Did you marry the one that you REALLY loved?

[Mrs.Pretty08]

My girlfriends have a theory that you don't marry the one that you absolutely love because the relationship can't work out with that person. It was stated that people who marry the ones that they really connect with on every level; you do not marry because there are too many sparks and passion that lead to fights and basically the breakup. I am not sure about this, but I wanted to hear your responses. If you married the person that you were really, really crazy about, how is your marriage? ( boring, exciting, fighting, passionate, whatever)
Did you marry the person that you truly loved?
If not what is his name, and why did it not work out?
Do you ever think about that person?

 

[gone_fishing]

With all due respect, I think your friend is only 50/50 correct. Maybe some OTHER ratio.

I think sometimes we let ourselves fall for hard for someone we know wouldn't be good for us or our potential children. You can't marry the one you love, or you shouldn't...if they are not financially responsible, not really ready to settle down, not loyal or faithful, or just plain not husband material.

But I don't think that means we always end up marrying "2nd" loved.

For instance, I'm about to marry the one I TRULY love and he's all I want and more. There isn't anyone else i'm pining for or that I feel I should have married instead of him. There isn't anyone I truly love other than him. Heck there is barely another man I truly like as a person and find attractive other than him. He's IT up and down and side ways.

I'm so in love.......

 

[gone_fishing]

Are you going to answer your question?

 

[cocoberry10]

I started a thread a while back about a similar topic

It was called I Married Him...But I love Him (Another Him)
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=157375

I don't agree with marrying someone you absolutely don't love, but I know people where this has worked. I think it's difficult, but if you can grow to appreciate someone, you can eventually love them.

On the other hand, read the article below. This can also happen if you marry someone you don't love, while you love someone else.

If he loves you a little more, I think that's good, but if you don't love him at all, I'm not sure if that will work!

http://www.ojar.com/view_33854.htm
Married but love another softballgirl: I have been in love with a man since High School that is two years younger then me. I met another man a few months after I graduated and ended up marrying him. The feelings I had/have for the other man, I never thought in a million years I would ever hear him tell me he has always felt the same way. It has been 12 years now and he is finally letting me know that he has the same feelings for me, and always has, that I have always had for him. I married the other man because he was there and I do love him just no where near the amount I love the other one. I have had two beautiful children with my husband and do not want to hurt them or him but in the meantime I can not ever stop thinking about the one I should have been with all this time. I need help because I know my children can feel the tension and I don't want that to happen either. I see the other man and I melt and want to go home with him but I know that I can't. See, he was my best friend in school and still is but now we are grown and have matured a lot so we have finally told each other how we really feel for each other. The thing that really upsets me is he just got a new job and it is a dangerous one that will be taking him out of town for a while and I will kick myself in the ass if anything happens to him and I didn't get to spend that time with him that I should have spent. It is breaking my heart and I really need some GOOD advice I do love him with all my heart but do not want to hurt my kids either. Please Help!!! ???

Answers
Re: Married but love another EssieDotCom: humm this reminds me of the begining of the process of "uncoupling"; think about this for a mintue. speaking as a woman who lost her husband bc of a stupid PC game; is this really worth it? it is really worth losing your husband, your beautiful lil family just to explore un-explored feelings about someone from the past? Ask yourself will you regret it, will you miss your husband, will you miss what was and what you had in the moment? It's been a year since my husband and i seperated, and i miss what was.. and he found that after he got away from his gaming what he had done for something so "dumb". You don't know how it would result or what would happen between the two of you if you went to the man you loved b4 your husband. what if it doesnt work out, and you suddently miss your husband? think long and hard about these things b4 you act on a feeling.

Re: Married but love another darkrose: You married your husband for a reason. You should stick it out. Are you sure this other guy isn't just lust/infatuation? Are you willing to give up ALL that you have with your husband to be with this other guy? What about the commitment you made to him?

I have a lot of people from my past that make me feel the way you do about this new guy, but let me tell you: it's a passing thing. You've got a crush, that's all. People on this board will tell you that when their spouses leave for someone else, they almost always come crawling back in the end..and often times it's too late.

I would tread very, very carefully and consider not only the future, but the past and the present.

 

[cocoberry10]

With all due respect, I think your friend is only 50/50 correct. Maybe some OTHER ratio.

I think sometimes we let ourselves fall for hard for someone we know wouldn't be good for us or our potential children. You can't marry the one you love, or you shouldn't...if they are not financially responsible, not really ready to settle down, not loyal or faithful, or just plain not husband material.

But I don't think that means we always end up marrying "2nd" loved.

For instance, I'm about to marry the one I TRULY love and he's all I want and more. There isn't anyone else i'm pining for or that I feel I should have married instead of him. There isn't anyone I truly love other than him. Heck there is barely another man I truly like as a person and find attractive other than him. He's IT up and down and side ways.

I'm so in love.......

I love your answer, and I totally agree!

To add to it, I think if you really don't love someone, maybe that's God's way of telling you "he's not the one."

I think a lot of women feel like they "should" be with a guy they don't love b/c he's a "good man" he's "nice" and he would take care of them. But this isn't all there is to a successful relationship. Chemistry is there for a reason. Contrary to what many say, God did give us our senses. I may like Brussel Sprouts, but I may hate mayonnaise. And that's not by accident. It's the way I was designed!

 

[Bunny77]

Mrs. Pretty, are the women who said this to you married or single?

 

[Mrs.Pretty08]

My friends are single, and they will remain that way for a long time. I think that they choose the wrong guys to date. They date guys that are not potential life partners just because of some superficial "I like the way he dresses type of stuff". I have always dated guys that I thought were good life partners except once. That guy I liked for superficial "I like his hair type of stuff", and I was out there because of him and his behavior. I am typically a very strong person, and my friends could not believe it. So she said something to me that made me bite my tongue. She said that she had never seen me care or love someone like I did this guy. Now, I am looking at her like, "Do you know who you are talking to?" She keeps on going, and this conversation came up; I told her that although there were a lot of fights, passion, and drama that does not mean you should be together. (That is exactly what it was) For example, I think that is what was wrong with Whitney and Bobby, Emenem(sp) and Kim, and others that choose to marry for some of the wrong reasons.
I married my husband because he knew how to control me without controlling me, he is my equal, he is good person, and we have a beautiful life because of this.