Do You Mind Waking Up For Your Man?

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

So how do ya'll feel about your man waking you up at night....EVERY night?...To talk about nothing?

I'm in a LD relationship. Communication is important of course. But this man calls me around 1 AM or later EVERY night (when he gets home) to wake me up to either sit on the phone to talk about nothing or so I can get on skype. Now I've never been the type to wake up all smiling and happy go-lucky like I see women do on TV. Never seen the ish in real life actually. And I don't think I would mind IF I had nothing to do with my life either. But let's be real. I'm a med student. I'm ALWAYS tired and I VALUE my sleep, which means I'm irritated 95% of the time when ANYONE disturbs my slumber. But apparently, my brain is supposed to realize who's waking me up and be all super nice and lovey dovey when he wakes me up (this is how he sees it). So of course, he gets irritated when I get irritated and bites his head off for waking me up....I'm gonna not use med school as an excuse either. I was this way in undergrad too lol so I've been this way throughout our 4 year relationship basically.

I'm just wondering if anyone else goes through this and if maybe I should be waking up smiling about angels in the middle of the night. The way I see it, LET ME SLEEP! Nobody should be waking anyone up unless it is some kind of emergency.

How do ya'll feel about it?

PS--of course like any other story of relationships, there's more to our relationship that irritates me. Don't know if this is affecting my sleep behavior or not lol...AND we text and skype throughout the day so it's not like we go the entire day without speaking to/seeing eachother.

And with that I'm going to study at 5AM since I'm woke!

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

lol I originally put "LDL" (as in cholesterol) instead of LD relationship. See I obviously eat, sleep, and breathe med school lol

 

[MrsMe]

I love my sleep so I know exactly how you feel.
Excuse me for asking if you have already mentioned that in the OP, but have you explained the issue to him? Doesn't he comprehend the fact that you cannot function without adequate sleep?
If he wants to see you so badly, I would just keep Skype on so he can watch me sleep when he comes home . Put your phone on silence and explain to him that you can't do this despite your love for him.
Why does he call you in the middle of the night? I'm wondering if it is because he wants to hear your voice/see you or because he is checking on you to see if you are at home. I was in a long distance relationship with FH and no matter how much I loved him, my sleep was always sacred so he knew better than waking me up,especially if I have a long day ahead of me.

Sent from my PG86100

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

I love my sleep so I know exactly how you feel.
Excuse me for asking if you have already mentioned that in the OP, but have you explained the issue to him? Doesn't he comprehend the fact that you cannot function without adequate sleep?
If he wants to see you so badly, I would just keep Skype on so he can watch me sleep when he comes home . Put your phone on silence and explain to him that you can't do this despite your love for him.
Why does he call you in the middle of the night? I'm wondering if it is because he wants to hear your voice/see you or because he is checking on you to see if you are at home. I was in a long distance relationship with FH and no matter how much I loved him, my sleep was always sacred so he knew better than waking me up,especially if I have a long day ahead of me.

Sent from my PG86100

We've discussed it numerous times. Probably every time he does it. He doesn't understand because HE doesn't value sleep. Doesn't need sleep for some reason. I don't think he's human. He actually gets mad at me because I refuse to wake him up for unimportant things. He'd like for me to call and wake him up when I wake up which I refuse to do because I know he goes to bed much later than me. So yeah. He definitely knows how I feel about sleep for me and everyone. I usually keep my comp so he can skype me but alot of times my comp goes to sleep and in last night's case, I just didn't have my computer up at all. Who knows why. Didn't feel like it I guess lol

He's a dj so he likes to call when he gets home after his parties, ranging from 1-4 AM.

 

[SweetNic_JA]

When I was in a cross-continental relationship I would wake my ex-SO up all hours of his night (1, 2,4,5,6 am) and he would take it like a champ. Let him call me 1 minute passed 11:00PM EST and I'd be dosing off or telling him he's disturbing my sleep. Life isn't fair.

 

[Leigh]

It seems like you both are doing what the other doesn't want. If he doesn't need sleep but needs you to wake him for inconsequential things, then honor his request and wake him.

Let him know that you will wake him for things he'd like you to wake him for and that in turn he has to let you sleep.

 

[NaturalEnigma]

That sounds annoying. My sister graduated from medical school 3 years ago so I know how precious sleep is to a med school student. I know you said you're not going to use med school as an excuse but you should, medical school is no joke (I'm sure you know this by now) its important that you have a consistent sleep schedule so that you can stay on top of things. I would hate for your grades to slip. It sounds weird that he calls you throughout the day and still feels the need to talk you in the early morning. I'm sorry but I would nip that in the bud. I would be stern and tell him that you're not going to talk to him during odd hours of the morning. I wouldn't pick up, after a while he'll get the hint. It seems like he's not taking your needs into consideration. He needs to learn how to compromise.

 

[LaFemmeNaturelle]

It seems like you both are doing what the other doesn't want. If he doesn't need sleep but needs you to wake him for inconsequential things, then honor his request and wake him.

Let him know that you will wake him for things he'd like you to wake him for and that in turn he has to let you sleep.

You're right. We should both try to do what the other requests. It's so hard to put everything in the OP but I forgot to mention, I do not wake him up because unless I'm waking him up for SOMETHING, he only wants to be awake so we can skype...or be on the phone...neither of which I have time for all day, especially in the morning!

 

[firecracker]

Don't puck wid me in my first 1-2 hours of sleep but after that I'll wake up all smiles or at least open to smiling and some mo. So I guess my answer is yes and no. I go to bed early if I'm at home so calling me after midnite is cool and I'm ready to hang out too.

 

[NYAmicas]

He should be more considerate, I'd stay sleep. And I have severe trouble sleeping so NO to getting woken up with a smile on my face.

 

[TCatt86]

You two seem to have other issues outside of this. I know you said you two communicate a lot but have y'all discussed the expectation of the relationship. It sounds like he's getting restless with a LDR and may want extra attention. I don't think you're being unreasonable though. Have you two worked out a skype schedule? One that is condusive to both of your schedules?

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[Theo]

That's not goin to work out. He is going to have to respect your sleep, especially as you move along in the next few yrs when sleep will be even harder to come by.

I think it's troubling that he doesn't seem to respect what you're doing with you life. In my experience having a good support network is important in med school, you can't have ppl who arent willing to do that for you.

I'm a 4th yr med student btw

 

[chocolat79]

This is a hard one, OP. I'm in a LDR too and we're on opposite coasts AND work almost opposite schedules, so it's hard.

Honestly, one thing you may have to do is let your actions do the talking. Just don't answer every time. Just tell him you were exhausted and didn't hear the phone/PC, whatever.

I also agree with TCatt86, it seems like he's getting restless with the LDR. Will you be able to be together soon? Soon as in, a year or less?

 

[aribell]

Hmm...I think it's maybe odd that he doesn't think anything of waking you up. But maybe he just really wants to talk to you. Why can't he talk to you at another time?

 

[hopeful]

You two should be able to work out some type of phone/skype schedule that works for both of you. If he is a dj I bet he is more of a free spirit and wants to just let things flow and you being a med student are probably more rigid and organized. But no matter what, the situation you described sounds disrespectful. My husband tells me I can wake him up whenever when he is out of town, but I don't because I don't want to break his sleep. I want him to get a good night's sleep. Honestly, if you are a med student and he is a dj I don't think it is going to work because you too are so different. I don't think he quite respects or "gets" what it takes to be in med school and I also don't think you "get" how hard it is to date a med student. I think the main issue is that you two are a mis-match. I wish someone would get mad at me for not wanting to wake up in the middle of the night to talk. He should be the one apologizing, "I'm sorry I woke you up, it won't happen again."

 

[Lucie]

I hope you do not feel offended but you may want to reevaluate your relationship. My ex-dude used to snore so loud, a bear would wake up from hibernation because of it. By the time I fell asleep it'd be 4/5 AM. Now at 6 AM he'd be poking me with a crayon or talking to me. It exasperated me. The funny thing is that even though he was snoring, I'd feel bad to wake him up or have him change his sleeping position.

I know you two are on 2 different career paths and that's fine. However, you need your sleep to function properly. And as you do not wake up chipper that is one of the things he should learn about you. I understand he keeps late hours but why not wait until you've been up for a while? Or maybe he could shoot you a text for you to find first thing when you wake up?

It makes me a bit nervous how you described this situation and how it can become further aggravated if he is not respecting your feelings now. Best of luck to you love.

 

[sky_blu]

Agree with above posters. Maybe you all should or could work out a schedule especially if you're in med school and need all the sleep you can get.

Personally, when I have a man or Im seeing someone I somehow seem to wake up at whatever time they need to speak to me and I LOVE my sleep! For some reason no matter how tired I am, I tend to answer the phone, and have conversations with ppl while Im sleeping (sleep talker?). I won't remember it or think it was a dream and they tell me about it when Im fully awake. They usually get rather annoyed by that and stop calling me so dang late.

 

[PretteePlease]

Speak to him about it. Make sure he understands your point. If he respects you he will respect your sleep. Ya'll can work this lil problem out.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

I thought he was waking you up for another reason then I realized it was long distance (lol)

My answer is no. I sacrifice sleep or food for nobody! I get too grumpy when deprived of either.

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[Ediese]

Amen! I feel the same way. Anyone that knows me, knows that they can NEVER wake me up out of my sleep unless it's an emergency. I turned my cell ringer off years ago, and never turned it back on because of this. I was in a LDR too, and he complained about it, but I never changed things. Let me sleep!!!!

 

[nathansgirl1908]

You sound frustrated and in need of space. Like others have said, talk to him about it again. But I also wonder if he's subconsciously trying, to sabotage your med school studies. I know it sounds crazy but men can do some strange things. You would think he would understand how demanding professional school is and let you get your rest.

 

[-PYT]

I'm also in a LDR and realized the other night that if I'm in the thick of sleep I will NOT answer the phone even if I see it ringing. It's interesting to read your issue, however, because I'll be in your position someday as a med school student with a strainful schedule. Best of luck to you. These relationships are work but worth it for the right person.

 

[Kindheart]

I d tell him to F OFF .Sorry I m an advocate of being nice but I m not going to ruin my sleep cuz he got issues with his ,besides,it takes me ages to fall back asleep ,I d HATE him lol

 

[bibs]

DH and I are long distance most of the time and I'd love for him to wake me up to chat every once in awhile! But most of that's because I can't call him and he always calls at an inconvenient time (right before a shower, trying to eat, driving etc). It sounds like your SO just really enjoys talking to you and to him spending time together trumps everything else. But as a med student you probably really need your sleep. I agree with other posters who said you should silence your phone and just explain to him that at this point I'm your life sleep is not something you can afford to sacrifice.


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[prettybyrd]

I'm hesitant to write this, because I don't want to seem dramatic, but when I worked for a women's shelter I learned that sleep deprivation in a relationship is a form of emotional abuse. At the time I kind of scoffed at the idea; but then I thought about my own experience with it, and it made sense.

I was with a guy who would call my dorm all times of night because he worked nights and was up, and he'd get mad if I wanted to get off of the phone to sleep - like most people do at 2-3 am! That guy used to try and convince me that he didn't need sleep either, because when I was in class, he'd be at home calling my room and leaving messages on my VM when he should've been sleeping. After I thought about it, it seemed less a matter of not needing sleep, and more a matter of wanting to control me.

It bothers me that you have spoken to him about this and he insists on calling you anyway. He's being inconsiderate and a little creepy.

I hope I'm totally off base here, btw.

 

[Bnster]

Turn off the ringer.

 

[hopeful]

prettybyrd

Interesting post and perspective. Thanks for sharing.

I'm hesitant to write this, because I don't want to seem dramatic, but when I worked for a women's shelter I learned that sleep deprivation in a relationship is a form of emotional abuse. At the time I kind of scoffed at the idea; but then I thought about my own experience with it, and it made sense.

I was with a guy who would call my dorm all times of night because he worked nights and was up, and he'd get mad if I wanted to get off of the phone to sleep - like most people do at 2-3 am! That guy used to try and convince me that he didn't need sleep either, because when I was in class, he'd be at home calling my room and leaving messages on my VM when he should've been sleeping. After I thought about it, it seemed less a matter of not needing sleep, and more a matter of wanting to control me.

It bothers me that you have spoken to him about this and he insists on calling you anyway. He's being inconsiderate and a little creepy.

I hope I'm totally off base here, btw.