Do you all think this is rude? vent (long)

[BroadstreetBully]

This white coworker of mine had been wanting me to meet this (black) male friend of hers because she thinks we'd be great for one another. I was hesitant because I rarely have luck when white acquaintances try to hook me up with their black male friends (often these black males do not like black women, hence why they have mostly white female friends).

Well she sent me his Myspace link and told me to check it out. I did...and I must say, I was really feeling him...it's hard for me to find black men that are into the same music, etc...as myself. So I was very excited. I decided to set up a Myspace so he could check mine out as well, see pictures...etc... Well my white coworker told him about me and she said he seemed excited. She let him know that I would send him a friend request as soon as I set up my page. I went ahead and sent him a friend request, letting him know I was ******'s friend. He's in a band that I've heard about around here, so with the friend request I also gave him props on his music and asked him a question about when they were playing their next show. I figured, if nothing sparked between us, at least I'd have another black rocker friend.

Well he accepted my request, but nothing else. No thank you, no message, no answer, nothing. It's been a month and I went ahead and deleted his friendship.

I'm honestly not THAT upset about it, but I felt like it was rude for him to not even send me anything back. My coworker went through a lot to play "matchmaker" and look out for her friends, and he ignores me.

I figured something was up when I noticed that he didn't have ONE black female friend on his friend's list. Instead he had a bunch of white chicks. Another black man who won't give a sista the time of day. This is why I don't even bother going out of my way to find a rocker black guy, cause I'm always rejected. Rejection from a white guy is whatever, but from a black guy, it sucks.

So I decided to experiment. I had this pretty, white female friend of mine send him a friend request and give him props on his music/ask him about the next show. Well not even 2 hours later she tells me he accepted her request AND sent her a message thanking her for the compliment, updates on the band, a schedule of their shows, and told her he hopes to see her at the next show! A'int that a *****? And he sent her ANOTHER message today making small talk!

So yeah, sorry I just needed to vent about this. Incidents like these remind me why I've just about given up on finding a black guy I have stuff in common with.

Do you think it was rude for him to not send me anything back? Do you think it could have been race-related? Do rocker black men even like black women anymore?

 

[andreab]

This white coworker of mine had been wanting me to meet this (black) male friend of hers because she thinks we'd be great for one another. I was hesitant because I rarely have luck when white acquaintances try to hook me up with their black male friends (often these black males do not like black women, hence why they have mostly white female friends).

Well she sent me his Myspace link and told me to check it out. I did...and I must say, I was really feeling him...it's hard for me to find black men that are into the same music, etc...as myself. So I was very excited. I decided to set up a Myspace so he could check mine out as well, see pictures...etc... Well my white coworker told him about me and she said he seemed excited. She let him know that I would send him a friend request as soon as I set up my page. I went ahead and sent him a friend request, letting him know I was ******'s friend. He's in a band that I've heard about around here, so with the friend request I also gave him props on his music and asked him a question about when they were playing their next show. I figured, if nothing sparked between us, at least I'd have another black rocker friend.

Well he accepted my request, but nothing else. No thank you, no message, no answer, nothing. It's been a month and I went ahead and deleted his friendship.

I'm honestly not THAT upset about it, but I felt like it was rude for him to not even send me anything back. My coworker went through a lot to play "matchmaker" and look out for her friends, and he ignores me.

I figured something was up when I noticed that he didn't have ONE black female friend on his friend's list. Instead he had a bunch of white chicks. Another black man who won't give a sista the time of day. This is why I don't even bother going out of my way to find a rocker black guy, cause I'm always rejected. Rejection from a white guy is whatever, but from a black guy, it sucks.

So I decided to experiment. I had this pretty, white female friend of mine send him a friend request and give him props on his music/ask him about the next show. Well not even 2 hours later she tells me he accepted her request AND sent her a message thanking her for the compliment, updates on the band, a schedule of their shows, and told her he hopes to see her at the next show! A'int that a *****? And he sent her ANOTHER message today making small talk!

So yeah, sorry I just needed to vent about this. Incidents like these remind me why I've just about given up on finding a black guy I have stuff in common with.

Do you think it was rude for him to not send me anything back? Do you think it could have been race-related? Do rocker black men even like black women anymore?

yes
yes
don't know

 

[Connie]

Seeing that he had all white chicks on his friend list is as clear a clue as any that he's not into black women.

Did you tell your co-worker about his snub?

 

[runwaydream]

^^ yea, i'd tell my co-worker just to out his racist a$$. idk.. i'm into all types of music (rock included) and like doing alot of things that stereotypically, blk ppl don't usually do or aren't usually into. and i'm only into blk guys. i've never had a problem finding a blk guy thats into me that has the same interests tho. and if they dont have the same interests they usually accept me for who i am. they think im "unique" lol..w/e. anyway i think maybe u're just not lookiing in the right places. or maybe its the area you live in.

also yea.. it's pretty obvious he's not into blk girls from his friends list. i prob wouldnt even have bothered sending him a message. not b/c i didnt think he'd be into me but b/c blk ppl who have no other blk friends are disgusting to me and i can't associate myself w. ppl like that.

 

[ThickHair]

Count your blessings that you didn't invest too much time into this dude THEN find out he does not dig black chicks. Oh well, HIS LOSS.

 

[beautifulisaunderstatment]

yes
yes
don't know

cosign!

If he's "not that into you" so what? I thought everyone was aware of the "black men dont like black women" phenomenon....

Maybe this "co-worker" friend of yours doesnt know him as well as she thought she did.

 

[drasgrl]

That was ignorant of him. Obviously he wasn't interested because once he knew you were black that's why he never responded back. I'm glad you deleted him. Did you tell your coworker what happened? Tell her everything. It's one thing to have a preference but it's another to be straight up ignorant and totally disregard everyone else that doesn't fit it because you never know where you will find someone to connect with regardless of color. I would not want a close minded friend like that at all.

 

[Tarae]

Yes, I think that was pretty rude.
Even if he wasn't feeling you for whatever reason, he knew who you were so it's not that it was completely random.
And you were only asking about his band. He could've answered that simple question and called it a day.

 

[Highly Favored8]

Tyra just had a show on this today about black men into white women etc!!! If that where we have gone as a race then it is sad! It is not right what he did and he should have been honest up front! I HATE brothers who play mind d**** games with women! He is a lying dirt bag! Had to vent!

 

[vestaluv1]

Do you think it was rude for him to not send me anything back?
Somewhat! But after reading that he contacted the 'white girl', but not you...thats just like a slap in the face .

Do you think it could have been race-related?
Considering he has no black friends on his myspace, he didn't mail you and the incident above...sure sounds like it, but I'd hate to be the judge of that.

Do rocker black men even like black women anymore?
Don't know. My sister is what you would call a rocker (she's even in a rock band), and yes the 'rocker/grunge' guys she knows who are black do approach black women (and white women, and everything in between).

It's hard to generalise.

Come to London UK...you'll find yourself a black rocker guy!

 

[NYAmicas]

I think it was very rude and it seems like he prefers white women from your experiment.
I cant stand guys like that. I used to go on this social site where the black guys would hound after you if you were white or mixed and only payed attention to the black females if they had a booty shaking video.

 

[Lebiya]

Yeah, maybe he was one of “those” black men…or maybe he was busy at the time he accepted your request and forgot to respond. Only HE knows the true reason why he didn’t respond.

Whatever the reason maybe PLEASE don’t give it much thought. His loss. Good thing you didn’t invest to much time or energy into it. There will be more fish to chose from.

Also, did he know you were black beforehand? I wouldn’t even say anything to my co-worker about the incident and pretend like everything is cool if she asked ( just in case she passes on the reaction). Last thing I’d want him to know is how hurt I was, especially if he truly IS one of those triflin black ba*tards!

 

[MD_Lady]

This white coworker of mine had been wanting me to meet this (black) male friend of hers because she thinks we'd be great for one another. I was hesitant because I rarely have luck when white acquaintances try to hook me up with their black male friends (often these black males do not like black women, hence why they have mostly white female friends).

Well she sent me his Myspace link and told me to check it out. I did...and I must say, I was really feeling him...it's hard for me to find black men that are into the same music, etc...as myself. So I was very excited. I decided to set up a Myspace so he could check mine out as well, see pictures...etc... Well my white coworker told him about me and she said he seemed excited. She let him know that I would send him a friend request as soon as I set up my page. I went ahead and sent him a friend request, letting him know I was ******'s friend. He's in a band that I've heard about around here, so with the friend request I also gave him props on his music and asked him a question about when they were playing their next show. I figured, if nothing sparked between us, at least I'd have another black rocker friend.

Well he accepted my request, but nothing else. No thank you, no message, no answer, nothing. It's been a month and I went ahead and deleted his friendship.

I'm honestly not THAT upset about it, but I felt like it was rude for him to not even send me anything back. My coworker went through a lot to play "matchmaker" and look out for her friends, and he ignores me.

I figured something was up when I noticed that he didn't have ONE black female friend on his friend's list. Instead he had a bunch of white chicks. Another black man who won't give a sista the time of day. This is why I don't even bother going out of my way to find a rocker black guy, cause I'm always rejected. Rejection from a white guy is whatever, but from a black guy, it sucks.

So I decided to experiment. I had this pretty, white female friend of mine send him a friend request and give him props on his music/ask him about the next show. Well not even 2 hours later she tells me he accepted her request AND sent her a message thanking her for the compliment, updates on the band, a schedule of their shows, and told her he hopes to see her at the next show! A'int that a *****? And he sent her ANOTHER message today making small talk!

So yeah, sorry I just needed to vent about this. Incidents like these remind me why I've just about given up on finding a black guy I have stuff in common with.

Do you think it was rude for him to not send me anything back? Do you think it could have been race-related? Do rocker black men even like black women anymore?

Yes, yes, and as much as I hate to make generalizations (but you all deserve my honesty ), I'm surprised when I meet a black rocker who gives black women the time of day.

 

[january noir]

Do you think it was rude for him to not send me anything back? Do you think it could have been race-related? Do rocker black men even like black women anymore?

Yes, very rude and obvious...

Count your blessings that you didn't invest too much time into this dude THEN find out he does not dig black chicks. Oh well, HIS LOSS.

cosign!

If he's "not that into you" so what? ...
Maybe this "co-worker" friend of yours doesnt know him as well as she thought she did.

Yes, I think that was pretty rude.
Even if he wasn't feeling you for whatever reason, he knew who you were so it's not that it was completely random.
And you were only asking about his band. He could've answered that simple question and called it a day.

This guy is a douch. You were fortunate he wasn't interested.

 

[CurlyMoo]

I know several black male rockers and they are into white women socially but are physically into black women behind the scenes. If you are interested try to send another message asking about his upcoming gigs. But if he ignores you then he is not interested and neither are you! Rockers seem to attract groupies. I have been told by my Rocker associates they are tired of the white groupies. White women are very aggressive toward progressive black men. Especially if the guys are attractive and dynamic. Honestly, sometimes when I date a black man I feel self consious in public for taking yet another good brotha away from white women! Some of these women actually look at me like I took one of THEIR MEN!

 

[calliope]

Hmmm. He sucks and your friend kinda sucks too- don't tell me, you're both black so you'd naturally make the cutest couple

 

[drasgrl]

Why oh why did I have a dream about this dude!? Yeah crazy huh? I dreamed that we were meeting for lunch. It was like a blind date. He didn't say one word to me the whole time. Toward the end I asked him some questions and he said maybe five words.

He had finished his stuffed shells and he got up and threw some folded money at me to pay the bill. As he walked out the door I unfolded the money and saw that it was foreign money. I ran after him saying how am I going to pay with this?

I grabbed him trying not to let him get away and he tried to hit me. He was such an ass. I'm spending too much time here. erplexed

 

[Blossssom]

You know, Red, I won't even lie... especially since it's Sunday, but I don't even find myself paying attention to black men that I'M attracted to because I have been rejected so much over the years by black men that I'M attracted to and whenever I look up they are with a white woman or some other race.

Because of the constant "invisibility" that I feel whenever I encounter one of them, which ain't often anyway, I know that I'm not what they are attracted to so I automatically look the other way when I see one.

That's a sad state to be in... when you automatically feel that men your own race aren't in to you

 

[CurlyMoo]

You know, Red, I won't even lie... especially since it's Sunday, but I don't even find myself paying attention to black men that I'M attracted to because I have been rejected so much over the years by black men that I'M attracted to and whenever I look up they are with a white woman or some other race.

Because of the constant "invisibility" that I feel whenever I encounter one of them, which ain't often anyway, I know that I'm not what they are attracted to so I automatically look the other way when I see one.

That's a sad state to be in... when you automatically feel that men your own race aren't in to you

Blossssssssom, this is so sad. I have tears in my eyes reading your post. I share your feelings of invisibility and rejection but with men of other races.

Many Black women are feeling rejected by Black men but keep in mind that Black men feel the same way about Black women. Much of this is media propaganda to keep us at odds. I often feel invisible around men of other races. That's why I moved from a predominately white neighborhood besides the fact that it was just too expensive. I now feel relieved and centered. Black men seem to adore me. They are usually very kind and polite, with some exceptions. But it's me who resists. I actually am at the point where serious dating is not an interest for me right now. In fact I have a few phone calls to return now that I think about it. erplexed

Actually, when I see a Bm/ww/oth it seems strange that the guy or both are looking at me instead of the woman or each other. And the same for White men/Asian women, the White guy is peering from under his eye lids. What's up with that? I don't really feel anything when I see these couples. But I do find it interesting that if I walk pass a bm/ww couple, that the white person that also walked pass them is looking at me for my reaction. LOL Some people just can't help themselves.

B, maybe you assume that all Black men are not interested in Black women so you miss out on some opportunities. I think the rejection you feel has lowered your confidence. I say next time you meet one just be friendly, smile and be proud of who you are and know that you can get the man you want. You don't really have anything to lose.

P.S. I was looking to move to San Franciso, is there a significant amount of interracial dating going on out there? Are the majority of the Bm with ww/oth women?

B, here is a great thread with a wonderful Article that I think you might like:
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=141205

 

[Riverwalk]

Why oh why did I have a dream about this dude!? Yeah crazy huh? I dreamed that we were meeting for lunch. It was like a blind date. He didn't say one word to me the whole time. Toward the end I asked him some questions and he said maybe five words.

He had finished his stuffed shells and he got up and threw some folded money at me to pay the bill. As he walked out the door I unfolded the money and saw that it was foreign money. I ran after him saying how am I going to pay with this?

I grabbed him trying not to let him get away and he tried to hit me. He was such an ass. I'm spending too much time here. erplexed

And y'all had stuffed shells to boot!!!!

 

[drasgrl]

And y'all had stuffed shells to boot!!!!

I know he had stuffed shells but I have no idea what I had.

 

[Riverwalk]

I know he had stuffed shells but I have no idea what I had.

Probably because you were in such amazement of his ignorance!