Does anyone else feel like you're TOO nice sometimes??

[Crystalicequeen123]

I'm really talking relationship-wise, but this could also pertain to everyday life.

I think it just hit me a few days ago that sometimes I may come across as being too nice (especially around guys that I am REALLY interested in). And I think that this is the reason why the guys I like never like me, but the ones that I could care 2 cents about are usually beating down my door.

I know that in general, usually we as black women don't have a problem telling it like it is, being assertive, or carrying ourselves with confidence. Don't get me wrong, I'm usually a straight shooter with my family and friends, so I don't think I have any problem in that area. But when it comes to guys that I like a LOT, people in authority at work, and even some co-workers, I feel that I could improve on being more assertive and authentic (my REAL self).

I tend to censor myself or just "go with the flow" sometimes when it comes to guys I'm REALLY interested in, or some co-workers at work. I wish I could just say whatever (in moderation of course!) and feel free to speak my mind without feeling strange/uneasy about it. I think I need to work on saying "NO" (especially @ work), and not caring so much what people say/think about me. I know a lot of this is due to how I was brought up (my father was very controlling & domineering).

Has anyone else felt this way? If so...how did you change? What have you done to become more assertive/outspoken around guys you like, or people who intimidate you somewhat?

You ladies who are already assertive/very confident: Were you guys always this way? Was it something you had to learn? Give me some tips!

 

[SouthernTease]

I'm far from nice.
I was always like this... all the women in my family
were always very confident and didn't take any foolishness...
so I've inherited that trait...
I'm a very likeable/charming though...
My friends are always you're b* but we love you... so.
Just don't let people walk all over you
and don't overextend yourself to anyone who isn't worthy.

 

[winterinatl]

I think you should read "Why women love B!tches" by Terry Argov. It is entirely about this, about recognizing when you are being a doormat. Men like to bed doormats, but if there is no challenge for them, and they think you are spineless, they get bored in a hurry. They respect you more when you speak your mind, and don't just go with the flow.

I used to be the doormat. But no longer. It's like, when they see that you are going to do you no matter if they are there or not, they realize that they had better watch their step or they face the risk of losing you. You speaking your mind is evidence that you are strong, that you won't take ish, and that you can, if fact, exist without them.

Oooo and they looooove that!

But, understand by speaking your mind I don't mean being nasty and mean, or attitudinal.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I think you should read "Why women love B!tches" by Terry Argov. It is entirely about this, about recognizing when you are being a doormat. Men like to bed doormats, but if there is no challenge for them, and they think you are spineless, they get bored in a hurry. They respect you more when you speak your mind, and don't just go with the flow.

I used to be the doormat. But no longer. It's like, when they see that you are going to do you no matter if they are there or not, they realize that they had better watch their step or they face the risk of losing you. You speaking your mind is evidence that you are strong, that you won't take ish, and that you can, if fact, exist without them.

Oooo and they looooove that!

But, understand by speaking your mind I don't mean being nasty and mean, or attitudinal.

You know, it's funny because I have that book already. I LOVEit! It's one of my favorites, and I like her sense of humor. I wish there were more books like these. I have started taking the advice in the book to heart, but it's like when I get around a guy I like I turn to mush! ugh!