Do you think the silent treatment works in relationships?

Nayna

Nayna

Unbothered
I was having a discussion with my coworkers about it. Two of my coworkers are in a relationship with each other and we were chatting earlier today. So he was saying that he feels as though it's childish and that it makes the issue last longer. She didn't agree initially and said that she felt as though sometimes you have to not speak to someone in order to get them to act right. Eventually she admitted that the longer she didn't speak the worse the situation became because it started to fester and she started to allow her thoughts to make it worse than what it was.

I spoke to a friend about it later and she is all about the silent treatment and feels as though it's necessary. I know for me, the longer I don't speak to someone the less inclined I am to reach out to fix whatever is wrong. I just hate feeling like I'm chasing someone down to speak to me when we could've resolved the issue in 10 minutes and moved on. My SO is like that and so is one of my bff's. Both Pisces. They love to drag things out; it's really annoying.

How do you ladies feel about the silent treatment?
 
I think it is immature and manipulative.

There is a difference between getting yourself together and totally ignoring someone. If my SO and I fight, I tell him how I feel and that I am going to take a breather. It could be a few hours or maybe half-a-day but I don't shut him out completely. A relationship involves 2 people. Depending on the severity a few days may be needed to just reflect, absorb the situation and come up with a solution. Being ignored is one of the key factors in silent treatment and all it does is make the other person resent you.
 
It is the epitome of immature. If you date a person who likes to use the silent treatment, they don't know how to properly communicate their feelings and problems which will lead to many issues later.
 
I'm laughing at someone thinking the silent treatment is necessary.

It's silly and immature. Although I realize this, I've done it. Not purposely. But I can recall being so upset that I couldn't talk to the person.
 
As a person who used to go silend I'm so glad that I can open my mouth and talk now:lol:

Even if its just to say " I need time to think"

It's been good for every area of my life so far and I'm not turning back:yep:. I think it hurts the person who is not expressing feelings and/or able to be vulnerable also.
 
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Yep, what she said.

Lucie said:
I think it is immature and manipulative.

There is a difference between getting yourself together and totally ignoring someone. If my SO and I fight, I tell him how I feel and that I am going to take a breather. It could be a few hours or maybe half-a-day but I don't shut him out completely. A relationship involves 2 people. Depending on the severity a few days may be needed to just reflect, absorb the situation and come up with a solution. Being ignored is one of the key factors in silent treatment and all it does is make the other person resent you.
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i believe in treating people the way you want to be treated---no one could silent treatment me because i wouldn't be around to even respond to that kind of communication style

as adults two people should be able to talk out anything nowwww, if a person explains hey i need some time to collect myself due to our argument or etc than thats fine as they are communicating but to go MIA on someone and think thats cutee--lmaooo

rude awakening bay-bay because while you silent treatment-ing said person could be with the next...
 
Nayna said:
I was having a discussion with my coworkers about it. Two of my coworkers are in a relationship with each other and we were chatting earlier today. So he was saying that he feels as though it's childish and that it makes the issue last longer. She didn't agree initially and said that she felt as though sometimes you have to not speak to someone in order to get them to act right. Eventually she admitted that the longer she didn't speak the worse the situation became because it started to fester and she started to allow her thoughts to make it worse than what it was.

I spoke to a friend about it later and she is all about the silent treatment and feels as though it's necessary. I know for me, the longer I don't speak to someone the less inclined I am to reach out to fix whatever is wrong. I just hate feeling like I'm chasing someone down to speak to me when we could've resolved the issue in 10 minutes and moved on. My SO is like that and so is one of my bff's. Both Pisces. They love to drag things out; it's really annoying.

How do you ladies feel about the silent treatment?
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I'm a Pisces and an introvert...I am queen silent treatment. I have gotten a lot better because I've found that it just makes the issue worse but it is my natural instinct to go silent when something is bothering me.
 
The silent treatment is just an adult version of the temper tantrum. "I'm not getting my way so I JUST WON'T TALK TO YOU!!" *stamps feet* :lachen:

Look, I get needing to go inside of your head for a bit if you're mad. I don't particularly like to talk right at that moment either. But to straight up not speak to your partner? That's childish and stupid. Grow up and learn how to communicate.
 
I voice my concerns 1-2 times and if the behaviors continue I shut down and do my own thing..cold, very distant. I'm not a nagger by nature.
 
MizAvalon said:
The silent treatment is just an adult version of the temper tantrum. "I'm not getting my way so I JUST WON'T TALK TO YOU!!" *stamps feet* :lachen:

Look, I get needing to go inside of your head for a bit if you're mad. I don't particularly like to talk right at that moment either. But to straight up not speak to your partner? That's childish and stupid. Grow up and learn how to communicate.
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I'm an introvert and will say thats not always the case though, sometimes I get too afraid of saying something hurtful I will regret and find the option to say minimal better until I'm in a better head space....I try to explain this upfront but with extroverts getting messages to sink in can be exhausting....
 
When I'm upset, I draw inward naturally. I eventually get over it, I'm not good at staying mad, too draining.

However, I've never made a conscious effort to give someone the silent treatment ... who I cared to have in my life. :look: If I stop talking completely, it means I don't care to see you again in life. :lol:
 
I've done it but wouldn't say it's the best course of action. Letting someone know what's on your mind is the better course of action then you need to step off and let them handle the situation or decide what course of action to take if things aren't resolved because whining and nagging about it aren't viable options.
 
Also, if you get the silent treatment I wouldn't advise walking on eggshells. I'd ignore it and ask for what I need as things come up as I'd normally do.
 
Nope...I'm a "talker-outter"...but BUT that being said I do realize there are times when we as women just need to STFU...and give a man time to realize what the issue is and what the appropriate action to fix it needs to be.

Also, sometimes when you're very emotional about a situation sometimes it's best to just go radio silent...get your thoughts together before you let the wrong words fall out of your mouth.

We often (both sexes) say things we don't mean when angry and then wish we could take it all back. But there's nothing worse than hurting someone with words and then later wishing you could un-ring that bell...words can forever change a relationship.

And let me add this, there are other ways to give the silent treatment without being silent. My ex was very passive aggressive like this. He'd feel some way about something but would talk about everything under the sun but what was bothering him.

He relied on that martyrdom ish...then when he did bring it up months later...I'd be like what? Wouldn't have a clue...until it was too late to do anything about it.
 
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FemmeFatale said:
I voice my concerns 1-2 times and if the behaviors continue I shut down and do my own thing..cold, very distant. I'm not a nagger by nature.
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Same here.

I don't try to manipulate but I do reach my point where I shut down and I need space to myself. Also I hate when people piss you off and try to tell you when they think you should move on.

If I'm still feeling some type of way, I won't ignore you, but I won't act like everything is good either.
 
I see some of y'all using being a Pisces as a reason for using the silent treatment. I'm a Pisces, and I don't do that. Stop putting people in boxes. EVERYBODY of the same zodiac sign IS NOT EXACTLY THE SAME....

I felt, that last part needed to be bolded...
 
ElizaBlue said:
Also, sometimes when you're very emotional about a situation sometimes it's best to just go radio silent...get your thoughts together before you let the wrong words fall out of your mouth.

We often (both sexes) say things we don't mean when angry and then wish we could take it all back. But there's nothing worse than hurting someone with words and then later wishing you could un-ring that bell...words can forever change a relationship.

And let me add this, there are other ways to give the silent treatment without being silent. My ex was very passive aggressive like this. He'd feel some way about something but would talk about everything under the sun but what was bothering him.

He relied on that martyrdom ish...then when he did bring it up months later...I'd be like what? Wouldn't have a clue...until it was too late to do anything about it.
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So true. I had a close friend in college who said some really nasty things once when we had an argument and I stopped talking to her after that. The sad thing was that the original disagreement would've been resolved eventually, but the things she said were things that I knew that I would never forget and I would never really trust her. So I also try to not be impulsive by taking a little time for myself.

I had a SO once who I used the silence treatment on a lot, but it was because he would refuse to talk it out or allow me to. He would demand that I get over it and move on. When people behave this way, I've got nothing to say to them. Shutting down is emotionally immature, but so is refusing to listen when someone feels wronged.
 
This reminds me of a close friend I had that when we would disagree or she would get angry not just with me, but with others, would pull the silent treatment. I always hated it. But what I learned was people that typically use the silent treatment are slight narcissist, because they are waiting for you to take blame and run to them and apologize, it is do manipulative.

Honestly, it made me dislike her because it displayed a level of immaturity that I've learned to have no tolerance for. I'm a firm believer in talking things out, if you have a problem say it and I've always appreciated the people in my life that have been able to go that.

If I ever dated man that felt like the silent treatment was appropriate, I would leave ASAP because that is truly no way to handle an issue.
 
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I'm a communicator by nature and the silent treatment don't work on me cause I'll just keep talking until you get so pissed you have to talk back. I don't care cause when I'm upset you better listen. My FH hates arguing and confrontation so he tries his hardest not to get into disagreements with me so he'll stay quiet. Will only acknowledge he's listening but won't say no more. This his form of silent treatment to avoid arguing. So far it's working cause I'll just say my piece and he says ok and we move on. If I really want to be a brat I'll continue to nag until I get a reaction but that is rare.
 
LivingInPeace said:
Refusing to talk to, respond to or acknowledge the other person while remaining in their presence. Not just being quiet and refusing to talk about the issue at hand.
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That's always been my definition and it still bothers me that adults think that is an acceptable route to take after any disagreement.
 
julzinha said:
That's always been my definition and it still bothers me that adults think that is an acceptable route to take after any disagreement.
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It's ridiculous. I can understand being so angry that you don't want to say something crazy at the moment. But don't sit in a room with me and pretend I'm a piece of furniture! All you have to do is say, "I can't talk right now. Let me have a moment to get it together."
 
Well I think you should say what's troubling you, then leave it at that don't keep harping on it. I don't think one should be silent but i don't think you should try keep discussing an issue with someone who clearly doesn't respect your concerns.
 
For folks who refuse to be manipulated by it, it breeds contempt and hatred. EVEN WHEN they come back and decide to talk...the person you igboo'd may not have gotten passed it...especially if the person uses sl on the regular.

I am a person who would prefer to talk it out. It does not have to be right away. Like someone else said, say you "need some time to gather your thoughts" or something. I totally respect and honor that... but silent treatment---usually a tool in heavy rotation of the narcissist IS NOT the answer.
 
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