Does wives need to ask husbands' permissions to have children?

[BeautifulFlower]

This is a hot topic on Michael Baisden's talk radio. What do you think?

 

[ThickHair]

Heck no. All of that needs to be discussed way before you are husband and wife. It needs to be discussed when you are dating. I tell guys within the first 3 days that I do not want kids.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

But what if you did what children, and you both agreed in the beginning but things changed. Money, jobs, location may be his reason for not wanting them now. Do you need his consent to have children?

If you went ahead and had children, does he have the right to be upset and distrust you?

 

[MD_Lady]

It's not about "asking permission" as much as it is being on the same page. People should discuss this before getting married, and if they can't come to a consensus, they shouldn't get married. If the husband changes his mind afterward, the wife has to decide if it's a deal breaker. In either case, I don't think it's right for a woman to try to get pregnant if she knows her husband doesn't want children.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I don't think permission is the right word.

Children should be a mutual decision and in the case of a legitimate oops (as opposed to a planned by one side oops), I don't feel right about a man whether he is the husband or not having the last word on terminating a pregnancy. At the same time, he should be able to have his say without catching an attitude.

My POV comes from hearing the side of women who decided that they wanted a baby and felt like dude would get used to the idea. This bothers me even moreso when said folks really aren't financially or emotionally ready for a child. Emotionally ready as in a baby to 'save' or 'fix' a relationship, etc.

 

[ixoyegodisgood]

I say the 'no's have it. Be it the wife or the husband. Hopefully this was discussed at length before this even became an issue.

 

[tiara76]

need his permission no, but if you are married and are not on the same page at the same time with having a child there is a huge disconnect goin on that a baby may not be the answer to the problem

if he says he doesn't want a child does he do things to "prevent" a possible pregnancy...use condoms, abstain from sex, get a vasectomy on the low etc or does he just go at it and knows she wants one and then be mad if she ends up pregnant...does she tell him shes on BC when she's not, punch holes in the condom, etc if he doesn't want one and try to get pregnant anyways?? i mean if there has to be shadyness, manipulation, lying, tricking or trapping goin on in the marriage or lack of responsibility then where are the two people really at with each other....??

 

[TayMac]

No but it should be a decision made together.

A coworker of mine is having an issue (kinda)..she wants baby #2 and her husband doesn't (I'm not sure if it's at all or jus not right now). Some others (married women) have advised that she just get pregnant and he can "deal with it." They are a financially stable couple with a 2yo.

 

[ladysaraii]

I think children should be discussed prior to the marriage

I also think that the couple should check in before making the baby. Ex. Wife feels she wants a kid, the guy might feel like he'd like to wait a year.

I think it all boils down to good communication and deciding on a common goal before embarking on a major change. Saves a lot of resentment all around.

 

[tailormade84]

im confused....shouldn't the "do you want children and if so, when?" convo be held BEFORE marriage????

 

[DMJ's Mom]

Permission? No but I think the timing should be a mutual decision.

 

[GreenD]

I agree with ladysaraii. I was listening to that on my way home as well, and I don't think wives need permission to have a child, but they should definitely be on the same page with the issue, especially to make sure nothing's changed, like finances, feelings, the relationship, or whatever else.

Communication IMHO is key, so if I feel like I'm ready to have children, I'm going to make sure my hubby's feelings are mutual. Children (at least for us) depend very much on our circumstances, so for instance now isn't a good time, and we both know that. No anger, resentment, confusion, etc.

But if it's an open book and both have agreed up front that whenever, where ever and how ever it happens it's cool, then that's great!!

 

[Amcd]

Permission is the wrong word. Both sides need to agree when, if and how many children to have. One no is all it takes to stop it whether that no be from the husband or wife. If I were a husband and did not want more or any children I would think that I need to be proactive in making sure my wife does not get pregnante either by getting a vasectomy or using condoms.

 

[JustKiya]

Permission is definitely the wrong word - but husband and wife should be in agreement about having another child. If there is a specific situation causing either partners reluctance, then discussions should be had around plans to mitigate that situation, and an agreement made to return to the discussion at some point in the future. If an agreement made prior to marriage was backed out on, for me, that would be a deal breaker if it was the first child.

Mind you, if at some point in the future, DH said he didn't want another child and I did - he would be 100% responsible for ALL birth control and its use. If he doesn't pull out a condom in the heat of the moment, I'm for damn sure not mentioning it - and yes, I would tell him that this would be my course of action from the jump.

 

[softblackcotton]

I think so. Planned Parenthood is better than "Oops my period didn't come this month."

 

[Southernbella.]

Permission? No. But both should agree.

This happened with me and dh. Originally, we said we'd like 3 to 4 kids. After we had my ds, my dh decided he didn't want any more. I wanted one more. He "wins".

It's a tradeoff, though. Since he is done, HE is going to have to get fixed. I "win".

It's all about compromise. It never even crossed my mind to get pregnant and hope he deals with it. What in the world? That's just asking for trouble.

 

[southerncitygirl]

not permisson but agreement on both sides, some people like to wait and take the time to enjoy each other. drama happens with stuff like this, why would I have a child that the hubby didn't agree to? its not fair to the child and may cause some strife or animosity. this is why communication is key in relationships.

 

[princessnad]

It's not about "asking permission" as much as it is being on the same page. People should discuss this before getting married, and if they can't come to a consensus, they shouldn't get married. If the husband changes his mind afterward, the wife has to decide if it's a deal breaker. In either case, I don't think it's right for a woman to try to get pregnant if she knows her husband doesn't want children.

And why would you want your child to have to deal with a father who resents him anyway?

 

[FlowerHair]

Not exactly ask permission, but I think a couple should discuss such an important thing not only before marriage, but also before they start trying for the baby.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Not exactly ask permission, but I think a couple should discuss such an important thing not only before marriage, but also before they start trying for the baby.

I believe this is the point they were trying to make. Its not about what was discussed before marriage because as many married folk will tell you, things change after marriage (such location, finances, and problems in the home). Does a wife have the right to get pregnant purposefully when her husband does not agree that now is the best time?

Not having a baby to fix an issue, but because alot of women have this clock everyone talks about.

 

[*5+5]

I believe this is the point they were trying to make. Its not about what was discussed before marriage because as many married folk will tell you, things change after marriage (such location, finances, and problems in the home). Does a wife have the right to get pregnant purposefully when her husband does not agree that now is the best time?

I wouldn't want to. Why would I want to have him forcing himself to be excited about a baby when I could wait for a time when were both all in it together?

Does the Husband have a right to knock the woman up even tho' she's not ready to bare a child? I would say no.

For me, I would want my husband & I to be on the same accord with a major life event as having a child.

 

[chrstndiva]

I don't think permission is the right word, but I agree with everyone who said this should have been discussed before getting married. Both should be on the same page when it comes to having children. It's not fair to bring a child into this type of situation.

I know a couple where the wife got pregnant on purpose to save her marriage (they hit a really rough patch and she lied about BC). They ended up divorced shortly after the child was born and now she is a single mom. The father is very much in the child's life but the relationship between the couple is now damaged beyond repair.

 

[SaNyjh]

No but it should be a decision made together.

A coworker of mine is having an issue (kinda)..she wants baby #2 and her husband doesn't (I'm not sure if it's at all or jus not right now). Some others (married women) have advised that she just get pregnant and he can "deal with it." They are a financially stable couple with a 2yo.

Well, I hope that those married women who are advising her are there for her if/when her marriage is trouble. That's a major decision to make, and to make your partner "deal" with it is a set up for disaster. Some people give you advise so you can be just as miserable as they are.

 

[Nightingale]

I'm not even married yet, but my fiance and I have already discussed having kids. The question wasn't so much when we want to have kids. We went back and forth about when we would stop actively discouraging pregnancy (when I would stop using birth control). At that time kids wouldn't be "planned" per se, but the timing would be acceptable.

 

[kayte]

Like everyone else...the word permission seems a trick of semantics but at face value I'm gonna go on a limb and say

YES ..morally and ethically ..she needs to ask his permisssion to have his children..the obvious reasons being it becomes his legal emotional financial etc etc responsibility ..

Conversely he ALSO needs to ask her permission to have children, too

According to Christian /Bilbical values...when a man and woman become married they re ONE... so it is not hers ...or his... ..it is their decision
and sometimes it is posited as 'permission'


Honey ..I'd love to have a baby now
can we?

that could have been from a wife or husband
Would this be called asking permission
sure....
Does this mean that they do..ask?

I know stories wives of who knew how their husbands felt and did not ask permission got pregnant anyway....said was on the pill or diaphrgm and was not!

An of men who pricked an opening in the condom to try to get the woman pregnant or said they were wearing a condom and were not...because they knew how she felt

bottom line

YES.... YOU NEED TO ASK PERMISSION OF THE PERSON INVOLVED......
TO CO-PRODUCE WHAT BECOMES THEIR FLESH AND BLOOD

Interesting........husband's permission

husbandspermission
sperm
mission

 

[FlowerHair]

What about a husband that asks his wife to have an abortion after she got pregnant by accident?

The reason could be financial or maybe he just doesn't want another child.

What do you guys think? Is he entitled to do that?

 

[JustKiya]

What about a husband that asks his wife to have an abortion after she got pregnant by accident?

The reason could be financial or maybe he just doesn't want another child.

What do you guys think? Is he entitled to do that?

He's entitled to ask. She's entitled to say yes or no. They are both entitled to decide it's a dealbreaker.

 

[ladysaraii]

What about a husband that asks his wife to have an abortion after she got pregnant by accident?

The reason could be financial or maybe he just doesn't want another child.

What do you guys think? Is he entitled to do that?

i think he's entitled to ask.

But again, that's something that should be discussed before marriage.

If we get pregnant when we weren't planning to, what would be our course of action?

it reminds me of a convo I had w/ my male cousin (he's very religious but doenst really have real world expereince)

Him: Sex is for procreation only
Me: So what if you don't want to have kids immediately after marriage? BC?
Him: I don't believe in BC
Me: More importantly, what happens after you've finished having kids? You don't believe in BC are you just gonna stop having sex?
Him: Well, like I said sex is for procreation only
Me: yeah ok, let's see how that works out

 

[Zaynab]

My dh and I were talking about this the other day as I've been telling him I might want another baby. He's likeand I'm like because I don't have to ask him, if he doesn't want anymore children, he shouldn't have sex with me He should handle that himself.

 

[awhyley]

When I saw the thread title, I was like "WTF" erplexed but then I saw Michael Baisden's name in the post