Does anyone speak 'man'? I need a translator...

I've used some of those excuses in the past before.

When men do it, as the others have said, he doesn't want to be bothered right now. It doesn't have anything to do with you personally, but he's just not there yet.

Walk n let him go.
 
I think he is either dating other people, or has something else going on. He's still wants to have you around, and therefore are giving you excuses about not being good enough, and being addicted to drama etc. That way, you cant hold him accountable if you ever find out about it. Maybe since its still honeymoon stage, he wants to take his own time to decide if to commit to you etc. The more good you do, the more he feels bad for what he is doing to you, and breaks down.
 
lucy said:
I think he is either dating other people, or has something else going on. He's still wants to have you around, and therefore are giving you excuses about not being good enough, and being addicted to drama etc. That way, you cant hold him accountable if you ever find out about it. Maybe since its still honeymoon stage, he wants to take his own time to decide if to commit to you etc. The more good you do, the more he feels bad for what he is doing to you, and breaks down.
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Just giving more info. Thanks !
 
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I am sorry OP but it sounds like

a/ he doesn't want to be with you in the way you want to be with him and feels like he cant offer you much

b/ he is laying a defense for actions that he feels guilty about i.e., cheating on you with his exes or something and when you catch him he will just say you treated him too well and he was addicted to the drama

If I was you I would definitely try not to get anymore involved with this dude until I resolved all the red flags - and please don't be fooled, meeting the family means nothing, my brothers and cousins stay introducing us to girls and the girls think they are special BUT they really are not....
 
Fine 4s said:
He's not dating other people.
That would make sense actually that he feels guilty lol...funny thing is he too is treating me really well (I've never had this kind of treatment) and in a way my gift was more of a 'thank you.'
*sigh* relationships.....
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Please don't take this the wrong way OP, but how do you know that?
 
This is a hard one, but if anything, I think you should back way off, especially emotionally. You'll have to protect your heart first and foremost. When/if he works his issues out, then he can hopefully be the man he needs to be.

Like others have said, he's not ready right now. Most jokas who KNOW they aren't good enough for women, still try to be in relationships. So, I'd date other people and back way up for now.
 
Fine 4s, have you posted about him before? I'm wondering if this is the guy that you've had a long history with. If this is the same guy I would move on completely.
 
Please don't stick around. Insecure men will eventually bring you down as well.
I once dealt with a dude who would buy me gifts, wine and dine me, and do everything that you'd dream of a man doing for you. His momma loved me, father loved me, sister loved me....he11 even his boss loved me.

But because he was so insecure he always had this "woe is me" complex. Eventually he started to put me down as well. It was subtle at first and then he became downright nasty. I got tired of him playing the victim and because of that I couldn't respect him as a man. Please don't stick around to try to "save" him, help him get out of his funk, or whatever else. Keep it moving. There are plenty more good men out there who will treat you nice but don't have the emotional baggage that he has
 
he wants to date other people, but he doesn't want to burn the bridge with you. He wants to settle down with you in the future, but doesn't want to do it now. If you catch him cheating, you will never want to be bothered with him when he is ready to fully commit. So he wants to be clear that he lets you know that YOU aren't the reason he wants to screw around.

Cut him loose OP...he will be back. (that isn't to say wait around for him, or take him back btw)
 
No way...that one is gone and as a matter of fact had the nerve to get all pissy when he suspected I was seeing someone else ( I wasn't available to him as much.)
 
When you give a man space, if he wants you, he will come around. This is typical of women, asking for advice, making flow charts and diagrams, but I think what he's saying is enough. He isn't ready right now, thinks you're a great person and doesn't want to be the bad guy.

You can't "over love" him like if I keep telling him I love him, give him gifts, take him back when he says he's not ready then he will see how wonderful I am. I'm thinking he doesn't want to commit to you but he wants to keep you around and just date.

I'm not trying to be harsh but the reality is, we make excuses for men we want to be with and that's kinda what you're doing. Being BFF with a man's family means nada. I know girls that have been BFF with someone's family and then man literally married someone else he'd been seeing on the side 3 months later.
 
Zaynab said:
When you give a man space, if he wants you, he will come around. This is typical of women, asking for advice, making flow charts and diagrams, but I think what he's saying is enough. He isn't ready right now, thinks you're a great person and doesn't want to be the bad guy.

You can't "over love" him like if I keep telling him I love him, give him gifts, take him back when he says he's not ready then he will see how wonderful I am. I'm thinking he doesn't want to commit to you but he wants to keep you around and just date.

I'm not trying to be harsh but the reality is, we make excuses for men we want to be with and that's kinda what you're doing. Being BFF with a man's family means nada. I know girls that have been BFF with someone's family and then man literally married someone else he'd been seeing on the side 3 months later.
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Fosho!!!!!!!!!
 
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I practically live with him and he works nights...We go out together and kiss and hold hands in public.
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I was once in a relationship with a guy, where we did this... He didnt live with me though. I came to find out that he lived with his woman. lol

Ironically, he was the same one who treated me like a queen, but used to make comments about how how bad he was etc, so he couldnt be held accountable when I found out.

but it's difficult for him to get used to something new when he was so used to the previous relationship but that he wants to be with me and that I just need to be patient...
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this sounds like he needs time to resolve the previous relationship that hes still messing around with.
 
Thanks for all the feedback ladies.
I'll check in next month for an update!!!!

Ya'll don't need soap opera when we got LHCF relationship issues LOLOL
 
I've said this before...and couple of times. Basically, I wasn't into them like that, I would never be and felt guilty. The more they did, the worse I felt. I tried to make it work because these were good men that everyone loved except me. Eventually broke up with them.

I can't speak for homeboy but this is what it sounds like. Good luck with that OP.
 
ThickHair said:
ITA, OP has a come back for everything.
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Oh man, I don't want ya'll to think that :sad:...I'm just expressing the confusion in my head...I'll guess I'll just take it. Sometimes the more info you give can come off as come back or excuses though...
 
Fine 4s said:
Oh man, I don't want ya'll to think that :sad:...I'm just expressing the confusion in my head...I'll guess I'll just take it. Sometimes the more info you give can come off as come back or excuses though...
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Honestly OP, you are the only one confused, mostly everyone in this thread is clear. It is understandable because you are the one in the situation. All of us are looking in from the outside commenting on what you are telling us. You have inside scoop and you know exactly what is going on.
 
My best translation;

- You're too good for me – (you’re a great girl, but none of your goodness is justifiable for me to commit to u right now)

- I feel like I'm not giving you my best – (I’m not ready to be the man you deserve or need me to be right now)

- I wish I met you when I was better – (I wish I met you when I was ready to settle down)

- I feel like I don't deserve you – (This is as nice as I can put it for you, I’m not really feeling you enough to commit or accelerate to be what you would need me to be)
 
*5+5 said:


- I wish I met you when I was better – (I wish I met you when I was ready to settle down)
/QUOTE]
I read an interesting article that says the biggest indicator for a man to marry is timing. One of the men even said although he loves his wife, he wouldn't have married her if she had come along during another period in his life. It was really eye opening *IMO*
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ThickHair said:
Honestly OP, you are the only one confused, mostly everyone in this thread is clear. It is understandable because you are the one in the situation. All of us are looking in from the outside commenting on what you are telling us. You have inside scoop and you know exactly what is going on.
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Precisely my point hence why I said the confusion in MY head LOL!
I appreciate the feedback. It's tough expressing these sensitive topics in email.

We'll see how it all goes down I guess.....
 
Goodluck OP - just be careful - he is being very clear with you and on the bright side at least you have seen and recognised the red flags early on. Don't invest more than you can afford to loose in this relationship - I know it seems tough but even if he isnt doing anything shady, his eventual lack of confidence in the long run will wear you down and he will start to act insecure because he doesnt think he is good enough for you and you will leave him...
 
FoxxyLocs said:
I say he has issues and baggage because he's being so emotional with it. A man like that will suck the life out of you. You have to use so much energy babying them and reassuring them. IMO, it's not worth the headache.

Sent from my HTC Evo
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ITA completely.

"He also said that he's addicted to drama."

The above is scary to me.

To me he is saying he likes you but...

But he is bi-sexual, but he might cheat, but you are too normal and not bringing enough drama.

I would tread very carefully. Keep your eyes wide open. And think about whether you really want a guy who is that insecure. I like my men strong. I want to be able to cry on his shoulder, not him crying on mine all the time.
 
hopeful said:
ITA completely.

"He also said that he's addicted to drama."

The above is scary to me.

To me he is saying he likes you but...

But he is bi-sexual, but he might cheat, but you are too normal and not bringing enough drama.

I would tread very carefully. Keep your eyes wide open. And think about whether you really want a guy who is that insecure. I like my men strong. I want to be able to cry on his shoulder, not him crying on mine all the time.
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He is bi-sexual?
 
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