Do you ever think of just settling?

No settling it's not fun. I did that with my ex-fh. Now I will just have to die a sexless fat spinster than to take bs. Granted I have grown tremendously since I was engaged. Know what really matters and focus on that. I know package matters because if I don't like looking at you it won't go anywhere. But don't bar too many people too soon.
 
I understand what you are going through OP. I have my days when I feel like settling. Today was one of those days for me. My period just started and my annoying neighbor upstairs is getting her nasty freak on with her man right above my head while I'm trying to watch tv! (That is so annoying and gross on so many levels right now)

Anyways I decided to stop dating random "space fillers" and wait for my Husband Mr. Right to show up. I am feeling real lonely right now. For me the guys I really want are either taken or too busy with their careers. The guys I don't are super available and want me hard. I started thinking like you hmmm maybe I should settle for the guys I'm not really attracted to but are available.

But settling is never a good idea. Don't give up cause I'm trying not to either. Hang in there girl, trust you are not alone.
 
there is a guy who i am interested in but had a vasectomy and i want more children. couldn't settle even he is amazing.
 
LiftedUp said:
No. I rather be single than settle.
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And let the church say... Cause I've been there done that and I subsequently erased that from being considered as a "relationship". I settled so much that even kissing him felt like I was swallowing syrup of ipecac. :barf: even if we were the last two people on Earth and it were up to us to repopulate, I would let us go extinct.
 
If you view it as settling, then don't do it... Period! You'll regret it and it'll make you resentful! I feel like I settled with an ex because I was never really into him like that yet I continued to date him.
 
Hell yes that's settling (for me)

For me, settling would be more 'trivial' things. like his height, weight, whether he is bald...
 
YaaAsantewaa said:
Here's an example:

Your main goals in life:
Earn 6/7 figure salary either through employment or self employment
Your priority is to save
Build your retirement fund
Build strong and productive children
Give any children the best you can in life

Your partner
Is thoughtful
Is your biggest cheer leader
Loves you with all your flaws
Is great with your family
Is kind and attentive to your needs
You know would be a great father

But:
He doesn't plan
Doesn't care about money
Doesn't do manly things e.g fix things that are broken etc
Works and has is own house and wants nothing beyond that
Is always struggling financially
You know he would never want, think of or be able to give you the finer things in life even though you don't actually need him to give you those things because you can provide those things for yourself

Is this settling?
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Yes:yep:, definitely settling. the bolded are why I say this. He will bring the woman down and make it difficult for her to achieve her goals. Your partner doesn't have to be just like you, but he should be compatible. Probably would be an okay bf or SO, but not a great husband.
 
Every time I decided to settle (no, I did not learn the first time, took bout 2 more tries lol) I ended up being unhappy, which lead to me hurting him....by cheating, leaving out of the blue...various forms of rejection.

I hated feeling unhappy AND hurting someone by lying to them.:sad:

So I started working on me, becoming the person I've always knew I could be...id say that im 97% there and as a result have been meeting some pretty cool men. Still in the process of meeting "the one"...may signs say hes on his way.

You deserve all that you need/desire/want out of live!!! You're worth it.
 
YaaAsantewaa said:
Here's an example:

Your main goals in life:
Earn 6/7 figure salary either through employment or self employment
Your priority is to save
Build your retirement fund
Build strong and productive children
Give any children the best you can in life

Your partner
Is thoughtful
Is your biggest cheer leader
Loves you with all your flaws
Is great with your family
Is kind and attentive to your needs
You know would be a great father

But:
He doesn't plan
Doesn't care about money
Doesn't do manly things e.g fix things that are broken etc
Works and has is own house and wants nothing beyond that
Is always struggling financially
You know he would never want, think of or be able to give you the finer things in life even though you don't actually need him to give you those things because you can provide those things for yourself

Is this settling?
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Yes, if the differences between the two of you are non-negotiables....especially if it's around money. Conflicts around money, sex/infidelity, raising kids....what KOs many marriages.
 
I think the decision to settle largely depends on the non-negotiables and whether or not they are realistic. My #1 pet peeve is women who list height as a non-negotiable. Would you really turn down a good looking, loyal, loving, sane successful man because he is three inches too short? There isn't an endless supply of single, good looking, loyal, loving, sane successful men out there and good luck finding another one of those who will love YOU unconditionally like the short guy did. I'll admit there are some truly non-negotiable attributes like education and being an alcoholic, but a lot of women have unrealistic expectations of what a husband is SUPPOSED to be like. I blame the media. That tall, dark and handsome knight in shining armor you want may or may not exist, and if he does exist, he's probably already somebody else's husband. Sometimes, it's not settling, it's reevaluating your criteria. If you set the bar too high no man will ever meet your criteria and anyone you date would be settling. And then it would be safe to say you'd be passing up or missing out on Mr. Almost Perfect.

ETA: There is a really good book that basically says all of this called "Marry Him: Settling for Mr. Good Enough" by Gottlieb. I forget her first name. It's a really good book though that talks about establishing realistic non-negotiables.
 
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Perfexion said:
I think the decision to settle largely depends on the non-negotiables and whether or not they are realistic. My #1 pet peeve is women who list height as a non-negotiable. Would you really turn down a good looking, loyal, loving, sane successful man because he is three inches too short? There isn't an endless supply of single, good looking, loyal, loving, sane successful men out there and good luck finding another one of those who will love YOU unconditionally like the short guy did. I'll admit there are some truly non-negotiable attributes like education and being an alcoholic, but a lot of women have unrealistic expectations of what a husband is SUPPOSED to be like. I blame the media. That tall, dark and handsome knight in shining armor you want may or may not exist, and if he does exist, he's probably already somebody else's husband. Sometimes, it's not settling, it's reevaluating your criteria. If you set the bar too high no man will ever meet your criteria and anyone you date would be settling. And then it would be safe to say you'd be passing up or missing out on Mr. Almost Perfect.

ETA: There is a really good book that basically says all of this called "Marry Him: Settling for Mr. Good Enough" by Gottlieb. I forget her first name. It's a really good book though that talks about establishing realistic non-negotiables.
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I'm 5'9 and I prefer men that are still taller than me with heels. That's a physical characteristic that is important to me. It's also a part of my attraction to men. In most cases, I wouldn't get to the point of figuring out what kind of person he is if that initial attraction (including height) isn't there. I have this discussion with my 5'2" friends all the time... They don't understand the struggle!
 
I would settle. There is no magic unicorn prince to sweep you off your feet. I want a thug guy that's intelligent, sweet, romantic, street smart, money saavy, protects me, keeps me on my toes, is commanding and ambitious.

*shrugs*

My current boyfriend is perfect by the books. He cares for me. He's with me through ups and downs. Sickness and health he is right by my side. He takes care of me as well as anything that I love (my apartment/dog). He's NOT a thug. He's a super smart nerd who says nerdy things. His conversation never make me "melt" or "drip" with anticipation. It's just corny to me. BUT I realize that he's best for me and I like being around him and don't mind catering to him. Yup it's settling, but I'm 25 and I know i will never find that kind of attention/love from others.... cuz I have looked and found.... our selection pool is horrible looking.
 
PrissiSippi said:
I would settle. There is no magic unicorn prince to sweep you off your feet. I want a thug guy that's intelligent, sweet, romantic, street smart, money saavy, protects me, keeps me on my toes, is commanding and ambitious.

*shrugs*

My current boyfriend is perfect by the books. He cares for me. He's with me through ups and downs. Sickness and health he is right by my side. He takes care of me as well as anything that I love (my apartment/dog). He's NOT a thug. He's a super smart nerd who says nerdy things. His conversation never make me "melt" or "drip" with anticipation. It's just corny to me. BUT I realize that he's best for me and I like being around him and don't mind catering to him. Yup it's settling, but I'm 25 and I know i will never find that kind of attention/love from others.... cuz I have looked and found.... our selection pool is horrible looking.
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So you're "settling" for a guy who is NOT a thug :rolleyes:
 
ambergirl said:
So you're "settling" for a guy who is NOT a thug :rolleyes:
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lol That's what I like. I do NOT like those squeaky clean guys. I don't like the ones who are super nice either. I do NOT like men that can't win an argument with me. I don't like men who were mama boys and recently converted.

Example: I went on a trip with my boo. Of course he wanted some alone time. I turned all the way around and read my book the entire night. My current bf: All sweet and understanding....he let me read my book, didn't overstep any boundaries and watched tv. He left me alone. My ex: "If you don't put that book down *playfully take it away* and bring your sexy self to me". I just don't like the squeaky clean politically correct boy. I like a little roughness.

I like a **** talker. I like someone that will quickly put me in my place if I overstep my boundaries. I like manly men in my terms. I like the guy that can work on my car, put some meat on the grill, and etc.
 
PrissiSippi said:
lol That's what I like. I do NOT like those squeaky clean guys. I don't like the ones who are super nice either. I do NOT like men that can't win an argument with me. I don't like men who were mama boys and recently converted.

Example: I went on a trip with my boo. Of course he wanted some alone time. I turned all the way around and read my book the entire night. My current bf: All sweet and understanding....he let me read my book, didn't overstep any boundaries and watched tv. He left me alone. My ex: "If you don't put that book down *playfully take it away* and bring your sexy self to me". I just don't like the squeaky clean politically correct boy. I like a little roughness.

I like a **** talker. I like someone that will quickly put me in my place if I overstep my boundaries. I like manly men in my terms. I like the guy that can work on my car, put some meat on the grill, and etc.
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:rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

Ouch! My eyes are stuck in the roll position. :lol:

You must have a guardian angel because something is protecting you from your self.
 
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PrissiSippi said:
lol That's what I like. I do NOT like those squeaky clean guys. I don't like the ones who are super nice either. I do NOT like men that can't win an argument with me. I don't like men who were mama boys and recently converted.

Example: I went on a trip with my boo. Of course he wanted some alone time. I turned all the way around and read my book the entire night. My current bf: All sweet and understanding....he let me read my book, didn't overstep any boundaries and watched tv. He left me alone. My ex: "If you don't put that book down *playfully take it away* and bring your sexy self to me". I just don't like the squeaky clean politically correct boy. I like a little roughness.

I like a **** talker. I like someone that will quickly put me in my place if I overstep my boundaries. I like manly men in my terms. I like the guy that can work on my car, put some meat on the grill, and etc.
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I know a cave man like that. To me he was super smart, had a career, and very much a manly man. Any man after him would be puny. Lol
It didnt work out but he was a good guy actually...very protective and loyal doesn't do cheating (generally speaking lol) and wore Timbs all the way.
My SO is a lil softer which I like. The cave man was a bit too intimidating and he was tall and big (read heart attack fat) and I'm small/petite. *gulp*

Anyway, I understand.
 
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