I do know that we married too soon - within two months. Although we had known each other semi-casually for at least 6 years, we hadn't even thought about each other in 'that' way until a year before we got married, say May of 2004. We talked on the phone a few times but he had been dating someone for about a month and he really liked her. He or I didn't want to do that. I wanted him to give her a chance. They went through some drama because of her cheating, ironically. We didn't start dating until March of 2005 and we got married on May 14th of 2005.
Summary: I'd still marry dude if I had it to do over again but this is what I'd do different:
- (Most important) Talk with kids more and get their feedback on things. If we had done that maybe we wouldn't have had to deal with the violence between new siblings and just outright disrespect that I got when we sprung the 'stepmomma' thing on his kids.
- Have spiritual counseling beforehand to examine why we're getting married so soon. We wanted to have sex without feeling guilty. We also wanted a compatible mate. We had been dealing with maniacs.
- Accept the reality that marriage fulfills the need for safe, respectful companionship and monogamous sex - everything else is gravy on the rice. All my other expectations are unrealistic albeit inevitable. I like what I like but he can't be all that to me.
- Remain connected with my friends. I was so caught up and in love that I neglected my friendships until when I needed to talk to them about him and things he really didn't want to hear about, I had to redevelop the intimacy and it was difficult.
Although I love my husband, he's not perfect and I'm not staying past May of this year. He's been doing better and we've sought counseling but I still don't trust him and I think a separation will allow us the opportunity to get a perspective on things. Unless God changes my mind, I'm out because he did not give me the two realistic expectations of the marriage that I presented above. He wasn't respectful of my boundaries and he cheated.
That's just us. I know a lot of people in long term marriages that married quickly. My parents married after three months, I believe because of me, and have been married 41 years. They're a biracial couple and they've been through a lot since 1968 yet they are still hanging.
i seriously didn't know how to act in a relationship - he was my first real relationship and love made a serious fool out of me......but stragely enough i was just afraid to commit...
erplexed the idea still shakes me a little....(God is working on me)
