Divorced Ladies-When did you know it was OVER?

[MissScarlett]

This thread is right on time! And thanks MissScarlett for posting the communication advice! I won't hijack this thread, but I REALLY needed to see this! I don't have any married friends who I can talk to, so it's really hard for me right now.

Leaving before I start tearing up again.

Thanks ladies.

(((HUGS)))) Feel free to PM me if you need to vent I know how it is NOT to have anyone to vent too. I wish I knew ya'll ladies when I was at the end of my marriage rope.

I know no one asked me this but I feel like 99.9% of things in a marriage can be worked out, but really its easier to give up than try.

Hang in there ladies

 

[rayne]

I kept thinking that I can't live the rest of my life like this.

Same here. I'm trying my damndest to hang in there but this man is really trying my nerves. Like today, I guess he must have just wanted to argue because he started a text argument, yet again. I'm getting so sick of this. R. Kelly's song When A Woman's Fed Up keeps playing in my head because I am getting to that point. He had been really trying to make it better for a while, but on one hand I feel like it's too little too late...then on the other hand I feel like I should keep trying too. Then there are other times where I feel like it's pointless because things are never going to change.....

ETA: I'm so grateful for this thread.

 

[reallynow]

I'm so glad this thread is helping others which was my intent. I knew I wasn't alone out here dealing with issues. DH and I are doing much better, we soooooo needed that talk and I think he has resolved for himself that he needs some counseling to work out some family issues that keep creeping into our marriage.

Hang in there ladies!!!

 

[jamaicalovely]

Same here. I'm trying my damndest to hang in there but this man is really trying my nerves. Like today, I guess he must have just wanted to argue because he started a text argument, yet again. I'm getting so sick of this. R. Kelly's song When A Woman's Fed Up keeps playing in my head because I am getting to that point. He had been really trying to make it better for a while, but on one hand I feel like it's too little too late...then on the other hand I feel like I should keep trying too. Then there are other times where I feel like it's pointless because things are never going to change.....

ETA: I'm so grateful for this thread.

Girl, I'm feeling you.

I really appreciate this thread too. Running out of patience.

 

[MzRhonda]

Wow this was great. I think I am headed in that direction...this has been going on for a few years and I have been just trying to keep it together. I believe in marriage and don't want to see it end.

We get into arguments it seem on a Friday I threaten calling an attorney and by MOnday I have calmed down.

I have no family support locally so I deal with it all alone. I can't just leave with the kids for a few days as there is no where to go.

I feel financially trapped (lacking of funds) and am blamed for our financial problems which is the root of our arguments. I have no support from his family as from what he says they wonder why he is still with me.

He complains that I don't have a job paying what he would like for me to make...I just got a new teaching asst position making more than I was last year he told me this evening I needed to get a part time job as well.

We have 2 kids who never were with a babysitter because he did not trust anyone, thankfully my Mom was able to babysit. Now all of a sudden he wants someone to babysit, yeah lets see how long that will last.

I know when Monday gets here I won't call that attorney - has anyone else felt that way? Is it fear, the finality of something you thought would last forever? How do you manage with no money?

Thanks for letting me share.

 

[cocoabutterfly]

Wow this was great. I think I am headed in that direction...this has been going on for a few years and I have been just trying to keep it together. I believe in marriage and don't want to see it end.

We get into arguments it seem on a Friday I threaten calling an attorney and by MOnday I have calmed down.

I have no family support locally so I deal with it all alone. I can't just leave with the kids for a few days as there is no where to go.

I feel financially trapped (lacking of funds) and am blamed for our financial problems which is the root of our arguments. I have no support from his family as from what he says they wonder why he is still with me.

He complains that I don't have a job paying what he would like for me to make...I just got a new teaching asst position making more than I was last year he told me this evening I needed to get a part time job as well.

We have 2 kids who never were with a babysitter because he did not trust anyone, thankfully my Mom was able to babysit. Now all of a sudden he wants someone to babysit, yeah lets see how long that will last.

I know when Monday gets here I won't call that attorney - has anyone else felt that way? Is it fear, the finality of something you thought would last forever? How do you manage with no money?

Thanks for letting me share.

When I read your post I thought it was me who wrote it and I'm sorry you going through this, I've been there, still am in some respects.

For years after every argument I swore I would get that lawyer on the phone but with my salary (so he always reminded me) I would never be able to support myself...even without kids, but I knew that so I put the thought out of my head, plus I loved him and didn't want my marriage to end, we've known each other since the age of 6. As the years went by, we fought more and more over money, his family, house chores and a bunch of other stupid things. I was drained and found myself becoming depressed, not wanting to do anything with friends or go anywhere and putting on way to much weight. It became clear that I had to get out of the marriage. So I prayed on it constantly and asked for guidance and ironically got two raises at work which finally allowed me to become confident enough to call/find a lawyer who let me pay when I could and not want his fees up front.

Of course he wanted to work things out and try counseling which I agreed to. It did some good as it brought to light some issues that my husband needed to not only admit to but deal with, but it also made me realize that I no longer had the physical and emotional strength to help him deal with those issues (which believe me belong in a whole other thread)and get myself back on track.

So here we are divorce in the works and still living together. It's hard, we have our good moments and bad and of course divorce isn't for everyone and it's not always the right decision but for me so far I have no regrets.

To OP and all the other ladies in similar situations I hope that you eventually find peace in whatever path you decide on.

 

[sunnydaze]

Wow this was great. I think I am headed in that direction...this has been going on for a few years and I have been just trying to keep it together. I believe in marriage and don't want to see it end.

We get into arguments it seem on a Friday I threaten calling an attorney and by MOnday I have calmed down.

I have no family support locally so I deal with it all alone. I can't just leave with the kids for a few days as there is no where to go.

I feel financially trapped (lacking of funds) and am blamed for our financial problems which is the root of our arguments. I have no support from his family as from what he says they wonder why he is still with me.

He complains that I don't have a job paying what he would like for me to make...I just got a new teaching asst position making more than I was last year he told me this evening I needed to get a part time job as well.

We have 2 kids who never were with a babysitter because he did not trust anyone, thankfully my Mom was able to babysit. Now all of a sudden he wants someone to babysit, yeah lets see how long that will last.

I know when Monday gets here I won't call that attorney - has anyone else felt that way? Is it fear, the finality of something you thought would last forever? How do you manage with no money?

Thanks for letting me share.

As the man of the house, what is he doing to increase the cash flow?

 

[MzRhonda]

As the man of the house, what is he doing to increase the cash flow?

Well he is working extra, extra overtime and extra duty, heck his extra duty hourly pay would pay more than a PT job would pay me but he complains that he is working 7 days a week non stop.

He worked extra duty yesterday morning, then went to work, got off and worked extra duty last night and is now working extra duty today.

Part of the problem is we can never stay caught up on bills he is always paying late, 2-3 months behind - with the income that would come in without extra duty I am sure we could make it financially with maybe him working a little overtime but we have never been caught up to the point to see if that is possible.

Because we can't discuss it and put anything on paper nothing gets resolved...you're gonna tell me to get a job or PT job but we have no clue how much income I need to bring in.

Per him, his family wonders why he is still with me so that lets me know I would get no support from them if I were to talk to them.

Being an only child who's parents have passed away i don't have that family support to talk to or to just go and stay a few nights to clear our heads.

I have so much to think about do I make that call monday to an attorney or do I yet again continue as we have been for so many years.

What keeps me from making that phone call is that financially I don't see how I can make it and deep down I hope that we could make it work. I know from past relationships once I call it quits I have NEVER gone back.

 

[sunnydaze]

Well he is working extra, extra overtime and extra duty, heck his extra duty hourly pay would pay more than a PT job would pay me but he complains that he is working 7 days a week non stop.

He worked extra duty yesterday morning, then went to work, got off and worked extra duty last night and is now working extra duty today.

Part of the problem is we can never stay caught up on bills he is always paying late, 2-3 months behind - with the income that would come in without extra duty I am sure we could make it financially with maybe him working a little overtime but we have never been caught up to the point to see if that is possible.

Because we can't discuss it and put anything on paper nothing gets resolved...you're gonna tell me to get a job or PT job but we have no clue how much income I need to bring in.

Per him, his family wonders why he is still with me so that lets me know I would get no support from them if I were to talk to them.

Being an only child who's parents have passed away i don't have that family support to talk to or to just go and stay a few nights to clear our heads.

I have so much to think about do I make that call monday to an attorney or do I yet again continue as we have been for so many years.

What keeps me from making that phone call is that financially I don't see how I can make it and deep down I hope that we could make it work. I know from past relationships once I call it quits I have NEVER gone back.

Hmm..ok. Well it looks more like a money management issue. I mean you two shouldn't have to have 4 jobs between you..yall got kids to raise. I don't know what to say other than, I'm really sorry you are going through this.

You said you got a teacher's aide position. Have you thought about gettign an emergency teaching certificate and then getting your teaching degree later on? That would serve two purposes: One help your current financial situation and two, help you support yourself and your kids should you decide to get divorced.

 

[MzRhonda]

Actually I qualify for a Provisional license in Business and applied for positions I knew were available but was never called for an interview...at least now I will get some classroom experience and try again as well as work on full certification.

Yeah it's a big money management issue.

I spoke to a friend today who suggested bankruptcy because either together or apart the bandaid approach will not help and if after the bankruptcy there are still problems then the real problem was not money.

 

[Farida]

Actually I qualify for a Provisional license in Business and applied for positions I knew were available but was never called for an interview...at least now I will get some classroom experience and try again as well as work on full certification.

Yeah it's a big money management issue.

I spoke to a friend today who suggested bankruptcy because either together or apart the bandaid approach will not help and if after the bankruptcy there are still problems then the real problem was not money.

Don't. That should be your very last option. It is not as easy to anymore, and it will stick with you for 7 years.

 

[Farida]

Actually I qualify for a Provisional license in Business and applied for positions I knew were available but was never called for an interview...at least now I will get some classroom experience and try again as well as work on full certification.

Yeah it's a big money management issue.

I spoke to a friend today who suggested bankruptcy because either together or apart the bandaid approach will not help and if after the bankruptcy there are still problems then the real problem was not money.

Have you tried counseling?

 

[MzRhonda]

Have you tried counseling?

I went into counseling a few years ago when I thought I was actually sick my primary care doctor said my symptoms were from stress and he referred me to a counselor...my dh attended one session, unwillingly, and did not realy talk...so no he would never go to counseling unless forced by the courts.