Do men hurt like women?

[Slave4Hair]

I have always wondered do men really hurt like women do after a break up? I ask this because i have seen so many of my male friends, as well as my brothers break up with women that they have been with for months,or years, and it seems like they move on so much easier. I am referring to serious relationships. My bestfriend was with his fiance for 4 years, they broke up 2 weeks ago, he says he misses her alot, yet monday he went on a date with this girl from our job, and tonight he has another date with someone he met at the gym . I'm not saying anything is wrong with this (dating other people), after all his relationship is over, but i broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years a month ago, and i can't even look at other men! My ex however seems to be adjusting fine. According to my bestfriend he left the club with some random girl last weekend. Though it sickens and hurts me to think of it, i just don't get how men can move on so much easier. In a way i'm jealous...Do you think they recover easier, or are they just really good at hiding their true feelings?

 

[tinkat]

Men take it just as hard or even harder, they just cover it up by going out with other women. You know men are not as emotional so they are not going to show it...but late at night when they are alone...they are taking that ish hard.

 

[song_of_serenity]

Straight from the horses mouth (jack A$$) aka my ex, (who's still bawling his eyes out for his actions, oh well) it's easy to "move on" because the other women are a distraction. Often that woman ends up getting hurt which is why we probably should avoid being with men fresh out of a long term relationship. They DO hurt but they go about it in different ways...and the next girl right after often gets short sided because of it since they usually don't let themselves heal.

 

[Slave4Hair]

Men take it just as hard or even harder, they just cover it up by going out with other women. You know men are not as emotional so they are not going to show it...but late at night when they are alone...they are taking that ish hard.

I hope they do It seems like they have it so much easier. It's easier for them to find other dating partners (men get to take their pick), and i'm sure anyone he approaches would be elated. Meanwhile i have to wait on the sideline for some guy to choose me...dating sux, it seems like the ball is in the men's court and i just have to wait. I wonder how dating other women can make them feel better? I tried to go on a date and i compared him to my ex the ENTIRE time!!!

 

[mswoman]

As the above said... Also men and women at times have different motives... Some men will stay in a relationship for a minute to get the cookies, when they have gotten them for some odd reason many lose interest. Therefore they have already started the detachment process and although we may have not. I hope that makes sense...

Think about a guy you didn't really like but was in the relationship anyway, you probably got over that person really quick. While as he is still tripping over it because it just hit him.

Also men have more options to choose from, there are more women ready to get into relationships than men. A man can easily select a woman a lot quicker than vice versa. For example, you just broke up you want to date a man. You can't just walk up and be like what's your number. It's a process for a woman .... unless you are looking for something quick.

 

[mswoman]

Actually, here's an article http://www.menshealth.com/breakups/maskpain.html

It depends upon who broke up with whom.

I hope they do It seems like they have it so much easier. It's easier for them to find other dating partners (men get to take their pick), and i'm sure anyone he approaches would be elated. Meanwhile i have to wait on the sideline for some guy to choose me...dating sux, it seems like the ball is in the men's court and i just have to wait. I wonder how dating other women can make them feel better? I tried to go on a date and i compared him to my ex the ENTIRE time!!!

 

[FeelinIt]

Why do you have to wait for a guy to choose you?

Futhermore...why do you have to date right now with the intent of it being serious later?

Go out and have fun. Choose them. Get all dolled up, see a nice guy and ask him to coffee or lunch.

My friend just today saw a guy that she liked, we later saw him walking, I pulled over and she handed him her card and asked him to call her. He may or may not call but she is not sweatin that. It's all about numbers and guys have that to their advantage. They will date as many while we women will date one guy and hold onto him with a death grip.

 

[KEWLKAT103]

I think if he really loved her and was commited to her, he will feel it deeply. If it was his idea to break up and he had been wanting it for awhile, then not so much.

When my DH and I were dating and broke up, he took it extremely hard. I hate to say it, but, I've never seen a man so broken down. It was a sad thing to see and I felt for him, because I had been there.

I think what made it so hard for him is he felt blind sided. It's different for both men and women when you "know" the breakup is coming. You have time to prepare you heart and mind and get to thinking about the future.

 

[Neek-a-Nator]

Yes they do hurt just as much as women if not more. The difference: THEY HIDE IT BETTER. Trust me they do hurt, we cry and they punch holes in a wall. Trust and believe they go to their friends just like we do and cry on the dam floor. I've also experienced a guy behave like that. Women tend to show their emotions much much more than men so they'll be like it's cool and go home and cry. Now this is ONLY if he truely loved and cared for you. If not then like the saying goes, women are like buses.........

 

[Jade Feria]

As Dale Carnegie says, one of the best ways to eliminate worry is to become busy...to focus one's mind so thoroughly on something that one doesn't have time to even think about the cause of worry/anxiety.

Guys have that down pat.

 

[tinkat]

Yes they do hurt just as much as women if not more. The difference: THEY HIDE IT BETTER. Trust me they do hurt, we cry and they punch holes in a wall. Trust and believe they go to their friends just like we do and cry on the dam floor. I've also experienced a guy behave like that. Women tend to show their emotions much much more than men so they'll be like it's cool and go home and cry. Now this is ONLY if he truely loved and cared for you. If not then like the saying goes, women are like buses.........

ITA with the bolded. My ex broke up with me and he is taking it harder imo.

It is not easy to move on but instead of dwelling on why, how, and when...go out there and have fun.

 

[MissYocairis]

They take it harder, imo. They just have different ways of behaving after a breakup. I think the dating quickly is evidence that they are avoiding dealing with the pain of the breakup. Especially when they are randomly dating various women. And, as someone pointed out earlier, even when they jump into one girl quickly, she ends up getting disappointed because they having done the healing work.

 

[BrownieBrie]

I think they hurt just as much, but it's a different kind of hurt. Women tend to put more stock into relationships. Men seem to mourn the present and move on, while it seems like we mourn the past, present and future and dwell on all those apsects.

 

[TayMac]

Men hurt and they hurt deeply but it's not like women.

 

[Slave4Hair]

I think they hurt just as much, but it's a different kind of hurt. Women tend to put more stock into relationships. Men seem to mourn the present and move on, while it seems like we mourn the past, present and future and dwell on all those apsects.

I like this...

 

[tiara76]

I hope they do It seems like they have it so much easier. It's easier for them to find other dating partners (men get to take their pick), and i'm sure anyone he approaches would be elated. Meanwhile i have to wait on the sideline for some guy to choose me...dating sux, it seems like the ball is in the men's court and i just have to wait. I wonder how dating other women can make them feel better? I tried to go on a date and i compared him to my ex the ENTIRE time!!!

no to the bolded.....women hold way more power over choosing a mate or a man or a date than men, she just has to know it to exercise it....wait around to get chosen u have to settle for what u get......step into your feminine energy and power , attract to you and take your pick is how naturally women find mates.....

men hurt just as much as women do
men are just as emotional as women
they just aren't as expressive and try to hide it and bury it within themselves in order not to feel it...women tend to feel it, yet never let it go....so emotional pain fugs with both men and women in different ways, and both are holding onto it for dear life and both are acting out in behaviors that reflect the emotional pain that won't be released

 

[Nayeli]

I agree with the other ladies who said they feel just as/more than women. IMO we women are more likely than men to allow ourselves to feel the pain. So we'll bawl our eyes out, cry whyyyy or whyyyy, run to our mothers/friends and moan and groan.....but the point is we walk through the hurt.

Many men however (not all, because some guys do the above) won't make that journey and the pain often catches up with them later, 1..3...5 years down the road, when they're looking in their present girl's eyes and thinking why on earth couldn't you just be like my ex.

I think that's the reason we hear so many women talking about what ex-SO told them years after the rel/ship was over....girl I never stopped loving you, we were so good when we were together etc.

 

[Filmatic]

I agrees it's about getting busy. Years ago I use to let that pain hit me and wallow in it but I didn't like that me. It wasn't who I am. I move on quickly. I don't sit and think of a guy.

I do date, have fun, hang out. I don't get into a relationship quickly but I move on. I don't care to sit around thinking about some dude not thinking about me. Once it's over it's over.

 

[JewelleNY]

I agree with all of the ladies here. Men definitely hurt as much if not more than we do, they just express it differently. I've seen guys do strange things over a break-up

One guy walked around my house and yard with a t-shirt with my name on the butt all day wanting me to come out He just wouldn't stop.

Another, after I broke up with him, starting throwing anything liquidy around my dorm room all over the place yet he was smiling and said he was fine A few weeks later I saw him and he had dropped about 20 pounds.

Another guy I knew quit college and went into depressed mode, I don't think his ex had any idea of how badly he was handling it. He had also punched a few holes in the wall.

I've had a couple of guys tell me in our first convo that I remind them of ex's and got all ruffled up and began displacing their frustrations regarding the ex on me erplexed

I've always felt that men take it worse, they just handle it differently. Why do you think guys die earlier than women

 

[ThickHair]

When I told my husband I wanted a divorce it seemed like he took it all in stride. There were no arguements and he was gone 2 weeks later.

Well I had seen and spoke to some of his friends and they were begging me to take him back. They all told me he was a wreck and he was not himself. He spoke about me all the time and reminiced about me frequently and they all said it was sickening. I told them, I had no idea and he has never mentioned reconciling and I was done.

It was a shock to me, I thought he was relived that he didn't have me to "NAG" him as he always said I did.

My former stepson's mother said my exhusband has never been the same after we broke up. Oh well, I have no idea, I didn't want a divorce but he refused to acknowledge we had a problem therefore didn't want to work on said problem. He said it was all in my head. She called me about 2 weeks ago and said she thought he was suicidal. I told her there is nothing I can do but pray for him. We have been apart since 05.

 

[Lei*Lei]

I agree...Guys hurt just the same or more!

When i had broken up with my dh (well, bf then) after 3 1/2 yeas, he wouldn't date no one else, he would still call me everyday trying to get back...his mama even called me! He was in a real slump. He had never done anything wrong to me though. I was the one who thought we needed to break up. We were pretty young and he was my first real bf, so i wanted to be sure.

Meanwhile, i was the one trying to brush him off and ignoring him!

 

[envybeauty]

I hope some woman reading this is not thinking that Johnnie, who she met last month, is in a fetal position in the closet bc she hasn't heard from him in two weeks and refuses to call him until he comes to his senses.

Yes, men will hurt if they were vested in the relationship and if they loved the woman before the break up. NOT if the man is thinking you are a jumpoff, a FB, or just a date.

 

[Jade Feria]

I hope some woman reading this is not thinking that Johnnie, who she met last month, is in a fetal position in the closet bc she hasn't heard from him in two weeks and refuses to call him until he comes to his senses.

Yes, men will hurt if they were vested in the relationship and if they loved the woman before the break up. NOT if the man is thinking you are a jumpoff, a FB, or just a date.

Right?!! Let's not get it twisted!

 

[Belle Du Jour]

no to the bolded.....women hold way more power over choosing a mate or a man or a date than men, she just has to know it to exercise it....wait around to get chosen u have to settle for what u get......step into your feminine energy and power , attract to you and take your pick is how naturally women find mates.....

men hurt just as much as women do
men are just as emotional as women
they just aren't as expressive and try to hide it and bury it within themselves in order not to feel it...women tend to feel it, yet never let it go....so emotional pain fugs with both men and women in different ways, and both are holding onto it for dear life and both are acting out in behaviors that reflect the emotional pain that won't be released

off topic but i believe the bolded is true...not that i've figured out how to tap into this

 

[Bunny77]

My bestfriend was with his fiance for 4 years, they broke up 2 weeks ago, he says he misses her alot, yet monday he went on a date with this girl from our job, and tonight he has another date with someone he met at the gym

Yes, I think men can hurt like women, but in this situation above, my first thought was that if this dude was with his "fiance" for four years and he didn't pull the trigger and settle down with her, then he had mentally checked out of the relationship long before he actually broke up with her. So even though he misses her -- which makes sense because they were together for so long -- he was ready to move on.

I have personally heard and heard on this board from so many men in these long "relationships" who flat out KNOW and SAY that the woman they're with is not "the one," and they're just biding their time with something comfortable until they're ready to move. The woman is usually clueless about this, while the dude is telling everyone BUT her how he feels... so yes, the woman would be torn apart when the breakup happens, but him? Not so much. He was ready a loooong time ago.

Now, in a relationship where the man cares about the woman deeply and it ends, I definitely think men can hurt as much as women, if not more!

One other thing... I read somewhere that men rebound too quickly, while women take too long to get over a relationship. I think women would do well to casually date (NOT get in another relationship) sooner than they actually do after a breakup, while men need to stay on ice a little bit longer.

 

[cocoberry10]

Yes, but as others said, they cover it up better. They move on faster physically but emotionally it can take them years to move on. That means they will have rebound girls but still be dreaming of the ex.