Dealing with Male Friends

[aribell]

Do you set emotional boundaries with your male friends that are different from those with female friends? Like, even if you have a super close male friend, do you share with him on the same level that you would share with a good girl friend?

I'd just like to get people's thoughts on emotional intimacy between men and women who aren't married (to one another or anyone else). And how did you come to have that view? I have my views, but they are more intuitive than specifically Scripture-based.

ETA: I don't want to exclude the married ladies at all. Please share your wisdom as well!

 

[Child0fGod]

hey there,

not sure what you mean by "male friends." i know when i began living for Christ, i was convicted to not spend "alone time" with men-- no matter the intentions... so, just hanging out in groups. that's first.

here are a few scriptures that come to mind immediately (praise God):

1 Thessalonians 5:19, 22
19Quench not the Spirit. 22Abstain from all appearance of evil.

1 Corinthians 7:1-2
1Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

and specifically for singles/UNMARRIED:
1 Corinthians 7:25-38

 

[aribell]

hey there,

not sure what you mean by "male friends." i know when i began living for Christ, i was convicted to not spend "alone time" with men-- no matter the intentions... so, just hanging out in groups. that's first.

here are a few scriptures that come to mind immediately (praise God):

1 Thessalonians 5:19, 22
19Quench not the Spirit. 22Abstain from all appearance of evil.

1 Corinthians 7:1-2
1Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

and specifically for singles/UNMARRIED:
1 Corinthians 7:25-38

By "male friends" I just mean men who you aren't married to or otherwise romantically involved with. But your response is what I was looking for--how you feel about the issue.

 

[Child0fGod]

By "male friends" I just mean men who you aren't married to or otherwise romantically involved with. But your response is what I was looking for--how you feel about the issue.

i thought you were interested in scriptures because your feelings were more intuitive? what are your thoughts about the scriptures and hanging out in groups only?

 

[SND411]

I see no problems with having close friends of the opposite sex. Aren't we all brothers and sisters in Christ?

 

[SND411]

hey there,

not sure what you mean by "male friends." i know when i began living for Christ, i was convicted to not spend "alone time" with men-- no matter the intentions... so, just hanging out in groups. that's first.

here are a few scriptures that come to mind immediately (praise God):

1 Thessalonians 5:19, 22
19Quench not the Spirit. 22Abstain from all appearance of evil.

1 Corinthians 7:1-2
1Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

and specifically for singles/UNMARRIED:
1 Corinthians 7:25-38

How is being close friends/hanging out together with a male evil?

It all depends on your state of mind. Being alone with the opposite does not always have to have a sexual conotation to it.

 

[aribell]

How is being close friends/hanging out together with a male evil?

It all depends on your state of mind. Being alone with the opposite does not always have to have a sexual conotation to it.

This is the conversation I was interested in having. I know Christian women differ a lot in regards to this. We talk a lot about physical boundaries, but not so much about emotional boundaries and whether there are principles governing those as well.

i thought you were interested in scriptures because your feelings were more intuitive? what are your thoughts about the scriptures and hanging out in groups only?

Oh, I did want Scriptures, thanks. I personally have an intuitive emotional boundary with men. There's a man that I probably talk to much more often than any of my other friends, he would know more of the details of what's going on with me than my girlfriends. And yet I don't consider him a deep friend because I just don't go "deep" with men in that way. No matter what, there is going to be an emotional boundary there. But I don't see that in the Bible necessarily; or, it is just assumed. But of course our times are different.

 

[Child0fGod]

How is being close friends/hanging out together with a male evil?

It all depends on your state of mind. Being alone with the opposite does not always have to have a sexual conotation to it.

lol.

the scripture not only applies to physical, but all realms of connectivity/closeness, all of the above.

but, thank you for affirming why i don't particularly care to post on forums about things related to Christ... and the spitting example of WHY i got off of facebook; but, instead now use my twitter, blog and youtube-- one-way communication where others can read and learn of GOD instead of combating every scripture.

retiring from this thread.
good day.

 

[Poohbear]

I voted: "I don't see a difference between close male friends and close female friends."

There are some male friends that I have shared more things with than female friends and vice versa. There's a few female friends I disclose more to than other female friends. And there's a few male friends I disclose more to than other male friends of mine. It all depends on your relationship with that person period, whether they are male or female.

And I agree with AfriPrincess411's posts. I also wonder why females having male friends has to be considered sexual. The majority of men I have met in my life, I have not seen them in a sexual way. I'm sure some of them have seen me in a sexual way but there are some that haven't seen me in a sexual way as well. Just mutual friends that I can chat with on a total platonic level.

 

[Prudent1]

Do you set emotional boundaries with your male friends that are different from those with female friends? Like, even if you have a super close male friend, do you share with him on the same level that you would share with a good girl friend?

I'd just like to get people's thoughts on emotional intimacy between men and women who aren't married (to one another or anyone else). And how did you come to have that view? I have my views, but they are more intuitive than specifically Scripture-based.

ETA: I don't want to exclude the married ladies at all. Please share your wisdom as well!

Hi everyone!! There was a very similar thread a few months back called "Married ladies do you have male friends?" I think if you read it a lot of the questions being discussed here will be answered. More specifically here is a link to a recent Focus on the Family where the subject is dealing with male friends.
http://listen.family.org/daily/A000002081.cfm

Also here is the link to the original thread:
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=384276

 

[SND411]

lol.

thank you for affirming why i don't particularly care to post on forums about Christianity. but, instead use my twitter, blog and youtube.

the scripture not only applies to physical, but all realms of connectivity/closeness, all of the above.

retiring from this thread.
good day.

I'm confused.

 

[Child0fGod]

I'm confused.

figured you would be.
i edited it before you posted this.

later

 

[SND411]

figured you would be.
i edited it before you posted this.

But why would you retire from the post?

 

[SND411]

I voted: "I don't see a difference between close male friends and close female friends."

There are some male friends that I have shared more things with than female friends and vice versa. There's a few female friends I disclose more to than other female friends. And there's a few male friends I disclose more to than other male friends of mine. It all depends on your relationship with that person period, whether they are male or female.

And I agree with AfriPrincess411's posts. I also wonder why females having male friends has to be considered sexual. The majority of men I have met in my life, I have not seen them in a sexual way. I'm sure some of them have seen me in a sexual way but there are some that haven't seen me in a sexual way as well. Just mutual friends that I can chat with on a total platonic level.

Correct me if Im wrong, but didn't Paul have female companions that worked for the Gospel with him?

 

[Poohbear]

Correct me if Im wrong, but didn't Paul have female companions that worked for the Gospel with him?

I'm not sure but I know Jesus was friends with prostitutes but didn't engage in their activity.

 

[Ramya]

I had to first learn what being a 'friend' meant. In the beginning I thought that I had to set emotional boundaries with my male friends but that was because our friendships weren't pure and genuine. Once I formed genuine friendships, I haven't had any problems regarding emotional boundaries. I love them dearly but it's not a romantic love. We do spend more time in groups than alone but we occasionally grab lunch or something.

I think it's important to have opposite sex friendships. I share with them the same things that I share with my girlfriends.

 

[aribell]

I had to first learn what being a 'friend' meant. In the beginning I thought that I had to set emotional boundaries with my male friends but that was because our friendships weren't pure and genuine. Once I formed genuine friendships, I haven't had any problems regarding emotional boundaries. I love them dearly but it's not a romantic love. We do spend more time in groups than alone but we occasionally grab lunch or something.

I think it's important to have opposite sex friendships. I share with them the same things that I share with my girlfriends.

I'm pondering this. Would you share with male friends the deeper emotional struggles that you've had (if you've had any)? Something like your sexual history (if there is one)?

Still pondering the "pure and genuine" aspect of things. I was just thinking the other day that I've never had a man befriend me for altruistic, non-self-interested reasons; not that things were about sex necessarily, but there is always this romantic possibility in the air. It's not a genuine I'm just friends with you for the sake of being your friend. The boundary may be a reaction toward people whose intentions are not wholly correct. Hmm.

 

[Ramya]

I'm pondering this. Would you share with male friends the deeper emotional struggles that you've had (if you've had any)? Something like your sexual history (if there is one)?

Still pondering the "pure and genuine" aspect of things. I was just thinking the other day that I've never had a man befriend me for altruistic, non-self-interested reasons; not that things were about sex necessarily, but there is always this romantic possibility in the air. It's not a genuine I'm just friends with you for the sake of being your friend. The boundary may be a reaction toward people whose intentions are not wholly correct. Hmm.

We have talked about sex in the context of 'I'm abstaining and would like you to help hold me accountable' but never into great details. I don't even do that with my girlfriends. I do share the things that I'm working on as far as personal growth or familial issues. Like any other friend I look to them for advice or comfort. Just like my girls are my sisters, they are my brothers. I keep my intentions totally pure and I believe that they do the same. Intent has really been the key for me.

 

[inthepink]

hey there,

not sure what you mean by "male friends." i know when i began living for Christ, i was convicted to not spend "alone time" with men-- no matter the intentions... so, just hanging out in groups. that's first.

here are a few scriptures that come to mind immediately (praise God):

1 Thessalonians 5:19, 22
19Quench not the Spirit. 22Abstain from all appearance of evil.

1 Corinthians 7:1-2
1Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

and specifically for singles/UNMARRIED:
1 Corinthians 7:25-38

This is how I deal with it also. Some men will test your belief but I've held to it and I think it's best for me.

 

[aribell]

Once I formed genuine friendships, I haven't had any problems regarding emotional boundaries. I love them dearly but it's not a romantic love. We do spend more time in groups than alone but we occasionally grab lunch or something.

I think it's important to have opposite sex friendships. I share with them the same things that I share with my girlfriends.

Hi everyone!! There was a very similar thread a few months back called "Married ladies do you have male friends?" I think if you read it a lot of the questions being discussed here will be answered. More specifically here is a link to a recent Focus on the Family where the subject is dealing with male friends.
http://listen.family.org/daily/A000002081.cfm

Also here is the link to the original thread:
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=384276

I listened to the broadcast, and the couple was cool. Their perspective was that close emotional relationships between men and women are unnecessary because people tend to engage in them to kind of illegitimately fill a romantic void. They also said that there's little reason to become so close to someone of the opposite sex because this person doesn't really have a vested interest in you, and when they move on, they take all the stuff you shared with them, too.

But I think that their perspective can be reconciled with what Ramya is saying because they're outright assuming the the male-female friendship isn't really pure at all. They are assuming that there are romantic undertones there and that the man and woman involved don't really care about one another purely for the other's sake. I don't think that's always true. There can be genuine friendship between men and women that isn't just a cover for romantic feelings.

However, it seems that when one or both of the parties begin a relationship with someone else or get married, that friendship is going to (or should) significantly change or end. Even though female friendships also change when someone gets married, I think a woman could still keep her woman best friend after she gets married, but probably not her male best friend, at least not as her best friend. That makes me think that even if male-female friendships are good and enjoyable, the really close friendships would be better had with those of the same gender. Still thinking about it.

 

[Prudent1]

But I think that their perspective can be reconciled with what Ramya is saying because they're outright assuming the the male-female friendship isn't really pure at all. They are assuming that there are romantic undertones there and that the man and woman involved don't really care about one another purely for the other's sake. I don't think that's always true. There can be genuine friendship between men and women that isn't just a cover for romantic feelings.

I think so but I do think we need to guard against being too emotionally intimate. I think sometimes it can be difficult to tell when we're there until it's too late. ITA when Ramya said it's not wise to go into great detail about intimate things with males or females. Great post!

 

[momi]

But I think that their perspective can be reconciled with what Ramya is saying because they're outright assuming the the male-female friendship isn't really pure at all. They are assuming that there are romantic undertones there and that the man and woman involved don't really care about one another purely for the other's sake. I don't think that's always true. There can be genuine friendship between men and women that isn't just a cover for romantic feelings.

I think so but I do think we need to guard against being too emotionally intimate. I think sometimes it can be difficult to tell when we're there until it's too late. ITA when Ramya said it's not wise to go into great detail about intimate things with males or females. Great post!

I really want this to be true, unfortunately I have not experienced it. Most accept the "only friends" because they do not think they have a chance to take it further... however if the opportunity presents itself then.
This is not law - only my experience.