Do You Explain Your Hair To Whyte Folx?

[fallback]

I have had to explain to a couple of co-workers about our hair. They can't understand how our hair comes out straight after getting a perm and their hair comes out curly when getting a permed. Usually I just tell them forget it you'll never understand.

 

[Priss Pot]

This happened today:

"I don't understand how you get your hair from straight to curly...I get so confused."

 

[Miss*Tress]

It's cultural too. French people would never dream of questioning me about my hair care. That just isn't done here.

 

[FeelinIt]

What the heck happened to my post???

Oh I'm not typing that again......

 

[DDTexlaxed]

I don't mind explaining. Most of the WF at my job ask qs because they are curious about the versatility of our hair. One girl even got cornrows, but she took 'em out because they were 2 tight. U can tell when pple are being phoney. When they are, I walk away.

 

[tenderheaded]

Since joining LHCF I feel free to vary my hair regularly. I've always kept a wig ready for bad hair days - which when I travelled was every day Now, I'll wear my hair curled on Mon-Tues, french twist on Wed and one of my short wigs the rest of the week. I got so many questions!!! I made the answers short and sweet. A client originally saw me with my hair down, then the next time with a wig. The VP told him "she likes variety"

 

[sunnyjohn]

.... Do you feel you owe white folx an explanation about what is going on with your wig?

No, and if they start touching my hair, I quickly pull out my nunchucks!

Any grown woman, black, white, Asian or Latina knows better than to ask silly questions about another woman's hair in public!


~~~~

 

[LoveLiLi]

I find myself explaining sometimes because they are too curious to keep their mouths shut.

I wear my hair straight most of the time and it's so straight that most people think that it's naturally that way - so they get very confused when I wear a braid out and I have a mass of curls. They are quick to ask me if it's mine and I have to explain that my hair is that big every time I wash it, I just choose to straighten it once a week.

I can tell by the looks on their faces that they think the curly hair is a weave and I just want to slap them - oh well, at least my black friends understand.

 

[HighlyFavored1]

It's cultural too. French people would never dream of questioning me about my hair care. That just isn't done here.

that's really interesting. why would they never ask-- is it just inappropriate, or is their disinterest, or is hair just hair, or what?

 

[MissFallon]

Now THAT....I never knew! (eta: I mean, I never knew they were using head scarves at night too!)

Yeah I have a co-worker who has curly hair and we were talking about hair the other day and she said that her sister taught her to wrap her hair (she described the process) and when she wears it straight she wraps it at night to keep the style. Not much shocks me when it comes to hair but her wrapping her hair sure did!

 

[blackbarbie]

This is so funny b/c me and this Chinese/Korean (not sure) girl were having a "hair" conversation just today! She is married to a black guy and has been around black culture for a while so she is very knowledgeable about our hair i think. (I have actually heard her mention some of the home-made remedies we use here [EVOO, eggs, mayo] that she uses.) The only thing she has ever asked me about my hair during the 2 1/2 months I have been there is when I had it in a bun and the bun didn't dry straight and it was wavy; she just asked if the bun was wet. (i've only worn it down about 3 times since i've been there)

She was actually educating me about her hair b/c I heard her mention something about flat ironing it one other time and she mentioned it again today and I asked her why she flat ironed. (her hair is a little past chin length, straight and cut in layers). She says she shampoos it every night and lets it air dry and if she didn't flat iron it everyday it would be "big". I actually started laughing. She figured i didn't believe her (which i didn't) and she offered to show me a little underneath that was a little frizzy. But we sat there for a minute basically with us comparing hair practices and flat irons, etc.

I don't mind talking "hair" with white people if the question is genuine, but when it's a stupid question like "how does your hair grow long like that?" (which i have been asked by a keebler before), then I will respond with a stupid answer like "just like yours"! and leave it at that.

BTW, I had to and probably shouldn't have but it was eating me up inside cause I'm just plain nosy, but I did asked the Chinese/Korean girl if she was mixed and she just said "yeah, and it's complicated". Heck, I wanted to know with what cuase she had some pretty thick hair too and said her sisters hair was coarse and her dad's hair was coarse too!

 

[Poobity]

Nah. It's hard enough trying to explain it to black folks.

 

[sweetpuff]

I've explained it to people at my work place when they would ask. At some point it got a bit tireing so I just put a face on like i'm going to bite or something and they stop right there. I put that face on because when I started to wear the big puff, they would reach out and touch my hair like I'm an animal or something. Happened a few times. No more. Take care of my ends, *****es! you don't know what it is so treat it like porcelain,child: DON'T FR$%%ING TOUCH IT!!!

But if they just ask, I explain generally and keep it simple for them to understand. It doesn't bother me.
I tell everything to my boyfriend tough. I'd give him a crash course when he asks. So far, he knows relaxed, braided,weaved, texturized and natural hair.

 

[JustKiya]

Oh, I LOVE educating people about my hair. When I'm asked a question, I don't look at it as 'white people' once again poking their nose into other people's business, I see it as a person who happens to be white truly trying to learn about something that interests them. I've had some of the most honest, open, and INTERESTING conversations about hair with people who aren't black, because it's a true exchange of personal knowledge about people of other races that we don't usually get - and I'm usually SHOCKED by how much of works for that PARTICULAR person works for me - and how some of the stuff that PERSON does would rip my hair out at the roots....

And - I've NEVER had anyone approach me and touch my hair without asking - coworkers, strangers, hell - even my FRIENDS ask before they can touch my hair. I wonder if that is a regional difference?

It crack me up that some people will complain about 'White Folks' not being educated about 'real' Black culture on one hand, and in the same breath, refuse them the CHANCE to be educated.....

We can't have it both ways, ya'll.

 

[tropicexotic]

Nah. It's hard enough trying to explain it to black folks.

lol ditto. I try but it gets too complicated sometimes.

 

[ladybug71]

Nah. It's hard enough trying to explain it to black folks.

LOL! True, true.

I am the only black female at my office. Normally, I wear my hair straight. But everytime I get a spiral set or use my Carusos and sport curls, I get all the ooohs and aaahs and questions. I don't know how many times I have gotten a spiral set and the same person asks me over and over how I did that.

 

[Whisper]

Nope. I just give them the smile and nod. And keep it moving. Because once you start explaining they're going to ask more questions and then you have to keep talking. It's easier to just say yeah, I cut my hair when they catch me with my weave out. No one ever says anything once it's long again though. I never feel like explaining because then it turns into... Really? That's not your hair? Well how did you put it in? Well how much did it cost? Well where does your real hair stop and the fake hair start? And that's just TMI. I don't feel like explaining all that mess. Yes it's my hair. lol Even though I paid for it and have the receipt. They don't need to know all that.

Mami you could not have said this any better!! I stopped having hair 101 conversations a long time ago.

 

[leleepop]

I didnt read the whole thread but Im just gonna answer that now I dont. I get tired of folx commenting on my hair as if it has to meet their approval. I am so glad I found the hair boards because I appreciate what I have and am not so worried about what someone thinks about my hair. Someone even had the nerve to make a comment that OUR hair wont grow unless it mixed with other races. I try not to get offended, because I too believed the same thing not very long ago, but my spirit still gets upset ,on the inside ,and I have to look over ,and not be overly sensitive. I even been accused of being mixed, because when my hair was flatironed everyone was shocked at my length and its not even armpit.

 

[Iluvsmuhgrass]

Personally, I do explain. I don't mind at all. My husband thought my hair was the coolest thing when I met him twelve years ago. And ya know what? He still does. When I'm in the middle of the floor and we're both picking out micros.... and he's EXTREMELY delicate with my hair... he will comment on how awesome it is.

Our hair does things that theirs doesn't and the versatility of our hair intrigues them. I don't see anything wrong with curiosity as long as the disrespect line isn't crossed.

 

[Tee]

Oh, I must add, I get tired of white ladies asking me how we can go without washing our hair every day. They act like that is just nasty. But I simply say, some black women do. You will find most of us don't. The difference is, your hair produce a lot of oil and get very oily and ours doesn't as much. Thus, we dont have to wash as much.

But yes, our hair really does amaze them most times. I will do a wash and wear and the white men act like they have never seen anything like that before in their lives on a black woman. I think now they are getting use to the straight long hair on black women. So when they see anything different, they just go crazy. lol

 

[caribeandiva]

sometimes i feel like i do. my hispanic coworkers always ask about my hair when i flip it out. so then i start to explain why i don't do that everyday.. etc...

 

[Ariana4000]

OMG!!! I get this from everybody. I mean all races. Someone asked me did I think my hair was clean. I must have made a face because she was like "I don't mean to offend you or anything." Then another lady jumped in and said "that is how we learn." But I was heated. I felt like she said I was dirty or something.

Oh, I must add, I get tired of white ladies asking me how we can go without washing our hair every day. They act like that is just nasty. But I simply say, some black women do. You will find most of us don't. The difference is, your hair produce a lot of oil and get very oily and ours doesn't as much. Thus, we dont have to wash as much.

But yes, our hair really does amaze them most times. I will do a wash and wear and the white men act like they have never seen anything like that before in their lives on a black woman. I think now they are getting use to the straight long hair on black women. So when they see anything different, they just go crazy. lol

 

[dontspeakdefeat]

Nope, I don't explain a darn thing. I keep 'em guessing.

 

[Jenai]

Oh, I must add, I get tired of white ladies asking me how we can go without washing our hair every day. They act like that is just nasty. But I simply say, some black women do. You will find most of us don't. The difference is, your hair produce a lot of oil and get very oily and ours doesn't as much. Thus, we dont have to wash as much.

But yes, our hair really does amaze them most times. I will do a wash and wear and the white men act like they have never seen anything like that before in their lives on a black woman. I think now they are getting use to the straight long hair on black women. So when they see anything different, they just go crazy. lol

This is kind of funny because a white friend at work asked me how often I washed my hair. When I said 2-3 times a week, she then admitted that she didn't wash everyday either. We both had a good laugh about how each race is sterotyped.

 

[Cayenne0622]

You know I never understood why such curiousity about our habits, our hair, etc...etc. Some years back a white lady at my job asked me why black people are lighter on the palms of their hands. I know my face spoke volumes because I really thought she was the most ignorant human being I had ever encountered. I actually had to tell this dummy that if she were to lay out and get a tan the palms of her hands and the bottoms of her feet would not tan to the color of the rest of her skin. Ask God why He decided that we need pigment in certain places and not in others. Geez! I guess I find it hard to understand why they want to know and/or why they even care. I could care less if I see a white woman go from short to long or straight to curly or whatever else. I do believe in a so-called "politically correct" way they ask these questions out of curiousity and at times they do it to be insulting. A lot of them do still believe that we are dirty...that we don't bathe...that our brown skin and kinky hair equals dirty skin and unwashed hair. Mind you there are hosts of people of alllll races (individuals) who have poor hygiene but black folks are the only ones who get stereotyped that way. On a funny note, an Asian woman that I work with believes that my very longgg phony pony that I wore some years back was my real hair (even though she never saw it down) and thought I chopped all my hair off when I wore my actual chin length bob. She never asked if it was my hair. She will just comment on how longggg my hair used to be and how she likes it both ways. lol

 

[Syrah]

IMO, I don't owe anybody anything. So no, I don't owe white folks a description of my hair.

HOWEVER, I also think I owe it to myself and to other people to clarify misconceptions. In situations like that we're given the power to correct misconceptions and provide good information about our hair - why not take that opportunity rather than leaving them to their own devices!? For me, its not so serious when it comes to hair...but other topics...

Case in point: I used to live across the street from a family with 5 kids - at 17 and 18 I used to go outside and play with them (they had all kinds of cool toys...a hovercraft n stuff). One day, the youngest who was 4, sat down next to me and starts rubbing my arm and says "I want chocolate skin - how'd you get it?". Mom overhears him and is completely embarrassed. But I sat and talked to him for about 10 minutes about my family and his family and how we are different "yet the same" (you gotta add some Disney notes in there when talking to a 4 year old - he ain't ready for the slavery discussion).

Afterwards his mom and I chatted and she was glad I did what I did - not only so he has some perspective "from the horse's mouth" so-to-speak, but also so that he can correct OTHERS (like his l'il homies) who might have some wrong information.

I look at it like this - if we don't correct 'em, who will?! And what will they say?!

 

[Syrah]

This is kind of funny because a white friend at work asked me how often I washed my hair. When I said 2-3 times a week, she then admitted that she didn't wash everyday either. We both had a good laugh about how each race is sterotyped.

The same way white women go without washing their faces everyday.

Black folks - we have oily skin and dry scalps. Hence why we need to wash our faces multiple times daily and preserve the oils on our scalps by NOT washing everyday. White people have dry skin and oily scalps. Hence why they need to wash their hair daily and preseve the oils on their skin.

And I know plenty of white girls who go 2-3 days and sometimes weeks without washing their hair. Hell, Johnathon (or whatever that man's name is with the hair salon reality show) came out with a product called "dirty" that gives your hair "that feel of not washing it" - because EVERYONE knows, hair looks the best 2 days after its been washed - thats when it really starts to fall right.

 

[Syrah]

What is so complicated about it?!?!

HAHA...do you think we MAKE it complicated?!

 

[adf23]

One time I went to one of those supercut places and this white woman asked me how often I relax my hair I told her one every 3-4 months..she was like "you don't even need to do it that often. 2-3 times a year at best"

Went to a korean beauty supply place and had a korean lady badger me when I went to go get a fall ..."why you do that..you have hair"...I said its for a different look, not b/c I don't have any hair...she didn't understand that.

 

[Iluvsmuhgrass]

MsNadi, I appreciate your post. Just wanted/had to say that. It was classy and that's the way my mom brought me up. Some people would have lashed out at the mom and the little boy. Just wanted to give you props for educating in a "Disney" way