DISRESPECT in the RELATIONSHIP - when does it go too far?

[kurlybella]

very CLEAN topic mods.

i've been following the jesse jame's and sandra scandal and i feel so bad for her.

but i couldn't help but notice that the two women, so far , that have come out mentioned "wild" or "crazy" sex, etc.

now it does not take a rocket scientist to get that this means "extra."

so i want to know what you ladies think.

if your husband asks you to do something you are not comfortable with, does that really justify cheating?

does it ever justify (cheating aside, say you never cheated) breaking up with a person of marriage potential because they are not comfortable doing your "wild things" but are "perfect" in every other sense?

i feel so bad for sandra and OF COURSE we don't know the reason for the cheating, i'm just spinning off of what i've read so far, but i would not be surprised if that was (part of) the case.

i often hear men say, esp. in relation to the tiger scandal, "maybe she [ellen] was not giving it to him right!"

erplexed

i even have heard women and men say that you should/must do x for your man because if you don't then he will feel like you don't accept all of him...or whatever other apologetic reason there is to give.

IF YOU DON'T LIKE SOMETHING OR ARE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH SOMETHING after a respectful discussion, then your partner should be ALL accepting, no?

even bill clintion mention that he had not had that act done to him in a long time (according to monica).

if we are supposed to accept our spouse if they, say go from fit to fat, then why does it seem that we don't do this for sex?

isn't marriage for better or for worse - sex and all?

i'll share my thoughts in a bit.

 

[Almaz]

Men lie the wives could be doing this and even more at home. We really don't know

 

[naijamerican]

I agree with Almaz. No amount of freaky business from the wife will keep a man from cheating if he's bent on doing so.

 

[phynestone]

I think this is a piss poor excuse to explain cheating. You chose to take a vow before God to honor your spouse, in sickness and in health, for richer and poorer, and all the other stuff. Leaving b/c your crayon isn't being used the way you want isn't right. And I believe if the shoe had been on the other foot, both Jesse and Tiger would have been long gone. Women are always expected to put up AND shut up. Please.

 

[dlewis]

I know women, friends, who go ALL out. Whatever their man wants. They could be sick as a dog and if he wants they'll do it. And guess what? They still cheat.

Some men are just gonna cheat.

 

[janeemat]

I know women, friends, who go ALL out. Whatever their man wants. They could be sick as a dog and if he wants they'll do it. And guess what? They still cheat.

Some men are just gonna cheat.

You said a mouthful here. If a man is a cheater, he will always be a cheater regardless. Always on the prowl for something new. New means excitement.

 

[ThickHair]

It is not the issue that the woman isn't freaky enough. It is just that their man wants it all and more. Stop blaming the woman.

 

[JustKiya]

It is not the issue that the woman isn't freaky enough. It is just that their man wants it all and more. Stop blaming the woman.

Thank you! Ugh!

Of course a spouse should accept their spouse's sexual boundaries This is one of the reasons it's SO vital to talk about sex, sexual activity, white/gray/black lists BEFORE you get married.

Now, on the same token, a woman shouldn't be changing up the game sexually after marriage. If she was down with reardooring and micchecking before they got married, it's real duplicitous to get the license and all of a sudden be 'too proper' for all that stuff.

And of course, same goes for the dudes. Willing to go downtown before marriage, but act like it's a headache to do so afterwards - not cool. Lying to your spouse is NEVER cool - whether by omission or not.

Now, if one spouse develops a freakier side post-marriage, that's when you start talking about compromise and special occasions.

If you really can't be faithful without frequent trips downtown - get a damn divorce.

 

[LisaLisa1908]

This is rationalizing to the highest extent.

CHEATING IS A CHOICE. Period. You can't make someone cheat; THEY make the decision.

 

[Mai Tai]

Thank you! Ugh!

Of course a spouse should accept their spouse's sexual boundaries This is one of the reasons it's SO vital to talk about sex, sexual activity, white/gray/black lists BEFORE you get married.

Now, on the same token, a woman shouldn't be changing up the game sexually after marriage. If she was down with reardooring and micchecking before they got married, it's real duplicitous to get the license and all of a sudden be 'too proper' for all that stuff.

And of course, same goes for the dudes. Willing to go downtown before marriage, but act like it's a headache to do so afterwards - not cool. Lying to your spouse is NEVER cool - whether by omission or not.

Now, if one spouse develops a freakier side post-marriage, that's when you start talking about compromise and special occasions.

If you really can't be faithful without frequent trips downtown - get a damn divorce.

I agree with everything everyone is saying, but this right chuuurr, is the realist thing I've heard today thus far.

You cannot keep a man from cheating. Period. But also you cannot get mad if you were tossing him the A$$ on the regular before marriage, then get prudish after the "I Do's". He will feel hoodwinked and bamboozled.

Hell, marriage to me means that I get to take the gloves clean off. I told my SO that he better rest up, because when we get married, my already freaky butt is going to turn into a werewolf.

I had a friend that told me flat out..."I don't HAVE to give face anymore...I'm married now..." and I called her a $*@^#$%*#@ A$$ LIAR, and she was like...

 

[yora88]

Thank you! Ugh!

Of course a spouse should accept their spouse's sexual boundaries This is one of the reasons it's SO vital to talk about sex, sexual activity, white/gray/black lists BEFORE you get married.

Now, on the same token, a woman shouldn't be changing up the game sexually after marriage. If she was down with reardooring and micchecking before they got married, it's real duplicitous to get the license and all of a sudden be 'too proper' for all that stuff.

And of course, same goes for the dudes. Willing to go downtown before marriage, but act like it's a headache to do so afterwards - not cool. Lying to your spouse is NEVER cool - whether by omission or not.

Now, if one spouse develops a freakier side post-marriage, that's when you start talking about compromise and special occasions.

If you really can't be faithful without frequent trips downtown - get a damn divorce.

Right! And in addition to this, both parties need to keep themselves up! If you were a dime diva when you met him then you need to maintain your dime divaness!

 

[JustKiya]

Right! And in addition to this, both parties need to keep themselves up! If you were a dime diva when you met him then you need to maintain your dime divaness!

And again, the same for him! If he was a hardbody when y'all got married, him adding on a 5 month pregnant belly ain't the bidness!

 

[dlewis]

Right! And in addition to this, both parties need to keep themselves up! If you were a dime diva when you met him then you need to maintain your dime divaness!

I agree eventhough 90% or more of couples physically change after marriage. (gain lots of weight)

 

[dlewis]

I agree with everything everyone is saying, but this right chuuurr, is the realist thing I've heard today thus far.

You cannot keep a man from cheating. Period. But also you cannot get mad if you were tossing him the A$$ on the regular before marriage, then get prudish after the "I Do's". He will feel hoodwinked and bamboozled.

Hell, marriage to me means that I get to take the gloves clean off. I told my SO that he better rest up, because when we get married, my already freaky butt is going to turn into a werewolf.

I had a friend that told me flat out..."I don't HAVE to give face anymore...I'm married now..." and I called her a $*@^#$%*#@ A$$ LIAR, and she was like...

My brothers ex had a child for him and they were living together she gets the idea that she would hold out until he decides to marry her. That didn't work he kicked her out of bed and moved on. You can't give it up for years and then change your mind.

 

[JFemme]

I know women, friends, who go ALL out. Whatever their man wants. They could be sick as a dog and if he wants they'll do it. And guess what? They still cheat.

Some men are just gonna cheat.

So do I....

(I'll never understand it)

That stuff has to last you a lifetime, ya know...

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Statistics have shown that sex is actually not men's MAIN motivator for cheating. Its more often an emotional issue then people are willing to realize. They are either insecure or their wife doesnt stroke their fragile egos like they'd want.

In a nutshell, its them not us most times.

Then Sallie Sue comes along, says a few nice words, and then she hopping and humping your man.

Other men just like "new" newnew. And no marriage will stop them from trying it out.

 

[dlewis]

So do I....

(I'll never understand it)

That stuff has to last you a lifetime, ya know...

I know.

Sometimes I have to tell Dh, look you don't have to go on and on, we have our whole lives to have as much sex as we want.