Does this **** care?

[Bmack]

Okay, I do not want to come across as a hater and so I am asking you ladies for your take on a subject.

A friend of mine got into a big argument with her boyfriend right. He went away on a trip, but was very cryptic about the trip, as he just said he was going away with family. Anyway, she was calling him all day Friday and he never answered until late Friday evening (night before he left). She missed his call but got his message. Okay, so now her mind starts wandering about his trip and who he is with yada, yada, yada.

She texts him the next day (he is on his trip out of town) she gets a little belligerent because she wanted to know why he did not call as he text her that morning while he was OT and she was wondering why he would just not call. Her mind was running away from her.

They go back and forth she slightly accuses him of being up to something. He tells her she is becoming insulting and he stops responding to her text. In the interim, she has a small accident and has to go the emergency room. She mulls over her actions and texts him and calls him to apologize then goes on to tell him about her accident. He never responds- she starts feeling bad. Then she calls me and I wonder why this guy has not called despite the argument to make sure she is fine. Well, he never does until he returns from his trip at which point they discuss what transpired he tells her that he did not want the situation to escalate because she was going overboard with accusations. She is calm and realizes that she was wrong, but cannot understand why he did not even call when she called and text about her accident.


This had me a bit upset too, but it is not my damn business and I am bias because she is a good friend.


Anyway, what do you ladies make of this entire situation?

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

cuz for men, especially him, it wasn't even bout her accident. he wasn't gonna respond anyway cuz she was blowin up his cell phone wif dumb shyt. insecurity is very unbecoming and unattractive and men don't like that. in his mind, he already told her i'm going outta town wif family, see u when i get back. in his mind she shoulda just done that.

but see, idle time is da devil's time, and her mind was playin tricks on her. no need in assumin he was wif someone else, cuz u really don't know, and at dis point, he don't even matter.

tell her don't git mad. lay low n chill for a minute. and then, i would up jump da boogie, go outta town n won't tell him shyt....won't take any calls from him. gotta learn how to beat these bamas at their own game n stop lettin dem have control.....

 

[Bmack]

cuz for men, especially him, it wasn't even bout her accident. he wasn't gonna respond anyway cuz she was blowin up his cell phone wif dumb shyt. insecurity is very unbecoming and unattractive and men don't like that. in his mind, he already told her i'm going outta town wif family, see u when i get back. in his mind she shoulda just done that.

but see, idle time is da devil's time, and her mind was playin tricks on her. no need in assumin he was wif someone else, cuz u really don't know, and at dis point, he don't even matter.

tell her don't git mad. lay low n chill for a minute. and then, i would up jump da boogie, go outta town n won't tell him shyt....won't take any calls from him. gotta learn how to beat these bamas at their own game n stop lettin dem have control.....

Can I just say- I love you you have me cracking up so hard over here. Very true.

 

[MzK]

Okay, I do not want to come across as a hater and so I am asking you ladies for your take on a subject.

A friend of mine got into a big argument with her boyfriend right. He went away on a trip, but was very cryptic about the trip, as he just said he was going away with family. Anyway, she was calling him all day Friday and he never answered until late Friday evening (night before he left). She missed his call but got his message. Okay, so now her mind starts wandering about his trip and who he is with yada, yada, yada.

She texts him the next day (he is on his trip out of town) she gets a little belligerent because she wanted to know why he did not call as he text her that morning while he was OT and she was wondering why he would just not call. Her mind was running away from her.

They go back and forth she slightly accuses him of being up to something. He tells her she is becoming insulting and he stops responding to her text. In the interim, she has a small accident and has to go the emergency room. She mulls over her actions and texts him and calls him to apologize then goes on to tell him about her accident. He never responds- she starts feeling bad. Then she calls me and I wonder why this guy has not called despite the argument to make sure she is fine. Well, he never does until he returns from his trip at which point they discuss what transpired he tells her that he did not want the situation to escalate because she was going overboard with accusations. She is calm and realizes that she was wrong, but cannot understand why he did not even call when she called and text about her accident.


This had me a bit upset too, but it is not my damn business and I am bias because she is a good friend.


Anyway, what do you ladies make of this entire situation?

At the bolded: Yea, I would be a little suspect of that. If you claim that you care about a person--y not check on their well-being?? What if it was him in the accident and she didn't respond to his calls/messages??

Anyhoo--for the rest, it could be that he didn't want to be bothered on his vacation--some ppl are like that--even w/SOs. I DO think he should've had atleast texted back, stating that "it can be discussed later once we calm down" or something related. To me, it sounds like he's starting to care less.....and IF he really cares about her, he'll find a way to fix it. She, on the other had--cannot act belligerent. That's a NO-NO.

 

[Bunny77]

Maybe he didn't believe she was really in an accident... I know that if my partner was being "extra" all weekend, and then suddenly said he/she was in an accident, I'd think this might be another cry for attention or sly attempt to try and talk to me.

I knew a chick JUST like this... she always found a way to have major problems right when her man had tuned her out, and this fool man would then drop everything to rush to her aid when her issue wasn't even that serious (or was non-existent period -- which was the case most times).

Now I know your friend's accident was real, but I could see why the dude didn't respond considering the context.

On a different note, when my man goes out of town, he sends me an itinerary (I don't ask for one), calls me everyday or texts if he can't get some phone time, and I know EXACTLY what's going on. So the fact that the boyfriend was cryptic about things is also a bit shady... but your friend handled it wrong.

 

[awhyley]

Maybe he didn't believe she was really in an accident... I know that if my partner was being "extra" all weekend, and then suddenly said he/she was in an accident, I'd think this might be another cry for attention or sly attempt to try and talk to me.

EXACTLY!!! I'm sure he probably feels bad now, but that's what happens when you try to get dudes to talk when they don't want to.

 

[lux10023]

he didnt effin call and she specifically stated she was in an accident--*** him...

what if that was th elast damn time he woulda been able to speak to her-----

insincere a-hole- who cant pick up the phone

ladies kill me making excuses for dudes---ugh.

i dont care how upset he was at the otha text messages or etc--so what---he gonna take it out on her when she needs dude---as in an emergency---lame a** ppl i tell ya

 

[deltadreamland]

. insecurity is very unbecoming and unattractive and men don't like that...

Thank you! They surely don't. That's the quickest way to kill a relationship.

 

[deltadreamland]

ladies kill me making excuses for dudes---ugh.

And this too. Thank you. I can't stand when a woman back tracks and says, "well, he said...erplexed" When I hear those 3 words, after a woman has made a legitimate rant, I already know what she's about to say.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

On another note, if she has a real reason to distrust him then she should get away from him ASAP. But if he's never really given her a reason to be distrusted, I guarentee she's gonna lose him. Tell your girl, if he's a good man, she needs to get it together.

 

[mrselle]

Well, the fact that he was vague about his plans would raise a red flag for me, but depending on how long they’ve been dating, the amount of detail he gave may have been appropriate. For example, if they’ve only been dating a month then for him to say he is going on of town with family is all she needs to know. If they’ve been in a steady, monogamous relationship for six months or longer, well then I’d be a little curious as to what is going on. As far as him not calling her back after the accident, I can see why he may have chosen not to. (1) She’d been calling him, accusing him, calling him, accusing him, etc… Men can only take so much nagging before they shut down completely. He may have started thinking that she’s a little unstable and just didn’t feel like being bothered. (2) He may have felt like she said she was in an accident just to get his attention. His thought process may have been, “I’ll deal with this chick later.”

Either way, she should lay low and keep her eyes open. If her concerns are valid it will come to the light sooner or later. If her concerns aren’t valid then she may lose a good thing because she has an overactive imagination.

 

[tiara76]

insecurity is a beast....however when dealing with anybody....just take into account their consideration levels for you....your "boyfriend" doesn't have to be considerate of your feelings, however if you feel that he isn't or that he is hiding something and he's not open or up front then instead of going off on him just let him know this isn't the type of relationship you want...he doesn't have to do anything, he doesn't have to change he can do what he pleases ,just if he what he does doesn't suit you you have to be willing to let him go, not nag him or argue with him and give him a ammunition to turn your insecurities back on yourself...if he wants to stick around he will adjust, if he doesn't consider it a blessing that he isn't for you

women have to be willing to let men go instead of trying to get them to change or do things they want them to do and get all upset fighting about it....to let somebody go one must be upfront about what they want and how they feel (stop hiding and fronting and waiting on their "response") and if the other person doesn't want the same then let them go, you did all you could do in the situation......either he will come around or you will find a better fit....

he doesn't owe her anything, however if he doesn't want to be considerate of her feelings (which he clearly wasn't in this case whether he was doing anything or not) she needs to examine her relationship with this guy and determine if thats the type of guy she wants in her life...people are so quick to hold onto and settle for more of what they don't want than what they do

 

[Theo]

Him being vague about his plans was probably intentional. I've seen my male friends act vague about stuff JUST to mess with their girls mind. She played right into that, sadly.

Its sad he didn't contact her when she had been in an accident. Even if he was playing games, he should have rushed to be back at her side..... I would take that as him not being that into me, and move on.

 

[gabulldawg]

Just because he was vague about his plans doesn't mean he was doing wrong. IMO he told her that he was going out of town with family. What else did she need to know?? What time he woke up?What he had for breakfast/lunch/dinner? Which particular family member he was interacting with? What time he used the bathroom? erplexed The only issue I would have would be if he wasn't able to name the specific family members he was going with (assuming that your friend knows his fam like that).

I also agree that he probably didn't believe she was actually in an accident. I don't think he would have ignored her if he really thought she was seriously hurt. But then again, I don't know him. Is your friend usually this drammatic with her man??? Calling/texting over and over again?? If she doesn't trust him, then why is she with him? Has he even done anything to break her trust?

 

[pookaloo83]

He should have at least called to see if she was alright. Dang! I understand he wanted to prove a point, but he over did it by not calling to see if she was ok.

 

[Bmack]

Just because he was vague about his plans doesn't mean he was doing wrong. IMO he told her that he was going out of town with family. What else did she need to know?? What time he woke up?What he had for breakfast/lunch/dinner? Which particular family member he was interacting with? What time he used the bathroom? erplexed The only issue I would have would be if he wasn't able to name the specific family members he was going with (assuming that your friend knows his fam like that).

I also agree that he probably didn't believe she was actually in an accident. I don't think he would have ignored her if he really thought she was seriously hurt. But then again, I don't know him. Is your friend usually this drammatic with her man??? Calling/texting over and over again?? If she doesn't trust him, then why is she with him? Has he even done anything to break her trust?

You know what, she is not like that. She said she just felt like something was up with him being vague. She said that it seemed like he was dodging her calls. She did play her self in that respect. I guess she lost it for a minute I am not sure. I just was like damn that Negro did not call even after you told him you had to go the the emergency room.

 

[Dposh167]

i just cant believe he didnt contact her when she was in an accident. I dont know the dynamics of thie relationship to say that he should've told her details about where when & why. For all i know the vaca could've been to get away from her lol. But i still feel like if u care about someone u would check up on them if they're calling u about an accident they were in.

 

[outspokenwallflower]

I'm agreeing with the notion that maybe he didn't really think anything was wrong. It REALLY WAS messed up that he didnt make sure she was okay , but I also know of girls who blow up their guys phones, the guy gets aggravated and stops responding, and the girl pretends to be in some serious situation just so the guy will break his vow of ignoring her, so that might've been the case. Your friend shouldn't stress him though; the guy won't be agonizing over anything, she will, and that wont do her any good.

 

[1QTPie]

What did she think that blowing up his phone would accomplish? Just curious.

 

[outspokenwallflower]

What did she think that blowing up his phone would accomplish? Just curious.

I'm a bit curious too...I mean, trust me, I know what it feels like to freak out and have my mind run, but I KNOW that blowin up a guy's phone is only gonna be one of the many nails in your coffin; that's never good

 

[Bmack]

I'm a bit curious too...I mean, trust me, I know what it feels like to freak out and have my mind run, but I KNOW that blowin up a guy's phone is only gonna be one of the many nails in your coffin; that's never good

ladies I don't know. I just think she was frustrated because this dude will grill her about where she is, what she is doing and whom with....so I guess she thought it was all gravy to go insane

 

[Bunny77]

ladies I don't know. I just think she was frustrated because this dude will grill her about where she is, what she is doing and whom with....so I guess she thought it was all gravy to go insane

How long have they been together?

 

[tiara76]

ladies I don't know. I just think she was frustrated because this dude will grill her about where she is, what she is doing and whom with....so I guess she thought it was all gravy to go insane

red flag alert..^^^^

if somebody thinks that telling people whats going on or where they are going or keeping in touch with them or what not isn't that important or a big deal and nothing to trip over then they themselves would not do it, which would be the reason why they wouldn't "understand" why another trips so much off of it

if you are somebody trippin off what somebody is doing or where they are at and grilling them like the police and then turn around and act like you not divulging info or being "upset" when you get asked for your whereabouts is the other person "doing too much" there is a good chance you have something to hide and trying to turn the same insecurity you have yourself back onto the other person is an indication that something is "off"

 

[Bmack]

How long have they been together?

almost a year.

 

[Bmack]

red flag alert..^^^^

if somebody thinks that telling people whats going on or where they are going or keeping in touch with them or what not isn't that important or a big deal and nothing to trip over then they themselves would not do it, which would be the reason why they wouldn't "understand" why another trips so much off of it

if you are somebody trippin off what somebody is doing or where they are at and grilling them like the police and then turn around and act like you not divulging info or being "upset" when you get asked for your whereabouts is the other person "doing too much" there is a good chance you have something to hide and trying to turn the same insecurity you have yourself back onto the other person is an indication that something is "off"

Right! This is why she was upset at him being cryptic about the trip. She said he just announced it suddenly???erplexed 'Oh, I am going OT for the weekend' she was like huh, what??

 

[locabouthair]

I'm sorry but I would end the relationship. I tell you that I'm in an accident and you dont even try to check and see if I'm okay? I would feel like he didn't care so I'd be moving on.

 

[Bunny77]

almost a year.

Okay... she had every right to be upset about him and his cryptic plans to just take a trip somewhere... and then to not call her (pre-accident) just to say, "Hey baby, I made it. I'm in Blahblahblahville, will be back on Sunday, I'll keep in touch. Sorry for the last minute deal, here's why, etc., etc"

... definite RED flag!!! Especially if he's hounding her all the time about where she's going and why.


Now, I stick by my assertion that she didn't handle it well initially. I would have been mad as all get out, but I would have kept my cool and gotten my case together to hit him the next week with some really pointed questions about why and what for. Not in a ranting way, but very cool, calm and collected to get my point across, see how he responded and then I'd make my decision from there.

As for the accident, I'm not necessarily mad that he didn't call because again, she had called so much that he probably thought she was playing a trick by mentioning the accident. If she hadn't been blowing up his phone and texting and she got in an accident, she might have gotten a different response.

But really, the accident isn't even the real issue here, now that I have more details. It's his secrecy and lack of respect... that's what I would be on guard about.