DH and Adult ADHD/ADD

[GreenD]

Hey ladies, I just came to the realization that my hubby may have Adult ADHD. Before we got engaged I noticed a couple of indicators, but we often joked about him having it, and didn't think much of it. Until one day I Googled it and read the symptons and forwarded them to him, and he was really quiet and said, "I'm a text book (case)". Because it wasn't as apparent then as it is now (we weren't living together) I had no idea how obvious the signs (thought subtle) were until now.

Fast forward 4 years to today. I Googled adult ADHD and it's freaky how people have described my hubby to a "T". While I couldn't accept that he was just heartless and didn't care, I'm happy to know this may be a reason for his actions, and I really want to help him and us through this. I just hope I can convince him to follow through and see the therapist and really work together to improve his quality of life as well as mine.

Here's a few articles (sorry kinda long) that may give you a better idea of what I'm dealing with. Many aspects described is my life verbatim, which I hope can explain the reasoning of some of my posts. I hope this can help you all as well if you're in a similar situation. Please feel free to post if you've experienced this or are in a similar situation.

http://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/default.htm

http://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/adult-adhd-your-relationships

http://www.adhdmarriage.com/content/feeling-ignored-non-adhd-spouse-dilemna Summary of my life with DH.

http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1593.html

http://add.about.com/od/livingwithadhd/a/spouse.htm

http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1030.html

 

[Country gal]

My son has ADHD and I swear he got it from me. As a kid, I was more passive in school and daydreamed. Mostly girls daydream in school and boys tend to be more active.

As an adult, I have to work hard on staying focus. I start one thing and then I get distracted and do something else. It drives SO crazy.

 

[brg240]

thanks for posting this. I actually have a blog entry I haven't posted talking about how I believe I have ADHD-PI/ADD. The symptoms fit me to a t. It's kinda crazy.

My mom actually mentioned about a month ago that she believes I have it and her and my dad wished they got me tested as a child.

 

[Avaya]

Fast forward 4 years to today. I Googled adult ADHD and it's freaky how people have described my hubby to a "T". While I couldn't accept that he was just heartless and didn't care,

I never thought of adult adhd/add manifesting itself in this way. I just thought they were annoying as heck like Jim Carey and Robin Williams - just "on" all the time.

 

[GreenD]

I never thought of adult adhd/add manifesting itself in this way. I just thought they were annoying as heck like Jim Carey and Robin Williams - just "on" all the time.

LOL, thank goodness he's not like that!! I don't know what I'd do. But he's "on" in different ways like focusing on everything else but me at times. Like for the longest I felt I wasn't a priority, but it's because he really doesn't know how to focus on me that long. Like any distraction pulls him in other directions.

When we go out to eat at Friday's or wherever, he can't sit there and talk to me the entire dinner. He does for a little bit and then he pulls out his phone and watches ESPN or he's watching the TV's near the bar. He usually bounces his leg and he's looking around and I can tell that he's uncomfortable or has a lot going on in his head. It's really frustrating when you're trying to talk to a person and their mind is clearly elsewhere, and/or you think you're boring them or they just don't want to hear what you have to say. He/we prefer to order-in now which I'm learning might be best. Now activities like skating and/or bowling are fine, so long as he's busy. But those even hold his attention for a set amount of time. When he's ready to go, he's ready to go.

When he comes home, it's straight to the TV to play video games. He'll have the game on and pause it and get on the computer and he just goes back and forth until he's ready to go to bed. That is ALL he does every day. It used to drive me crazy, because I'd see the video games as competing with his attention, but now I know not to take it personally.

So I wish I had encouraged him to get checked out earlier, because now I feel horrible for the way I've acted in the past.

 

[GreenD]

My son has ADHD and I swear he got it from me. As a kid, I was more passive in school and daydreamed. Mostly girls daydream in school and boys tend to be more active.

As an adult, I have to work hard on staying focus. I start one thing and then I get distracted and do something else. It drives SO crazy.

Can you offer any advice that may assist people with this? How/what does your SO do in supporting you with the disorder? What works for you and helps you to go day to day with some ease? Do you have periods where the disorder is more apparent? When and how were you diagnosed with it? Other than the disorder itself, what are some of your challenges and how do you manage them?

I'm so sorry for all the questions, but I'm trying to learn as much as I can with this, so I can share it with DH. Feel free to PM if you're more comfortable doing it that way.

Thanks a million!!

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

I know it runs in our family but the ones that have it don't get treated...which I think is so key...they've been diagnosed and all so its like it drives their SO's crazy like you have been with your husband. Patience is key and encourage him to seek help and once he receives it to continue with it especially if he is put on meds. My dad had it and I know I have a touch of it and for me its like your mind flipping/racing through channels constantly, I haven't been put on meds because I remember telling my dr about it about 10 years ago and he didn't agree with me but had me to do little stuff like focusing on a person words, meditating and brain games books(don't know what it had to do with it) but I still do all of these. I mention it to my dr. every once in awhile and I still haven't been put on meds...why? idk...

I would make sure that he asks the dr. to start off with the lightest doses as possible as often times the dr. will begin with the heaviest doses and create addictions...also I work in a pharmacy but I've also heard dr.'s equate it as a form of dementia and think it may have links to it further down the line to it...some think its a little far reaching to say and others got studies going on it and think it may not be so far reaching but actually true...

Give him plenty of love and support and its great that your researching as well so that you are both learning and will have some knowledge as you go through this together. From my customers I've heard that support groups are also helpful so that during the hard times they lean on each other.

 

[GreenD]

I know it runs in our family but the ones that have it don't get treated...which I think is so key...they've been diagnosed and all so its like it drives their SO's crazy like you have been with your husband. Patience is key and encourage him to seek help and once he receives it to continue with it especially if he is put on meds. My dad had it and I know I have a touch of it and for me its like your mind flipping/racing through channels constantly, I haven't been put on meds because I remember telling my dr about it about 10 years ago and he didn't agree with me but had me to do little stuff like focusing on a person words, meditating and brain games books(don't know what it had to do with it) but I still do all of these. I mention it to my dr. every once in awhile and I still haven't been put on meds...why? idk...

I would make sure that he asks the dr. to start off with the lightest doses as possible as often times the dr. will begin with the heaviest doses and create addictions...also I work in a pharmacy but I've also heard dr.'s equate it as a form of dementia and think it may have links to it further down the line to it...some think its a little far reaching to say and others got studies going on it and think it may not be so far reaching but actually true...

Give him plenty of love and support and its great that your researching as well so that you are both learning and will have some knowledge as you go through this together. From my customers I've heard that support groups are also helpful so that during the hard times they lean on each other.

Thanks so much, I really appreciate it. DH is funny with taking medication. He doesn't care for chemicals (neither do I), so I started researching holistic alternatives. I read that they should take zinc and cod liver oil, but it specifically said that was good for children. So I'm not sure how it would be with adults. But it's worth looking into.

Any suggestions?

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

I will definitely ask some pharmacists at the job. I know I have always been taking Omega-3 Fish oil caps and that may be a reason as to why my dr. never added anything? but I will definitely ask...I imagine though if its good for the kids then it may be just as effective on an adult...most times thats true... Now you got an inquiring mind ova here wanting to know.

 

[GreenD]

I will definitely ask some pharmacists at the job. I know I have always been taking Omega-3 Fish oil caps and that may be a reason as to why my dr. never added anything? but I will definitely ask...I imagine though if its good for the kids then it may be just as effective on an adult...most times thats true... Now you got an inquiring mind ova here wanting to know.

Thanks so much for the insight. I'll follow up with some research to see what I may find and report back.

 

[starfish]

I have been told I have ADD/ADHD most of my life, but it was a secondary diagnosis to my depression. Some of the stories on those sites fit me to a T.

I used to have to drink Red Bull and lots of coffee to get through the day, esp. when I had a deadline. I couldn't read a book because I couldn't focus long enough. I got a job every year or two because I would get 'bored'. (I've worked at the same tech company for 10 years now and this environment is great for ADHD sufferers because technology has the shelf life of a banana!)

I zone out in the middle of conversations all the time. I got the 'airhead' title a couple of times because after talking I would ask 'what did you say?' even though I was looking at you and it appeared that I was listening. My mind might pick up on one word like, ornament, and then runs wild with that word which leads my mind on other non-essential tangents, then huh, what did you say? It really pisses people off. Sometimes I interrupt and make comments in the middle because if you are just talking talking talking without input from me in the middle of the conversation, my mind takes a mini-vacation until you are quiet. It is always so helpful when people ask me questions in the beginning or middle.

Besides talk therapy and my medication (Wellbutrin), my daily planner (Plannerpads.com) is a must. I don't do well without a schedule. I tend to get far off into my head and things and get depressed and not tcb. If I don't have a daily schedule to pull me out of my head I tend to emotionally disassociate too. I have to schedule when and what to clean, pay bills, wash my hair, etc. Just last week I ran out of food. (This is so embarrassing). I HAVE to schedule cleaning time or I'll look up and it looks like my place has been robbed it's so cluttered.

Also, years ago my therapist had to tell me that it was normal for a SO to 'get into my head'. I HATED that because it felt intrusive and nosey. To me my head was my special, soothing, quiet, private place and I hated to feel like I was being probed. Half the time there was too much going on mentally to even try to tell a SO what I was thinking. I communicate very well now, but there still is a part of me that likes my private head space. Doesn't help that I'm introverted as all get out either.

Now I can read a book, go on a beach vacation and sit still and chill. Some things that I do in a relationship or at work were survival skills I learned. I tell a SO don't ever assume I heard what he was saying, even if I respond. Leave Post-It Notes on my planner so I can put things in there. At work I repeat what I hear my boss say/request.

I keep stress to a minimum and exercise to a maximum.

Hope this helps you OP. PM me if you want details or want to discuss!

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

@Above...thats just some awesome insight there and its like you described me to a "T" per se...especially with the planners...I constantly use/buy them because I feel like if its not scheduled it won't get done.

The one thing that I do more frequently here lately is the zoning out...that seems to have definitely have gotten worse...Like you said I can hear everything that you said I will even acknowledge but 5 mins later I will be like huh? repeat!...or I will be moving so fast I forget things like keys, wallet and stuff. I never equated it to ADD moreso memory...I swear I learn something new everyday....thanks for the enlightenment.

 

[GreenD]

Thanks so much Starfish, I see several similarities. He works for one of the major telecommunication companies with troubleshooting computers, so that keeps him engaged as he's been there for close to 10 years. My hubby like you is also an introvert. So to me that makes this a little harder, because he doesn't say much. But in retrospect he has said things like, he doesn't do those things (not listening, not cleaning up around the house, remembering things) to be spiteful or mean. But I'd get frustrated because there was never a legitmate reason for his actions until now. Now it ALL makes sense. Huge Ah-Ha moment.

I've mentioned to him about getting a day planner, making lists and meditating what he's going to do before he does it, but I don't think I can hold his attention long enough, because it's as if I've never said anything. I bought a huge desk calendar so we can write our schedules out on it, as I find it works for me so that he knows what's going on with work, upcoming birthdays and appts. He has yet to write anything on it. I mentioned all of these things, because I really thought he was going to snap and have a mental breakdown. He really has a lot on his plate and a lot of his life is overwhelming and he's admitted that some parts are depressing. Because of this I wonder if the symptons of the disorder flare up more. Would you say that's often the case?

I read on one of the links (and hubby said he'd like) the idea of having a dry erase board near the garage door so he can see what's going on before he leaves. He also mentioned about having one in our bedroom as well. So next pay day I'm getting him a "ADHD improvement package" with the boards, a day/pocket calendar, and a pack of post-its. I told him I'd make time to create lists and schedules if that would help him too.

I wonder if I should tell his mother about this, or leave that for him to decide. What are your thoughts? I'm just curious to know if this is "new" or was he like this as a child as well. If so I can't understand why he's gone this far and hasn't been treated.

 

[GreenD]

@Above...thats just some awesome insight there and its like you described me to a "T" per se...especially with the planners...I constantly use/buy them because I feel like if its not scheduled it won't get done.

The one thing that I do more frequently here lately is the zoning out...that seems to have definitely have gotten worse...Like you said I can hear everything that you said I will even acknowledge but 5 mins later I will be like huh? repeat!...or I will be moving so fast I forget things like keys, wallet and stuff. I never equated it to ADD moreso memory...I swear I learn something new everyday....thanks for the enlightenment.

I thought hubby was/is experiencing a little short term memory loss, he's only 32 yrs. old, but had a horrible accident about 10 yrs ago. So I thought the accident might've had something to do with it. Either way he gets visibly tired and frustrated when he leaves his wallet and has to drive back home 20 or more minutes to get it. Every morning he's scrambling trying to find his keys, wallet and whatever else he needs. It's like he doesn't allot himself enough time to get himself together. I tell him to put things back where he finds them so that he'll know to always go to that spot to retrieve what he's looking for, but it doesn't really stick. In the mornings when he's headed out, I'll do a quick mental check to make sure he has his keys, wallet and cell phone.

Sometimes double checking with him makes me feel as if he's a child and I have to constantly remind him of every little thing. I don't want him to feel that way, and at times he's thankful for it, but kinda embarrassed as well. We definitely have to find a system that works for both of us and soon!!

I found these regarding non-drug treatment. The first site seems to be a one stop shop.

http://www.additudemag.com/topic/adhd-treatment/non-drug-treatments.html

http://www.anxiety-and-depression-s...concerns/adhd/herbs_and_vitamins_for_ADHD.php

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

I thought hubby was/is experiencing a little short term memory loss, he's only 32 yrs. old, but had a horrible accident about 10 yrs ago. So I thought the accident might've had something to do with it. Either way he gets visibly tired and frustrated when he leaves his wallet and has to drive back home 20 or more minutes to get it. Every morning he's scrambling trying to find his keys, wallet and whatever else he needs. It's like he doesn't allot himself enough time to get himself together. I tell him to put things back where he finds them so that he'll know to always go to that spot to retrieve what he's looking for, but it doesn't really stick. In the mornings when he's headed out, I'll do a quick mental check to make sure he has his keys, wallet and cell phone.

Sometimes double checking with him makes me feel as if he's a child and I have to constantly remind him of every little thing. I don't want him to feel that way, and at times he's thankful for it, but kinda embarrassed as well. We definitely have to find a system that works for both of us and soon!!

I found these regarding non-drug treatment. The first site seems to be a one stop shop.

http://www.additudemag.com/topic/adhd-treatment/non-drug-treatments.html

http://www.anxiety-and-depression-s...concerns/adhd/herbs_and_vitamins_for_ADHD.php

And to piggy back on your assessment in regards to his accident...almost prophetic...I was attacked by a pit bull when I was 11 going on 12...the pit bull was going for my neck but ending up grabbing the back of my scalp and dragging me the equivalence of 3 blocks by my head before they could beat the dog off of me because pit bulls jaws lock once they bite something...to make a long story short I had to have 50 staples 26-27 stitches in my head along with 3 plastic surgeries...Used to have nerve issues but as I became older they diminished...and the ADD became a little bit more evident around 16-17...no one has ever put the two together...ever

This is a pic of the area that I was attacked...It is much smaller after 3 plastic surgeries as when I was attacked I had a hole that was 4+1/2 inches in diameter in that area that I circled.

It never came to mind that it could be related...even though my dr. in dallas has my records from my dr. in Illinois I don't think I ever brought it up as I didn't see any reason to...So I feel like I am just armed with enough info to have a whole new conversation and see what she has to say...as my biggest concern is that Alzheimer's run in my family and I rather begin to prepare now because if it is my fate I would like to put off as far as possible...So really thank you for this thread as I feel truly blessed and feel like my eyes are wide open its funny how we treat somethings as "trivial" but in turn are so "important...wow

Also, I think its natural for him to be embarassed...I cried for like 2 days straight because 1 day I left my keys at work and then the next day I left my wallet and then the next day I left my keys again...I cried my eyes out cause I felt like something is sooooo wrong but I couldn't put my finger on it and my BFF is like just chill take your time out...Thats why I am so routine-ish because my FH isn't here at the house right now so its just me by myself...For example I put a nail next to the door so that as soon as I get in I hang up my keys and work badge and then I also have to put my purse, cell-phone and wallet in a special place so nothing is forgotten because I will too get in a rush and leave it all behind...smh...thats crazy

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

And let me say this that you are AWESOME for staying by your DH and helping him to research and work through this...Once I talk to my dr. I will be talking/discussing with my FH as he overlooks this in me and will just kiss my forehead and will say something to make me laugh and not feel so bad about it...but never had we made any connections on alot of what we are discussing in this thread...again Thank You!

 

[starfish]

I've mentioned to him about getting a day planner, making lists and meditating what he's going to do before he does it, but I don't think I can hold his attention long enough, because it's as if I've never said anything. I bought a huge desk calendar so we can write our schedules out on it, as I find it works for me so that he knows what's going on with work, upcoming birthdays and appts. He has yet to write anything on it. I mentioned all of these things, because I really thought he was going to snap and have a mental breakdown. He really has a lot on his plate and a lot of his life is overwhelming and he's admitted that some parts are depressing. Because of this I wonder if the symptons of the disorder flare up more. Would you say that's often the case?

I JUST got on antidepressants in April 2009 after years of struggling with depression and trying to do the natural route. It wasn't until June that I could be clear enough to realize that I need a planner. Again. I've them from time to time. My ADHD does flare up when I have a depressive episode though. Now that I'm on medication I could kick myself for waiting so long. NOW I have more insight into what makes me tick because the dark cloud is mostly gone! (I say mostly, I'm on the lowest dose and use other coping mechanisms to deal so I won't be super medicated).

I wonder if I should tell his mother about this, or leave that for him to decide. What are your thoughts? I'm just curious to know if this is "new" or was he like this as a child as well. If so I can't understand why he's gone this far and hasn't been treated.

Never been married but I would think this would depend on your relationship with his mother. My mom still sugarcoats my issues and will get slightly defensive when other family members bring up how I used to be. My parents knew something was up with me when I was 13 and that's when I started seeing a counselor, but depression, ADHD was never addressed. They thought it was puberty angst.

And to piggy back on your assessment in regards to his accident...almost prophetic...I was attacked by a pit bull when I was 11 going on 12...the pit bull was going for my neck but ending up grabbing the back of my scalp and dragging me the equivalence of 3 blocks by my head before they could beat the dog off of me because pit bulls jaws lock once they bite something...to make a long story short I had to have 50 staples 26-27 stitches in my head along with 3 plastic surgeries...Used to have nerve issues but as I became older they diminished...and the ADD became a little bit more evident around 16-17...no one has ever put the two together...ever

This is a pic of the area that I was attacked...It is much smaller after 3 plastic surgeries as when I was attacked I had a hole that was 4+1/2 inches in diameter in that area that I circled.

It never came to mind that it could be related...even though my dr. in dallas has my records from my dr. in Illinois I don't think I ever brought it up as I didn't see any reason to...So I feel like I am just armed with enough info to have a whole new conversation and see what she has to say...as my biggest concern is that Alzheimer's run in my family and I rather begin to prepare now because if it is my fate I would like to put off as far as possible...So really thank you for this thread as I feel truly blessed and feel like my eyes are wide open its funny how we treat somethings as "trivial" but in turn are so "important...wow

Also, I think its natural for him to be embarassed...I cried for like 2 days straight because 1 day I left my keys at work and then the next day I left my wallet and then the next day I left my keys again...I cried my eyes out cause I felt like something is sooooo wrong but I couldn't put my finger on it and my BFF is like just chill take your time out...Thats why I am so routine-ish because my FH isn't here at the house right now so its just me by myself...For example I put a nail next to the door so that as soon as I get in I hang up my keys and work badge and then I also have to put my purse, cell-phone and wallet in a special place so nothing is forgotten because I will too get in a rush and leave it all behind...smh...thats crazy

Holy Smokes MrsAmbers! I'm so so sorry! (damn dog!) Yes, I am the queen of routine and don't ask my friends about me and my keys. I used to lock them in the car ALL the time or was late because I couldn't find them. I MUST put them in the same place when I come in or I have NO IDEA where they are.

 

[GreenD]

Ok, I'm sorry but I can't figure out for the life of me how to multi-quote, so here goes.

MrsAmbers I agree that it should be taken into account that when there has been any head trauma, memory loss could be a huge factor. I mean DH was in a tractor trailer that went over onto the underpass, and they needed the jaws of life to get him out and had to Medivac him to the hospital. He has a scar on his forehead (among others) from the accident to prove it. My mom strongly believes that what he's going through now is an affect from the accident.

I'm so sorry to hear about the attack, as that is just crazy!!! Gave me chills. Did you see a therapist after the attack? That whole incident could've been fatal, so I'm happy that although there was serious damage, it wasn't deadly. And I'd like to think that when you go in for any kind of mental evaluation that they'd ask if you've ever had any trauma to your head at any point in time. I think that's very crucial information that's needed to make any kind of diagnosis.

As for your routines that great, as DH doesn't have any really except that he plays video games religiously. However I'm seeing that he does make a habit of putting all his important items, wallet, keys, work badge, etc. on the island so they're all in one location. But sometimes he forgets and will have them anywhere.

As for me hanging in there, I can't think of why I wouldn't. Now before I could understand what he was going through trust me I was about to be out, and I mean like just last week I was plotting and planning. Just check the Divorce Support Thread!! But I couldn't quite leave because I didn't have a solid reason for his actions. Like he's really a sweetheart and mild-mannered, but I just thought he didn't care about our marriage. He wasn't being mean, spiteful or vengeful, so what reason did I really have? Now I see that's really not the case and he was right every time we had those conversation, but he didn't know what was going on and just tried to communicate it the best he could. So we both were lost, angry and frustrated and didn't know the real reason why. I couldn't imagine just giving up on him because of a disorder. I love him to death and I know he'd do the same for me.

I see myself as his rock, his anchor, backbone and support so I know he needs me right now, and me leaving wouldn't help him one bit. It would just add to his problems and make it worse. So thank you so much for your encouragement, I really do appreciate it and I'm glad this thread is able to not only help me TREMENDOUSLY, but I'm glad it's able to help others as well.

I can't wait to share this information with him, as I really do think it will help him beyond measure and make his life a lot easier once he understands what's going on.

Starfish: Thanks for your advice as that's a fine line. I'm sure no momma wants to hear from their DIL about her son having a mental disorder. He's her baby boy, so I think it would depend on how I presented it to her. But I think like you said people only see what they want to see. I think she would be defensive, but at the same time DH probably wouldn't want her to know anyway. He's really private, so I guess I can only work with the evidence I have from our past and present and not so much his childhood. I'll leave this one for him to handle.

 

[CarefreeinChicago]

I see alot of myself in this thread

 

[goldielocs]

My DH has ADD and thankfully he had a counselor in college who advised him to go into the military. He flunked out of college his sophomore year and the military gave him the routine he needs to function. That counselor did a career assessment for him and advised him to stick to a career where there was constant change so he wouldn't get bored. DH isn't hyperactive. He's actually the opposite- if his mind isn't doing something he's asleep. We talked about it before we got married, but i didn't really see it until he got back from Iraq.

There are times when I forget about it because he is proactive enough to keep a routine so I sometimes don't notice. That all unravels when I go out of town and i forget to leave a list or i don't call with reminders. Thankfully, he's made a career choice that he thrives in. If I knew who that counselor was, I'd give them a huge hug because I don't know what my DH would have ended up doing.

It's not so hard to manage now because we keep that routine, but we want to have another child and I am worried how that might affect the balance we have now.

 

[Country gal]

Can you offer any advice that may assist people with this? How/what does your SO do in supporting you with the disorder? What works for you and helps you to go day to day with some ease? Do you have periods where the disorder is more apparent? When and how were you diagnosed with it? Other than the disorder itself, what are some of your challenges and how do you manage them?

I'm so sorry for all the questions, but I'm trying to learn as much as I can with this, so I can share it with DH. Feel free to PM if you're more comfortable doing it that way.

Thanks a million!!

I laughed when I read your post of the annoying things your hubby does. I leave the computer on all day and check on it periodically through the day. He gets PO when we are out and I am texting or checking my emails from my cell phone. He doesn't get my need to check emails throughout the day. Now this facebook is starting to distract me too. I say I be back and run upstairs and he and my son bust me out on being on the computer. I will start cleaning my room, my son can't fix something so I will stop what I am doing to help him, than I think about cooking dinner but need to get on the computer to check out recipes. Next the phone rings so I am all caught up in my convo with my friends only to return to a half clean room.

I self diagnosed and have not officially be diagnosed by a doctor. My son was clinically diagnosed and we share similar traits. SO gets so jealous sometimes so I am having to stroke his ego. He feels I give everything else my attention except him which is not true. For example, I wanted to put up Christmas lights so I started getting the stuff out and started cooking dinner. Well my sis called and asked me to come over we live like a few doors down from each other. I went over there and got distracted. When I came back he had the lights up and my steak was burned. He purposely did not cut off the stove to teach me a lesson.

For me and my kid the less stimuli the better. I am horrible at multi tasking. It is hard for me to watch TV and do other stuff. I can't sit still for long. SO and I try to cuddle or he tries to lay on me while we watch a movie, I can't lay still for nothing, I am moving my leg, hoping up to go to the bathroom, going to the kitchen to get a drink. My friends would tell me to just sit down when they would visit, because I could not sit still and enjoy their company. I had to wash the dishes we just used or sweep. When I go someplace boring I tend to bring a book to calm me down. It really works. ALso some nights I have to not answer the phone so I don't cut into QT with SO.

 

[Country gal]

With my SO, he drives me nuts because he puts things in places where he thinks it makes logical sense to be. I need constant routine for certain things. My keys always needs to be on my bottom step or on the kitchen table. He would put it in my purse and I would spend 15 minutes looking for it. Just yesterday, he had my key in his pocket while outside talking to one of his friends, so I got to leave and start turning up the house and stop and call him. Of course he had it and I told him a thing or two. I use to leave home without my purse. I just focus really hard and it helps.

Omega 3 oil is great for ADHD. Limit his sugar intake to help with the hyperness. He may also suffer from impulsivetivy (sp). ADHD is a spectrum of spin off behavior. SOme folks may just have a hard time focusing while others may not be able to sit still. My son is impulsive. He will blurt out or react without thinking. He may come off as negative or mean spirited when he is really not. Your husband my have such a hard to coping for his condition all day at work so when he comes home he just emotionally crashes. The Video game is a release for him just like the computer and reading can be for me.

Lists are very helpful. I use to live by a planner. I also zone out in convos or I move the convo quickly in my head and jump on another subject. I also have ticks. Ticks are common with folks who have turrets syndrome. Now my are mild, I don't cuss folks out over and over again but I do little mindless weird stuff. My SO pointed out that I always do something funny with my hand in the car. I do it everytime I get in. I was unaware of it and he pointed it out to me. I guess an example would be like kicking your leg out for no reason but to do it periodically through the day. Sometimes I will make a grunt noise and not even realize out and have folks point it out to me.

 

[Country gal]

Also my SO is a good complement for me. He helps me to stay calm and focus. He also points out the stuff I do so I can try to better control it.

 

[GreenD]

My DH has ADD and thankfully he had a counselor in college who advised him to go into the military. He flunked out of college his sophomore year and the military gave him the routine he needs to function. That counselor did a career assessment for him and advised him to stick to a career where there was constant change so he wouldn't get bored. DH isn't hyperactive. He's actually the opposite- if his mind isn't doing something he's asleep. We talked about it before we got married, but i didn't really see it until he got back from Iraq.

There are times when I forget about it because he is proactive enough to keep a routine so I sometimes don't notice. That all unravels when I go out of town and i forget to leave a list or i don't call with reminders. Thankfully, he's made a career choice that he thrives in. If I knew who that counselor was, I'd give them a huge hug because I don't know what my DH would have ended up doing.

It's not so hard to manage now because we keep that routine, but we want to have another child and I am worried how that might affect the balance we have now.

I'm glad you mentioned having children, because that's something I'm on the fence with. I'm a little concerned with having a child that may also have ADHD/ADD and I'm not sure that I'll be able to balance the two. I guess we can better decide once I can get DH in a routine that works for both of us.

But I'm curious to know how you and your DH handle the disorder with children. Feel free to PM if there's anything that you'd like to share that's too personal. I don't want any one to be uncomfortable on the subject.

 

[GreenD]

Country Gal thanks so much for the feedback. I see similarities between you and DH. We leave our home computer all the time, but he bought a notebook laptop that he takes to work to play around on. I don't think he goes many places with out it. Funny because everytime I get on the computer he has I don't know how many screens up. I mean he'll have iTunes with music going, ESPN, fantasy football, Best Buy website, etc. he'll be on so many different sites it's ridiculous. I just have to close all of the windows, because it makes our computer slow.

But he hasn't really gotten a routine so we'll have to work on that. We went to the grocery store today and he wanted to get pizza and lemon meringue pie, but I told him no to the sweets and that we're going to need to learn to avoid gluten, sugar and diary. He looked so sad because he felt I was taking everything away from him, so I agreed for him to have a pumpkin pie. I also explained to him that some of the foods he eats triggers the symptons and that's the only non-medicinal way to control them. This will definitely be a slow transition, because like a child I don't want him to think he's being punished by not having the foods he likes. Maybe we can agree to have those things on the weekends/or his days off. I was happy because I also had him take some cod liver oil capsules this morning and explained that I wanted him to try it for at least a week to see if there's any difference. I gotta figure out how I can get him to remember to take them!! So we're taking baby steps....

Dh has/had weird little mannerisms too. When he would drive or just be sitting anywhere he'd make this weird face, like he was showing his teeth. LOL, I thought it was so funny and it's been our little joke. You'd think he was trying to show you a blinged out grill or something. LOL!! He said that people have caught him doing it at work and they joke about it as well. But it's been a very long time since I've seen him do it, so I think it's good to have someone point out the little weird things you/he does. He's very mindful of them and has been able to catch himself doing it so much that he hardly if ever even does it.

 

[Country gal]

Dealing with my son has been a trip. First off you have to be an advocate for your child. Mostly ADD/ADHD results in behavioral issues in school. I have to straighten out the teachers all the time when they try to say it is an excuse. I have to remind them that he has been clinically tested therefore has a 504 plan. My son is very smart and he was doing well coping with his condition until about 3rd grade. School got harder and I noticed he would get stuck on certain things. One of his teachers described it perfectly, he called him a spinner. He would get stuck on one thing and he could not move forward until he fiqured out the problem. He had a hard time sitting still and being focused. He also had a hard time interacting with other children. My son is bossy and so he likes to get along with folks that don't give him any problems. He also is very sensitive. Kids would pick up on that fact and pluck with him. He is the type that cant let stuff go. The impulsive behaviors were causing him lots of problems. I had him signed up for couseling at school. He basically uses it as a way to get some one on one attention with the couselor and discuss what is goin on in his life. He also is maturer now and doesn't get in as much trouble. He is also very smart so he is very good at reasonable with folks and also pushing teachers buttons. He also has tics too. He smells everything, for me I use to shake my hand away every now and then or blink my eyes a lot.

I limit his sugar intake and certain foods. He doesn't take medication and he refuses to take it so he has to work harder at his behavior. I work very closely with the teachers. They have my number on speed dial and email me with any problems. It ususally takes just one call for me to get on his behind and he is back on track. He also needs constant routines. He doesn't do well with change. He is a very literal person. You can't tell him something and not follow through with it. He will bug you to death about it. For example, his teacher promised him a sub for doing well on his report card. He worried that woman so much that the Vp noticed and gave me a call. He was always going to her room.

In school, whenever an incident happens the administrators will get kids to give their sides of the story to incrimindate the student. Well my son has turned it around on the administrators so if something comes up, he makes sure he has his folks to corraborate his story. I give my son weekly treats for doing good in school with no phone calls. He likes to be rewarded. I may treat him to Chipolte or movie night. He also likes the positive attention when he does good things so I reward him for getting on honor roll. It is really understanding your child and putting them in the best situations. My son and I discuss that he probably won't like desk work. He needs a job that would keep him moving around.

As I mentioned the tics sometimes are uncontrollable or you may be unaware of it.


Definition of a Tic-
When a person is engaged in tic behavior, what does he/she feel? A tic comes on the way a sneeze or a blink comes on; there i s a need to complete the act. Tics are involuntary and compelling, and the person has little control over the onset of the tic. Some individuals have reported that they are conscious of the urge to tic before the action occurs (3). The person is fleetingly aware that there is a flashing thought (I-Function or consciousness) which manifests in the tic behavior. I-Function can also be part of unconscious behavior. The motor and/or vocal response that began as an unconscious thought brought awareness during the tic event. If I-Function serves as a filter of both consciousness and unconsciousness, then the tic behavior has been filtered before and during the behavior. Almost simultaneously, the thought and action occur. A tic can be "put off" temporarily, but later, when the person permits him/herself to complete the urge to tic, the ticcing may increase in intensity.

 

[GreenD]

Thanks for the definition!! Does your son exhibit the same behaviors too? Is there a special education program that has alternative ways of teaching children with ADHD?

I want to applaud you for explaining everything to me, as for some it maybe not be that easy. I really appreciate your experience and knowledge on the subject. Thank you so much for letting me pick your brain!! It is greatly appreciated!!!

 

[Nefertiti0906]

I can relate to some of these behaviors.

I have not been officially diagnosed, but I don't think I have it either lol. Although my SO and I joke around a lot that I might have it.

I HAVE to have a schedule/planner or nothing gets done, I carry it with me everywhere. I forget things so easily, so I also put it down (like EVERYTHING) in my planner. But sometimes I don't look in my planner so things still don't get done

I'm always loosing my key and wallet, so I put it on the mantle by my door. If it's anywhere else like my purse or a different room, I will not be able to find it. Because of that, I attached my key to my wallet so I only have to search for one thing . And I have to check periodically (especially when I'm at work) to confirm that it is still in my bag.

I can have a conversation with someone and I will not hear a word they say, at all. They can repeat it and sometimes I catch it, sometimes I don't lol. I'm trying to learn to stop that.

My SO (and a lot of people) think I'm selfish, I'm not sure why yet lol. I just think they don't understand me.

I have a lot of brain farts (as I create this list, I'm experiencing them erplexed).

At times, it feels like my mind is racing and it doesn't stop. It's like a gerbil in the spin wheel

I can have a conversation with someone about topic A, but some how I end up talking about topic J. My mind connects the dots in a warped-speed to make the connection between the topics.

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

@DivaDava...So I was talking with a favorite pharmacist of mine and we discussed a lil further...She was telling me because the drugs are so powerful/addictive that the dr.'s are supposed to try to utilize non-pharmacological measures first...the zinc and liver oil she said was fine...she said liver oil doesn't work also try omega-3 fish oil as well...

She said what gets her and other RPH is that the dr.'s won't try to do non-pharmacological meds first and just stick someone with medicine and keep increasing the meds until people are like zombies...She said those who are taking meds should also be weaned off once of year but that most dr.'s do the opposite...She also said that proper dieting cutting off alot not necessarily all sugar but most...(althewhile she was staring at my honeybun...dang had to throw it away!...lol) she also said include more fresh fruits, vegetables take out alot of the refined stuff...cut down on red meats and incorporate more fish and chicken....She also pointed out how much more people are eating out and grabbing junk food vs. cooking at home and she feels that it has alot more to do with triggering ADD/ADHD...so I literally cleaned out my freezer/fridge last night and gave at least 75% of the groceries that I had in there to my BFF and will be grocery shopping probably on Tuesday/Wednesday....I just ran and got some fresh spinach...some shrimp...some salmon and some fruits and cheeses. And yes...I am even throwing away my GINGERBREAD COOKIE ice cream...*faints* but I just can't give up my eggnog...*I tried*...

 

[Country gal]

Thanks for the definition!! Does your son exhibit the same behaviors too? Is there a special education program that has alternative ways of teaching children with ADHD?

I want to applaud you for explaining everything to me, as for some it maybe not be that easy. I really appreciate your experience and knowledge on the subject. Thank you so much for letting me pick your brain!! It is greatly appreciated!!!

It is really irritating regarding the special education program for kids with ADHD. Now ADHD is the umbrella term for ADD and the other behaviors associated with it. SInce my son was not failing all of his classes and he is on grade level, they would not put him in a special education program. He is in a regular classroom and can keep up. He currently is on the honor roll. My son's issue is more with his tests. He does not score very well on the state test. He wants to rush through the answers and it really lowers his score.

The 504 plan is in place so that he can have certain allowances in class. Sometimes with ADHD children they forget stuff so my son stays organized by keepin extra supplies in each classroom. It sounds simple enough but you would be amazed how a simple situation like needing a pencil or paper in class could escalate to him being sent to the office. Also if the teacher notices he is a little off than he can have an emergency pass to the guidance office to diffuse the situation. My son is impulsive so something could of happened in the lunch room and by the time he goes back to class, he hasn't let it go. He can't drop things. So he tends to bring the issue into class. He was being sent to the office and I had that turned around so he could be sent to the guidance so he could calm down and redirect his attention again.

I am very happy to help. I had to learn as much as possible for my son. There are also websites dedicated to ADHD.