Do you tell your biyfriend how much money you make/have

PrissiSippi

PrissiSippi

Simply Komplex
I've always heard as the relationship progresses a couple needs to talk about finances and the like. How in depth should u go? What should we discuss. What should be kept private until engagement/marriage
 
PrissiSippi said:
I've always heard as the relationship progresses a couple needs to talk about finances and the like. How in depth should u go? What should we discuss. What should be kept private until engagement/marriage
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No he doesnt know the exact amount. Just the ballpark range. I dont wanna hear his mouth when i ask him for shopping money day after payday :look:
He knows about everything else like debt and bills though.

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I think it depends on how long you've been together. I honestly wouldn't expect to know this about my partner or share this info with my partner unless we have been together at least 6 months. Even then I wouldn't expect it to come up unless we were planning a trip or a situation came up where we would need to discuss it.

I probably wouldn't initiate that conversation unless we were talking about marriage and a possible engagement in the near future.
 
This is a great question, I often wonder about as well but I think that unless he's en rout to becoming my husband, all conversations about income and fiances should be kept very short.
 
Dh never asked me how much I made before we were married, and it didn't occur to me to volunteer the info. It was obviously less than him though.:lol:
 
My boyfriend knows my finances inside out. I know his too to the exact amount. I don't think everything needs to wait till engagement/marriage. Depends on how long you've been together.
 
When we set a date to marry, but not give them exact amount. I would state exact debt and that I am paying it. I would have to know his exact debt and discuss how we are combing households. How we plan to get debt down as well. My only debt is student loan and mortage.
 
Since finances are the top reason for divorce, this should be divulged when talk of engagement begins.

I'd honestly hate to marry a man and on the honeymoon find out he's $85,000 in debt and only makes $35,000 a year. I expect a man would want to know these details as well.
 
DarkJoy said:
Since finances are the top reason for divorce, this should be divulged when talk of engagement begins.

I'd honestly hate to marry a man and on the honeymoon find out he's $85,000 in debt and only makes $35,000 a year. I expect a man would want to know these details as well.
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This is what I was thinking. Before we got engaged I'd need to know how he manages money and how much he'd be contributing to our partnership. I'd assume he'd want to know the same thing.
 
Personally, and this might sound sexist, I think its more important for me me to know about his finances than he about mine (excluding debt). But then again, I would like to be able to live on one paycheck as much as possible so anything I earn would be extra. Nice to dream right?
 
if a BF asked me that he'd most likely be in some financial trouble or he's the type who judges people by their material assets .
 
I was wondering because I was always brought up that a woman shouldn't divulge how much money she has because the man will feel less needed or less compelled to spend money on her when she has her own.

My BFF has a baby daddy. He gives $400 a month towards the child's expenses. Well girl got her tax refund and he knows how much she had gotten back. Dude stop giving as much and then turned around and asked her $700 O_o these things could b avoided if the guy knows as little as possible
 
I don't think he needs to know until you guys are engaged. As the wedding approaches, I think all information needs to be divulged: debts, savings, income, money management practices, etc. All of it.

Pre-engagement, just knowing they are employed and pay their bills is sufficient. If it's a long relationship pre-engagement, then debts and money management should probably be addressed.

It's not hard to find out how much someone makes; Glassdoor.com will tell you the ballpark of his income if you know his city, employer, job title and years of experience. You don't even need all the info, but the more details you have, the more accurate the income range.
 
he knows my finances better than i do.:perplexed hes my boyfriend/financial advisor. i know what he makes, how much debt he has etc. too.
 
Yes DH knew how much I made when we were dating and I think if you are seriously dating then finances should be something that is discussed so that once talk of marriage enters the picture there are no surprises from either end. Both parties need to already know what they are getting themself into to prevent any misunderstandings. Sometimes people act like they make a lot of money but really they are barely living paycheck to paycheck and have a boatload of debt. That's not good information to have dropped on you after the engagement ring nor the wedding ring.
 
Well he knows that im a fulltime student and part time waitress im sure he can guess :lol: but no. Its none of his business and his income is none of mine.
 
I think the answer changes depending on where you are in life. If you're more established, you're probably more reluctant to discuss it.
 
He's knows now because he's helping me look for jobs in the city where he currently resides. We have discussed our financial goals as a couple, but he doesn't need to know what's in my rainy day fund. :look: That's the only money I'll ever keep from him.
 
When you are engaged and planning the wedding. Only because at that point you will be discussing firmly your financial contributions (if any) to the household etc. Who does what, what money goes where, savings, debt repayment etc.

With that said, my dad doesn't know my mother's exact salary. As far as he is concerned, she earns less and he gives her money to pay bills, buy food etc. Of course this is a give and take because she cooks, cleans etc.
 
This is something I would leave until engagement or at the very least serious marriage talks. I can't think of any viable reason why a boyfriend (who I have no intention of mixing finances with) would need to know my salary, debt, savings etc.
 
I never told my ex but he always would ask me and I wouldn't tell him. He couldn't understand why. I already knew he made about 25% more than me and I was glad of that but I still didn't want him to know. I think he assumed I made about half as much as he did. He started off just handing me money for no reason, filling up my gas tank whenever I came to see him and treating me to everything.

But as time went on he started doing the math and of course you're able to put together how much a person makes when you're around them more. Well, the extra money and everything else gradually stopped. People say he was insecure and maybe he was, but men want you to need them. I guess that's insecurity. But it's so true. After me he dated someone who made much less than I did. He even later admitted to me about how guys NEED to feel needed.

Hopefully my future hubby will not be insecure and realize a person that is with you because they WANT to be with you is much better than being with them only because of a need.
 
ladysaraii said:
Personally, and this might sound sexist, I think its more important for me me to know about his finances than he about mine (excluding debt). But then again, I would like to be able to live on one paycheck as much as possible so anything I earn would be extra. Nice to dream right?
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I agree...................
 
PrissiSippi said:
My BFF has a baby daddy. He gives $400 a month towards the child's expenses. Well girl got her tax refund and he knows how much she had gotten back. Dude stop giving as much and then turned around and asked her $700 O_o these things could b avoided if the guy knows as little as possible
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In opther words, the money wasnt court ordered

Her fault
 
I was just discussing this with some friends who by the way are married. I am single and they all talked about never discussing how much you make with your spouse because they always expect you to do more. One friend said once her husband found out how much she made he stop paying for gas, and giving her extra money for lunch and so on. I was advised with urgency to NEVER EVER let a man know what you are making. Well against there advice I did the opposite with a guy I had been dating for awhile, I told him how much I made as he told me his salary also, well guess what he started asking ME for money....I was shocked because he seemed to be so into going out of his way to do for me before he knew what I was making and he didn't seem to me to be the type to ask for money even if he was on hard times. Well needless to say we stop dating and it taught me a lesson, to not be so quick to discuss finances until you are sure of the character of the man and that he is secure with what he has before discussing any finances with him. Honestly I don't think I will ever tell a man what I make, husband or otherwise.
 
originalone said:
I was just discussing this with some friends who by the way are married. I am single and they all talked about never discussing how much you make with your spouse because they always expect you to do more. One friend said once her husband found out how much she made he stop paying for gas, and giving her extra money for lunch and so on. I was advised with urgency to NEVER EVER let a man know what you are making. Well against there advice I did the opposite with a guy I had been dating for awhile, I told him how much I made as he told me his salary also, well guess what he started asking ME for money....I was shocked because he seemed to be so into going out of his way to do for me before he knew what I was making and he didn't seem to me to be the type to ask for money even if he was on hard times. Well needless to say we stop dating and it taught me a lesson, to not be so quick to discuss finances until you are sure of the character of the man and that he is secure with what he has before discussing any finances with him. Honestly I don't think I will ever tell a man what I make, husband or otherwise.
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Hmm, but isn't it better to find out his true character when it comes to finances before marrying him?
 
My boyfriend knows my base salary, because we're in different fields of the same profession so I already knew that he knew the ballpark range from the get go. Now, he knows the exact amount because certain conversations have unfolded (and meltdowns have happened :look:) and I say things out of frustration or observation "I haven't had a raise in 3 years! :whyme: " and "You make exactly ________ more than I do"

Now, I do work on the side as well, and he doesn't know exactly what I make with that or when I make it :sekret: but he knows about it because 1) since he knows my salary from my job he's asked "so how are you never broke?" and 2) because I always take about expanding my side practice and quitting my job. I don't lie, but because I'm so lowkey about my side practice, he underestimates what I bring in with it and it inspires him to help me :look: because my official salary really isn't cute at all.

He knows what I owe Sallie Mae because he's offered to help me set up my repayment options.

I've never let any boyfriend know any of that info, but he's really open and nonchalant with his, so I figured whatever. Pretty early on, he told me his salary; every time he gets a raise he tells me how much, I know what's in his savings and how much he's paying Sallie Mae, and his online paystub thingy's password is a combo of my info, so I can login when I want :look:
 
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