple. If you guys are ready financially, emotionally things like that, then it shouldn't be a question "can we get pregnant"? I think if it happens it happens you know.

This is where things get tricky... inherently, I definitely agree with the bolded.

See, while I'm not all about just having kids left and right when you are in no shape to care for them mentally, emotionally, financially, etc., I would think that when a couple married, they would have discussed children and how many they'd like to have and the best time to have them... while also understanding that if they are having sex, the possibility for unexpected pregnancies is always there.

I don't know how I'd feel if my husband and I talked about having two kids, for example, before marriage, while married, etc., and then after one, he said, "Nah, I'm good." Now I wouldn't just go off and throw away my BC or anything, but I'd feel betrayed as if he went back on the deal... especially if we're capable of handling two, but just don't want to devote that extra time to another kid.

At the same time, if we agreed on three, and I had two rough pregnancies, I wouldn't want to hear any demands about going through it again... so yeah, I see both sides.

It's a tough situation, really. But no, no woman should be asking a man for "permission," but discussion about kids should always be taking place.

 

[westNDNbeauty]

i would want his permission. something like this needs to be a mutual decision.

i would not want a child to be brought into this world who was not wanted by BOTH parents.

i think it would be selfish to think otherwise.

 

[MekyakaKinkerbelle]

You don't need permission for anything...but if you didn't have the conversation BEFORE getting married and y'all aren't on the same page on these types of issues, having a baby will be the least of the problems that will CONTINUALLY pop up in that relationship.

I'm always amazed at how much couples just don't know about each other before they get married. Not speaking to you specifically OP, just in general erplexed

 

[SistaSista]

I think its a MUST to make the decision together. If the wife decides to have a child against the husband's wishes then the husband may begin to resent the wife and not participate as much as he should. My husband and I try to make all major decisions together. If either one of us is not on board there's a big chance that we just won't do it. Or I'll make him change his mind.

 

[momi]

I would say that they should agree - but I didnt really follow that rule. My husband kept putting me off saying he wasn't ready and couldnt tell me WHEN he would be ready or WHAT in the world he was waiting for. I did what I felt I needed to do - but that was what I would call a calculated risk. (Dont try this at home)

 

[Momstar]

I think men in general need to take responsibility for themselves. If they don't want kids then use protection, simple. Why do I have to be pumped up with hormones so you can enjoy your sex?

Although my personal situation is different, my husband wants more kids and he's not even interested in the 2 we have.